Dealing w/ Unsupportive People

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  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
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    My advice would be to stay strong and committed to your own beliefs in this situation. Explain how uncomfortable you feel in your own skin and that you just want to feel good about yourself. If your boyfriend really cares for you then he should attempt to understand that. I deal with an unsupportive father (also my boss) that tries to force me to eat really unhealthy food. If I refuse he actually gets angry with me. It's hard to go through but he's not the one that has to fit into my clothes everyday.
  • marieisthecool
    marieisthecool Posts: 46 Member
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    once I had a boyfriend who wouldn't eat anything low fat. I told him he could cook his own dinner.
  • withanurgency
    withanurgency Posts: 36
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    I know you don't want to hear advice on love etc, I've been with a couple of guys who would not only discourage me when I was trying to do something good for myself, but also told me I was being selfish.

    Finally, I realized, I wasn't doing it for them I was doing it for me. I gained so much self esteem I kicked em to the curb and now I'm delighted to have found a boyfriend who is not only incredibly supportive, but will go out of his way to buy me healthy things and eat them with me even though he may not like the taste or the idea. He ate soy noodles for me and, let me tell you, those things smell and taste like *kitten*.

    If he isn't supporting you when you need it the most, he isn't a good boyfriend. Do this for yourself, make yourself happy and someone will love and support you for who you are.

    Good luck!
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    why, wot does ur boyfriend say?

    He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.

    Maybe if he was better educated about the process and your goals he'd be more understanding. :) IDK. MEN can't live with em can't bury them in the back yard. LOL>

    My man who currently is unemployed watches me do the p90x videos and after says stuff like wow that one looked hard and you did really well. He knows when I'm happier with myself he gets the benefits. I feel better, I have more of an interest in the "love" department etc. He sees the win win in the situation. Once I got a striptease workout video and he liked watching that one too. LMAO. 19 years married and yes we have our moments but for the most part he's my rock and encouragement. His motto, happy wife happy life. :) Smart man
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    Keep the people that care about you! If it's a constant cycle of you pleasing people one sided, then take a good look at that. I'm a big one for that. The worse they are, the more I try. My Mom taught me to do that. Other people's feelings were more important and if I'm being "good" then I'm last. How wrong is that? Now I'm trying to find people that are good for me, and drop the people that are not good for me. Relationships aren't one way things. I've tried to teach my kids what real friends are, and to allow the self centered ones to float off on their own importance.

    Having said that! I have a very black and white husband. He just is no shade of gray! If I ask him something he's going to answer it like a robot, without really understanding the parts I didn't need! I say "look at this great body!" and he scans me like a computer and wiggles my bat wing arm! Damn! I've had to train him!! Mostly untrainable, I realize, but he tries! Men...
  • Consmomluv
    Consmomluv Posts: 13
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    Agreed, Its a never ending battle :))
  • withanurgency
    withanurgency Posts: 36
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3

    Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?

    Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.


    AGREED. That is not love or respect. No offense but there are WAYYYYY better guys out there. Don't settle. You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    why, wot does ur boyfriend say?

    He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.

    I agree with Beth (previous poster) about educating him. Show him MFP and that it's not just about calories but nutrition, to be sure you're eating right and healthfully; Explain to him that it's not so much weight loss you're after but rather just being healthier all the way around. It sounds to me like there's a misunderstanding about your objectives and motives, whereas if you sit and have an earnest conversation and clear all that up, it may suddenly go from being obsessive to accountable.

    Now, if you've already had that conversation and he's still using language like that, then it sounds like a more serious conversation is needed about his word choices and how that makes you feel. He may not realize how hurtful he's being.

    Based on what you've said, I'd start there if I were in your shoes.

    good luck!
  • mr_ashley
    mr_ashley Posts: 46
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    Hang in there and stay confident in yourself. I have a wife who I'm trying to convince that it's important to take care of ourselves, but she's been very resistant for a long time, and I think it's because she 1-was thing and pretty her whole life until the babies came, and 2-she gets frustrated when the results don't come quickly enough.

    I'm not going to give love advice, except to say that people show their real personality when threatened by someone else's success. That's when you see the real person. If they are loving and supportive, they will stay that way. If they say they are, then are challenged by your success, the bad comes out.

    Keep up the effort!
  • DeBlue
    DeBlue Posts: 254 Member
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    Honestly other people are generally either trying to undermine our efforts (push treats on us) or sarcastic (make us doubt success). Either way they may be nervous to see us change or afraid to look at their own need to get in shape themselves. Let's assume they mean well but just don't know how to be properly supportive :)

    Best way I find is to keep my weight loss efforts to myself around BF or family or friends. I find I can monitor my eating without announcing anything to others. I can workout without making a deal to others why I'm doing it.

    Thankfully we can interact with others on this site as a safe place. Let our family, friends and BF's just be surprised at how wonderful we are looking. No discussion needed.
  • mayana2002
    mayana2002 Posts: 192
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    I know what you are feeling. Yesterday was my second day of diet and I have to say I am still feeling the effects of less food in my life.... And after having my light soup at night (I was still hungry) he went to 7/11 and bought the chocolate I love the most.
    After a short argument, I went to my bedroom and before we went to bed I talked to him. Seriously they have to understand and support us in this journey. If not, it is fine because it is MY journey, not his. and I leave the room for now. I am sure after a while I will not care. THe first week of diet is hard because your body is used to not have limits.... I do feel better already and have my goals set!
    Also, when I reach my goal I will reward myself with a trip to Brazil and a pinup (boudoir) photoshoot!
    Nobody and no food will keep me away of reaching my goals! Sometimes will be very tempting, very hard, very sore (my legs are killing me today). But it will be for a better me in the future! And if I keep it up it will be a soon future!
    Set rewards for yourself! A beach trip of a nice dress! :)
    Good luck and keep it up!
    Best of luck for all of us!
    Mayana
  • imagoofyg00b3r
    imagoofyg00b3r Posts: 24
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    You need to give him a good reality check by explaining to him that though he may think it, YOUR weight loss journey has absolutely NOTHING to do with him. What man wouldn't support his woman wanting to better her own health unless he was jealous or just an overall *kitten*. If you plan on staying with him and putting up with his inability to understand what you're going through, you need to block him out and perhaps not discuss your weight loss with him. Only talk about it with people who are willing to give you the support you NEED(like people on here, for example.) What it boils down to is that though HE may think you're perfect and don't need to improve your health, at the end of the day it is YOU who wants it. Don't let any "man" stop you from reaching your goals, ever. Ditch him, or block him out.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3

    And you put up with it, why?
  • bigsal911
    bigsal911 Posts: 23
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    My wife is supportive of my diets even though they may seem weird to her. My friends however are another story. They like to give me a hard time about it and get me to go out to eat with them and stuff. I just remember that they are fat for a reason and are a constant reminder of why I started dieting in the first place.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    Yeah I really don't get it either, sounds to me like he has issues dealing with you trying to improve yourself, probably because he's going nowhere, but either way I don't want to jump on the "dump him" wagon, but you know yourself when you deserve better......you can only change yourself
  • themostbeautifullies
    themostbeautifullies Posts: 96 Member
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3

    Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?

    Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.

    I agree life is too short to hang out with mean people. Is he nuts or something? How could he say something like that and it doesn't matter if it's in public or in private. He should appreciate what he have because I'm sure you can do better. Your partner must take you for what you are, not what you're meant to be.
    Humiliation is not negotiable in a relationship.



    About the unsupportive people, well, I have to deal with that everyday for the rest of my life. My whole family is like that, when they don't say anything they start to put obstacles so I will fail. There was a week that I have to go jogging midday and, girl, midday jogging in Brazil is cruel.
    Try to explain to him that you must do this, that's beyond choice now and it's a life style changing. I won't be so extreme telling you to say "Take it or leave it" because I'm sure you love him otherwise you wouldn't be so worried. But love yourself first because in the end it's you against yourself and nothing else.
  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
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    I agree with everything posted here, and a serious talk is needed! Also, you may consider that there may be some insecurity on his part here too. I’ve seen it before; some people feel threatened when a partner is doing work to improve themselves. Either because they feel bad about their own health level and want to keep you there with them (misery loves company) or they are insecure and worry that once you get your smokin’ hot healthy body you’ll loose interest in them. Sometimes finding the cause of people’s unsupportive behavior is the first step. Then again, maybe he’s just a jerk and you should kick him to the curb!! LOL!!
  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3

    Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?

    Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.


    AGREED. That is not love or respect. No offense but there are WAYYYYY better guys out there. Don't settle. You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    agreed!! that's not a boyfriend, that's baggage!!
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
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    I had the exact same problem with my husband when I first started. He did not want me to lose weight at all and made it very hard for me to lose it while he was eating brownies, crackers, chips, etc. right in front of me. Every night he would suggest pizza for dinner knowing it was my favorite!

    I finally had to sit down with him and tell him that I am doing this for ME and not anyone esle. I am the one that is unhappy and he needed to understand that. It took a few days, but I think he finally got the hint after our talk...and now he's doing MFP with me.

    If that doesn't work with your BF, you'll just have to overcome the criticism. You have to remember that you are doing this for YOU, no one else, so don't worry about what they think. You'll be glad you stuck to it in the end.

    XOXO!
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    That's abuse!! Why do you put up with that. You are worth so much more!!!

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