Those with kids - did you always know you wanted them?

I never wanted them, then I accidentally got pregnant with some dude (seriously, we'd only met 4 months prior) 5 and a half years later, I have a daughter and a husband. Under no other circumstances (accident) would I have gotten pregnant -- or would I become pregnant in the future. I hated pregnancy and I don't love parenting like other people seem to. That said, I love my daughter immensely and wouldn't trade having her for anything. Funny how that works.

All that said, I was 28 when this all happened. Had I been younger, it would have NEVER worked - as my priorities were elsewhere). As long as your finance is ok never having more, but open to the idea -- this is something you can really wait to decide on.

My kids and wife are the greatest things to ever happen in my life. Some people want to be rich or famous but all I have ever really wanted is my family. My children mean everything to me and I can't imagine my life without them. There is nothing better in the world than seeing your own children happy.

Basically what I'm getting out of this is that if I think my life is awesome the way it is(and I do. My life rocks) and I don't want children now, I probably won't want children unless my hormones give me a kick in the pants. Much respect for you ladies(and gentlemen), who give up so much for your children. I don't think I could do it. I love my job too much, honestly. How sad is that? Lol.

At 21, having kids wasn't even on my radar! You're still incredibly young, work, go out, enjoy your twenties. Maybe you'll change your mind in the future, maybe not, but don't let society or family pressure you.

It's perfectly okay to not want children. You shouldn't have them if you don't want them. It's not like buying the wrong pants. Having kids is (or at least should be) a HUGE decision. I think too many women have children just because it's expected, or because of an oopsie, or for some other reason besides "I'd really love to have a child."

Of course you'll love the kid after it's born, as your fiance did (thank goodness). But if you don't want them, don't have them. Motherhood is emmensly more difficult for those of us that don't have that deep, "natural" desire to have children.

Congrats!
I did not know.
first baby I held was my daughter.

I was terrified I didn't have mommy gene. Terrified I could not keep a baby alive.
Turns outi was wrong.

I know I can take care of a child. I've helped raise this one from 2-and-a-half to 5. It's just that I plain dislike children. Lol. I like to think I wouldn't dislike my own children, but sometimes I think I probably would(they'd be too much like me! Haha).

Honestly I cannot stand other peoples kids. My temper runs really thin really fast with them. I have 3 sisters under 12 and within a hour of being around them I'm ready to pull out my hair. I don't like being around other peoples kids and I dislike being in a store or something where children are and misbehaving. But I like my daughters company more then I like most people so its kinda funny that way. When its your child u have more control over how they act and you get to see the good side of children then.

I'm not a big baby person. Never was. Still aren't and I've had two of them. I was never 100% against having kids, but I was also never sure that I actually wanted any. I'd always just figured that when I got married, I'd let my husband decide since I could go either way.

Well...I got married and it was assumed that we would have children some day. But even though we kinda 'knew' we'd eventually have kids, I never really saw it, or envisioned it, or yearned for it. A year later I discovered why. He was killed in a motorcycle accident so it just wasn't meant to be.

A few years later I started dating a guy who was 100% anti kids and anti marriage, except that he was the PERFECT guy to be both. I had some work to do. It was strange, with him, I got that 'hormonal' reaction about having kids for the first time. I was about 29. With him, I could 'see' our kids. It was so strong that I spent about a year trying to convince him that we should be married and that he should be a father. He wasn't having any of it so we eventually broke up, kind of moved on, but we still couldn't let each other go. So one day I told him I couldn't do this to myself anymore, and that I needed to really move on, (because I really did want to be married again some day) BUT if he thought anywhere in his mind that we really were meant to be, to give me one chance to get pregnant , and if I did, we would get married and start a life together, and if we didn't, then we could both go our separate ways with no lingering doubts of what if. To my absolute astonishment he agreed and I got pregnant with our one single roll of the dice.

So now here we are, married with kids. I had to move to a different country to be with him, but we now have two kids, a cat, a dog, and a (not white) picket fence. As I mentioned before, I'm not a baby person. Although I loved both of my babies I was counting down the days until they could walk, talk, and make jokes. My youngest isn't quite 2 yet and he drives me crazy. My oldest is 5 now and everything that comes out of his mouth is a riot, so he's cool. My husband, Mr. I don't want kids and will never be married, now loves being married, adores our kids, and wants to slap himself for ever believing the way he did. Now he tries to convince to every man out there that doesn't want kids, that they should have kids, AND that they should get married. It cracks me up.

But me....I DO love my kids, but I still don't quite have the 'mom gene'. It's a lot of work and you really do kind of lose who you were. Well I did anyways. I went from feeling like I was living MY life, to living the life of someone I never really wanted to be. I struggle with it and I struggle mostly with my feelings of guilt for thinking and feeling this way. I mean, I know so many women who are happy to live for their children. At least that's what they say.

All that being said, I don't regret having them because, and again, this is going to sound very selfish...I want grandkids someday. Although having children doesn't guarantee me grandchildren, I just cannot imagine life as a little old lady without my grown children and some grandkids nearby. I think the life of an elderly person is just sad when in the end their spouse dies and they have literally nobody there for them. Anyway, that's my take on the situation. Only you will know what's best for you.

Edited to add: Oh gosh...sorry for the novel.

Having children because you think babies are cute is possible very unwise - they may be cute but they very rapidly turn into teenagers, young adults etc - just as they say a dog is for life - so is a family - they just live a lot longer. Having said that, I never thought about having children until I hit 30 - after that my husband and I were always looking for the ideal time - I had a career that I valued and wanted to get the timing right. In the end, at 36 I though now or never. I fell pregnant - we planned it - and my husband was speechless for 2 days! He worried at the huge impact it would have on our lives and our income - we were financially secure and beginning to enjoy all the good things of life. It was the BEST thing that ever happened to us. I felt the bond from Week 3 of my pregnancy - my husband fell in love with our son the moment he held him. We subsequently had our daughter - who was just as joyfully received. I was concerned that, being a bit older, I would get odd looks at the school gate and the children's friends would think it odd - in actual fact it has kept me younger and my children see me as a great source of wisdom (if only they knew that,as you get older you still know nothing!)

Being able to plan your family is great but it does add the pressure of shall I/shan't I - in days of yore it either happened or didn't.

Good luck with your marriage and your decision - I cannot imagine approaching my later years without having known the joy of raising my family and anticipating grandchildren (if my kids wait as long as me I'll be in my dotage but hey-ho) but lots of people do and seem content.

Ha! i donthave the mommygene either, i know moms whose whole world revolves around their kids and play betty crocker, and research everything they feed/dress their kids in, enroll them in every activity and take them there, make them cookies and sleep by their beds when they are sick. Clean up blood,puke, and **** without the use of a stand by hazmat suit (garbage bag), and are anturally nuturing and mothering is an art form for them.

I envy these women wish i could be like them, but I am not. I am a hiking/camping/boogers are ok the shirt is clean enought to be passable, who the hell has time to bake cookies type of mother?

THANK YOU!! Booger on the sleeves absolutely. I can't even stand to change a pooped diaper. You're going straight to the tub kid. I don't want to go near that. My family laughed at me because I bought a case of latex gloves for changes when I was getting ready for kid #1. Like I said, kid #2, no need for gloves, you're getting a hose down.

I'm not a big baby person. Never was. Still aren't and I've had two of them. I was never 100% against having kids, but I was also never sure that I actually wanted any. I'd always just figured that when I got married, I'd let my husband decide since I could go either way.

Well...I got married and it was assumed that we would have children some day. But even though we kinda 'knew' we'd eventually have kids, I never really saw it, or envisioned it, or yearned for it. A year later I discovered why. He was killed in a motorcycle accident so it just wasn't meant to be.

A few years later I started dating a guy who was 100% anti kids and anti marriage, except that he was the PERFECT guy to be both. I had some work to do. It was strange, with him, I got that 'hormonal' reaction about having kids for the first time. I was about 29. With him, I could 'see' our kids. It was so strong that I spent about a year trying to convince him that we should be married and that he should be a father. He wasn't having any of it so we eventually broke up, kind of moved on, but we still couldn't let each other go. So one day I told him I couldn't do this to myself anymore, and that I needed to really move on, (because I really did want to be married again some day) BUT if he thought anywhere in his mind that we really were meant to be, to give me one chance to get pregnant , and if I did, we would get married and start a life together, and if we didn't, then we could both go our separate ways with no lingering doubts of what if. To my absolute astonishment he agreed and I got pregnant with our one single roll of the dice.

So now here we are, married with kids. I had to move to a different country to be with him, but we now have two kids, a cat, a dog, and a (not white) picket fence. As I mentioned before, I'm not a baby person. Although I loved both of my babies I was counting down the days until they could walk, talk, and make jokes. My youngest isn't quite 2 yet and he drives me crazy. My oldest is 5 now and everything that comes out of his mouth is a riot, so he's cool. My husband, Mr. I don't want kids and will never be married, now loves being married, adores our kids, and wants to slap himself for ever believing the way he did. Now he tries to convince to every man out there that doesn't want kids, that they should have kids, AND that they should get married. It cracks me up.

But me....I DO love my kids, but I still don't quite have the 'mom gene'. It's a lot of work and you really do kind of lose who you were. Well I did anyways. I went from feeling like I was living MY life, to living the life of someone I never really wanted to be. I struggle with it and I struggle mostly with my feelings of guilt for thinking and feeling this way. I mean, I know so many women who are happy to live for their children. At least that's what they say.

All that being said, I don't regret having them because, and again, this is going to sound very selfish...I want grandkids someday. Although having children doesn't guarantee me grandchildren, I just cannot imagine life as a little old lady without my grown children and some grandkids nearby. I think the life of an elderly person is just sad when in the end their spouse dies and they have literally nobody there for them. Anyway, that's my take on the situation. Only you will know what's best for you.

Edited to add: Oh gosh...sorry for the novel.

This is similar to me. I'm not one of those people who gushes over and has to hold babies and feels an ache in their uterus. Actually I'd have more than the one child I have if I got them when they were like 2. Yes I know adoption would solve that.

I have 1 child and that's enough. Pregnancy sucked, birthing sucked, the first few weeks sucked but he's awesome and I love him and I don't regret a thing. I wouldn't go through it all again so he's an only child. But I can spoil him more that way.

To the world I appear to have the mom gene but that's because I love baking and making awesome parties for the boy. But when people turn to me when there's a baby around and say "makes you want another, eh?" I definitively say nope.

They are a lot of work so make sure you are ready to give up your life for a few years. And there is no shame in not wanting kids. I think it takes more guts to say nope I'm not having kids. Too many people just have them to have them I think.