Discouragement from mom

First of all, congratuIations! 40 pounds is awesome in four months! Now, is your mom overweight? She could be feeling like your weight loss is a judgement on her. Or, if she's always been thinner or considered herself in better shape than you, she could be feeling threatened. When I was a child, my mom was constantly on Weight Watchers (back in the pre-points, lets-make-noodles-out-of-eggplant days), and I was considered chubby, and I went on WW with her. One day I bounced downstairs to tell her I had lost some weight. I must have been about nine years old. I was so pleased and excited!

Her response was just "Uh huh," and she went back to what she was doing. Still not sure why she was so negative, considering that I was her "weight loss buddy" but it could have been that she wasn't seeing any progress and she felt bummed about that. Either way, it was not a helpful reaction.

I wouldn't worry about your mom. You are going to encounter all kinds of reactions from people while you're losing weight. People can feel threatened or jealous, and throw out the "You must be using pills" sour grapes line. Don't be surprised if at some point somebody says "I think you've lost enough weight" or something like that.

Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let anybody steal that from you. Usually what people say is 90% about them and not about you.

I'd say it's partly your overreaction, partly her insensitivity, and partly lack of communication. One possible scenario could be that she was just worried about you and wanted to make sure you're not damaging yourself by going on diet pills or doing other horrible things. But even if that was the thought, maybe she just didn't explain it and it led to leaving a bad impression.

Maybe she was just having a bad day and there were a lot of things on her mind weighting her down, so she didn't show the enthusiasm she might have on a better day.

On the other hand, is she perhaps overweight? I'm not saying this is the case of course, but she might be just jealous of your progress.

The best way you can go about it is to have a talk with her, instead of guessing the reasons. It's hard to talk with parents sometimes, but if you feel like it's putting you down, just have a talk. It's better than guessing. My own issue was that my mom can't actually lose weight because of medical conditions, so when I started losing weight I didn't feel good telling her. But we did have a talk, and she said I was being silly and that she wants me to be healthy even if she can't be. Good luck!

Sometime people show concern in an inadequate way. If she would have said: are you ok you lost so much weight I am worried. I am sure you would feel different. Unfortunatly we cannot change how people communicate it is best to breath and try to understand what they are really saying.

As a mother if one of my grown son comes home with 40 pounds less, the first idea that cross my mind is: Is he ok, is his health ok, is he under to much stress........My question would be so what's up with you? But you see all moms are different.

She is concerned about your weight loss and with so many stories about eating disorders she panicked. Reassure her that you are eating healthy and meeting your nutritional needs and she will relax a bit.

Congratulation on your weight loss

It was probably just a big surprise for her and she didn't know how to react. Don't feel insulted.
I had a good friend - the one who encouraged me to sign up for MFP to be support for her - who told me that my pacing in front of the tv to get steps in was "cheating". I was mad about it for a couple weeks, but since I know she's just wrong, I had to let it go. Any movement is good movement, and hopefully she joins me in the effort!

I think your mother asked out of concern. I can't say I blame her with all of the fast weight loss garbage gimmicks on the market.

Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let anybody steal that from you. Usually what people say is 90% about them and not about you.

^This... Great solid advice

Exactly!

Usually the people closest to us hurt us the most, whether intentionally or not. There are a million reasons why she said what she did. Some of them are just thoughtless, and some are intentionally hurtful. The other possibility is that she wasn't really listening when she kind of blew you off.

In my 34 years, my mom has been extremely thin and extremely heavy. The things she's said to me and my sister about our weight over 34 years would make grown men cry. I finally realized that she said those things due to her own issues with weight and lack of regard for our issues. I try not to hold it against her because she's still my mom, flaws and all, and I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful (or she was but couldn't control it). I can take whatever she dishes out and try to help her instead of stewing. (On a lighter more, she just bought a Jawbone Up, so hopefully that means she's trying to take charge of her health and fitness. She recently asked me all about it and MFP without any prodding on my part, so maybe being kind and helpful works.) ETA that the things she's said to us as adults have been more snarky or ignorant, whereas the stuff she said to is as kids was downright cruel. I'd have bigger issues with my mom if she were still saying totally a-hole-ish things today.

Just do what you're going, so long as you're doing it in a healthy way. Privately forgive your mom for hurting your feelings and realize that it's her issue, not yours, that made her say that. It's tough because she's your mom, but it should also make it more important to forgive her.

Obviously I don't know your mom, so I may just be projecting here. You do have a right to be a little offended, but still it'd be to your benefit to just give her the benefit of the doubt and just assume that she's worried because you lost so much weight. If she's someone who has struggled with weight, she might just be thinking you lost the weight too quickly or something because she was never able to lose that much weight, or whatever. She could be jealous or meant something meaner by it, but even if she did you can't focus on it. It honestly doesn't matter what your mother thinks. You know you did it the hard way and losing the weight and feeling better about yourself is all that counts. Deep down, I'm sure your mother is thrilled with your weight loss and recognizes the hard work it takes for such an accomplishment. People in general are just really bad at expressing what they are actually thinking and just end up saying something stupid of insensitive.

If it still bothers you....talk to her about it. Just be simple, unemotional, and to the point.

It could be worse. My mother was telling me one day about her friend's daughter being on some medication that made her not want to eat so her friend asked the doctor if he could put her on it too. She then tells me in the same breath that the only drawback is that it makes your hair fall out and that I should try it. When I said I prefer to keep my hair she rolled her eyes and told me every pill has side effects. :noway: Be glad your mom is at least concerned with your well-being! LOL