195 pounds in two years! What a difference! With pics.

jeansuza · May 2014

For the third day in a row, I saw this number on the scale, 135! So I guess this is it. Today, May 16, 2014, I must make it official. My two-year quest has landed. My goal was to lose 195 pounds and it is done. For those who are just starting and those who are stalling, and for the ones that have tried every diet in the world but don’t believe they can do it, there’s hope! Yes, it is doable…
Just dieting and exercising.
And persevering.
And trying out things.
And going on,
and on.
And reading.
And observing.
And writing.
And sharing.
And listening.
And encouraging others.
And loving.

You would think I would be ecstatic to have reached my goal. This how I had figured out that day anyway but I was not. I was proud of course but very sad because my body is not looking the way I thought it would, or should or could. Should I lose 5 pounds more? Would that loss fill the hole in my heart? Where is the stop line? There is a beast in me that is called low self-esteem and it is still very hungry, famished and ugly. Appeasing that monster was one of the goals that I had set up on my MFP profile on May 6, 2012, and it hasn’t been achieved yet. So I was sad…

But I was first and foremost scared to death that I have to change something I feel familiar with, losing weight. Maintaining, I have never done before, not even tried. I have always been obese except for 2-3 short periods of my life when I was probably “just” overweight. I say probably because I spent years not looking at myself, avoiding mirrors and scales. And I am still a BIG girl in my mind. At 52, can I really change my behaviors and attitudes? Probably so, to some extent. Some of the changes have been underway since 2 years. For the rest, I will just try to do what I did when I started this journey: I will aim for small steps, and forgiveness, and enjoy a healthy life, one day at a time, one day after the other…

Very suddenly, today, I felt like if I were flying solo, leaving home for the first time, free in the BIG adult world. Like when I got off the bus a very long time ago, at 6 o’clock, in a BIG new town, with a huge handbag on one side and my horn on the other. But I am a big girl now (well, not so BIG, pardon the pun), and I know I am ready for a new and beautiful life tailored just as I want it to be. I am the master of my destiny. I just need to time to adjust...not being BIG… anymore…

Anyway, borrowed from a friend, there is a part of my lifetime maintenance diet:

From now on, I refrain from:

Negative thoughts
Critical or gloomy people
Whatever stops my smiling
Whatever keeps me from sleeping at night
Whatever darkens my mood
Whatever undermines my self-confidence and causes me anxiety
Whatever throws a spanner in the works!

In 5 weeks, if all days are the same
I will have lost 10 pounds in discomfort and illness.
I will have gained 10 pounds in quality of life and happiness.

And remember: If “A” plan fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet!

Thanks to all my dear MFP friends for your support day after day! Without you, I don’t know if I would have succeeded! The journey was so much more interesting and inspiring with you. I drink to your health and happiness. Santé!

FancyPantsFran · May 2014

AMAZING!!! You have worked so hard and have so much to be proud of

Katla49 · May 2014

Congratulations! Stick around for support with maintenance. Learning to maintain a healthy weight is very important, and we are always works in progress.

conniedj · May 2014

Congratulations!!

I think it pretty normal to feel a little lost when you have struggled against something for so long. When you FINALLY achieve that goal that seemed almost un-atainable...you kind of flounder. It takes some time to "cycle down" from what you've been doing--and you have been very successful!! This is a great time to set a new goal(s).

For me, when I find that I am stuck in my head, and the world seems small....I push my focus beyond myself. I volunteer, reach out and help those who need some help: church, YMCA, friends, community food banks. There is a lot of need out there! And when you see that the struggles of other people just to survive? It changes you--in a good way! But that is just me. HTH!!! Congrats again!!

merisaOct3 · May 2014

Congratulations! You really stuck with it consistently and you deserve big kudos for your hard work!

I thought this might be of interest: Kelly Coffey is now a personal trainer. She used to weigh 300+ lbs. I loosely follow her blog (www.strongcoffey.com). She wrote an article called "5 Things I Miss about Weighing 300 lbs." One of my favorite quotes from the article is: "The longer I’m thin, the more in love I fall with the fat body I once had, and with the woman I was before I lost my weight. I’m the luckiest person I know, in large part because my personality and perspective were developed in the context of being a fat woman."
You can read the whole article here: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13018/5-things-i-miss-about-weighing-more-than-300-pounds.html . She has one of the healthiest, most honest perspectives on losing a big amount of weight, in my humble opinion.

I just post this because - while you deserve lots of credit and congratulations - (and I love your comments about reframing your perspective), MFP and society seems to emphasize greater self worth at a smaller size, which is counter to my personal beliefs about body positivity at any size.

madrose0715 · May 2014

Wow...I really enjoyed reading about your journey. Very honest about where you are at now - the emotional/mental struggle that still exists - even after reaching goal, is an insight that I think many who watch someone losing weight do not realize is going on.

Here is to your continued success and personal growth! Congratulations!

ktsmom430 · May 2014

I am so happy for you! You are an amazing woman and I am proud to know you on MFP! Congratulations for all of your hard work paying off and reaching your goal! A wonderful story of determination and perseverance!

jeansuza · May 2014

Thanks to all of you! This is a work still and forever in progress!

greengoddess0123 · May 2014

Oh my gosh how inspiring! You look fantastic.

What you said about adjusting to not being a big girl anymore really resonated with me. I'm having some of those "identity crisis" feelings lately. Being fat was so much a part of my identity, so there seems like this big, odd hole where "being fat" used to be. Maybe it's just a matter of getting used to it, I don't know yet.

Anyway, congratulations on all your hard work and dedication! You have a lot to be proud of. :drinker:

bizgirl26 · May 2014

WOW!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and challenges. You are inspiring . Welcome to your new life

kempt_ken · May 2014

I love the way the your weight loss has opened up your face. You have such large pretty eyes. Congratulations.

wifeymou1112 · May 2014

Wow, you've done amazing! You look so happy :-D Well done! :-)

Mylolamia · May 2014

Hi Suzanne. You are to be admired and emulated for what you have accomplished. 195 lbs. later over two years, such perseverence and determination, you finally did it. Way to go, my friend! You are now at maintenance as I am, I too still struggle with that fat woman wanting to rear her ugly head having lost overall 50 lbs., and lashing back at me saying "eat Diane, eat more". But knowing the struggle it has been day after day to lose the weight to reach this point, we can only take baby steps, one day at a time, continue trying this and that, and watching, always being conscious of our actions, and never backsliding. We now know the "right" way to proceed for ourselves and to use caution to not fall back into our old habits. We now 100% know that a sedentary lifestyle with too many of the wrong foods and no exercise will only negate everything we have accomplished. You are doing so well and I know you will continue. Be proud of who you are, all that you have achieved. All I can say is once again GOOD JOB, SUZANNE! Let's continue this Maintenance journey together. C'est à ton tour....

DebSM2 · May 2014

Absolutely amazing!! You have a very realistic outlook and strength...keep it up!

sun_fish · May 2014

Congratulations, what an amazing accomplishment! I think so often people think their life will magically become perfect when they lose weight, and don't recognize that along with the physical changes, mental change must happen too. Thank you for sharing your story.

weblur · May 2014

INSPIRATION!

Edit to add: Seriously, I'm crying. The honesty in your post is what is so inspiring to me, because I know that it hasn't been and won't be all butterflies and roses in this journey. To have such an honest, realistic account is so helpful to me. Thank you so much.