Big boned

Nimhel · May 2014

So for years, I used to say this. "I'm just big boned, that's why I look so big, right?" But I finally stopped believing that and I have been working hard to bring out my smaller person inside.

Recently I hit my 50 lbs lost. I was super happy. I posted before and afters here and got such an encouraging response, I felt giddy. I'm not at goal yet, but not too far off now. My problem is the people around me now are unintentionally bringing me down. After I posted my before and after pictures I got several comments from friends that I know were not meant to be mean or insulting, but they really brought me down.

My coworker after see the pictures kept saying that she was happy for me but couldn't see the 50 lbs lost. She said that she never saw me as "that big before". This small comment threw me off. I thought, is it really not that noticeable? Is all my hard work for nothing?

My running partner and also another coworker told me the other day during a run that she thinks I'm just one of those people who are just big boned. Yet again, an innocent comment but since that used to be my excuse for my fatness I was upset. Does that mean I can never be the slim size I am aiming towards? Will I always be a bigger woman?

And lastly, my boyfriend, my wonderful, sweet, caring boyfriend. He tried to cheer me up when I was feeling down last week after these comments, but instead I felt worse then ever after our conversation on the phone. The other night after telling him about my friends comments and how they brought me down, he tried to help. He said that I had done a great job and he was proud of me but... he said he thinks I'm just one of those people with "a child bearing frame, a bit of a bigger girl." He tried to back track after that, but I was in tears.

I know that everyone is built differently and I'm not aiming to look like a model, but I feel like what they are saying is that I can never look like a slim person. I don't want to give up, but this has really brought me down and for the first few days after this I obsessed over my calories and exercise in an almost unhealthy way. I've quickly snapped out of that, but I could use some advice. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Am I just being stupid?

Francl27 · May 2014

You're not stupid. I'll never look like a slim person either, I have a medium/large frame (I don't think my waist can go under 30 inches, and I'm 5'5"... 22% body fat, you can see a current pic in my profile). You can still look good though. Keep going and show them that they are wrong.

neandermagnon · May 2014

I'm short and large framed (i.e. "big boned") but I don't look fat. Even if you do have a large frame, you absolutely still can look lean and fit.

Here's a pic of Camille Leblanc-Bazinet... she's a crossfit champion. She is large framed... as you can see from this pic she doesn't look remotely fat. Notice she has big shoulders... that's what large framed means (wide shoulders, large rib cage and wide pelvis). It doesn't mean fat.

thirteeninches · May 2014

I am also large framed, but short, too. I recognize much of your frustration when people would not see the difference in my weight loss, and I hate my thick graceless fingers and hands... okay, hate is a strong word.. I don't think they are feminine, and that bugs me. But I have great hand strength, which helps me when I do carpentry work, or work my clay. Craftsman hands.

So I've learned to find the positive things about it, too. Larger framed bodies carry extra weight better-people often have a harder time guessing what we weigh. That is probably why your friends haven't noticed a lot. It will happen though, I promise. No one started making many comments to me until just recently, after I've lost about halfway to my goal, and still they don't say much-just a look and a "keep going!"

Our larger frames are wonderful! We've got excellent potential for muscle growth, and with less effort can lift above average. This is a great natural advantage you should be happy about

And if you really want something to show-get lifting

You'll be thrilled with the way your muscles pop through. And when co workers make insensitive comments, knowing you could fling them over your shoulder and run across the room in a fireman's exercise gives you the confidence you need to blow it off.

People don't often know the right thing to say when they are trying to help, because they don't understand-not that they don't care. But I do, and believe me, more weight will come off as you keep up your hard work, and your clothes will get loose and you'll feel great and you'll stop caring so much how you look to others. So is all your hard work for nothing? NO! Do this for YOU, not for anyone else.

zoeysasha37 · May 2014

Hello! :-)
I'm sorry your feeling down. I'm also a large framed woman. I'll never look like a supermodel, and that's okay. I used to get comments like that as well, and yes it hurts. But please don't give up,I know things like this are discouraging though. People would say stuff like that to me, until I hit around 150lbs. After that, I guess they started to truly notice and it stopped. I'm now at 135 lbs and I feel great. No, I don't look skinny and probably never will. But there is definitely a difference. I'll.always be a large framed person, but I look a lot different. So my point is, just don't give up. Be proud of your loss :-)

CrazyAnimalLady · May 2014

I'm also "Big Boned". It's just the way my frame is, I'll never be a size 4 and I'm okay with that. It's easier to say than it is to do, but don't worry about what other people think. Worry about how you feel about yourself! That's all that matters. Learn to be happy in in your skin. When I started my weight loss journey I told the doctor I wanted to get down to a size 8. He told me to get that out of my head, my bone structure won't allow for that. At first I was really upset to hear that, but then I thought about it and you know what? A size 8 would make me look anorexic (I'm 6' tall). The bottom line is love yourself the way you are, and then work on improving it, but don't be discouraged that you may never be one of these tiny girls. We are all made different for a reason, and you can still be feminine and beautiful with a larger frame.

MelissaPhippsFeagins · May 2014

I hated my large frame, until I had my first child: 8 lbs 9.2 oz, 20 hours of labor, NO DRUGS. I'd have had a c-section without these 43" hips. (And the next two were bigger, but the labor was MUCH shorter.) No one I worked with would have thought I had 40 pounds to lose and they would all still guess I went from 155 to 115 rather than 197 to 153. I'm at a phenomal weight for me, and I believe that you will reach the phenomal weight for you. JUST DON'T GIVE UP!!

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · May 2014

I think that the big boned comment is something people say to themselves to feel better (I used to do it) and so they think that saying it to you will make you feel good too.

I went and creeped your pics and you don't look "large framed" or "big boned" or whatever to me. In fact you look smaller than I did when I was at the weight you are now. But even if you are larger framed there's no reason why you can't look awesome and fit. Just keep doing what you're doing, and realize that the people who love you probably just suffer from a little bit of "foot in mouth."

cbhubbybubble · May 2014

I don't recall seeing your before and afters, but I find it hard to believe someone can't see a 50lb loss. I'm sure they can. Jealousy playing a role in them not admitting it perhaps? Edit cuz I found your before and afters. If someone can't see that difference, she's blind! You look great.

Regardless, I don't know if there's such a thing as big boned, but I know I'm built "thick". Solid as a brick "S**thouse" is the term we use here. I accept I will never be a skinny minnie and I'm not sure I want to be. I want to be as lean as my body type will allow. but I know I'll never be a fragile girl. Wherever I get to will be less bulky than where I started, though, so it's all good. Embrace what you have a work with it.

mooie70 · May 2014

I have no idea how to post a photo on here, so I'm hoping this link will work.

I too used the 'I'm just big boned' excuse all my life.

Until I saw this...

http://www.kulfoto.com/interesting-things/24389/fat-woman-x-ray

mfp2014mfp · May 2014

I just went and found your before and after pics, I cant believe someone said to you they cant see a difference! You looked great before but your figure has most assuredly changed! Continue feeling super proud of yourself and dont get hooked up on slim being the be all and end all. I am big boned and have a smashing hour glass figure and wouldnt have it any other way. Be proud you look amazing :flowerforyou:

Juliebug33 · May 2014

First of all, congratulations on the 50 lb weight loss! That is a huge achievement. I have experienced what you are talking about my entire life...and still get those comments today. I am 5'10" and have wider hips, in the past I have carried a lot of weight on my tall frame, before losing 25 pounds I would tell people about my weight loss goals and they would just try to rationalize that I "had a large frame" I don't know if they did this to try to make me feel better or if they just could not visualize me as a smaller person...however because of those comments I used them as an excuse to not change and I became used to the idea that I was "just big". I don't believe that crap anymore and my best advice to you is to ignore those comments, you know what your potential is and if you stay on track you will achieve it. I still have co-workers make comments about my weight-loss goals...they get all googly-eyed when I tell them that I am still trying to lose another 20 pounds. I am currently 175 lbs and I think that my goals are totally reasonable and achievable...I'm sure yours are too!

mrhonesty · May 2014

You are all beautiful in your own way. prove that co-worker wrong. And for the record, skinny is not sexy. But healthy is at any size!

bunbunzee44 · May 2014

I have that same child bearing hip thing. It's something we can't change, we're just meant to be curvier

But your work is deffinitely not for nothing! I'm sure you are feeling a lot better physically too, and clothes are fitting better..

tons of benefits being fitter! No matter what shape our hips are x3

Nimhel · May 2014

Thanks everybody! Your stories have really helped me today. I just came back from my run to see all these responses.

I have always been the strong one among my family and friends. My mother used to tell me I was "strong like moose." I am doing strength training as well as my running in order to bring out those muscles as has been said here. I am going to keep going and show them once and for all. Thanks!

Also, as some of you have said, we do seem to carry weight better then smaller framed people. I'm always being told (even at my heaviest) that I shouldn't lose anymore weight. I'm glad I've lost the weight I have. And I am going to keep on losing until I hit my goal. We'll see what they have to say then!

Now I'm off to bake cupcakes for a family get together today. Wish me luck to only eat the one I've allotted myself and not dip into the extra icing too much! ^_^

Edit: I put my before and afters as my profile pic so you could see for comparison.

Tricep_A_Tops_ · May 2014

Lmao! : ) Big boned is almost as good of an excuse not to succeed as " I don't have time" or " I just don't have the genetics for it" and " I'm too old" ( which is the excuse I tried to use as a cop out)

rbiss · May 2014

Definitely don't worry about it. I will always be larger, but when I was younger I was trying to make the most of my large frame. I let myself go alot since then, but am trying to get back to just being healthy. In the end, I could maybe be a size 10/12 but damn and I going to be the fittest 10/12 there is!

Just keep at it, and your friends meant well.

amyparrish9 · May 2014

I have no idea how to post a photo on here, so I'm hoping this link will work.

I too used the 'I'm just big boned' excuse all my life.

Until I saw this...

http://www.kulfoto.com/interesting-things/24389/fat-woman-x-ray

That pic was really interesting!!

Francl27 · May 2014

Lmao! : ) Big boned is almost as good of an excuse not to succeed as " I don't have time" or " I just don't have the genetics for it" and " I'm too old" ( which is the excuse I tried to use as a cop out)

Some people DO have a larger frame than others. I'm one of them. I will never fit in a size 0, even if I go down to 15% body fat or something (which is never happening).

And the woman on those xrays is definitely obese... I don't think OP is.

yvie63 · May 2014

I have always had a large frame and been called big boned. I am 5'11 and do have a large frame. I am very overweight and am working hard to change that. I know what you mean about using big boned as an excuse. I know also that I will NEVER look skinny because I have wide shoulders, wide hips etc. I prefer to use the term Amazonian - sounds far more exotic than big boned. Women are meant to have hips!

I took a look at your before and after pics - you look fantastic and if that person cannot see the 50lb difference they seriously need to get their eyes tested. I don't know if you are a big frame, can't really tell from the picture. If you are you will probably never look like a waif but you will look strong, lean and fit. A woman who glows with health and is strong is far more attractive than a woman who looks like she needs a good meal LOL. Be thankful for looking so good, be proud of achieving what you have - and stop looking at airbrushed models in magazines!!

motivatedmartha · May 2014

I lost about 50 lbs a good few years ago and shortly after I had friends that said they couldn't believe I'd lost that much because they could not remember me being that big - however, they said that because in their mind I had never been really big. I am quite tall and carry my weight quite evenly - I think that's why - it didn't come off my tummy or boobs any more than anywhere else. The thing is I knew I'd lost it and I knew how much healthier and fitter I felt. You are doing this for yourself and how you feel - not because other people thing you look big. You have done an amazing job - of course it shows (other people's memories are prob playing tricks) Look at your before and after photos, think about what activities are easier now than before and keep working towards your goals - it is worth it - even larger framed people - if indeed you are - can look beautifully toned and slim. Think of all those gorgeous and statuesque Bond type girls in the movies!

neandermagnon · May 2014

Lmao! : ) Big boned is almost as good of an excuse not to succeed as " I don't have time" or " I just don't have the genetics for it" and " I'm too old" ( which is the excuse I tried to use as a cop out)

Some people DO have a larger frame than others. I'm one of them. I will never fit in a size 0, even if I go down to 15% body fat or something (which is never happening).

And the woman on those xrays is definitely obese... I don't think OP is.

^^^ this

there's a huge amount of variation in human skeletons... that one image shows a small framed obese woman... doesn't really mean anything.... there's no image comparing two lean people one small framed and one large framed

this pic of a male neanderthal and male homo sapiens shows how much human skeletons can vary... some modern humans are as large framed as neanderthals were. plus there are neanderthal genes in modern populations (possibly including genes for large frame size, although large frame size doesn't have to be from neanderthal genes) ...... basically, the shape and proportions of human skeletons can vary a lot, and some people have wider skeletons than others, and this makes them heavier for their height and impossible to be a size zero. Large frame size does not mean fat though. You can be large framed and lean, just that your BMI will still be on the high side and you won't be a size zero, even at 15% body fat.

lisalsd1 · May 2014

I'm 5'3...and according to all the "tests" I have taken to determine frame size, I have a medium frame. I also wear a size 9 shoe (did I mention that I am 5'3).

I also have "child-bearing" hips. That is a compliment. I was only in labor with my 2nd child a total of 5 hours...and it took pushes to get her out! Also, ALL of my fat is stored in my butt and thighs. I had a friend tell me once, "you would be SO tiny, if it weren't for your huge butt!" I just laughed. She's right!

Maybe what people mean when they say that they "can't believe you've lost 50lbs" is that they can't believe you HAD 50lbs to lose to begin with!

Tricep_A_Tops_ · May 2014

Being " big boned" has to do with your skeletal frame not being over weight or obese. I'm big boned but it didn't prevent me from losing 83lbs or being 8% bf. But if it makes you feel better by all means, use it as an excuse.

baba_helly · May 2014

I like big bones

Sovi_ · May 2014

I like big bones

And I cannot lie

Nachise · May 2014

I am genuinely big boned. I am just a shade under 5'4" and I have a long trunk and short legs. I suffered from a medical condition that reabsorbed calcium from my bones, and my large frame kept me from getting osteoporosis. I had surgery last year to correct this condition, and now my large frame is really helpful in weight training and getting back into shape.

Here is a link that will help you determine if you are big boned:
http://www.ehow.com/how_5168157_measure-size-see-big-boned.html

Francl27 · May 2014

I am genuinely big boned. I am just a shade under 5'4" and I have a long trunk and short legs. I suffered from a medical condition that reabsorbed calcium from my bones, and my large frame kept me from getting osteoporosis. I had surgery last year to correct this condition, and now my large frame is really helpful in weight training and getting back into shape.

Here is a link that will help you determine if you are big boned:
http://www.ehow.com/how_5168157_measure-size-see-big-boned.html

This test doesn't mean anything. There is a more accurate one that measures your elbow as well.

deannc1 · May 2014

At 6ft tall and large framed I have to lose at least 25 lbs before anyone even says, "Hey your face looks thinner...have you lost a COUPLE of pounds?" I wanna say "Are you freaking kidding me?" But I just smile sweetly and say, "Oh yeah, I lost a few." I am now at 36lbs lost and am getting the face thinner comments! I have about 80lbs more to go. I know I will never be rail thin (Kate Moss type) but I can be curvy (Tyra Banks type). But it's all good cause like my hubby says, "Nobody wants a bone but a dog!" :laugh:

Nimhel · May 2014

At 6ft tall and large framed I have to lose at least 25 lbs before anyone even says, "Hey your face looks thinner...have you lost a COUPLE of pounds?" I wanna say "Are you freaking kidding me?" But I just smile sweetly and say, "Oh yeah, I lost a few." I am now at 36lbs lost and am getting the face thinner comments! I have about 80lbs more to go. I know I will never be rail thin (Kate Moss type) but I can be curvy (Tyra Banks type). But it's all good cause like my hubby says, "Nobody wants a bone but a dog!" :laugh:

I get the thinner face from my mother all time now! I know what you mean.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · May 2014

At 6ft tall and large framed I have to lose at least 25 lbs before anyone even says, "Hey your face looks thinner...have you lost a COUPLE of pounds?" I wanna say "Are you freaking kidding me?" But I just smile sweetly and say, "Oh yeah, I lost a few." I am now at 36lbs lost and am getting the face thinner comments! I have about 80lbs more to go. I know I will never be rail thin (Kate Moss type) but I can be curvy (Tyra Banks type). But it's all good cause like my hubby says, "Nobody wants a bone but a dog!" :laugh:

That's not a very nice thing to say. Just like you are naturally larger framed, plenty of women have small frames. There's no reason to insult them like that.

Big boned

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