Fat people in the gym

Options
13468914

Replies

  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
    Options
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.
  • aimforhealthy
    aimforhealthy Posts: 449 Member
    Options
    As a fat person I appreciate knowing that others aren't looking down on me, I really do! But when I'm at the gym, I'm just there to work out, like everybody else. The other day someone gave me a thumbs up and started cheering me on when I was doing push ups, and I appreciate that! But also, I'd like to be ignored, like everyone else at the gym, you know?

    I am glad to know you're not making fun of me. But it's not special for me to be at the gym. I am there for a reason: to work out. It's just kind of weird feeling to be singled out you know?

    Yeah, I'm not heavy but it would never occur to me to assume that an overweight person a) was at a gym specifically to get thinner b) was in bad shape in the first place (I know people who weigh 100 lbs more than I do who have several times the strength and stamina I have) and c) needed my approval or recognition in the first place.

    I assume everyone goes to the gym for the same reasons: to improve their health and fitness levels. I'm no better or worse or different than anyone else just because I'm in the normal BMI range.
  • futurejedi
    futurejedi Posts: 111
    Options
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    You don't understand. No, no, and no. I've known super obese Polynesians who were heavy lifters, brothers, ran a moving business. Healthy blood, normal BP, good endurance. At the gym and at work were treated with respect. Take them anywhere casual and absolute strangers express their "concern" and give UNWARRANTED, UNPROVOKED advice on their "health." No. You don't know anything about a fat stranger at the gym. Doc gave my buddies seal of approval, told them it's all Gucci unless they start to feel adverse effects. They don't need your condescending reminders that they are"too" fat, unwanted, and must be exercising for weight loss, amirite? Because God forbid a fatty like riding a bike! Are you even aware that weekly exercise has health benefits even for those who don't exercise enough to lose weight? And not all fat people eat burgers and fries and cake. You can get fat by eating too many calories of any food. Reject the stigma. Learn some respect.

    Thank you so much for saying this. I am one of the "fat people in the gym" and I can whip some a** in there, believe it - male or female, people have trouble keeping up with me. I have had people come up to me in the gym with a sticky-sweet smile on their face - usually it's older ladies - and say something "encouraging" to me, and I can tell when they do it they just feel SO GOOD about themselves for being nice to the fat girl. B****, I have been in here every Wednesday and Sunday for an hour for the last year - AND this is the first time I've seen YOU in here, so don't throw me some BS about "keep up the good work!" I AM KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK. It may not show in my size, but I am keeping it up. My weight loss is slow. I am working on it every day. Just because I don't fit someone's ideal of what a "gym rat" looks like, it does not mean I am not serious about my fitness - I am serious as cancer. I am dedicated. And I don't need anyone's pity or condescension masked as "encouragement." Because you know what? In addition to kicking a** in the gym, I have a master's degree, my income is well over six figures, I have an awesome marriage and great friends and a smart, healthy, happy son I am unbelievably proud of. My life is just fine, thankyouverymuch. So take your "encouragement" and shove it. If you want to do something for me? Leave me alone. I'm not at the gym to make friends; I already have plenty of friends (BTW, if you're looking for me and my friends? We're the cool girls sitting at the best table in the the hottest restaurant, wearing the expensive shoes.) And if you REALLY want to help me out? Wipe off the damn machine when you're done with it. My high-paying, prestigious job is demanding, and I don't have time to take sick leave because I pick something up from the snot and sweat you left on the handles.

    Now. Someone get me a guest spot on "Louie."

    You say your working on it everyday good for you and do you think saying you make a lot of money is suppose to impress someone? or saying you eat at fancy restaurants makes you cool :huh: I do free weight so I won't need to wipe off machines and if your so proud of your accomplishments post a profile pic of yourself ill change mine to show my results
  • awoodfell1117
    awoodfell1117 Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    I feel that I am one of these fat people at the gym and I was so scared to even go to the gym. I feel so judged all the time. I just go at the moment to use the treadmill cause i'm to chicken to use anything else. But i'm always watching people and what their routines are at the gym. & i know they probably think that i'm staring at them but i'm not lol.
  • Apple31415
    Apple31415 Posts: 98 Member
    Options
    Been there. Been that big guy with a long way to go. Still am. Before I know someone's story, I offer generic but sincere casual compliments. Good work today, etc. Best compliments i've received was after significant improvement and after I'd established a consistent work record. Felt i'd earned it . I woulda felt patronized if it came quickly. I apply the same with others. My approval is not gonna "save" someone from quitting early. Either their ready to commit or not is an internal decision. I won't hesitate to compliment impressive performance. Showing up? Not so much.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    Been there. Been that big guy with a long way to go. Still am. Before I know someone's story, I offer generic but sincere casual compliments. Good work today, etc. Best compliments i've received was after significant improvement and after I'd established a consistent work record. Felt i'd earned it . I woulda felt patronized if it came quickly. I apply the same with others. My approval is not gonna "save" someone from quitting early. Either their ready to commit or not is an internal decision. I won't hesitate to compliment impressive performance. Showing up? Not so much.
    :flowerforyou:
  • grandmothercharlie
    grandmothercharlie Posts: 1,363 Member
    Options
    Working out to most people seems to be a very private thing. Maybe because you have to get your head in the right place and everyone is certain everyone else is judging them (if not their weight, their form, their choice of program, etc.) I really get into my music. However, I would appreciate a smile and a "how ya doin'?" I really don't need the pat on the back, but, I suppose that if someone occasionally smiled, nodded, and eventually said "hello" when I see them every day, I wouldn't then mind later if they mentioned my progress. Not necessarily an "I admire you because you are fat and sticking with it." But just a "You're looking great!"
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    Options
    The big issue here is whether or not you would feel compelled to give the same kind of motivation to someone who is not fat. If the answer is no, then don't do it. You're being wildly condescending. If the answer is yes, then go for it. At least for me, I have no problem with someone telling me that I rock, as long as it's not based on some perceived inability to rock because of my weight. If you're thinking "wow, that person is killing it CONSIDERING THEIR SIZE" then you're being a jerk.
  • AnthonyThrashD
    Options
    violin-animated.gif
    I haven't worked out at a gym. I got a membership, the next day, had a hernia, a few days later had surgery, and now can't lift more than 10 lbs for weeks. Okay enough tear jerking back story...

    After reading this thread...not sure if I will go to the gym when I recover. I won't have a clue about gym stuff, and really don't want to be stared at or patronized.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Options
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?

    I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeousness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?
  • Juliebug33
    Juliebug33 Posts: 15
    Options
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..

    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.

    There's a balance to be found here. Just treat people as people and if you see someone who may need help, or who looks down, don't be too afraid to walk up and offer it or flash a smile and share a compliment. It costs you nothing, and you just may make a friend. I know so many people on here encourage ignoring everyone around you at the gym, but it's not necessary. Yes, focus on you and your workout, but don't be afraid to be social. It makes working in on a cherished piece of equipment (squat rack) or getting a spot when you need it so much easier.

    Yes. I think there's a big difference between smiling at people at the gym (big AND small) and general friendliness (which I think is awesome) and cheering on fat people because they're Fat People in the Gym.

    Keep in mind that some of us were once fat, so for me personally, when I see a fat person in the gym, I think "I was there and ****ing good job keep it up." That's me though. I tend not to mince words, though I also realize I have to choose carefully on occasion because not everyone is like me. I don't know the OP and where he's coming from. I guess I'm saying just don't rush to judgment here. And yes, it works both ways.

    Just an example from today: I saw a large woman in the gym today who was obviously uncomfortable working her program and studying her notebook while she did it. It's obvious that she's new. I watched her, hesitated and did nothing. I kicked myself when I walked out and didn't come by and say something but I didn't want to come off as the arrogant prick either. I'm still not sure I did the right thing. Welcoming people to the gym makes it more comfortable, makes it easier for them to overcome the occasional true *kitten* hat (they are out there), and as a result keeps them coming back. When I started out more than a couple of guys did that for me. I'll never forget that.


    Heck yeah! If I had a nice, ripped, stranger offer some encouragement or to show me the ropes at the gym I would be stoked, not offended...the weight machines are pretty intimidating, especially for someone new...I still feel more comfortable working out at home for that reason. Nothing worse than feeling fat AND stupid at the gym...
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    violin-animated.gif
    I haven't worked out at a gym. I got a membership, the next day, had a hernia, a few days later had surgery, and now can't lift more than 10 lbs for weeks. Okay enough tear jerking back story...

    After reading this thread...not sure if I will go to the gym when I recover. I won't have a clue about gym stuff, and really don't want to be stared at or patronized.

    You won't be either. I've gone to several gyms and the behavior people are spouting here is rare. Most people have enough common sense to just do their thing.

    These people are outliers who for some odd reason are attracted to this thread like a strip of black flag. Any gym you choose has a 90% chance of not housing any such a-holes.
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
    Options
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?

    I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeusness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?

    Denzel-Washington-Boom-Gif.gif
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    You don't understand. No, no, and no. I've known super obese Polynesians who were heavy lifters, brothers, ran a moving business. Healthy blood, normal BP, good endurance. At the gym and at work were treated with respect. Take them anywhere casual and absolute strangers express their "concern" and give UNWARRANTED, UNPROVOKED advice on their "health." No. You don't know anything about a fat stranger at the gym. Doc gave my buddies seal of approval, told them it's all Gucci unless they start to feel adverse effects. They don't need your condescending reminders that they are"too" fat, unwanted, and must be exercising for weight loss, amirite? Because God forbid a fatty like riding a bike! Are you even aware that weekly exercise has health benefits even for those who don't exercise enough to lose weight? And not all fat people eat burgers and fries and cake. You can get fat by eating too many calories of any food. Reject the stigma. Learn some respect.

    Thank you so much for saying this. I am one of the "fat people in the gym" and I can whip some a** in there, believe it - male or female, people have trouble keeping up with me. I have had people come up to me in the gym with a sticky-sweet smile on their face - usually it's older ladies - and say something "encouraging" to me, and I can tell when they do it they just feel SO GOOD about themselves for being nice to the fat girl. B****, I have been in here every Wednesday and Sunday for an hour for the last year - AND this is the first time I've seen YOU in here, so don't throw me some BS about "keep up the good work!" I AM KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK. It may not show in my size, but I am keeping it up. My weight loss is slow. I am working on it every day. Just because I don't fit someone's ideal of what a "gym rat" looks like, it does not mean I am not serious about my fitness - I am serious as cancer. I am dedicated. And I don't need anyone's pity or condescension masked as "encouragement." Because you know what? In addition to kicking a** in the gym, I have a master's degree, my income is well over six figures, I have an awesome marriage and great friends and a smart, healthy, happy son I am unbelievably proud of. My life is just fine, thankyouverymuch. So take your "encouragement" and shove it. If you want to do something for me? Leave me alone. I'm not at the gym to make friends; I already have plenty of friends (BTW, if you're looking for me and my friends? We're the cool girls sitting at the best table in the the hottest restaurant, wearing the expensive shoes.) And if you REALLY want to help me out? Wipe off the damn machine when you're done with it. My high-paying, prestigious job is demanding, and I don't have time to take sick leave because I pick something up from the snot and sweat you left on the handles.

    Now. Someone get me a guest spot on "Louie."

    You say your working on it everyday good for you and do you think saying you make a lot of money is suppose to impress someone? or saying you eat at fancy restaurants makes you cool :huh: I do free weight so I won't need to wipe off machines and if your so proud of your accomplishments post a profile pic of yourself ill change mine to show my results

    While, frankly, I am impressed at my ability to make a lot of money - because I busted *kitten* in college, and in graduate school, and in my career, to get where I am, I don't think it makes me a better person. My parents were lower-middle-class and we went without a lot of things when I was growing up. Everything I have, I've worked for. I worked hard to achieve what I have done. It doesn't all fit into a "profile pic" on MFP. I would hope everyone would realize the sum total of their life achievements can't necessarily be represented by a bathroom selfie of their abs. All respect to the people who choose to represent their weight loss/physical fitness achievements that way.

    I'm VERY proud of my accomplishments. But VERY protective of my privacy, as my job and my husband's are both high-profile, and have us in the public eye in our community and in our professions. That's why I don't have my picture on my profile. With my luck, some intern would end up using it as my bio pic in the conference program, the next time I'm an invited speaker.

    I don't think eating in fancy restaurants makes me cool - but I do feel proud that I can walk into a restaurant and pay for whatever I want to order, without putting it on a credit card I'm not going to pay off. I am also proud that when I walk into that restaurant, I get to counteract people's assumptions that fat girls don't do anything but stay home alone with their cats, and eat cookies.

    I'm also proud of knowing the difference between "your" and "you're," - although, after six years of college, that's probably kind of a low bar of achievement - but that's a whole other story.

    And even in the free weights section? You still drip sweat. So clean it up, please. Because I use the free weights too. It's common courtesy - nothing about being "too good" to do anything. I'm not your mama, so I shouldn't have to clean up after you.

    Any more questions or statements on your mind? Here's a good article on the your/you're issue, just in case you need it: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your

    say wha?

    sb3hn4.gif
  • des10705
    des10705 Posts: 30 Member
    Options
    It's simple just Treat people (phat or skinny) how you want to be treated.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    Options
    Just to clarify, if I'm in the gym and you compliment my form, my rocking ability to run a 5 minute mile (I wish), my knowledge of the cardio programming equipment, my ability to point you to the towel rack, or my hilarious Calvin and Hobbes shirt - awesome! Thanks!

    But to compliment me and wave a pompom simply because I'm fat and at the gym is a different thing. It's the pat on the head which only comes because I'm big that would annoy me.

    It would be no different to a stranger praising me for having a lettuce in my shopping cart, or for eating a salad at McDonalds.
  • baddbob
    baddbob Posts: 133 Member
    Options
    I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.

    In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:

    I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..

    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.

    All I can say is well said young lady and Rock On!! :-)
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
    Options
    The big issue here is whether or not you would feel compelled to give the same kind of motivation to someone who is not fat. If the answer is no, then don't do it. You're being wildly condescending. If the answer is yes, then go for it. At least for me, I have no problem with someone telling me that I rock, as long as it's not based on some perceived inability to rock because of my weight. If you're thinking "wow, that person is killing it CONSIDERING THEIR SIZE" then you're being a jerk.

    QFT

    This is basically what I was going to say
  • Apple31415
    Apple31415 Posts: 98 Member
    Options
    Wow. The grammar shot you just took devolves your or you're? Argument. Not on your team for that. Decent thread with varied opinions voiced. Don't muddy the waters. Dang, relax.