Rejected due to weight?

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Replies

  • rbiss
    rbiss Posts: 422 Member
    I haven't dated in a while because I wouldn't want to date someone as large as me. In the end, the type of person I am attracted too work out alot, eats well, and can be overweight but not huge. It's an attraction thing. If there isn't mutual attraction, it just won't work. This can happen at any size, and I hope you find someone, but weight definitely can factor into that equation.
  • thirteeninches
    thirteeninches Posts: 61 Member
    The two men who gave me rejections based solely on my weight did me a huge favor. One of them was a potential serious relationship with marriage as the expected outcome, and that one hurt pretty bad. But I later understood that despite all that guy seemed to have going for him, he was a real basketcase and I would have been miserable. Dodged a bullet. The other was my ex-who left me for a much younger, thinner woman. Yay-soo soo glad she got him!
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
    I don't ever get rejected because I'm too shy to even ATTEMPT to put myself out there to date.

    I used to be like this...but have been with my husband 14 years now. There are probably way more awesome dudes out there who would want to date you than you could believe!
  • rainbowunicorns720
    rainbowunicorns720 Posts: 48 Member
    Any guy who will reject an amazing connection over weight is an idiot. I've never understood people who have looks at the top of their list...are those looks going to be there when you are 80 and everyone is saggy and ugly? lol. It makes no sense to me. My first marriage I was young and let my heart get carried away over a hot guy who said all the right things. Divorced 4 years later because he turned out to be an *kitten* (shocker...not). My second marriage I was smarter and married the PERSON not their looks and surprise surprise I've never been happier. I've never had anyone directly say to me that they weren't interested in me because of my weight. My mother told me numerous times "you have such a pretty face...if you just lost some weight you could have any guy you want." THAT hurt. She thought she was doing me a favor by encouraging me but it still hurts to hear that you aren't good enough. I've never once hit on a guy until my husband so that's why I'm sure I wasn't rejected. I've always had boyfriends but never pursued. Was always way too afraid of rejection. I had a few male friends growing up that were always very flirty but i'm sure the reason we never dated was my weight. The sad part its, lots of guy actually don't care about weight (to a certain extent) they are just afraid of what others will say when they are seen with you...and those are usually the ones who turn you down because of weight...but who wants a guy that is THAT preoccupied with what other people think? That's the same guy who will hound you relentlessly to shed your baby weight and watch every dessert you put in your mouth. NO THANKS. It hurts to be rejected...but they are honestly doing you a favor. My hubby met me morbidly obese and loved me just as hard/was just as proud of me then as he is now 50 pounds less. There are good people out there...don't let the *kitten* discourage you or take your confidence. There's somebody out there who thinks you're hot stuff and having confidence is key to attracting a mate! Keep your head up...it will get better!
  • kaiiibeee
    kaiiibeee Posts: 15

    The way I am doing it, finally, after 44 years of idiocy (and at least 3 years on MFP), is to say "when I'm at goal weight I will require 1700 cals a day. So I'm going to eat 1700 cals a day now, and just go with it. This will be my new daily requirement."

    1700 isn't anything like as hard and depressing as 1200. As to exercise, I just walk to and from work.

    Dieting's as hard as you make it. Don't make it hard and it'll be easy. :)

    1700 - Thats what I've been averaging per day for the last two and a half weeks and I have to say I'm not hungry like I was at 1200 and the weight is honestly just coming away without much thought and effort on my end - although not as fast as I previously would have liked it to - the fact that it's coming off just by me changing portion sizes and calorie intake is the real motivator!

    Keep going with the good work and good luck!
  • WisheeNY
    WisheeNY Posts: 72 Member
    I don't ever get rejected because I'm too shy to even ATTEMPT to put myself out there to date.
    awww Sweetie, this made my heart break for ya. I spent the first 35 yrs of my life living this way - hiding behind my handicap sister (I used her as a excuse for everything)! Please put yourself out there. You're absolutely BEAUTIFUL and everyone deserves happiness. Once I put myself out there I met my husband and have been so happy for the last 9 years, but I regret the years of loneliness. Don't waste to much time being scared, because ya can't get it back! Blessings :flowerforyou:

    Thank you :)
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 381 Member
    No, not exactly. But I've noticed I tend to attract older men for some reason. I did once have a housemate tell me he'd have asked me out if I was thinner (I wouldn't have wanted him to, and his BMI was probably higher than mine at the time!). I was dumped due to my race once (well, three times by the same person actually).
    OK That person....Why did they go out with you in the first place? Didn't they know your race and that they had a problem with it? And three times? shakes head.

    It was complicated and messy, and we were about 20. He knew his parents would be devastated if he was with a white girl (he was/is Indian), and his brother had married a white girl and broken his mum's heart. I'm not saying they had the right attitude, but it was what it was. While he was away from home, at uni with me, he was able to put it out of his mind a bit, but whenever he went home for the holidays he'd have a massive crisis and dump me. Three times, as I said, over the course of about 18 months. Would have been more if I'd taken him back (again) when he changed his mind (again). We were perfect together, sadly. Weak of him to mess me about like that. Weak of me to let him.
  • jdas00
    jdas00 Posts: 7 Member
    Yes! Last week I hurd a kids in my building saying to his mother.... (that's the one mom how did she get so fat!) then the mother says eating to much snacks! You know kids are so honest, and I was kind of glad I hurd it because it was a wake up call. Unfortunatly the mother's response wasn't correct, it wasn't to many snacks it was being lazy!
  • surfinbird_1981
    surfinbird_1981 Posts: 946 Member
    Yes, most of my life and even now my husband perks up and works to get the attention of thin and fit women in the room. He really is attracted to tall thin women. He's 100% faithful but his non-verbal are obvious. It's pretty discouraging as I'll never be tall and fit is a long way off. I'm trying to do it for myself because if I do get fit I'm not sure that will be enough. Then I guess he'll add young to the list.

    :flowerforyou:
  • mwalle09
    mwalle09 Posts: 306 Member
    My hs gf broke up with me after a year into college because my abs had turned into a belly. Her words not mine, it was a shock at the time but it was a blessing in disguise, I did not need her in my life!
  • fushigi1988
    fushigi1988 Posts: 519 Member
    If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not for some shallow guy that only cares about looks. Eventually we will all be old, and wrinkled, I'd rather be with a partner that is sweet and caring than a shallow a-hole.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,154 Member
    If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not for some shallow guy that only cares about looks. Eventually we will all be old, and wrinkled, I'd rather be with a partner that is sweet and caring than a shallow a-hole.

    I agree. That said, I don't want to date someone who isn't attracted to me at the beginning or vice versa, because it seems to me that we'd make better friends in that case. But attraction is also about far more than outward appearance and the right qualities can easily overcome a lack of physical attractiveness. For me, brains are the sexiest asset a man can have.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,154 Member
    Reading the responses it sounds like a lot of us have experience with this. I like what has been said about how people should not let weight get in the way of a connection.

    In fact, my friend and I did connect. We got on famously and I felt like he was perfect for me, he also told me he felt the same way and that he would like to be with me, but couldn't because of my weight and he didn't want to have a fat girlfriend. Sucks :/

    I'm sorry, and I know it hurts, but you're better off with your friend as just a friend. Serious romantic relationships require both people to have both feet in. Otherwise, they're frankly a waste of time and a recipe for disaster. Or at least that has been my experience.
  • reducingrenee622
    reducingrenee622 Posts: 48 Member
    Absolutely.

    I am still currently married, and my husband has gotten a lot better. But for awhile there he was just MEAN. He literally called me "Jabba the Hutt" one day. That was my wake up call. I told him that he didn't stop, I would leave him. I think he realized that i was serious, and if he truly wanted to be with me he'd be nicer.........and he has been nice ever since.

    The next day is the day after being called that horrible name, I joined MFP (have I have logged in every day since). I still haven't weighed myself due to my fear of what the scale will say. I have had a few "bad" days where I decided i couldn't log any further, because of my self esteem, but other than that, I feel like I have done a great job!

    i haven't noticed a huge difference, but some of my pants are starting to be pretty loose fitting.

    Just remember that you shouldn't care what a male thinks. If my husband was just my boyfriend at the time of him calling me that, I would have been gone the next day. You should NEVER feel as if you should look a certain way for a man. EVER.
  • WeightLossWarrior6
    WeightLossWarrior6 Posts: 14 Member
    Story of my life. Nearly everyone I've dated has made a negative comment about my weight. I have now learned to respect myself entirely and I don't associate myself with people like that. Regardless of your size, you don't want someone who would discriminate against anyone for their weight. It shows poor character in a person. I understand the attraction needs to be there but respect is most important. It's best to surround yourself with positive people and love yourself no matter what. No relationships are guaranteed to last so never lose the weight for someone else. Make yourself your top priority and what makes you happy.

    I am trying to lose weight because I want to feel great and I want to feel sexy for myself, not for any man. My profile does say that I'm losing weight for "love" but only because you can't expect others to love what they see if you don't feel that way about yourself in the first place. Confidence is EVERYTHING.

    On a side note, it's really annoying when people say "You have a pretty face.. And good hair." Thanks? I think? People are so interesting.