Dating after weightloss

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wannehunter85
wannehunter85 Posts: 133
in Motivation and Support
Sooo.....I've lost a significant amount of weight and am about 20-25 pounds from my ultimate goal. There is a guy that I am getting to know and we seem to click pretty well. But my question is, is the weight loss something I bring up? I mean I am not ashamed of myself or my body. And honestly, I wouldn't date someone who has an issue with the fact that I used to be a lot bigger. Because that isn't who I am anymore.

But is it even really their business? He knows I like to eat well and I work out on a regular basis, it is something we have in common.
If anyone else has had this experience.......tell me if and when you brought it up?
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Replies

  • wannehunter85
    wannehunter85 Posts: 133
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    Any thoughts?
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    not sure it needs brought up to be frank. You are who you are now...that is who he is interested in correct? He knows you want to be healthy and fit and usually the by product of that is losing some weight. Maybe as you do get to know him show him photos of you with friends at previous weight...I imagine he will say something along the lines of good for you, hard to believe that was you.

    Prior to my marriage I had started dating this guy (after losing about 25lbs) and he told me almost right off the bat he wouldn't date a "bigger" girl...he brought it up tho...it didn't last long. I refuse to be involved with someone who wouldn't love me at my worst...

    sort of like that saying...If you can't love me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best..

    I am married but it's not really discussed with my husband it is just part of who I am now. Mind you he's been my husband at my heaviest and my lightest and met me on an upswing in weight and didn't care, his only concern is my health and happiness and supports me in it all.
  • wannehunter85
    wannehunter85 Posts: 133
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    This is a good way of looking at it. :) I wouldn't be like I am keeping anything, but honestly that isn't who I am anymore. Thanks!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I always dated as a plus size woman, even when I was a teenager. When I met my now-husband in 2012 I was still about 270 lb and a size 22. He has lost a lot of weight himself so he "gets it" (and was attracted to me equally then vs now!) but I think if I was single and dating at a much smaller size after spending 20+ years as a plus size woman I'd want to be totally sure my new guy(s) understood that part of me and weren't bothered by it, and also were not bothered by some of the little issues physically...I don't have horrible loose skin or anything, but after being 120+ lb heavier I do have some problem areas that most women who wear size 12 don't have. I'd need the guy to get that and accept it. Not that I'd ever get bigger again...but I'd just need that part of me accepted.
  • wannehunter85
    wannehunter85 Posts: 133
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    That is also how I am feeling. I've always been overweight/obese since I hit puberty and now am close to a healthy weight (about 10 pounds away) for my height and age. I have some loose skin on my tummy. My issues with my weight (among a million other problems) put a huge strain on my previous marriage and I've been single ever since and its been about 4 years. So I would want to make sure that it is something he can accept before getting involved more seriously. This is still really new, we've only been talking for about a month.....so I guess it is like a play it by ear kind of thing.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    ince it's not a health issue that could impact him directly- unless it comes up as a topic- I wouldn't bring it up.

    I'm a very open person so I like talking about my past for some reason- and it was a hard lesson to learn with my BF now- he doesn't want to know about all of it- some of it I needed to deal with moetionally- trauma stuff- and he was very supportive of my emotional healing process and it needed to be discussed. But discussing things for the sake of just making conversation isn't' the same. And we had to have a few come to jesus talks because I was talking about things that made him very uncomfortable and were not relevant, helpful or important.

    If you have emotional issues with food and over eating- sure at some point it needs to come up if the relationship continues- you want him to support your decisions if you are a couple- and if he doesn't know that you had say for example- an ice cream trigger when you got really sad- he can help you with that and also will save him from winding up in the dog house- he knows you're feeling bad- so he gets you you're favorite ice cream to feel better- you get angry at him and say he's sabotaging and supportive- and he will be blind sided.

    use you're best judgement- it's not a big secret- you are who you are now- and who you were was who you were- you can't change it- so I wouldn't AVOID it- but I wouldn't just bringing it up randomly.

    Good luck!!!! dating when you are feeling fabulous about yourself with new weight loss and new sexy clothes can be SO MUCH FUN!!!!
  • mlanders22
    mlanders22 Posts: 140 Member
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    I understand where you're coming from. The guy I'm dating now knows about my weight loss only because it came up in a conversation about my previous marriage (my ex hated my weight loss). He also saw an old picture of me before I lost any weight. That being said, I try not to make a big deal of it. The only thing that matters when I'm dating someone is that they're fine with my gym and workout habits.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    I don't think there's a point in bringing it up as a prominent topic (i.e. "I really want to tell you about this time I lost all this weight..."), personally, but if it comes up, then I wouldn't be shy about talking about it. It shouldn't impact his opinion of you, are you worried it will? I'm curious what the desire to talk about it is about.
  • Shan_Lindsay
    Shan_Lindsay Posts: 60 Member
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    I don't think you have to, but if you see it turning out to be serious, I think I'd want to know that he is going to be supportive of my journey. I'd eventually bring it up, but it doesn't need to be brought up yet!
  • ThinLizzie0802
    ThinLizzie0802 Posts: 863 Member
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    I've had this thought as well. I'm still very 50/50 on whether it would be a big topic of conversation or not. I think it would really just depend on the guy.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    oh I did want to add...just ensure that he does understand your new lifestyle is permanent.

    I had lost weight at one point (a different time) and was doing great...met a guy due to my weight loss and he was all gung ho until he realized I needed to spend about an hour at the gym a day 5x a week...

    that he didn't like...

    me being young and stupid stopped going to the gym...*stupid I know* gained a lot of weight back...*one of my yo yo's*
  • AlysonG2
    AlysonG2 Posts: 713 Member
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    I met my husband right after I lost about 50 pounds. Never mentioned it to him. In fact, I'm still not sure he knows. Just didn't seem important.

    However, he does know that I gained 60 pounds while I was pregnant with our son, I've lost that, and now I'm in the process of losing what I was trying to lose when I got pregnant. He doesn't seem to care either way.
  • wannehunter85
    wannehunter85 Posts: 133
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    No I don't think its something to be worried about or that he would run screaming for the hills. lol. But just something I thought about and wondered what people who have been on this journey thought. If he took the time to scan through my facebook he would find the pictures of me from before. I even have a dedicated workout album with before and after shots. It's a part of my life and history. So its something that I would want to be understood. I don't really have any emotional eating triggers....my being overweight was simply ignorance to what I ate and the activity level i had before. My emotional issues from my divorce have been helped with therapy and good relationships with friends. Just generally curious about people's thoughts on this topic.
  • SnugglePuggles
    SnugglePuggles Posts: 34
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    If you talk about it with your friends and family, then you should talk about it with him. If it is not something you talk about, then I wouldn't. However, it is such a big accomplishment, I don't see why you wouldn't want to share that with people - including guys you date. It's not a dirty little secret - it's a success to be celebrated.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    I'd keep the story in your backpocket for when he becomes fat.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    My ex made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that he'd never be with anyone who was fat. So when I got pregnant, I might as well have disappeared for 40 weeks. Then I lost the weight and a funny thing happened: I was no longer attracted to that asshat and I took our kid and left.

    I don't think it's necessary to bring up your weight loss. If it's a deal breaker to someone, that person isn't worth your time.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I think it's an interesting part of your life that shows you have commitment, etc. But I'm not sure why it's something he'd have to know about or accept. I was a Punk Rocker when I was 16/17. I mention when dating because it's interesting and provides insight into who I've become. But it's not something that's a "must know." More of a "did you know?"
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    My ex made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that he'd never be with anyone who was fat. So when I got pregnant, I might as well have disappeared for 40 weeks. Then I lost the weight and a funny thing happened: I was no longer attracted to that asshat and I took our kid and left.

    I don't think it's necessary to bring up your weight loss. If it's a deal breaker to someone, that person isn't worth your time.

    Maybe that's exactly why to bring it up. Congratulations on your divorce!
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    You don't have to, but I'd more or less bring it up as a way to show that you took charge of your life....confidence is sexy \m/
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Not sure if it needs brought up, but he does need to know you are health conscious and into fitness because these are things that help define you now. If he has issues with larger women, he may voice those opinions and you may feel the need to tell him or just call him a jerk :grumble: Unless you past weight plays a role in your current life then it is in the past, would you feel the need to tell him you dyed your hair red at 18?

    ETA if things progress than most likely it will be brought up but telling him like it is a deep dark secret isn't needed.

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