Frequent Family Disagreement
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Tabithas_Transformation
Posts: 93 Member
Every few weeks or so, I seem to have a debate with my mum and sister about how to successfully lose weight.
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
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Replies
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they are ignorant, calorie deficit/100
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Stop debating.
Let your success speak for itself.
If they comment in the future, let your ONLY reply be "okay, thanks!" or "I guess we'll see!"
No arguments, no explaining, no debating.0 -
"I thought you were trying to lose weight."
"I am." (Smile sweetly and sincerely.)
"You won't lose weight eating those foods."
"Ok, thank you." (Nicely and not sarcastically.)
It's hard to argue with someone who won't be baited. It's just rude for your family to make comments comparing their weight to your weight. Congrats on the 20 lb loss.0 -
I suppose cutting out certain foods completely may work faster in the short term, but the way you're doing it is more sustainable. Nobody can cut out things like cake and ice cream FOREVER.0
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Stop debating.
Let your success speak for itself.
If they comment in the future, let your ONLY reply be "okay, thanks!" or "I guess we'll see!"
No arguments, no explaining, no debating.
This!0 -
Stop arguing! It's not worth it. You can tell them nicely that you can eat anything as long as it is within your calorie allowance.
Even if you only eat ice cream for the day and tomorrow bacon.
I get the same comments. I was annoyed at the start, but now I always say: it is within my calorie allowance. What else is there to comment?0 -
Every few weeks or so, I seem to have a debate with my mum and sister about how to successfully lose weight.
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
Weight loss is math, if your family is not supportive I would just not share my goals with them. People like to think their way is the only way. What they probably do not understand is if they lost weight they did just what you are doing, by eating "healthy" they lowered their caloric intake... you are doing this too and your 20lb. Loss shows that.
As far as your sister goes, she was just being a brat with sibling rivalry. Sisters just make snide remarks sometimes, if you blow it off she doesn't get the confrontation that she wants.0 -
Sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you are doing a great job. Congrats on your loss! Do what works best for you and your body. They may be slimmer but they might not be healthier. Keep it up and try not to debate where possible to just stop it. Gj
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I'd say keep doing what you're doing. If they aren't consuming enough calories/nutrients daily, they're more than likely losing the wrong kind of weight (muscle and water weight). You keep up your exercise, and your healthy eating, and yeah allow yourself those little treats every now and again. It takes time! 0
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I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
The best answer is probably the one given above about not debating them because you're probably never going to change their minds. That would be the smart thing to do. But if it was me, not being smart enough to follow my own advice, I'd ask them why, if their approach is so good, do they constantly need to lose weight? Why wouldn't they just follow their own advice all the time and not get to the point again where they have to lose weight?0 -
I get this too. I normally say 'oh well, don't care, I want the chocolate!' like a petulant child and don't bother explaining. It's too much effort.0
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As they say: you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.
OP - Congrats on the 20lbs! You rock!! Do what works for you. I'd eat crisps in front of them all the time, just to make them cringe but that's me, ha! Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Just keep doing what you're doing, and they'll be green with envy when you lose weight and still have cake.0
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First, congratulations on 20 pounds lost this year. Good work!
Now here's how it went down for me...
I was having the exact same issues you describe with my own mother and sister (as well as a few well-meaning friends) when I was about 20 pounds into this process. Every time I chose to eat fast food or sugary treats, I would get the "I thought you were trying to lose weight?" comments. It frustrated me, but I usually just replied that it fit into my goals for the day, so I'm having it. Sometimes an argument ensued, but sometimes they would shrug and give me the look that said, "Okay, well enjoy staying fat!"
Now it's months later, and I still have about 30 pounds to lose. Not there yet. HOWEVER...
I have burned off nearly 60 pounds. I went from a size 18 to a size 12. I run into people around town who don't even recognize me. I can now run 3 miles faster than my triathlete sister.
And nobody criticizes my food choices anymore.
In my experience, the secret weapons in winning this battle are patience and perseverance. You can do it (you already are).
:flowerforyou:0 -
Many people tend to become overly zealous about what worked for them. And if we were simple organisms, that would be fine. But even though the basic principles and mechanics are the same, there are lots of individual factors, from our genetics to our mental outlook, that alter how we specifically will respond to any program.
When you have a good bit of weight to lose, you are going to need an approach that you can adhere to for a long time. You have to consider how much change you can deal with, and plan accordingly. And set short term goals or milestones where you evaluate and make adjustments.
While my husband is very supportive of my eating patterns, other members of my family (or even my friends) are often critical. I just have to let their comments go; I am being successful, and am healthier than most of them. I don't try to argue with them, or convert them to my way of thinking. I just know that I have a routine I can live with comfortably as long as I need to. Nutrition and exercise and weight loss aren't measures of our worth, so keep doing what is effective for you.0 -
If their way works so well how come they keep changing it up? why do they have to try something different every month?
apparently their way works to lose weight but not maintain it.
Weight loss experts are one thing, sure they know how to lose it but do they know how to keep it off?
I prefer to be an expert at maintaining my weight loss vs constantly losing the same 10-20lbs...0 -
"When you lose more than 20 lbs you can tell me what to eat"
That should shut em up.0 -
I know people like that too. Then they gain it all back and restart another diet for a month or two until they reach "x" weight. Imagine what they're putting their body through? (I might also add that they don't look healthy while doing it and they're miserable when they see everyone else eating cake....)
You're doing great! Stand your ground!0 -
Funny thing about life everyone has a different opinion, and from my experience some family members like to argue just for the sake of arguing :-) but that's off topic.
When it comes to loosing weight, it is one of the rare times that it's ok to be selfish and think only about yourself because it really affects you the most. If what you are doing works for you, and I am of the exact same mind set as you are of not depriving ones self, then stick with it. There is no reason to argue, it works for you and you don't need to change, your success speaks volumes!0
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