Fat people in the gym

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Replies

  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I think it would be one thing if the comment came from someone that I have had conversations with before. That I really wouldn't have a problem with. If it was just some random person approaching me while I'm on one of the cardio machines or in the weight area it would just be weird and awkward.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?

    I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeousness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?

    :huh:

    Was just flirting with Ennui_Miller?

    PS you can check my particular update about this thread and see that we're in total agreement here. :wink:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?

    I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeusness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?

    Denzel-Washington-Boom-Gif.gif


    :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
  • futurejedi
    futurejedi Posts: 111
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    You don't understand. No, no, and no. I've known super obese Polynesians who were heavy lifters, brothers, ran a moving business. Healthy blood, normal BP, good endurance. At the gym and at work were treated with respect. Take them anywhere casual and absolute strangers express their "concern" and give UNWARRANTED, UNPROVOKED advice on their "health." No. You don't know anything about a fat stranger at the gym. Doc gave my buddies seal of approval, told them it's all Gucci unless they start to feel adverse effects. They don't need your condescending reminders that they are"too" fat, unwanted, and must be exercising for weight loss, amirite? Because God forbid a fatty like riding a bike! Are you even aware that weekly exercise has health benefits even for those who don't exercise enough to lose weight? And not all fat people eat burgers and fries and cake. You can get fat by eating too many calories of any food. Reject the stigma. Learn some respect.

    Thank you so much for saying this. I am one of the "fat people in the gym" and I can whip some a** in there, believe it - male or female, people have trouble keeping up with me. I have had people come up to me in the gym with a sticky-sweet smile on their face - usually it's older ladies - and say something "encouraging" to me, and I can tell when they do it they just feel SO GOOD about themselves for being nice to the fat girl. B****, I have been in here every Wednesday and Sunday for an hour for the last year - AND this is the first time I've seen YOU in here, so don't throw me some BS about "keep up the good work!" I AM KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK. It may not show in my size, but I am keeping it up. My weight loss is slow. I am working on it every day. Just because I don't fit someone's ideal of what a "gym rat" looks like, it does not mean I am not serious about my fitness - I am serious as cancer. I am dedicated. And I don't need anyone's pity or condescension masked as "encouragement." Because you know what? In addition to kicking a** in the gym, I have a master's degree, my income is well over six figures, I have an awesome marriage and great friends and a smart, healthy, happy son I am unbelievably proud of. My life is just fine, thankyouverymuch. So take your "encouragement" and shove it. If you want to do something for me? Leave me alone. I'm not at the gym to make friends; I already have plenty of friends (BTW, if you're looking for me and my friends? We're the cool girls sitting at the best table in the the hottest restaurant, wearing the expensive shoes.) And if you REALLY want to help me out? Wipe off the damn machine when you're done with it. My high-paying, prestigious job is demanding, and I don't have time to take sick leave because I pick something up from the snot and sweat you left on the handles.

    Now. Someone get me a guest spot on "Louie."

    You say your working on it everyday good for you and do you think saying you make a lot of money is suppose to impress someone? or saying you eat at fancy restaurants makes you cool :huh: I do free weight so I won't need to wipe off machines and if your so proud of your accomplishments post a profile pic of yourself ill change mine to show my results

    While, frankly, I am impressed at my ability to make a lot of money - because I busted *kitten* in college, and in graduate school, and in my career, to get where I am, I don't think it makes me a better person. My parents were lower-middle-class and we went without a lot of things when I was growing up. Everything I have, I've worked for. I worked hard to achieve what I have done. It doesn't all fit into a "profile pic" on MFP. I would hope everyone would realize the sum total of their life achievements can't necessarily be represented by a bathroom selfie of their abs. All respect to the people who choose to represent their weight loss/physical fitness achievements that way.

    I'm VERY proud of my accomplishments. But VERY protective of my privacy, as my job and my husband's are both high-profile, and have us in the public eye in our community and in our professions. That's why I don't have my picture on my profile. With my luck, some intern would end up using it as my bio pic in the conference program, the next time I'm an invited speaker.

    I don't think eating in fancy restaurants makes me cool - but I do feel proud that I can walk into a restaurant and pay for whatever I want to order, without putting it on a credit card I'm not going to pay off. I am also proud that when I walk into that restaurant, I get to counteract people's assumptions that fat girls don't do anything but stay home alone with their cats, and eat cookies.

    I'm also proud of knowing the difference between "your" and "you're," - although, after six years of college, that's probably kind of a low bar of achievement - but that's a whole other story.

    And even in the free weights section? You still drip sweat. So clean it up, please. Because I use the free weights too. It's common courtesy - nothing about being "too good" to do anything. I'm not your mama, so I shouldn't have to clean up after you.

    Any more questions or statements on your mind? Here's a good article on the your/you're issue, just in case you need it: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your


    so you turn to insults, and you say you can't show a profile pic because some intern might show it at a conference meeting. Seems like your not being truthful. I work for the feds yet im not scared to show my face yet you are.
  • Janautical
    Janautical Posts: 75 Member
    As a fat person I appreciate knowing that others aren't looking down on me, I really do! But when I'm at the gym, I'm just there to work out, like everybody else. The other day someone gave me a thumbs up and started cheering me on when I was doing push ups, and I appreciate that! But also, I'd like to be ignored, like everyone else at the gym, you know?

    I am glad to know you're not making fun of me. But it's not special for me to be at the gym. I am there for a reason: to work out. It's just kind of weird feeling to be singled out you know?

    Yeah, I'm not heavy but it would never occur to me to assume that an overweight person a) was at a gym specifically to get thinner b) was in bad shape in the first place (I know people who weigh 100 lbs more than I do who have several times the strength and stamina I have) and c) needed my approval or recognition in the first place.

    I assume everyone goes to the gym for the same reasons: to improve their health and fitness levels. I'm no better or worse or different than anyone else just because I'm in the normal BMI range.
    You've got the right idea, friend :)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Here's my take.

    This post makes me twitch. I understand that it was written/said with good intentions but I still find it iffy. I'm not "insulted" in terms of "OMG, what is wrong with you!", but I am shaking my head at the mind frame in regards to "praising" someone and encouraging them solely on their weight. In the ways of backhanded compliments, this is backhanded motivation..in my opinion.

    I am a person that is fat. There is no getting around that. But that's that. I don't let being fat define me as a person or my likes, dislikes, or completely consumes my every waking moment and I'm sure there are a lot of people that feel the same. They want to be them as a person..not noticed and sympathized for being a fat person.

    "So if I don't let fat define me or make it the focus about me, why would I let you?"...is basically how it boils down (using me and you generally, of course).

    Because with these types of posts/encouragement, regardless of the good intentions, that's what you are doing.
  • dibbleedoo
    dibbleedoo Posts: 5 Member
    It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.

    Thank you for saying this. I was astonished at the presumption involved in doing something like this.

    It's. Not. About. You.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.

    But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.

    So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?

    I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeousness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?

    :huh:

    Was just flirting with Ennui_Miller?

    PS you can check my particular update about this thread and see that we're in total agreement here. :wink:

    i knew you were not being a jerk, i just wanted to say that and being that your my friend i felt safe to bounce that off of you. i felt you were highlighting exaclty the kind of story i wanted to tell. I hope you understand . i was not mad at you. just highlighting that I know you are not teh type of person to do that and complimenting someone's form is exaclty thekind of interaction that should happen. not all this other condescending crap ppl are talking about.

    ETA: crap. b/c sometimes it just doesn't make sense without one more swear word.
  • karmac0matic
    karmac0matic Posts: 285
    the other day I was at the gym on the elliptical and when the large woman next to me running on the treadmill was done, I asked her how long she had run for. She said 30 minutes. That's AMAZING. I can't even make myself run for more than 21 minutes straight at this point!

    I love seeing people taking care of themselves. And damn, she was starting to look really great!
  • scout23646
    scout23646 Posts: 4
    I am happy for you. From what you have stated you have an amazing support system and that is wonderful. With that said, I would absolutely encourage someone at the gym who looks like they need it. There are many types of people who need support, and I have been one of those fat people at the gym. I wish someone would have provided kind words of encouragement, not because they needed to, but because it's a nice thing to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with providing people with kind words of encouragement, and frankly I am appalled that you find it insulting. I work hard and am quite successful myself. Furthermore, I can tell you for a fact that not every workout is perfect, and sometimes I need help. I realize that everyone needs help, and if I have the opportunity to say something kind to someone and possibly encourage them-I will. Try and treat people with kindness instead of attacking them on a site that is supposed to be used for people who are ALL looking to lose weight. Try it sometime.
  • nz_deevaa
    nz_deevaa Posts: 12,209 Member
    So, this one time. someone on MFP posted this photo of a really hot chick deadlifting. And a bunch of people got all ...

    "eww... she's got muscles, she looks like a man."

    So some other people said "If she had a higher percentage of body fat, she wouldn't look all muscles, and you'd think she was hot."

    So I posted a photo of me deadlifting with my big belly and boobs, and not a single muscle to be seen.... saying "This is what she'd look like with a higher body fat percentage"

    ... and I got TOLD OFF FOR MAKING FUN OF FAT PEOPLE AT THE GYM.

    I still recall now "Its people like you who make people like me (and her) stop going to the gym."

    Perception, people.

    It's all about perception.
  • rm33064
    rm33064 Posts: 270 Member
    Why would someone in great shape feel they need to encourage "fat people" as the massengil OP put it. I have a high paying job, should I voice my approval to all the working poor? Way to go poor person! You're on the right track! I didn't always drive an Audi you know, I know how you feel! Oh wait, they would probably punch me in the face if I did that...
  • Robyn7762
    Robyn7762 Posts: 159 Member
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    Teach them, help them!

    Not all "FAT" people need to be taught or helped! I'm a tubby 177 lbs. and I have stayed for the past 10 yrs at 135 lbs. I have some major health issues going on and I don't need to be taught, or helped when I'm at the gym! Sometimes it is those muscle heads who need to be taught and helped....FAT PEOPLE AREN'T STUPID AND DON'T NEED TO BE TAUGHT OR HELPED. WE HAVE A BRAIN! WE ARE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THOSE FANCY TREADMILLS, AND WE KNOW HOW TO LIFT WEIGHTS AS WE THROW THEM THRU THE WINDOWS AT MUSCLE HEADS THAT THINK WE ARE STUPID!
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
    [/quote]

    Fat is a descriptive word that fat acceptance communities are working to reclaim. Western society associates fat with negativity. With bad guys and gluttony and greed and dopey sidekicks and never the hero. Never the protagonist who happens to be fat peripherally, but as a struggle or flaw or focal point. It's tiresome and hurtful that fat is never the new mother, the recovery from severe illness, the trait that just is without being a joke. Fat is just a word, and unless you are specifically utilizing it to bring someone down, stop contorting the connotation of a word which has a precisely descriptive denotation. It's cultural bias.
    [/quote]



    I am not surprised to see that you are 22 (and from Portland).
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    I am happy for you. From what you have stated you have an amazing support system and that is wonderful. With that said, I would absolutely encourage someone at the gym who looks like they need it. There are many types of people who need support, and I have been one of those fat people at the gym. I wish someone would have provided kind words of encouragement, not because they needed to, but because it's a nice thing to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with providing people with kind words of encouragement, and frankly I am appalled that you find it insulting. I work hard and am quite successful myself. Furthermore, I can tell you for a fact that not every workout is perfect, and sometimes I need help. I realize that everyone needs help, and if I have the opportunity to say something kind to someone and possibly encourage them-I will. Try and treat people with kindness instead of attacking them on a site that is supposed to be used for people who are ALL looking to lose weight. Try it sometime.

    But surely you can see the distinction between giving someone a kind word simply as an act of encouragement and giving a fat person a kind word because you feel "proud" of them for BEING FAT in a gym. Huge difference there. I don't think anyone is eschewing general kindness; rather, people are offended by the condescension inherent in the OP's post.
  • GelasiaT
    GelasiaT Posts: 74 Member
    People take encouragement differently. What can be genuine encouragement to one can be perceived as "making fun of" to another. As an obese person, I really care less what others at the gym think of me and the work I put out. In the end I am there for the benefit of myself and my health. Does that mean I don't like to be encouraged, no it doesn't. I agree with a lot on here....1) it's about how you word yourself....2) your actions/look when you say it.

    A complete stranger can have more of an impact than someone you've known for years. This is a true story: I was at the park the other day walking and as I reflected on my week past I became discouraged because I hadn't lost any weight and I literally busted my *kitten* all week. I had only been walking for 5 mins and really was just ready to say screw this s***, hop back in my car and go home. Just as I was thinking this, an older gentleman drove up behind and as he reached my side he stopped, rolled down his window and yelled "keep it up, you're doing great, just remember it takes time, but you will get there" Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was contemplating quitting and this complete stranger comes along and gives me exactly what I needed to hear. Those words of encouragement touched me in a way no other person who has given me advice, or motivation ever has. I thank this man so much, because of his thought to reach out to me I continued my walk for anther 30 mins and did not, and will not quit.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    the other day I was at the gym on the elliptical and when the large woman next to me running on the treadmill was done, I asked her how long she had run for. She said 30 minutes. That's AMAZING. I can't even make myself run for more than 21 minutes straight at this point!

    I love seeing people taking care of themselves. And damn, she was starting to look really great!

    No, it's not "AMAZING". For all you know she's been working her running program for months. Just b/c you are thinner than her does NOT mean you are more fit or have better endurance. It's not a linear thing. There is not some line graph somewhere that has a fat person at the beginning and a thin person at the end and the further you are on it the more the person can run. Just like there is no graph showing smarts or any other thing related to the same. Does that make sense? It was probably not even appropriate for you to ask her that if that was your intention to compare herself to you and be all "damn, that fat chick showed my svelte self up". She might have thought you were asking in case she was breaking any time allotment rules if your gym has that and I hope so, for her sake and for yours so that she not take offense. B/C your line of thinking right now offended me a little bit. But it's okay, i know it takes all kinds in this world and now I know anyone can be saying any douchey thing when I think they are saying a regular thing but I'm gonna take it as a regular thing b/c I don't have time to fight these battles when I'm at the gym. I'm gonna give them all the benefit of the doubt and get mine. That's all.
  • Juliebug33
    Juliebug33 Posts: 15
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Why would someone in great shape feel they need to encourage "fat people" as the massengil OP put it. I have a high paying job, should I voice my approval to all the working poor? Way to go poor person! You're on the right track! I didn't always drive an Audi you know, I know how you feel! Oh wait, they would probably punch me in the face if I did that...

    Me too me too... WTG ugly person, i see you tried eyeliner today, if you try harder and keep up the good work one day your makeup might look like a 5 yr old did not apply it. HI FIVE! next...
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,242 Member
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.

    I think your failing to see the difference.

    1. People come to MFP for encouragement and support. They go to the gym to work out.

    2. Very few people would reject a compliment for doing something well. Showing up at the gym even though you're fat is not automatically "doing something well", it's someone assuming that because you are overweight and at the gym that it must be a big struggle for you and you need a pat on the head.

    3. The type of 'encouragement' being touted in the OP's post (go you, fatty, for giving it a go!!) is exactly the same as praising an overweight stranger in the supermarket for picking up a lettuce instead of a bag of cheetos, or praising the tubby guy in front of you at McDonalds for ordering a salad instead of a BigMac.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.

    no. it's condescending the way the OP put it and that's it. don't try to make it a time and place thing. it's not. it's an i think i'm better than you thing.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    i better leave. i'm gonna die in this thread. i shoulda never came in here. it's a bust.
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.

    I don't know, I think MFP is inherently different. If you are here and you post on the forums or on your wall, you are kind of asking for support and encouragement. Right? So if I post something about feeling proud for finally getting on a treadmill and people respond with encouragement, that's all quite different than a stranger walking up to me and assuming that getting on a treadmill is a big deal for me because I'm fat.
  • rm33064
    rm33064 Posts: 270 Member
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.

    What, you randomly message "fat people" on mfp and let them know how great you think it is that their trying not to be "fat" anymore? Actually, no you don't do that here and you shouldn't in person either.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Before I try real hard to ground myself from this thread I just want to say this is probably the least Motivational or Supportive thread on MFP that I've personally come across. I don't know bout any of the rest of you "fat" people. For me though, it is. Least.

    I'd like to nominate it for that.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
    I look at you in admiration! remember that

    I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
    But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
    And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.

    Now get back in there and kick some butt !

    Get over yourself, you look at them and think how much better you are. Nobody in the gym gives a crap what you think about anything. They don't look at you and think hey, I wanna look like that summer's eve who's constantly checking himself out in the mirrors someday. They don't see you as some beautiful fitness guru with all the answers to their problems; that's just how you see yourself...
    Wow
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    When I was bigger I welcomed all help lol and still would
  • futurejedi
    futurejedi Posts: 111
    Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them

    Teach them, help them!

    Not all "FAT" people need to be taught or helped! I'm a tubby 177 lbs. and I have stayed for the past 10 yrs at 135 lbs. I have some major health issues going on and I don't need to be taught, or helped when I'm at the gym! Sometimes it is those muscle heads who need to be taught and helped....FAT PEOPLE AREN'T STUPID AND DON'T NEED TO BE TAUGHT OR HELPED. WE HAVE A BRAIN! WE ARE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THOSE FANCY TREADMILLS, AND WE KNOW HOW TO LIFT WEIGHTS AS WE THROW THEM THRU THE WINDOWS AT MUSCLE HEADS THAT THINK WE ARE STUPID!

    When did I ever say someone was stupid in my post? If you were doing a lift wrong I would hope someone would want to "help' and "teach" you so you don't end up hurting yourself. I never said anything about treadmills either.
  • ZombieEarhart
    ZombieEarhart Posts: 320 Member
    Encouragement and support is a main premise of MFP...why should offering the same in person be so different? Online it is applauded and encouraged, in person it is seen as condescension? Our society has become so disconnected.

    Um. Because when I'm here my profile and ticker display my goals, and if you "see" me on the forums i've come here to talk and share. I don't wear my goals on my t-shirt at the gym, so if you (or any stranger) complimented or cheered me on for being at the gym, it would be based only on your perception of me as a fat person. Can you see how different the two situations are?
  • HaelaBaer
    HaelaBaer Posts: 44
    I won't go to the gym. Not for awhile. Because of self esteem. But if I had to go, and I was doing something wrong, I'd want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me kindly. So I don't hurt myself.
    Once I did it right, feel free to encourage me. Don't congratulate me just for being there.
    There's nothing wrong with saying 'fat'. It's better than 'corpulent' .
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