Those with kids - did you always know you wanted them?

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  • salvationsdying
    salvationsdying Posts: 205 Member
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    I have a 2yr old daughter. From the time I was probably 13 I had decided I NEVER EVER wanted kids. I was against it in any form. While I love holding new babies I also loved that I could give them back....

    When I started showing signs of being pregnant I said I wasn't so many times I felt like a broken record. When we went to buy the test it was simply for me to prove I wasn't pregnant. But the moment I seen the 2 lines on the test I fell in love. My hand went right to my belly and I felt whole.

    My daughter just turned 2 on the 4th. I thank god every day for her. Its hard, its tiring, you never have time alone. But soooo totaly worth it. I wouldn't trade her for the world.
  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,006 Member
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    I grew up never wanting kids. Then I met my hubby and couldnt wait to have a baby. I wanted one, got talked into two then oops three. Wouldnt change it for the world but still dont like kids...mine are grown now...that were not mine. Bring on the grandkids now...
  • EddieHaskell97
    EddieHaskell97 Posts: 2,227 Member
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    P.s. congrats on your wedding!
  • tiaresurfer
    tiaresurfer Posts: 2
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    I'm 45 years old, no kids. (It wasn't a direct choice, so to speak, it just never happened for me.)

    My advice is, ask yourself where you want to be and how you want to be living at 35? 40? 45? 50? Try meditating, be still, and pray on it, and let the answer come to you from within.

    That will give you the answer. The fact that you are asking tells me you may be a little conflicted.
  • 120by30
    120by30 Posts: 217 Member
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    I always knew that I wanted babies, maybe not quite as many as I ended up with, but I honestly can't imagine life without any of them. Well, ok...maybe on those days when they have discovered the permanent markers, strewn clean laundry throughout the house after I folded and put it away, and fought like cats and dogs all day. Yep...but for the most part I can't imagine not having any of them in my life. With that being said, I never consciously set down and imagined how many kids I would have. It is a change, and a challenge, but, one of the most rewarding things in the world. You are young....give it some time...and see how you feel then.

    Pretty much everything she said. Except my husband and I decided on 2 before we married and ended up with 4. Only one of them was a "whoops!" baby, though. I had my first child the day before I turned 21. I don't feel like. I have missed out on anything by having children early. But that's just me. People are different. Figure out what you want and stick to your guns.
  • tiaresurfer
    tiaresurfer Posts: 2
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    P.S. Most of my friends did not want children, but it is easy to say when you are still young enough to have them. There was a spate of baby-making from mid-30s to late-30s, as my friends realized their choices were narrowing. Frankly, I would have been a much better mom at 34 than I ever would have been at 24.

    I realized your fiance does not want children spread out, but there is nothing wrong with waiting a few years.

    Plus, I've found that babies have a way of arriving on their own timeline, even with birth control. :) Not all of those pregnancies I've mentioned were planned!
  • BurntCoffee
    BurntCoffee Posts: 234 Member
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    When all my friends were planning to go to college and be this and be that all I could think about was wanting to have a family. Met my husband at 18, married 4 months later. Had trouble getting pregnant but 3 years later had our son and a year after that had our daughter. Married 20 years now.


    I have a very very good friend who is 43 now with a 3 year old. She always just kind of said she "forgot" to have children. But she accidentally got pregnant when she was 38 and miscarried. It wasn't until that loss that she realized she wanted to have a child. Now she has a sweet and spoiled rotten baby girl wearing her butt out. :)

    Get married. See how you feel. It's perfectly okay to not have children. My sister says she thinks she's too selfish to have kids. Now I know that kids just have a way of changing you for the better that way but I still think it's completely fine to not want them.

    Good luck to you. :)
  • shining_light
    shining_light Posts: 384 Member
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    I realized your fiance does not want children spread out, but there is nothing wrong with waiting a few years.

    Nah, the children being spread out isn't the issue. We figure his son is old enough now that waiting a few years won't make any more of a difference, because they're not likely to have a close relationship like he has with his little brother or I have with my big sister(3 year age gap and 2 year age gap, respectively). His son also has two older half-sisters(12 and 14, I believe? Not my partner's kids). With that in mind, it doesn't make much sense NOT to wait other than he is concerned that he will be too old at 40 to handle a newborn and then the toddler stage, which puts more responsibility on me.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Congrats!
    I did not know.
    first baby I held was my daughter.

    I was terrified I didn't have mommy gene. Terrified I could not keep a baby alive.
    Turns outi was wrong.
  • shining_light
    shining_light Posts: 384 Member
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    Congrats!
    I did not know.
    first baby I held was my daughter.

    I was terrified I didn't have mommy gene. Terrified I could not keep a baby alive.
    Turns outi was wrong.

    I know I can take care of a child. I've helped raise this one from 2-and-a-half to 5. It's just that I plain dislike children. Lol. I like to think I wouldn't dislike my own children, but sometimes I think I probably would(they'd be too much like me! Haha).
  • lookin4gains
    lookin4gains Posts: 1,762 Member
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    I always wanted kids. When I held my daughter for the first time, it was the greatest moment of my life. I want at least one more.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Congrats!
    I did not know.
    first baby I held was my daughter.

    I was terrified I didn't have mommy gene. Terrified I could not keep a baby alive.
    Turns outi was wrong.

    I know I can take care of a child. I've helped raise this one from 2-and-a-half to 5. It's just that I plain dislike children. Lol. I like to think I wouldn't dislike my own children, but sometimes I think I probably would(they'd be too much like me! Haha).
    I'm still particular about kids.
    You'll figure out what is best.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    yes
  • thatonegirlwiththestuff
    thatonegirlwiththestuff Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I always wanted two kids; specifically a boy and girl. I was lucky enough that I did get my dream pigeon pair. :smile:
  • brandnewneek
    brandnewneek Posts: 31 Member
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    I knew I wanted to be a mom at 16, guess what I did?! He's six now and I just love having him, he is my best friend. I'm the type though that would rather go to festivals, or chuck e cheese rather than go to a bar or get drunk. I very rarely even ask for babysitters, because I would rather be with him. When my "friends" ask why he can't stay with his dad when we go out, then I get new ones. We are a package deal! haha.
  • MickeyCastello
    MickeyCastello Posts: 269
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    Congrats on your upcoming marriage! I didn't want kids..., but when my first daughter was born and the doctor handed her to me, I fell instantly in love with her, and I mean I fell HARD. Needless to say, I was excited when it came to other three.
  • morning_joy
    morning_joy Posts: 1,063 Member
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    I always wanted to be a mom...I was always the little girl with the dolly. Couldn't wait to be a mom. Lost my first at 22, couldn't get pregnant for 5 years because of an eating disorder. Had my boys at 27 and 28 and being a mom has been the best thing I have done for the last 19 years. Wouldn't trade a single stretch mark for a minute with them.
  • kendall916
    kendall916 Posts: 4,222 Member
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    I don't have kids at the moment but I know that someday I'd like to raise some of my own (natural birth or adopted). I've known I've wanted to raise a family of my own ever since junior high. Part of the reason why is because of my parents being the best role models for me when growing up, another part is that I love teaching kids and they're so fascinated when I'm around them.
  • cosmobella
    cosmobella Posts: 54 Member
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    I ALWAYS knew, since I was like, 12 lol. Maybe younger. I always knew I wanted loads of them. I just had my 4th, she is 3 months. I now have 2 girls, and 2 boys. An 11 yr old daughter, sons 6 and 3, and a 3 mo daughter. I want more. I want 6 kids lol. They are amazing, brilliant, soooo well behaved and they are literally the reason I was born. It's just...great.
  • shining_light
    shining_light Posts: 384 Member
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    Basically what I'm getting out of this is that if I think my life is awesome the way it is(and I do. My life rocks) and I don't want children now, I probably won't want children unless my hormones give me a kick in the pants. Much respect for you ladies(and gentlemen), who give up so much for your children. I don't think I could do it. I love my job too much, honestly. How sad is that? Lol.

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