Wife not confident with MFP. She only lost 2lbs in 2 weeks
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The better question is why YOU are posting this on behalf of your wife. I assume she's an adult and can explore these questions herself if she feels she needs help?
Because i told her that i would and she said to let her know what everyone said.
Honestly was she suppose to say "don't do it"? You managed to lose a lot of weight using MFP, that can be intimidating to your SO. She has very little to lose so it will be at a slow rate if she wants the weight to stay off. As a female my weight ranges within a 4lb. range, until you have over a month of logging and get a number consistently outside of your range you have no way of knowing what you did or didn't lose. She needs to just stick to it and any movement downward of the numbers is great. She may also want to remember it takes less calories to fuel a smaller body, so a large deficient is not really possible for her like it was for you.
As a wife of 17 yrs.....if this is truly something your wife wanted to learn and commit to she would post on her own behalf. I love having my husband in my corner but I am a big girl and can handle my own concerns (except spiders Yuck). If she needs your help she will ask not just OK it after you offer. If she isn't happy about the scale, just smile and say something along the lines of " you look beautiful" or something flirtatious. She will vent, it doesn't mean she needs rescuing. She also will not lose weight in a healthy way till she decides she is done with fad diets. Also if you notice small body changes in her, comment and compliment her. Body changes are what she most likely looking for with only 20lbs. to lose. Noticing things tightening up and saying how good she looks can give her incentive and score you brownie points.
To the OP and others, this last week I have seen a few posts from men posting on behalf of their wife.....did a bunch of married women break their damn fingers. Men if it was important enough to her, she would find a way to find her answers with posting or through another resource.
In support of the OP here! First let me say that your wife is doing GREAT! One thing to have her look at more closely is whether or not she is getting enough calories (is she eating back her exercise calories?). Please keep encouraging her and being supportive! If she wants you to stop asking questions on her behalf, by all means do so. But if she has no issues with this (I know I wouldn't), then ask away!
To all of you out there bashing the OP, did you ever consider the fact that his wife is laid back and could very well be sitting in the same room with him as he asks these questions? Did you ever think that perhaps she is busy tending to other things, but would still appreciate the feedback and simply does not have the time to sit at her computer?
DH and I have been married for 12 years and I would be thrilled if he expressed more of an interest in my weight loss, especially if I was struggling. He's supportive, and I am doing well, but hopping on MFP to post something on my behalf is just not his thing. He would rather have me do the asking/talking. I am more comfortable with it.
I think it shows a mutual respect and trust with this couple that OP can ask the questions that will help support his wife in her journey!
If that was the case, OP would have included that in his OP...
...but he didn't, so we made the logical (and mostly correct) assumptions that have led us to where we are now.
Some of us have seen this play out enough times to make a few educated guesses as to what's going on here. Sure, OP's wife could show up and it might end differently...but we're working with the facts we were given (and the reasonable assumptions we can make from those).
So far, I'm standing by those and not by your admittedly possible but unlikely scenario.0 -
I'm short, and I have about 30 lbs to lose max. I'd be happy with just 20. Anyway, I get capped at 1200 calories and that only allows me to lose 1 pound/week. If only I were taller.......0
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You can recommend that she takes measurements; I've found that it's a better gauge than a number on a scale. Even when my numbers don't change or go down (due to normal daily fluctuations), I still see it reflect on the measuring tape. Also, good for her for losing a pound a week! Two pounds for just beginning is pretty awesome. I would encourage you to keep encouraging her, and support her. Losing weight isn't linear, and isn't always easy. But if she keeps at it, and makes this a lifestyle change, the results she wants will come.0
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Women don't want to be fixed by their husband. They just want to vent at the husband and know you care enough to just listen to her.
For example:
WRONG WAY TO ANSWER
Wife: I just jumped on the scale and it says I only lost 1 lb.
Husband: You have your mfp settings wrong, plus I think you look great. You are not one of those fat women so I don't think you should worry about it.
CORRECT WAY TO ANSWER
Wife: I just jumped on the scale and it says I only lost 1 lb.
Husband: And how does that make you feel hunnie? Come here, I want to give my beautiful wife a hug.
*resist urge to give actual advise*
Now this is some serious marriage material right here. I already like this guy. I happen to be engaged to one who is just as amazing as this. I never actually asked him "Do you think I look fat?", because I already know I'm overweight (more then than I am now) and I didn't want to put him in that kind of trap. But there were times when I would get down on myself and vent to him about it. His best-ever response was, verbatim, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world in my eyes, no matter what." And all that did was motivate me even more to get healthy again so I could live a long life with this awesome man.
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Ooohh, this is cute! :bigsmile:Man, once she sees this, you're in deep sh**.
Seriously, OP, you have lost a lot of weight (congrats, by the way), so you love her, support her, and tell her point blank she is way too impatient. 1 pound a week loss is awesome, but 1/2 a pound would be better and sustainable in the long run.0 -
Are the wife married to the OP? If so, I think he's sweet.I'm short, and I have about 30 lbs to lose max. I'd be happy with just 20. Anyway, I get capped at 1200 calories and that only allows me to lose 1 pound/week. If only I were taller.......0 -
2lb a fortnight is excellent. My advice is to tell your wife to come onto MFP and look into it herself, and maybe you could have an honest conversation with her about slow and steady weight loss. The sexypants thread mentioned earlier is a good place to start.0
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If she's concerned with her progress, why isn't she posting to the forums? I know you probably think you're helping, but it's coming off as a little controlling. You are implying that 'just' going to classes at the gym isn't enough. You're guessing her water intake is to blame.
You are right about one thing: she has less to lose, so she will lose it more slowly. I don't think it would be wise to try to figure out what she is doing "wrong." Even if you are trying to help alleviate her frustration, even if your heart is in the right place, it won't be as helpful as simply encouraging her to keep with her plan. She can hunt for answers on the forums for herself if she feels that she's not getting to where she wants to be.
Thank you for saying more diplomatically than I could, what I was thinking. OP sounds like he's faintly criticizing her efforts as not quite enough, while trying to seem like he's just trying to help. I hope he's not at home saying "well, you're not drinking enough water and your are JUST taking classes at the gym".0 -
I would have to say that a lot depends on where she started and what her calorie deficit is each week. A person that weighs 200 lbs is usually going to lose faster in the beginning than someone that weighs 140. It just takes more calories to move a larger size. Age has a lot to do with it also. I have lost 22 lbs since the end of February because I had 70+ to lose in the first place. I also wear an armband that helps me "see" how many calories I have burned for the day. I use MFP to keep track of the calories consumed. For me it has been basic math. 7000 calorie deficit for the week usually gives me a 2lb loss. One thing I will say is that my scale doesn't budge if I don't get 6+ hrs of sleep, regardless of what my calorie count says. It can be maddening to know you are killing it in the kitchen but don't see the results. Just tell her to keep at it. If she can only make it to the gym 3 days a week then there are a lot of other ways to burn calories. One of my best burn days was outside doing yard work and pulling weeds. I know that I personally have to keep moving or nothing much changes. My armband just reminds me to get off my rear and do something.... anything to keep the activity level up.0
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Posting only because I want to know if his wife posts.0
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Hasn't this guy posted about his 'wife' before? Funny she never showed up....0
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Lesson learned: to avoid unsolicited marriage advice, refer to your spouse as "friend" or heck even yourself when you post0
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1 pound a week is very good progress. It takes time, just like a person doesn't become overweight over night they can't safely lose the weight overnight.0
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OP, I'll answer as a not overweight woman looking to lose around 20 lbs. It's math. (People may argue the technicalities of these numbers, but close enough.)
It takes burning off 3500 excess calories to lose a pound. The heavier you are, the more calories your body requires just to exist. So let's say an overweight person requires 1800 calories, and they "earn" an additional 1000 calories through daily life activities and exercise. They eat 2800 calories to maintain, 2300 to lose one pound a week, and 1800 to lose 2 lbs a week.
Let's say your wife's "just to exist" number is 1200. She "earns" 700 calories through daily activities. To maintain, she eats at 1900 calories. To lose 1 lb a week, she eats at 1400 calories. Even if she cuts down to 1200, that's going to give her less than an extra 1/2 lb a week.
TL;DR: If she's not overweight already, it's going to be basically impossible to lose more than roughly a pound a week healthfully.0 -
Unfortunately, my wife went to the gym while i was watching our kids so she didnt have a chance to get to the forums. Again i appreciate everyones good advice. She read it and loved the encouragement. She wanted to hear that its ok just to lose 1 lb where as i lost in big amounts because my body type was very different.
I mean she is so close to her goal anyways that it will be alittle harder but 1lb is awesome progress. She will post tonight when she has a chance but who knows. She is a very laid back person and she wanted me to post on here for her. Only reason why i posted here was so that she can see that this works and that fad diets are just temporary weight loss. She doesnt have time with work and kids. I work an office job so im infront of a computer all day.
But again hopefully she posts tonight but appreciate all the positive feedback.0 -
One pound a week is great! She needs to up her gym days to at least 4 times a week. And do an hour of cardio and some strength training. Its not gonna be easy! But if she keeps up with it, it will pay off!!0
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One pound a week is great! She needs to up her gym days to at least 4 times a week. And do an hour of cardio and some strength training. Its not gonna be easy! But if she keeps up with it, it will pay off!!
Why would she *need* to do that?0 -
Thank you to everyone who gave positive feedback. I started my fitness pal two weeks ago and was feeling down and unmotivated. I saw how my husband and my friend were dropping pounds like nothing. One pound a week to me didn't seem that great. On Monday morning I weighed myself again and saw I lost 0.8 of a pound which discouraged me more because I couldn't understand why I wasn't losing more. My husband tried comforting me but I wanted to hear from others if I was the only one with this problem.
Since I'm not familiar with the MFP website my husband said he would do me a favor and post the blog so that I can view everyone's comments. I'm happy to see positive comments which definitely made me feel better knowing I'm not alone. I am however, saddened at the negative comments some posted about my husband because his intention was to help me not only build confidence in MFP but in myself that I'm doing something right. Please do not criticize him for something I asked him to do. He is helping me achieve my healthy eating life style goal.0 -
Isn't it sad that a caring husband can't do something to help his wife who is feeling discouraged because I'm not losing weight at the rate everyone else can. Believe me I do exist so next time if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting.0
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Isn't it sad that a caring husband can't do something to help his wife who is feeling discouraged because I'm not losing weight at the rate everyone else can. Believe me I do exist so next time if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting.the negative comments some posted about my husband
Did I read a completely different thread?0 -
Isn't it sad that a caring husband can't do something to help his wife who is feeling discouraged because I'm not losing weight at the rate everyone else can. Believe me I do exist so next time if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting.
Just keep in mind that you *are* losing weight at the same rate everyone else in your situation is. Nothing you can do about it-even if your needs for the day were 2000 calories, and you went a whole week without eating anything at all, you'd lose at most four pounds of fat (and likely less of that number would really be fat.) An extra couple pounds a week really isn't worth that much pain and sacrifice.0 -
Isn't it sad that a caring husband can't do something to help his wife who is feeling discouraged because I'm not losing weight at the rate everyone else can. Believe me I do exist so next time if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting.the negative comments some posted about my husband
Did I read a completely different thread?
^this
Also, since you're new to the forums...(even though you've had an account since 10/2011)...you simply don't realize how many times we've seen a scenario like this play out where the wife was more of an innocent victim than a willing bystander...and we've seen even more often where a spouse is trying to provide the motivation where it isn't appreciated by their spouse/partner. For your sake, I'm glad your situation isn't one of these cases.
That said...if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting
*sigh*
...how about instead of following your rules, I'll keep following my own rules which is to share what's on my mind whether it's interpreted as positive or not (within the Community Guidelines (all hail), of course).
Best of luck with all your health and fitness goals. :flowerforyou:0 -
Isn't it sad that a caring husband can't do something to help his wife who is feeling discouraged because I'm not losing weight at the rate everyone else can. Believe me I do exist so next time if you don't have positive feedback don't bother posting.the negative comments some posted about my husband
Did I read a completely different thread?
It's probably just our perception. Some comments to me read like, "Man you're so controlling, you're posting about how to get weight off your wife." "Of course she won't tell you not to post when you offered, she wants to avoid some nasty confrontation with you"
I will freely admit to misquoting but that's how it felt.0 -
No worries, this conversation was completely blown out of control. The purpose of this forum was so I can see feedback as to how I am progressing. Yes everyone should post comments themselves however with a full time job, two babies and other duties to worry about asking my husband to do it for me was a way he could help me. You may have seen cases where the boyfriend or husband is pressuring the wife to lose weight. However, that is not the case he always tells me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is. I am the one who decided that I needed to make a lifestyle change.
I understand how everyone is entitled to your opinion however don't automatically make assumptions without knowing all of the facts. He did not mention anywhere that he wanted me to lose weight all he simply asked was advice on how to help me since I thought losing a pound a week was bad.
Anyway, lets get back to the REAL and MAIN reason why this forum was started and not who started it. Thank you.0 -
Making assumptions is essential to the forums working. If we only relied on the information given by OP, most of the threads wouldn't go anywhere at all and the ones that did would be materially flawed.
...meanwhile, I honestly don't care if you continue having your husband post threads for you...but you're going to have trouble guiding the discussion to where you want it to go in absentia...
...oh, and your employment status and number of children seems irrelevant to me.
--signed the guy w/ four children and a demanding profession
PS: My advice is for you to make a new thread in the forums and watch the magic of the MFP motivations and supports unfold before your very eyes. This particular thread, however, understandably went in a completely different direction.0 -
I also think since she isnt so fat...
You didn't.0 -
Wow, OP is punching above his weight... :drinker:0
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In OP's defense (or OP's wife's defense), she didn't receive much of a response to her first post here (two years ago): http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/448762-introduction-advice
Maybe we can rewind and give her the guidance for which she's looking.0
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