I am no longer my daughter's hero
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I promise you, she still adores you. Kids go through phases. My 5 year old still goes back and forth between wanting someone (anyone) but mama, and being super clingy. It doesn't seem to matter whether I'm going to class full time, or staying home full time. My 2 year old has gone through the same, and 18 months seemed to be the witching hour for them both, when they were all over everyone except me. I know it's hard, and hurtful (even though you know she doesn't mean for it to be). But think of it this way... she's confident in you. You're her safe place. So she's able to explore other relationships with security, knowing that you're always, always going to be there for her. Independence is a compliment, even when it's hard to accept it as one.
Just keep being the fantastic mama you are. The pendulum will swing back, and she'll be a complete mama's girl.
That puts it into great perspective. Maybe I am simply lucky enough that she knows I am not going anywhere, and sometimes I should be less of a broccoli police and more of a fun time.0 -
Welcome to my world. My kids are both daddys boys. It does tear at my heart, but at least they have a good dad who loves them
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This behavior is 100% normal for this age! For the first year or so of a child's life, mom is generally central, even if the child goes to day care and even if dad or another adult does a lot of the care giving at home. As a child hits their second year, their brain is developing rapidly, and they start recognizing more of the differences between caregivers. This is also a point where they start experimenting with independence (that's what the "terrible two's" are really all about), so saying no, pushing mom away, etc is part of the way of testing it out.
OP - I know it hurts sometimes. But try to remind yourself that this is normal behavior, and nothing against you. When you feel frustrated or upset, try not to let her see it (the more reaction she gets, the more it will spur the behavior - again that's normal!) Remind yourself that she is showing normal behavior and be glad that she is developing appropriately.0 -
Don't worry - it won't always be that way. When my son (my firstborn, who's 16 now) was a baby, it seemed he ALWAYS preferred his dad. I cried over it. But as he got a little bit bigger - into the toddler years, it evened out. Then, whenever he got hurt or something, he always came to me. 6 years after he was born, we had my daughter (soon to be 10 now) and she's totally a mama's girl! Hang in there, it does get better.0
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It is a stage. both of my kids went through it.0
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When I had to go back to work and put my daughter into daycare, she had a hard time adjusting. As hurtful and unfair as it felt to me, she was angry that I was no longer with her all day every day. Eventually she adjusted, and didn't take it out on me anymore. Also, like others have said, your daughter sees her father less than she sees you, so she craves him more. Don't take things too personally, she is only a baby.
You need to set your own needs aside and do your best to meet HER needs. After all, you are an adult, and you didn't have a baby to meet your emotional needs. But she deserves to have her needs met.0 -
Frankly, the end goal in parenting is to do what you need to do to produce a balanced, contented and socially productive adult.
It's your duty to develop HER self-esteem, not the other way around.0 -
When I had to go back to work and put my daughter into daycare, she had a hard time adjusting. As hurtful and unfair as it felt to me, she was angry that I was no longer with her all day every day. Eventually she adjusted, and didn't take it out on me anymore. Also, like others have said, your daughter sees her father less than she sees you, so she craves him more. Don't take things too personally, she is only a baby.
You need to set your own needs aside and do your best to meet HER needs. After all, you are an adult, and you didn't have a baby to meet your emotional needs. But she deserves to have her needs met.
MIND READER!!! :laugh:0 -
First don't take it personally. I know this is hard, but you are what she is used to, and other people are the novelties.
Second, what kind of emotions do you display around the child? The other family members greet her with a giant smile.
I had the same conversation with my wife 18 years ago, do not worry about this.0 -
When I had to go back to work and put my daughter into daycare, she had a hard time adjusting. As hurtful and unfair as it felt to me, she was angry that I was no longer with her all day every day. Eventually she adjusted, and didn't take it out on me anymore. Also, like others have said, your daughter sees her father less than she sees you, so she craves him more. Don't take things too personally, she is only a baby.
You need to set your own needs aside and do your best to meet HER needs. After all, you are an adult, and you didn't have a baby to meet your emotional needs. But she deserves to have her needs met.
MIND READER!!! :laugh:
Scary! :laugh:0 -
When I had to go back to work and put my daughter into daycare, she had a hard time adjusting. As hurtful and unfair as it felt to me, she was angry that I was no longer with her all day every day. Eventually she adjusted, and didn't take it out on me anymore. Also, like others have said, your daughter sees her father less than she sees you, so she craves him more. Don't take things too personally, she is only a baby.
You need to set your own needs aside and do your best to meet HER needs. After all, you are an adult, and you didn't have a baby to meet your emotional needs. But she deserves to have her needs met.
MIND READER!!! :laugh:
Scary! :laugh:
This is all well and good, thank you. Please read the entire post.0 -
As a mother to an entire army of kids...well these things happen. I remember feeling hurt at times too. But I tell you, she loves you...as much as you love her. What she's doing and your feelings are normal. Don't give into the hurt.0
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Rejoice! It's a developmental milestone!
At this age your daughter is taking her first steps way from you-her primary caregiver!
It's a little sad for you but it means you've made her feel so loved and secure that she is well-adjusted enough to start spreading her little wings a bit! Great job, Mom!
She will, from now on, venture away from you and then come back for reassurance and then venture away some more!
It's life, and it's what supposed to happen!0 -
Frankly, the end goal in parenting is to do what you need to do to produce a balanced, contented and socially productive adult.
It's your duty to develop HER self-esteem, not the other way around.
This... Wow.. :noway:0 -
When my daughter was that age, she started to push me away too. Her and daddy would be playing on the patio, and if I tried to go out there, she would push me back inside and say "no mama!" But, she didn't see her dad as much because he worked a full time job, and went to school at night. She just missed him, and was used to me. Don't worry, that phase has passed. Now she alternates between only wanting daddy, and only wanting mommy.0
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When I had to go back to work and put my daughter into daycare, she had a hard time adjusting. As hurtful and unfair as it felt to me, she was angry that I was no longer with her all day every day. Eventually she adjusted, and didn't take it out on me anymore. Also, like others have said, your daughter sees her father less than she sees you, so she craves him more. Don't take things too personally, she is only a baby.
You need to set your own needs aside and do your best to meet HER needs. After all, you are an adult, and you didn't have a baby to meet your emotional needs. But she deserves to have her needs met.
MIND READER!!! :laugh:
Scary! :laugh:
This is all well and good, thank you. Please read the entire post.
I did read your entire post. I empathize with your situation because I went through the exact same thing. But I constantly had to remind myself that I was there to meet her emotional needs as best I was able, and to set my own emotional needs aside. Because I am an adult, and she is a child.
ETA: I see you edited your post after I posted. My answer is still the same. You are a good mom - I'm just sharing with you what worked for me. :flowerforyou:0 -
Rejoice! It's a developmental milestone!
At this age your daughter is taking her first steps way from you-her primary caregiver!
It's a little sad for you but it means you've made her feel so loved and secure that she is well-adjusted enough to start spreading her little wings a bit! Great job, Mom!
She will, from now on, venture away from you and then come back for reassurance and then venture away some more!
It's life, and it's what supposed to happen!
This times infinity!
Her independence is a sign of a job well done.0 -
Hey all, I was hoping to get some advice. I have a 15 month old daughter, and she seems to not really like me anymore. When her dad is around, her grandma, or her aunt, she will ignore me and only want to play with them. If I pick her up, she will cry and physically try and push me away. She says "dadadada" the entire time, and when she wakes up in the morning, she doesn't want me to come in her room. I know I am an adult and can control my emotions, but it hurts! It is especially upsetting because I feel like I do everything for her(Yes I know I sound like a martyr). My husband works 7 days a week, 6 of those days from 8-8:30. He drives her to daycare in the mornings and drops her off, but I do everything else. He only makes it home after she is already asleep, so the only time they have quality time is on Sunday when he gets four hours off. Every single day I make her dinner, give her a bath, play with her, make sure she doesn't get into things she shouldn't, put her to sleep, read her stories. And it just stings when I am her primary caregiver, and it is like I could drop off the face of the earth and she wouldn't notice. I was so excited to be a mom, and I stayed home until she was 10 months old. She and I were very close. And now that I am working, I am worried that our relationship is being affected by all this. I just feel so sad about it and have no idea what to do. It is affecting quite a few areas of my life, including my weight loss. I have been so stressed about this, and having a difficult time focusing on myself. I feel like a failure on the parenting front.
*Edited to clarify that while this is upsetting in no way do I think she is a bad child, or unhappy. I do not want her to love me more than her father. I am happy that she enjoys her father's, her grandparent's, her aunt's company so much. I am not in a contest to be the best parent, to be her favorite. I am simply hoping that she does not feel an aversion to me in the company of others. I want her to grow up well adjusted and validated as a child, and if she needs to have me away for awhile, that is okay. I am not looking for her to fill my emotional needs, I am a little concerned my husband and my parenting lifestyle is causing this rift. My sole concern is making sure she is being taken care of. If it is a phase great, but I do not appreciate being called childish or jealous.
How do you define a "hero".
Not the generic term et al. But just you.0 -
I feel like we are getting off the topic of whether this is a normal occurrence (which it sounds like it is, yay!) and more on my "need" to be validated by my daughter. While I do not think this is the case, I will keep that in mind in all future interactions with my child, and hope that the some of the other parents or non parents were not being self righteous and judgmental. I will also state that Working a full time 40 hour a week job may be different than when I did not work and stayed with her 7 months ago, I have no choice to stay at home again. It sounds like I am doing all the normal parenting things, and she simply is looking for interaction with her dad, whom she misses. Thank you to the people who let me know this happens at this age.0
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You haven't seen anything yet.
Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.0
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