I need to gain but I'm scared
PeacefulBalance
Posts: 473 Member
I'm supposed to gain weight for health reasons but I'm so scared and I'm terrified I'm going to get too big. I am pretty sure I ate more than my meal plan today and I'm so anxious and on the verge of tears. I need support but I don't know what type. Please help.
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Replies
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Does your family show you any support? How about your friends?
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
What exactly is making you anxious about gaining weight? Is it the thought of having more fat on your body? Or looking at yourself in the mirror? If you focus in on what's causing the anxiety, you can start to work on easing that anxiety.0 -
Its okay if you eat too much you can just exercise some more or go harder the next day. I'm unsure why you are scared. What every you put on can come off with hardwork and eating right.0
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They're supportive but don't say the greatest/most helpful things. I just want honesty, that's all I'm looking for. Or maybe I'm looking for someone to just let me know that I should lose a bunch and confirm my thoughts.Does your family show you any support? How about your friends?
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
What exactly is making you anxious about gaining weight? Is it the thought of having more fat on your body? Or looking at yourself in the mirror? If you focus in on what's causing the anxiety, you can start to work on easing that anxiety.0 -
I have to gain around 15 lbs...and I'm not sure if I can make it look better. I want it to look like I didn't gain anything, like I'm still 105.Its okay if you eat too much you can just exercise some more or go harder the next day. I'm unsure why you are scared. What every you put on can come off with hardwork and eating right.0
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The point of gaining is to ensure things are working properly in your body. You WILL look a little bigger... but still very thin at that weight.
Nobody is going to "confirm your beliefs" because they are not realistic.
edit: I'm not trying to be sassy or mean, I'm just saying you're very thin and everyone (except you, I'm presuming) can see that.0 -
I definitely did not think you were being sassy or mean! at all. I appreciate honesty, completely. It's more helpful to me than I can say. I've struggled since I was 4 years old so it's hard for me to break this mindset and these thoughts. I appreciate having a dose of reality, thank you.The point of gaining is to ensure things are working properly in your body. You WILL look a little bigger... but still very thin at that weight.
Nobody is going to "confirm your beliefs" because they are not realistic.
edit: I'm not trying to be sassy or mean, I'm just saying you're very thin and everyone (except you, I'm presuming) can see that.0 -
I don't know if you have a workout routine in place or not but maybe you could consider sticking to mainly resistance (heavy weight) training with just a little cardio. That way the foods you eat will be used to gain muscle and not fat. Lean is a very flattering look for women and lifting weights can be a very rewarding activity. And no you will not look like some jacked up bodybuilder, my partner and I have been lifting as part of our weight loss strategy for almost a year now and she is looking fantastic, not muscular, just lean and HOT!0
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If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.
Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.0 -
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"
having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.
OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.0 -
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"
having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.
OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.
so much of this. so very very much of this.
Gaining weight is hard- very hard- even when you have a healthy relationship- it takes a lot of confidence- you need a lot of moral support when you are coming from a not so great place and NEED to gain weight. You need as much support as you can get- and as advanced and professional- unjudgemental support. Please get help.0 -
I've talked with them about my meal plan but if I go to deep they'll put me in higher care. I just need to build lean muscle and avoid much fat gain.
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"
having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.
OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.0 -
If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.
Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.
if OP is suffering from an eating disorder, strenuous exercise probably isnt a good idea?0 -
OP, MFP is a GREAT place to get support. If you tell us you want to gain, people will be there to congratulate you when you eat enough and remind you to eat more if you go under. People will be there to hear you freak out about how gaining weight is really scary at times, because we've been there.If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.
Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.
if OP is suffering from an eating disorder, strenuous exercise probably isnt a good idea?
However, MFP is NOT a good place to get medical advice. There are a couple of people here who are very knowledgeable about ED recovery, and if you meet them you should listen, but for the most part, people here can't give you accurate medical information. This is why you'll see people encourage you to go to a doctor. It's not because we're unsupportive -- it's because we know that many times, people need more care than an internet forum can provide.
For example, "lift heavy" is the first thing people say when someone wants to gain weight. 95% of the time, that's the right answer. However, it's not the right answer for people in ED recovery. (Note: I'm NOT saying that you have an ED! You might, you might not, I don't know). People with active EDs and people in recovery are at increased risk for a number of very serious medical issues, including heart attacks. In that case, it can be very dangerous for someone to start lifting, and the only person who should be recommending any kind of exercise is a doctor.0 -
I am in recovery from anorexia and I've been part of a treatment program for about 4 years now and still see a therapist and dietitian. I know what I need to do, I'm just scared and I don't know how to get over this fear. I guess the point of my post was to let my fear be written down, have honest feedback from people and possibly just get some uplifting feedback. I appreciate everyone's response, so much. I was in the moment of a freak out and it happens quite a bit. I guess I just need reassurance or something. I don't even know.0
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I recently came across this amazing website: http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.htm
I haven't had an ED myself but I have a friend who does/has. I think this website ^ is really excellent.
Since you have been in a treatment program for a few years, you may know of that website or the information in the article already, but I think it is excellent information. The whole site is very worth reading and I think will help you with the fear of eating more and other troubles.
Listen to what your doctor/nutritionist tells you. They can help you the most of anyone other than yourself.
And it sounds like you do need to work on your own mindset more so you can keep recovering, though clearly if you are in recovery you've already improved a lot. Good for you!!! 0 -
Hi tobehappy07, I'm not sure I can really offer advice as such because I am in the exact same position as you right now, I wont go into numbers too much as it doesn't help but suffice to say I'm very much in need of gaining more than 20lbs as my health is suffering yet I am so scared of becoming 'fat' its a constant battle. What we need to keep in mind though is that health is SO much more important than a number on the scales and there's no point being thin and dead. I wish you all the luck in the world with getting to a healthy weight and if you need any support from someone going through the same thing please feel free to message me or add me as a friend. We can beat our eating and body issues, it's not easy but then not many things are. I hope this post is ok, though I joined this site a while ago its only really yesterday I've fully started posting and using it. Good luck with your goals. Xx0
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he is correct and the more muscle mass you have you can weight more and look smaller and your metabolism willkeep you heathy.you need NOT to look at the scale and look at how you feel we always look larger than we think we are.as far as how you think and your fears it needs to be someone who has overcome the same problem they can give good advice and TRUELY UNDERSTAND because they have walked in your shoes good luck and it will all work out0
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There you go looks like you both can help each other 0
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Here's the deal: you won't get over the fear, and the anxiety won't stop, not for a while. Having a plan, even if that plan is for the specific purpose of weight gain, is very helpful for recovery. Although I don't know your sepcifics, often times eating disorders are about exerting control when other aspects of your life feel out of control. Being able to still keep track of what you are eating and being able to make decisions about how you are reaching your calorie goals can be empowering.0
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Best way to put on healthy weight is to just make sure that you are adding muscle as well as a bit of fat. Perhaps get in the gym and do some weights 3 times a week, and try to keep the cardio to a minimum until you get closer to your goal weight? Best of luck with your recovery, lots of support here on MFP0
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To be honest, I think you're so scared because you're not convinced you should actually gain weight, even though you've been told to for your own health. It's a good thing that you have accepted you've got to put some weight on, but you don't seem mentally ready to do it the healthy way. Gaining weight for your own health, being an anorexic in recovery, means that you'll also have to put some fat tissue on. That's the purpose, that's not going to make you "fat" or stuff like that. We all need a certain amount of fat to live a healthy life, I'm sure you know it. You can obviously gain as much muscle as you want to, but I don't think that's the point. If you're still convinced someone should just "tell you to lose more weight" maybe you should focus more on why you have to do this before actually starting gaining weight. I'm telling you this because I've known a bunch of people who started gaining weight to recover from their eating disorder without actually wanting it, and ended up relapsing afterwards.0
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Since you are in recovery from a restrictive ED, you do NOT need to be exercising! Look at that YourEatopia link that was posted, read that entire site, it's so worth it. Your body has a set point that it will be healthy and happiest at, and there's nothing you can do to change that set point, so let your body work and do what's best for you. Just rest and heal, and your body will rebuild your muscles on its own. You won't only gain fat, it needs to repair your organs and muscles as well, since it has been using them for fuel. Exercising on top of it will only cause more damage and prevent you from healing properly. Going over is absolutely ok!! Eating more is what you need right now, not more restriction. You have thousands and thousands of calorie debt that you need to pay back, so there's no such thing as eating too much right now. This is really not the place to ask about ED recovery as most people (even a lot of medical professionals) have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to EDs. Non-eating disordered people's bodies work different from someone with an ED, and what's good or normal for them is not necessarily good or normal for you! Stay strong, and good luck in recovery!!0
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I've always been real skinny my whole life and have recently been gaining slowly as to not become fat (have a large belly). Gaining about half a pound per week seems to work well for me-- started at 149 and and 156 now in 14 weeks.
As for going over your meal plan: don't stress over it. You may feel bloated, but it won't affect you negatively unless you continue it for a long time.0 -
If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.
Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.
It's true. You'll look good.
BTW, get HELP means get help! How is that hard to understand? They have people to help you with EDs. So if someone comes to me"I'm peeing blood and bladder cancer runs in my family". What the hell am I supposed to say? "Gee dude, that really sucks. I think you should buy a whole lot of your favorite ice cream and pick out an outfit for your funeral". No, I would recommend that person see a doctor, hopefully an oncologist, and get some HELP. That's what HELP is there for. If you might have something going on that will KILL you, as anorexia surely will, I suggest you get some damn HELP.0 -
I'm no expert , but here are my 2 cents from my own experience when I was in my early twenties:
Although excessive exercising is obviously counterproductive , SOME exercise ( whatever kind) can actually be good. You start to see fitness benefits and you start to see that if you don't fuel your body you don't perform as well . And it helps see food as fuel not as fat. Or it did for me anyway.
Plus , and this was important for me all those years ago, you start to focus on what your body can do rather than only on what it looks like. That helped a lot.
Thirdly , and there are different schools of thought on this , but you don't have a logged diary. Do what works for you -- in the same way as some people who are overweight are convinced that they "hardly" ate anything until they start logging , you may well feel you over-ate when you ate just right , or worse , not enough. Obviously if writing what you are eating is additional stress, don't.
Finally , and it sounds like you are doing some of this already , do speak about your fears to your counsellor or dietician --as someone once said to me the one thing an anorexic ( or a recovering one) does not lack is willpower. The challenge is to channel that willpower into being healthy. Good luck.0 -
Honestly, I would suggest not posting on the forums about this but rather talking to your therapist or/and team about your fears and concerns.
Please don't take this as "mean" or "cold"...just being truthful because right now you should be focusing on your health mentally and physically and not opening yourself up to possible triggers.
Talk to your therapist/team about other possible support options like group therapy...maybe even support groups online that are closely monitored.
Best of luck OP 0 -
I am in recovery from anorexia and I've been part of a treatment program for about 4 years now and still see a therapist and dietitian. I know what I need to do, I'm just scared and I don't know how to get over this fear. I guess the point of my post was to let my fear be written down, have honest feedback from people and possibly just get some uplifting feedback. I appreciate everyone's response, so much. I was in the moment of a freak out and it happens quite a bit. I guess I just need reassurance or something. I don't even know.
Per your message above you said you still see this therapist...you need to discuss your anxiety and fear with that therapist. They can help you get thru it.0 -
I've talked with them about my meal plan but if I go to deep they'll put me in higher care. I just need to build lean muscle and avoid much fat gain.
I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)
you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"
having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.
OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.
The thing is that you probably NEED fat gain. Fat isn't just nasty stuff that makes us look bad. It has important metabolic functions that are required for good health. Gaining muscle is awesome, but if you are seriously underweight, you NEED the fat too.0 -
Please also try to remember that when you're in recovery, you're not just either gaining fat or muscle. You're rebuilding your bones and repairing damage to your organs. The rules that apply to "healthy weight" people when they try to bulk don't apply to you, so some of the advice you'll get on the forums will be wrong for you. Especially in the beginning, your body needs the extra calories to strengthen your bones and your heart, etc. Unless you really understand the differences, biologically speaking, between bulking and anorexia recovery, you need to be getting as much accurate medical information as possible from a credible source, and not from someone on the internet who doesn't understand why your situation isn't the same as theirs.0
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Please also try to remember that when you're in recovery, you're not just either gaining fat or muscle. You're rebuilding your bones and repairing damage to your organs. The rules that apply to "healthy weight" people when they try to bulk don't apply to you, so some of the advice you'll get on the forums will be wrong for you. Especially in the beginning, your body needs the extra calories to strengthen your bones and your heart, etc. Unless you really understand the differences, biologically speaking, between bulking and anorexia recovery, you need to be getting as much accurate medical information as possible from a credible source, and not from someone on the internet who doesn't understand why your situation isn't the same as theirs.
^^^^^^^ THIS0
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