Help- my boyfriend needs to lose weight!

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  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    If he wants to lose weight, show him the tools and then do nothing else unless he ASKS for your input/help. Beyond that, it's not within your purview as a girlfriend/any other relationship because only he can make the change.
  • Braincatcher
    Braincatcher Posts: 66 Member
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    You know what men love? Women who saunter into their lives and try to fix them. His body, his business. Back off.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
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    The best thing to do in these kind of situations is lead by example. You can show him the resources and encourage him but until he decides enough is enough your attempts maybe fruitless.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    If he was actually interested in losing weight, he'd be the one on here asking questions
  • Laughter_Girl
    Laughter_Girl Posts: 2,226 Member
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    Have him sign up with MFP..after that, he has to do it for himself.

    ^^^This!
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    Maybe you just need to accept him as he is or move on. Losing weight is a long journey, if you can't deal with his weight now maybe he's not the best guy for you to be with.

    yupp
  • PJPrimrose
    PJPrimrose Posts: 916 Member
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    My DH is getting help from me to get in shape/lose weight. He is on here but I'm better than he is at asking questions about fitness. We have this all worked out. He makes the computer work and I find info :).

    Some tips that worked for me:

    1. I give info I do not judge
    2. if he decides to blow off working out or diet I say nothing, but do what I do (workout and diet)
    3. This is HIS idea. If he tries to put it on me I will give it back in an instant. We discussed this before hand.
    4. I am glad he's serious about getting healthy (he's making great progress so far!) but if he bails out that's his own decision!
    5. I mostly help by setting the example imho.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,207 Member
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    Getting help is easy. All he needs to do is look for it. As long as you're doing it on his behalf, he's not taking it seriously. I'm sure you mean well, but you've already said that you can't hold his hand through the entire process. If he wants to do it, he'll do it.
  • Aaron_K123
    Aaron_K123 Posts: 7,122 Member
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    It is up to your boyfriend to decide to learn how to take care of himself, you can't do that for him.
  • karmac0matic
    karmac0matic Posts: 285
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    I used to date a guy who always said "I really want to lose weight" and then expected me to do the main portion of the work... It's not going to happen for your boyfriend if you're the one taking the initiative, sorry. My boyfriend actually gained weight because he couldn't be bothered to get info for himself.

    If he's not the one on here asking for help, asking questions, etc, he'll NEVER take it seriously.
  • jrose1982
    jrose1982 Posts: 366 Member
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    I know you said you're trying to help him because he's not comfortable. But getting to the point of taking action usually comes in stages. Being uncomfortable with your body is kind of an early stage. Deciding to do something about it happens later. But I find success doesn't usually happen until I reach the Enough-Already stage. That's a pretty long way from simply being uncomfortable.

    All you can really do is tell him about MFP and how it helps you. Then it's up to him. Being more proactive than he is will backfire.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Another co-dependant working harder than the partner...yikes.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    I've been seeing him for two months now and he's amazing person, but he is... bigger :)
    I don't mind but i can see that he doesn't feel good about his looks and he told me he would like to make change but he doesn't know anything about food, whats healthy, whats not, how to exercise etc.
    We don't live together, so i can't cook for him. I know everything about losing weight for myself, but i don't know what he should eat or do to lose it and build some muscles.
    Guys, please help! What should he eat and where to start with exercising (he cannot afford a gym right now)
    Btw he is 6'' and 240 lbs

    Edit: i find him very attractive, please stop with comments about ME wanting him to change, it was his idea, i just want to help him get there and motivate him
    No offense intended, but your first sentence says you've been seeing him for two months, he's an amazing person, but he's bigger. Well, if he's an amazing person and you two fit, what does it matter that he's bigger?

    As for this being his idea--please tell him to come here himself and ask for help. At two months into a relationship, you should not be doing this for him. In fact, you should not do this for him at all. Take this from an old lady who learned how not to do stuff for other people, especially men. :smile:
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    What the... ?!?

    Give him this link :smile: The mechanics of losing weight should be the same for everyone (eat less than everything your body burns), but hey, this was written by a guy, so. You can help by explaining any acronyms that he doesn't know what they mean. Make sure he doesn't get overwhelmed straight off the bat by thinking he needs to eat rabbit food to lose weight.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • MrGonzo05
    MrGonzo05 Posts: 1,120 Member
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    Good luck with your project.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    LOL, I'm on both sides of the fence on this one. I've been on here since August doing my own thing. My husband started a new job two months ago that has him moving A LOT less than he used to. Before switching jobs, just eating the food I cooked for dinner had allowed my husband to lose a little weight without thinking about it, but now that he's sitting at a desk all day, he started putting the weight back on. A couple of weeks ago he expressed frustration that he was putting the weight back on and asked for help. I helped him set up an account, showed him how to copy items from my diary so he can log whatever I make for dinner, and whipped up some breakfasts and lunches for him that would fit his calorie and macro goals better than what he had been eating, and told him what he could do exercise wise that would be most effective.

    He says he's been logging his food every day and managed to stay close to his goal (within 200 calories) all last week, but I have not once bothered to look at his log. I set everything up for him and made sure he could use everything, and now it's up to him to do something with it. He's exercised with me once, but he hates exercising, so he hasn't done it again. Not any of my business. It was however, adorable when he came up to me at the grocery store and was excited because he had found a frozen yogurt option that was 40 calories less per serving than what he had been eating.

    I guess my point is, no harm in helping him set up and teaching him how to use the tools that you've found to help you be successful, but past that, drop it and DON'T bring it up again unless he specifically asks you a question, and DON'T get upset or frustrated if he doesn't use your help or advice. He'll either decide it's important to him or he won't.
  • FireOpalCO
    FireOpalCO Posts: 641 Member
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    Does he not want to come on MFP for any particular reason (being shy, not liking computers, afraid it would make his weight loss "too public")? He might be more comfortable if you show him the app and website and all the ways he can restrict access. He doesn't have to post on the boards. He doesn't have to have "friends" or make his diary public, not even to you.

    I would make sure that you don't overwhelm him with help. If he's a reader, get a list of recommended titles on nutrition and just let him know "hey some people I trust vetted these as not total BS if any spark your interest". Don't buy the books for him. He can start off slow by just logging food. When he is ready, he will start making small changes on his own. It could be giving up soda, it could be changing what he has for breakfast.

    Since you guys are dating (and I assume not living together) try to have dates places where there is a good variety of health foods on the menu. It doesn't really help if on date night you decide you're craving Old Chicago. Better yet, take turns cooking at home and make healthy meals. If he does get on board with weight loss and exercise, maybe you guys can do grocery shopping together and split the cost on bulk items you can share. Since it's summer it won't be that hard to find dates that are also exercise, whether it's walk around a lake, renting a paddle-boat, or taking a bike ride.
  • Eolv
    Eolv Posts: 10 Member
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    I feel like I'm in the exact situation ;-;
  • JojoEffeckt164
    JojoEffeckt164 Posts: 146 Member
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    Hey =)

    Soooo if somebody tells me that he doesn´t know how to lose weight, the first thing I would suggest him would be to use the MFP-App and learn to stay within calorie limits... That way you learn - learning by doing, trying and error - how and what you can eat. I had a big surprise when I saw how freaking much calories my breakfast had.... It was a first hard week for me.... than it got better :flowerforyou: So no matter if you are a guy or a girl... Staying within your limits is essential.

    You don´t need a gym to get in shape... pushups, situps, crunches...... All these ordinary old school things are still working. Being able to push up your own weight is pretty awesome already
    And than: walk or ride the bike to work. walk like there is no tomorrow :noway:

    Also helpful: http://www.choosemyplate.gov/
    If he really wants to get into this there is this and a lot of other webpages where he can educate himself about good food.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Have him sign up with MFP..after that, he has to do it for himself.

    this!

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