Fat people in the gym

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Replies

  • fuzilojak
    fuzilojak Posts: 269 Member
    It's funny, when people actually do that to me it's extremely awkward and kind of insulting. A few of them talk to me like I'm a child which I automatically take as sarcasm even if it's not usually intended.

    They don't know I actually do know what I'm doing and they don't know I played football, wrestled and was on the weight lifting team in high school. They don't know I stopped trying to bulk up for football and lost 140lbs and kept it off for year. They don't know when I did gain some of the weight back, years later, I took up cycling. I cycled 35-40 miles a day, 6-7 days a week while going to the gym for two hours a day, five days a week. I was in the best shape of my life and was hit by a car while on a ride. I continued eating a high caloric diet but stopped cycling and eventually stopped going to the gym too. It let this happen to me but I'm now owning it and turning things around.

    Being "normal" is how most "fat" people want to be treated so no matter how good the intention is, treat them like any other person in the gym.
  • PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot
    PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot Posts: 596 Member
    Specifically encouraging someone based on "fatness" isn't really cool imo. But I'm a quiet guy most of the time, especially in the gym. My mantra is not to go out of my way to talk to anyone. Fat or thin. I'm there to get my work in and get out. If I want to socialize I'll hit the bar down the street.
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
    "I'm really inspired by how hard I've seen you working in the gym."

    I've said it before. I've said it to people who are fat, or fit, or who kicked my *kitten* in spin class. If it's taken as insulting or as condescending, that's not a reflection on me, or the statement, or the intent. It's a reflection only upon the mentality with which it was received.
  • lemonlionheart
    lemonlionheart Posts: 580 Member
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..

    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.

    So much this :)
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,349 Member
    I'm pretty fat. If someone came up to me in the gym and basically congratulated me for being there, they would receive the full force of my blank faced WT-actual-F face. I would feel so incredibly patronised. Not all fat people are self conscious or in need of validation.
  • zaellany
    zaellany Posts: 57 Member
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    You don't understand. No, no, and no. I've known super obese Polynesians who were heavy lifters, brothers, ran a moving business. Healthy blood, normal BP, good endurance. At the gym and at work were treated with respect. Take them anywhere casual and absolute strangers express their "concern" and give UNWARRANTED, UNPROVOKED advice on their "health." No. You don't know anything about a fat stranger at the gym. Doc gave my buddies seal of approval, told them it's all Gucci unless they start to feel adverse effects. They don't need your condescending reminders that they are"too" fat, unwanted, and must be exercising for weight loss, amirite? Because God forbid a fatty like riding a bike! Are you even aware that weekly exercise has health benefits even for those who don't exercise enough to lose weight? And not all fat people eat burgers and fries and cake. You can get fat by eating too many calories of any food. Reject the stigma. Learn some respect.

    Thank you so much for saying this. I am one of the "fat people in the gym" and I can whip some a** in there, believe it - male or female, people have trouble keeping up with me. I have had people come up to me in the gym with a sticky-sweet smile on their face - usually it's older ladies - and say something "encouraging" to me, and I can tell when they do it they just feel SO GOOD about themselves for being nice to the fat girl. B****, I have been in here every Wednesday and Sunday for an hour for the last year - AND this is the first time I've seen YOU in here, so don't throw me some BS about "keep up the good work!" I AM KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK. It may not show in my size, but I am keeping it up. My weight loss is slow. I am working on it every day. Just because I don't fit someone's ideal of what a "gym rat" looks like, it does not mean I am not serious about my fitness - I am serious as cancer. I am dedicated. And I don't need anyone's pity or condescension masked as "encouragement." Because you know what? In addition to kicking a** in the gym, I have a master's degree, my income is well over six figures, I have an awesome marriage and great friends and a smart, healthy, happy son I am unbelievably proud of. My life is just fine, thankyouverymuch. So take your "encouragement" and shove it. If you want to do something for me? Leave me alone. I'm not at the gym to make friends; I already have plenty of friends (BTW, if you're looking for me and my friends? We're the cool girls sitting at the best table in the the hottest restaurant, wearing the expensive shoes.) And if you REALLY want to help me out? Wipe off the damn machine when you're done with it. My high-paying, prestigious job is demanding, and I don't have time to take sick leave because I pick something up from the snot and sweat you left on the handles.

    Now. Someone get me a guest spot on "Louie."
  • withabandon
    withabandon Posts: 168 Member
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..

    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.

    I like your words.

    When that "letter to the fatty on the track" came out, my sister, who was naturally thin most of her life but has recently gained an emotionally manipulative relationship and about 50lbs, posted it all over about how inspirational it is. I am someone who has ALWAYS been fat, from the time I was little. I grew up riding horses, skiing, figure skating. I trained for and completed a 5K at 260lbs. I walk 5K+ just about every single day. I spent TONS of time in the gym and because people notice me on the street, have made comments, I have been BURNT by someone's cigarette as I passed by for no other reason than I was fat and in the public eye, the LAST thing I want you to do is comment on my presence in the gym, or even notice me, or worst of all, write some stupid open anonymous letter on the internet so you can pat yourself on the back for being a good person.

    UNLESS you see me and think "she looks like a pretty rad chick (I am) and I'd like to get to know her as a person or have her as a gym buddy or whatever". I am totally open to new friendships. I am not open to people making assumptions about my health of level of fitness based on my appearance.
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    I wouldn't be offended if someone said "Hey, you kicked *kitten* today." But if they said "Hey, good for you for being here," I would probably tell them to go to hell (okay, maybe not actually...but I would think it). That would be extraordinarily condescending. I'm not a child for you to pat on the back in order to make yourself feel like a good person.
  • Imcreatingmyself
    Imcreatingmyself Posts: 8
    There are no fat people working out in the gym. There are only buff and pre-buff people working out in the gym.

    Or pending buff. I think that's how I'm going to refer to myself now.
    Love it! My buff status is "pending."
  • spicegeek
    spicegeek Posts: 325 Member
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    Don`t - seriously - I`m a "larger person" - I run ."jog" .. whatever 3 miles 3 times a week - this is on top of boxing for an hour a week - general lifting 2 days a week and hard .. very hard .. training for competitive kettle bell lifting 3 times a week - I`m not "making an effort" I am getting the cardio potion of an intense training program in that will - if all goes well - see me competing in the world championships in Nov - please don`t assume that just because someone is "larger" they are in worse shape that you - to they are are somehow struggling or need a pat not he head
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    I'm pretty sure I've never approached someone to congratulate them on merely being at the gym, but I seem to manage to always find something to say to pretty much anyone. People say hello now. The bros today trash talked with me. Someone worked in on the squat rack when I offered to let him. The elderly woman at the water fountain asked me to fill her bottle and told me my daughter was pretty. And there were many more interactions. Friendliness comes from just being nice and chatting about the weather or asking for a spotter or handing someone a clean towel just because they're behind you when you get one. Saying "good job for showing up" is just awkward and makes everyone uncomfortable.
  • splitdog79
    splitdog79 Posts: 106 Member
    I live in a really small town and have gone from nearly 400 pounds to around 175 the past few years. People come up to me all the time and talk to me about it uninvited. It's alright I guess as long as it stops at talking. Sometime they'll start feeling me up and wanting to see my skin and ****. It's weird :/
  • withabandon
    withabandon Posts: 168 Member
    Timely... LOL

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/gym
  • rm33064
    rm33064 Posts: 270 Member
    I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
    I look at you in admiration! remember that

    I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
    But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
    And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.

    Now get back in there and kick some butt !

    Get over yourself, you look at them and think how much better you are. Nobody in the gym gives a crap what you think about anything. They don't look at you and think hey, I wanna look like that summer's eve who's constantly checking himself out in the mirrors someday. They don't see you as some beautiful fitness guru with all the answers to their problems; that's just how you see yourself...
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,706 Member
    nice post, but you should use a different word than "fat"........just like thin people don't like the word "skinny"

    The word fat really is subjective.

    do I have low self esteem? Absolutely not.
    Am I fat? Yes I am fat.

    My self esteem is healthy also. I would however prefer to use the correct expressions. That is why I used to call myself overweight and currently I call myself obese.......but I do not call myself or anyone else fat .
  • rm33064
    rm33064 Posts: 270 Member
    Was there some sort of point op was trying to make?
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Thank you!!1 Very well said

    But if I do fall or something, feel free to laugh. :flowerforyou:

    Or if I fart while doing incline crunches. It's happened before...

    Been there and done that, and had to work hard to pretend I was unaware of it as the person working out a few mats along glanced in my direction, lol.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Great job OP! I knew you would figure out how to make a forum post someday! Nice to see people like you participating. :)
  • zaellany
    zaellany Posts: 57 Member
    Great job OP! I knew you would figure out how to make a forum post someday! Nice to see people like you participating. :)

    FTW :drinker:
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,349 Member
    Great job OP! I knew you would figure out how to make a forum post someday! Nice to see people like you participating. :)

    LOL exactly :D
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I am just gonna dump this here and run: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/delicious_cocktail/view/fat-girl-running-615479
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,349 Member
    I am just gonna dump this here and run: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/delicious_cocktail/view/fat-girl-running-615479

    Bahaa, oh, the comments...
  • Sovi_
    Sovi_ Posts: 575 Member
    I never thought anyone looked at me at the gym with anything but motivation. I always get "Kick *kitten* job!" comments like that. But every-now and then I have a woman tell me about classes to take and diet pills. I've since learned to ignore her.
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
    Just the other day I was shooting some hoops when a black man came up to me, gave me a high five, and said, "Keep it up short white boy!"

    I felt so proud.
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
    I am just gonna dump this here and run: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/delicious_cocktail/view/fat-girl-running-615479

    I love this. As a fat girl who runs, I like to avoid any attention, "positive" or negative.
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
    Whatever you do, don't drive next to a random jogger blasting "eye of the tiger" some will laugh, others will spray you with pepper spray...
  • amy32lynn
    amy32lynn Posts: 157 Member
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
    [/qu
    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
    I wish there was a like button !!!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!!! :)
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    As a fat guy at the gym, I'm kinda happy that I lift weights as opposed to cardio. That way, any staring or compliments are genuine and in admiration of my lifts rather than some patronizing "Good for you!" for busting my *kitten* on a treadmill like some child who learned 1+1.

    This is also why I do my running at night.
  • apgabriel915
    apgabriel915 Posts: 53 Member
    I'm in the group that finds this condescending. I know that it's intended to be helpful, but really, leave me alone. Let me do my thing and you do yours. I don't give you two seconds of time
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
    Honestly, I'm overweight, and if woman came up to me in the locker room who was fit and was like "great job on the treadmill" or whatever and told me she used to be obese too and hard work really pays off, I would be TOTALLY complimented. I would also have a real life person to like, look up to, in a way. If a man came up to me in the gym and was like "you're working hard there good job" or wanted to correct my form because he didn't want me to hurt my knees or whatever, I'd also take it as a compliment. I'd rather something like that than checking out my *kitten* or making winky-faces at me through the mirror...
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