Curvy Dating

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  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    When I'm fat I get less or no attention...when I was skinny I got a lot of it....so most people say it doesn't matter but I feel it does

    No it doesn't...I had as much attention as a "bigger" girl as I get now...actually less now...probably the wedding ring but I doubt it..

    @OP see even Derpes said what my husband said...it's about the confidence...

    agree with this. i've been both sides of the coin (fit, slim and athletic and 80-90pounds overweight) and quite honestly there hasn't been a difference.

    i think what happens is that when a lot of women gain weight they start acting like mousy, timid wounded baby birds and to make matters worse dress in frumpy non- flattering clothes. sometimes i want to be like girl, no wonder you dont get guys interested in you. you buried your sexy in a time capsule 3 states away!
  • jenabugg
    jenabugg Posts: 51 Member
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    I met my husband at close to my highest weight (well over 200 lbs), then proceeded to gain another 40 pounds after we married. I now weigh less than he has ever seen me. Whenever I have ever asked him about my weight, he always said that he doesn't see weight when he looks at me, he just sees me. We met in our thirties, so maybe age has something to do with it. I think it also has to do with meeting the right guy. My husband is amazing.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Hello, I am posting this because I really need support and kind words. I can't ask anyone I know because they will tell me what I want to hear instead of the truth.

    I am 5'5 and 189 lbs. Up until a few years ago, I have NEVER had trouble with my weight. All through high school, the most I ever weighed was in the 140's range. I have gained so much weight the past couple years. My family said it happened really fast. I suspect that this started when I was put on a new antidepressant. I've been on it for two years, but my new doctor is telling me it could be what triggered the weight gain. This was after years of my old doctor telling me that it doesn't cause weight gain.

    A week ago, my doctor and I decided to try weaning me off the medicine. I have cut my dose in half. I'm starting to feel more depressed but nothing I can't handle. Now that you have a little background, I'll cut to the chase:

    I had a terrible break up before I was put on this medication. I was skinny when I was with him. I always had a boyfriend in high school, they were easy for me to find. But since I gained all this weight, I have been on more dates than I can count, and most of them didn't lead to second dates. I have not been in a relationship since I gained all of the weight. I have been on dating sites and some guys seem interested, but then they meet me in person and I usually don't see them again. Its like they see me and are disappointed. Lately its gotten to the point where the guys don't even end up showing up to the dates for whatever reason. I waited a few days ago for an hour almost and the guy then told me something came up. He never showed.

    My point is this: I feel as if since I gained all of this weight (going from around 145 to 189), guys do not see me as attractive because of my body. It really makes me sad. When I was skinny I would eat till I was almost sick, and never gain a pound. I eat less now and I can't seem to lose even half a pound.

    I feel like guys find me unattractive because of my weight. It sucks. I just want it to go away. I've been single so long that the loneliness hurts, a lot. Do any other ladies here feel the same? Do any of the men here have anything to say?

    Are you sure that you haven't adopted mannerisms or personality quirks along with the weight that are turning people off? If you're very openly self-conscious and self-deprecating on your dates, that will absolutely turn people off.
  • beautyforashes777
    beautyforashes777 Posts: 25
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    I know exactly what you mean! The closest I got to a relationship in the past few years is a guy with a fetish. He said I was "too small". I can't win lol. I'm in between. Most of my friends think I'm "chubby but not fat". So I really don't know. Some days I feel better about myself than others. But after the date I always wonder in the back of my mind if my weight was a deciding factor.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Men including me go through the same thing, but I have always been overweight and the females would not come around so much.
  • Smirnoff65
    Smirnoff65 Posts: 1,060 Member
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    Are you mad? you look lovely, if guys can't see that then they are the ones with the problem, I agree with what others are saying you just need your confidence back.
  • beautyforashes777
    beautyforashes777 Posts: 25
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    Hello, I am posting this because I really need support and kind words. I can't ask anyone I know because they will tell me what I want to hear instead of the truth.

    I am 5'5 and 189 lbs. Up until a few years ago, I have NEVER had trouble with my weight. All through high school, the most I ever weighed was in the 140's range. I have gained so much weight the past couple years. My family said it happened really fast. I suspect that this started when I was put on a new antidepressant. I've been on it for two years, but my new doctor is telling me it could be what triggered the weight gain. This was after years of my old doctor telling me that it doesn't cause weight gain.

    A week ago, my doctor and I decided to try weaning me off the medicine. I have cut my dose in half. I'm starting to feel more depressed but nothing I can't handle. Now that you have a little background, I'll cut to the chase:

    I had a terrible break up before I was put on this medication. I was skinny when I was with him. I always had a boyfriend in high school, they were easy for me to find. But since I gained all this weight, I have been on more dates than I can count, and most of them didn't lead to second dates. I have not been in a relationship since I gained all of the weight. I have been on dating sites and some guys seem interested, but then they meet me in person and I usually don't see them again. Its like they see me and are disappointed. Lately its gotten to the point where the guys don't even end up showing up to the dates for whatever reason. I waited a few days ago for an hour almost and the guy then told me something came up. He never showed.

    My point is this: I feel as if since I gained all of this weight (going from around 145 to 189), guys do not see me as attractive because of my body. It really makes me sad. When I was skinny I would eat till I was almost sick, and never gain a pound. I eat less now and I can't seem to lose even half a pound.

    I feel like guys find me unattractive because of my weight. It sucks. I just want it to go away. I've been single so long that the loneliness hurts, a lot. Do any other ladies here feel the same? Do any of the men here have anything to say?

    Are you sure that you haven't adopted mannerisms or personality quirks along with the weight that are turning people off? If you're very openly self-conscious and self-deprecating on your dates, that will absolutely turn people off.

    No, not at all! I project myself as fun, happy, outgoing, and well-mannered on every date. I have a lot of good days when I do like how I look. But regardless of how I look, I always wonder if they think I look good.
  • dsb188
    dsb188 Posts: 121 Member
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    I know alot of curvier or heavy girls who get men with no problem. In fact alot of my male friends including me date fuller women. I think the thing to remember is that everything you lose isn't a loss. If things didn't work out than that means you saved yourself alot of heartache. Skinny or heavy people do alot of dating. Thats what dating is. I can't name anyone who has gone out with someone on the first date or even third or fifth and hit it off.
  • beautyforashes777
    beautyforashes777 Posts: 25
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    By the way, my profile picture isn't me now. Just wanted to clarify.
  • dsb188
    dsb188 Posts: 121 Member
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    Also not to but in but don't let your loneliness drive you to settle for some guy who shows you interest. Whatever size you are you are a valuable women and deserve someone who respects you.
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    Okay missy...

    I remember someone telling me that if I wanted to find a decent looking man I had to lose weight...

    I was about 180 at that point...guess what...

    I found a great man...see that profile pic...that's him.

    He met me when I was 180lbs, found out I had a teenage son, and I am 9 years older than him...

    He is a hottie...seriously, slim not skinny, hard worker, fit, loving ...(K I am done gushing now)

    He married me when I was heavy..and I got heavier...topped out at 205 (I think) he didn't care...I yo yo'd the same 20-30lbs for the next 4 years...he didn't care (except for my health) then this time I lost the weight...all of it then some...I am 25lbs lighter than when we met...he doesn't care...

    He loves me now, loved me then and will continue to love me...now you may wonder why...I asked him...

    And he says guys don't talk "code"..meaning when they say it they mean it...

    For him it doesn't matter my size...it's about my confidence and sexuality...it was the fact that I was a bigger girl and didn't think it made me ugly or less attractive and I was very upfront about what I wanted...

    If you don't want to be seen you wont be seen...if you aren't confident in something other than your outside then what is gonna happen when you are "Older"...a senior and start to get grey or wrinkle...

    Your weight isn't stopping you from finding someone you are...you don't feel worthy...and if your worth is tied up in your weight...find something else to make youself worthy...smart, sexy, funny, artistic, sporty, muscial something that makes you worth it to you...

    I LOVE THIS ENTIRE THING. just sayin' :flowerforyou: :noway: :drinker:
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,295 Member
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    I think you look great.

    But more importantly, I admire your courage to write this post. It means you are self-aware and intelligent and aware of your surroundings. Kudos.

    Please do remember that although you cannot relate to it or believe me right now, you are very young and your taste and perspective will evolve over time. You should be who you are and who you want to be. Anyone worthy of you will love you for who you are - thick or thin, sideways or upside down.

    First and foremost enjoy life. Nothing else matters. Enjoy every day. Avoid drama.

    Bets of luck!
  • amwbox
    amwbox Posts: 576 Member
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    Who are you dating?

    As an overweight person, are you seeking to date men who are fit...and who probably have a reasonable expectation of the same from you? If they are displaying disappointment when meeting you in person, its probably because you are misrepresenting yourself. If they came expecting to meet someone in shape...and didn't...who's fault is that? And it might be disappointment in your lack of honesty as much as your weight.

    Not trying to be terribly rude. And I realize that there is a possibility that you'll find a prince charming type who honestly doesn't care what you weight. Odds are against though.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Who are you dating?

    As an overweight person, are you seeking to date men who are fit...and who probably have a reasonable expectation of the same from you? If they are displaying disappointment when meeting you in person, its probably because you are misrepresenting yourself. If they came expecting to meet someone in shape...and didn't...who's fault is that? And it might be disappointment in your lack of honesty as much as your weight.

    Not trying to be terribly rude. And I realize that there is a possibility that you'll find a prince charming type who honestly doesn't care what you weight. Odds are against though.

    That is a hard realization though. It is the way it is though.
  • Junken__Diraffe
    Junken__Diraffe Posts: 102
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    If it makes you feel any better, I went on probably ten first dates that led to exactly zero second dates. I'm 6', 165#, and size 8. It really probably has nothing to do with your size. If they weren't attracted to you in the first place, they wouldn't have agreed to the date. If you have misleading pictures, that's an entirely different story though...

    At any rate, good luck, and I hope you find happiness!
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    Who are you dating?

    As an overweight person, are you seeking to date men who are fit...and who probably have a reasonable expectation of the same from you? If they are displaying disappointment when meeting you in person, its probably because you are misrepresenting yourself. If they came expecting to meet someone in shape...and didn't...who's fault is that? And it might be disappointment in your lack of honesty as much as your weight.

    Not trying to be terribly rude. And I realize that there is a possibility that you'll find a prince charming type who honestly doesn't care what you weight. Odds are against though.

    Also agree 100%!
  • meganw2020
    meganw2020 Posts: 107 Member
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    You have some much more to offer a man than just your body. If a guy isn't interested for any reason all you can do is move on, if someone is so superficial that they aren't interested in you because of your weight then they aren't worth being with in the first place.

    It sounds like you may be headed in the right direction by adjusting your medication, trying to lose weight and not being able to is so frustrating I know. I was the same as you skinny all through high school and then due to several different factors it became really hard for me to lose weight and it SUCKED and still does suck. I have to work so hard both watching what I eat and working out to maintain a skinny figure.

    Sure you are going to feel down sometimes but more then anything you have to love yourself and cherish all the qualities you have that are SO much more important then your body and appearance. Give 100% everyday to eating right and staying fit and be confident know you are doing the best you can, change takes time (usually lots of time). Don't get downhearted or it will creep into all aspects of your life. Chin up beautiful!!
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    The most important thing is how you are projecting yourself....if you feel less confident it may be impacting how you approach others and how you are perceived by others......so it could be a matter of that versus weight........


    ^this. Self confidence goes a long way. Love yourself first before looking for love.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I think that kind of dating is very hit or miss by nature. I commend you for right away getting to the meeting phase so no one is misled... most importantly you.

    Try not to blame the nature of that game on your weight. That lack of confidence will begin to show and I'm even wondering if you are beginning to "show" that discomfort in your online interchanges and that's resulting in the no shows.

    I think I'd recommend filtering a lot more for who you meet to make sure THEY really match YOUR priorities.
    I'd also recommend that if you are not at your most confident best, reserving that kind of dating just for fun for now.

    Postpone serious life partner seeking until you feel like your true self. I think being able to project that online and in person will give you your best chance of finding a person who is attracted to the "real you" so to speak. And thus the relationship has it's best chance to be a lasting one.

    I hope that makes sense and does not come off as you are not valid as a person while overweight, but I've been on these boards long enough to notice that some people feel perfectly fine and confident at their larger size while others are severely limited in the self confidence department during those times. I'm one of those so I feel like I recognize that in you. I hope I'm not too off base.:flowerforyou:
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    I agree with many of the other posts. I am also on an online dating site after a recent break up.

    I have put up-to-date full length pictures of what I look like. I would expect the same from other people looking to go on a date. If I found that the men misrepresented themselves, I would not finish the date nor go on a second date.

    I notice that most men misrepresent their height. That irks me because ---what, they think I won't notice?!?

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