How do you deal with unsupportive significant other?

Negativity is toxic. You need to detox.

Just break up.



Or learn to talk in a manner that isn't heated. Find a counselor.


Or just come ask the internet for advice. That usually works here.

Honestly....if you are going to do it....you just do it. The SO doesn't have anything to do with it. This is all you regardless of what you think THEY are doing to sabotage it. Ultmately that is on you, not them.

She enjoyed being the nonoverweight part of the relationship. Now she sees you as a threat and is trying to cut you down.

Good luck with that.

Your SO's "support" is not needed for you to reach your goals. Do what you want.
I find if you don't talk about something, nor do others.

I divorced him,dropped about 250 pounds and it felt good. Not that I am suggesting something that drastic for you. She obviously has a problem and is perhaps insecure with your working toward improving your appearance.

I'm sure you've done this but have you asked her "Honey, It seems to ME that this is bothering you. Do you want to tell me why? I got healthier, but now I have to stay healthy and maintenance is the only way." Or some such garbage like that.



Honestly, dude, what I really see is that if this is happening every other day, this chick has serious control issues with you and she has the problem, not you.

As a woman I have zero tolerance for the head games and manipulation that other women try to play on their men.

No one can tell you to break up but it seems like she's really trying to nag you to that point. And then, guess what, it will be "your fault" when the break up happens. More mind games to post on Facebook.

Good luck. I hope she comes around.

I made the realization that I do this for myself and for my girls. No one else. I've been dealing with a soon to be ex husband that has turned every single training session into a guilt trip (even though most of them happen when they have zero impact on anyone else). Who hates the fact the our girls want to be strong like me. I just came to the realization that being happy in my body is more important than making anyone else happy

This same kind of thing happened to me with my now ex-husband. Eventually every gym trip involved a "I can't believe you're choosing the gym over me" guit trip.
My advice would be to definitely talk about it with her. Ask how she feels about the changes you've made. Mention the fact that you're making improvements to your body for you and no one else. Hopefully you can resolve the issue.
Don't stop doing what you're doing and keep working at your goals.

Had that issue years ago. A counselor told him, "Exercise must continue on a regular basis to have a healthy body and healthy mind." Actually the professional told him several times on more than one occasion. He still didn't get it. Some people, just "don't get it".

My boyfriend is the loveliest person in the world but he can be pretty un-supportive regarding health and weight loss. He tells me i'm too thin, he used to call me 'Squidge' as my pet name but now calls me 'Bones'. I am a healthy weight and have a healthy BMI and am trying to maintain it. I also do the 6:1 (a maintenance version of the 5:2 diet) and my boyfriend keeps buying yummies such as Reece's Nutrageous and Pizza (both are my weakness).

I think i bore him about my health goals and he bores me about his job, we just agree not to discuss either. At the end of the day if i wanna go to the gym and he wants to go to the pub we will go on the same day so we still have other time to spend together. I have also started to encourage his healthy eating (he is in good shape naturally) and we both have bikes so enjoy going out on rides together. Maybe try to find a mutual exercise u both enjoy such as cycling or skating and maybe cook some healthy foods together. This way it may turn into a mutual hobby.

I think its important for us to remember that we can sometimes be an 'exercise/health bore' to those around who do not share the same interests. All we can do is compromise...

So many guesses I could make here. I could guess that she's probably very self-absorbed. Or I could guess that your head-first dive into fitness makes her feel ashamed for not doing the same when she knows she could, and rather than put in any effort to improve herself, she alleviates her guilt by making you feel bad for wanting more for yourself than she wants for herself. You know your wife, so you probably already know why she's doing it.

I don't know what I'd do in this situation. Every marriage is different. My spouse would probably react very differently than yours.

How do you remain motivated when your significant other is constantly pulling you backward?

Here's some background info about myself. Last August, I decided I was sickof being overweight, wanted to be better at soccer and wanted a body that reflects my mind. That's when I started to use MFP to track calories and started running consistently (4-5 times per week), while lifting three times per week. Through that phase, my significant other was more neutral than negative, other than the occasional comments about me being obsessed (usually because I refused to drink wine or have a dessert).

So, I ended up losing 25 lbs in 5 month, which placed me in the "healthy" BMI. I decided it was time for some muscle mass-gain phase. So, from January to March, I ate a surplus and lifted 5 times per week with some cardio on the elliptical. I ended up gaining 15 lbs (I know, not all muscle). Again, my significant other was neutral, other than those comments.

So, since April, I've been cutting. I lost almost 10 lbs, I'm about to see my 6-pack and I love what I'm doing with my body. I'm super motivated, just like I've been since I started my journey. But the negative comments from my SO became much more frequent. I now have "the" discussion every second day, about how I don't have to do as much, about how I will not reach my goals (yep, in those words), about how I'm perfect the way I am. It sometimes gets pretty heated.

I tried just ignoring it, but I mean, she's constantly right there in front of my face. For more context, my SO has a healthy weight, but she does no sports/exercise at all. Before I started my journey, she sometimes passed comments about me being overweight and me not eating properly.

Anybody ever experienced something similar? How did you deal with it?

She sounds like my mother. Nothing is good enough. By the way, everyone is calling her your wife. Are you married to her? Is it a new relationship? All these things come into play.

You've come to the right place!

Break up.

I was starting down the same thought path as other posters until the part about lifting 5 times a week turned me in different direction.

Not that it is too much, but that what started out as a mission to improve your health has morphed into a hobby. Maybe she thought that the time and effort required to lose weight had to be at least tolerated, but now that that has been accomplished, she thinks this is frivolous time consuming playtime for you?

I know another couple (not me) that are going through a similar thing. He started bicycling on the weekends for fitness and weight control and it was tolerable but she was unhappy that they could no longer spend the weekends together. He began to love the cycling so much that now he also does it two or three evenings a week. It has become a real issue for them.

Personally I think that even if it is a hobby, you should feel free to do it, and she should have hers as well, but compromise is a valuable skill in a relationship.

Ben I'm really sorry to hear about this. It's so hard to accomplish something like this on your own and when you have someone who is actually holding you back it makes it all that much worse.

My previous relationship was very toxic in this regard. I would actively try to work out and he would make me feel guilty and buy all this junk food knowing it would tempt me. Now, I would only consider being with someone who respects that my health is and always will be my absolute first priority. I don't care what your situation is... even if you're a parent etc. health comes first. How can you expect to be there to support others if you don't have the health or energy to do so?

Anyways, I imagine that as you get fitter your girlfriend is feeling affected in different ways. Firstly, the nature of your relationship has likely changed in that there are likely less nights spent eating out/vegging and so she feels almost.. thrown into a healthy lifestyle without even really choosing it. I'm sure she feels guilty for eating cookies when you're having salad for example.
Secondly, the hotter you get the more insecure she will feel about herself.

I think a lot of SO's are guilty of the "I love you the way you are!" thing but that's not necessarily bad. I know I overlook flaws when I love someone.. but they don't realize that it's not about how THEY feel about you it's about how YOU feel about you.

If I was you, and this relationship was one I wanted to keep, I would bring up these concerns in a genuine, non threatening way at a time when you guys are NOT fighting. Let her know that fitness is important, your health is important and you want her to accept this and be part of it rather than be negative. Ask her to support you! Suggest that you guys do this together, invite her to work out with you.. include her.

In the end though, someone who doesn't support you and the things you want out of life will not work. I don't think this is a complete done deal yet though if you can talk it out and be rational and supportive of each other's concerns.

I'm always here to chat if you're down.... I hope you guys can work things out. She should be your main source of strength, not a weakness!!