Long...but serious stuff. Need advice!! :)

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  • DWBalboa
    DWBalboa Posts: 37,259 Member
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    Can I reply without reading it?

    It is quite lengthy :((
    It's like a Lifetime movie of the week!! LOL!

    Be careful with this clown, mental abuse is every bit as serious as physical abuse and it often leads to the physical abuse. Joking aside, if you’re not careful this could turn into a “Lifetime movie of the week.” If he is as vindictive as you say he is then you need to be extra careful.
  • peachstategal
    peachstategal Posts: 398 Member
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    The school year is about over. This would be a good time to move.
  • jtrack3d
    jtrack3d Posts: 91
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    Move. The farther the better. His past record is enough that they can't force you to stay. But don't ask first, just go and ask permission afterwards. The longer it takes for him to make a move the better the chances are the courts will just leave it alone. That is, you can prove the kids have it better where you are, with you and away from him.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    If all you claim has been documented, you should not have a hard time moving with them.

    15 minutes doesn't even have to alter the custody agreement. Maybe it's more inconvinent for him, but *kitten* happens.
  • mnashp
    mnashp Posts: 19 Member
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    PLEASE seek counseling from a local women's shelter. They are VERY familiar with situations just like yours and have resources that may not be generally known. They can at least give better advice about your options, and even (possibly, depending) hook you up with a lawyer who specializes in these matters and donates their time pro-bono.

    Of course the children come first! But how to best accomplish that is the question.

    Keep your radar tuned! Men who have to win can up the ante in unpredictable ways. Don't let your guard down.

    good luck!
  • gecho
    gecho Posts: 426 Member
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    go to mediation, and move anyway.
    This!
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    Can I reply without reading it?

    It is quite lengthy :((
    It's like a Lifetime movie of the week!! LOL!

    Be careful with this clown, mental abuse is every bit as serious as physical abuse and it often leads to the physical abuse. Joking aside, if you’re not careful this could turn into a “Lifetime movie of the week.” If he is as vindictive as you say he is then you need to be extra careful.

    This! If he has the track record you say, gather that information and use your lawyer to put an end to his hand in their life. If your lawyer is telling you that you don't have enough evidence, get a second opinion. I speak from experience, this is a powder keg waiting to blow if he is as obsessive and controlling as you say. Eventually he WILL use physical violence on you or the children. Definitely seek counseling and help for this situation and do what you need to for your families safety.
  • markei1
    markei1 Posts: 52 Member
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    I understand about trying to maintain a certain level of peace. However, you've already stated that you are the more responsible parent, so you have to do what's best for your boys. Good luck to you and your future move!!!
  • bethlaf
    bethlaf Posts: 954 Member
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    you actually have the law on your side more than ever , the manipulation etc threats etc thats all seen and documented now, go to a mediator, if you guys cant agree the mediator will report to the court , and make reccomendations, if in fact your choices are reasonable, i mean youre talking 15-30 minutes move, not half across the country, and the reasons are sound , school systems and problems with them are a justifiable cause.
    and have stood up in court multiple tiimes...

    start building a record for him , and every time these complaints come up , record it and get it documented, he says im gonna ruin you , call the police and reprot it ,
    start building documentation.
    a hx of these behaviors will point out the issues, and honestly if they ever do charge him, keep in mind he will lose his nursing lisc.
    and that will affect your child support and the money/time he can spend with the boys.
  • DucklingtoSwan
    DucklingtoSwan Posts: 169 Member
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    If you do only decide to move the 15 minutes (and I agree with those who say it should be way, way farther than that!) if you are still in the same county, anything he tries to file will still be heard by the same judge, who seems to have his number, fortunately. I'd also make sure you can prove he was FULLY informed of where you moved (so he can't claim you took off with the kids and didn't tell him.) I'd also recommend going to the police preemptively in your new town and explaining the situation. They can verify his track record with your current local police.

    That said, I agree with the many who suggest to do everything possible to get as far away as you can. (Get some proper legal advice on how best to do it legally.) Plus look at the bright side- the farther you move, the less convenient for him, maybe he'll get lazy enough to not want to be around and hassle you or the kids as much. You never know.
  • firfeous
    firfeous Posts: 196 Member
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    I just can't believe anyone would want to keep their kids in Bridgeport schools. Move to Shelton or Fairfield or Trumbull. None of them are more than 20 minutes from Bridgeport with traffic.

    Unless it's stipulated in your divorce agreement that you have to stay in Bridgeport, just move, then tell him afterwards your new address, don't make a bigger deal out of it than it has to be.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    Can I reply without reading it?

    It is quite lengthy :((
    It's like a Lifetime movie of the week!! LOL!

    Be careful with this clown, mental abuse is every bit as serious as physical abuse and it often leads to the physical abuse. Joking aside, if you’re not careful this could turn into a “Lifetime movie of the week.” If he is as vindictive as you say he is then you need to be extra careful.

    QTF - and from experience!
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    Hooray, another one sided story with a ton of accusations about a guy that none of us know. Yet, the judgments fly and insane "advice' is given. Boy, I sure hope my ex-wife starts a thread about me so everyone on the internets can paint me as the worst person in the world. Not saying things aren't bad for the OP, just suggesting this might be the wrong place to air your dirty laundry. Certified internet lawyers and psychologists aren't going to help you. The only advice given that I agree with, is get your butt into mediation. If it's as horrible as you claim, the councilor will make the proper recommendations to the court with YOUR KID'S best interests. But be prepared, if you happen to be the crazy one or both of you are just plain nuts, it could end up in the court making decisions either you or both of you might not like. I hope the best for your kiddo's.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    I appreciate all the responses.. it is a tough situation and not as easy because he does love the boys. I don't doubt that. And he can be fun with them. They talk sports, etc. He's not great at stability and creating calm. Never has been. So that is my job.

    He does have bipolar, severe ADHD (to the point he was told he should never own a driver's license), and is a recovering alcoholic, among other things. He did go to hospitals as a sociopath in his teens too. And to reform school. Just a long, troubled history. And yet he can be a big goofball, and just easy going. The next day, something sets him off. I've never understood it and could almost see when the moment happened. He'd stop looking at me, and start looking at the ground, baring his teeth..and I could see the wheels in his head over thinking and making everything worse. Jekyl and Hyde. His sister wants nothing to do with him because of his treatment of her.

    My goal is to just create calm, consistency and a healing environment. I don't even date. I work full time, take care of them, have friends that my boys love too. I'm keeping a low profile! Just too exhausted for much else!!! :)

    Some people keep saying "It'll get better, he can't be this obsessed about it all forever". I have been saying that for four years and it does get calmer and better and then something sets him off again. It's so unpredictable and it creates an unhealthy environment. Now because I want to move 15 min away into a better school district, it's creating ww3 again. When does it end?
  • gelendestrasse
    gelendestrasse Posts: 204
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    I agree with moving as soon as the school year is over. Gives you the summer to settle in and the rest of the BS to settle out. It's not like you're moving out of the area so mediation should be successful. And you're right about Bridgeport, it's really bad. The mediator will know that too.

    Sorry you're being hurt by all this. But you're on the right side of the issue, do what's best for you and the boys.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Hooray, another one sided story with a ton of accusations about a guy that none of us know. Yet, the judgments fly and insane "advice' is given. Boy, I sure hope my ex-wife starts a thread about me so everyone on the internets can paint me as the worst person in the world. Not saying things aren't bad for the OP, just suggesting this might be the wrong place to air your dirty laundry. Certified internet lawyers and psychologists aren't going to help you. The only advice given that I agree with, is get your butt into mediation. If it's as horrible as you claim, the councilor will make the proper recommendations to the court with YOUR KID'S best interests. But be prepared, if you happen to be the crazy one or both of you are just plain nuts, it could end up in the court making decisions either you or both of you might not like. I hope the best for your kiddo's.
    I understand what you're saying. There certainly are two sides to every story. I am not posting this for attention. I sincerely need advice because I just don't know what to do. My hope was that others may have dealt with this and mediation worked for them. The one thing is that mediation can lead to a home study which can be my best friend in this situation. As much as I vented, I left a lot out!!

    Thanks! :)
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
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    I did read it. I don't have any advice. But I'm sending good wishes for you and your little boys.
  • KseRz
    KseRz Posts: 980 Member
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    Tell his *kitten* to suck it up. I moved and then drove 11hrs each way to pickup and see my kids.

    Hes lucky hes not in jail or gets his *kitten* beat.

    You should be able to move wherever you want. Its not your fault hes an assh0le
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
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    I read it all! I'm sorry you went through that and I have been in a similar situation, though not as bad to where I left.

    I'm in awe that he was in NURSING SCHOOL? He's that much of a ****head and he's a nurse?! Are you freaking kidding me? Makes me sick.

    Anyway. If you're looking to move, I'd do everything legally. If you have to go to court, then I would. Who cares what he does or how he acts? He doesn't control you, not anymore. Take care of you and your kids and do what's best for you guys. Forget him.
  • rjmwx81
    rjmwx81 Posts: 259 Member
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    Move. The farther the better. His past record is enough that they can't force you to stay. But don't ask first, just go and ask permission afterwards. The longer it takes for him to make a move the better the chances are the courts will just leave it alone. That is, you can prove the kids have it better where you are, with you and away from him.

    WORST. ADVICE. EVER.

    Packing up the kid in violation of a court order is a good way to pick up a kidnapping charge. Even if the ex is unstable, if the court says he has to be notified/give approval, then he HAS to be notified and give his approval. By all means, move, but lawyer up and do it the right way.

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