How do you deal with unsupportive significant other?

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  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    People throw the divorce card too easily. You married this person because you both loved each other, it wasn't arranged right?

    Talk with her and work through this first. If you've tried everything and still can't find an answer maybe then consider divorce.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    People throw the divorce card too easily. You married this person because you both loved each other, it wasn't arranged right?

    Talk with her and work through this first. If you've tried everything and still can't find an answer maybe then consider divorce.

    If they're coming to the MFP forums for advice, you know all possible rational alternatives have been exhausted.
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    People throw the divorce card too easily. You married this person because you both loved each other, it wasn't arranged right?

    Talk with her and work through this first. If you've tried everything and still can't find an answer maybe then consider divorce.

    If they're coming to the MFP forums for advice, you know all possible rational alternatives have been exhausted.

    Or possible he's avoiding the issue all together and seeking validation from outside sources vs just talking with her about it. We'll never know.

    I just think divorce is a ****ty option no matter how you look at it. If the situation is bad enough and he's just not happy he needs to do what's best for him in the end.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Divorce is the only answer....

    Or you could decide that this is important enough to you that you'll continue to progress while seeking some counseling for you and your spouse to repair the broken channels of communication.

    you throw that word around like its a card and stuff. :laugh: I can't even keep a straight face. :tongue: :laugh:
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    People throw the divorce card too easily. You married this person because you both loved each other, it wasn't arranged right?

    Talk with her and work through this first. If you've tried everything and still can't find an answer maybe then consider divorce.

    If they're coming to the MFP forums for advice, you know all possible rational alternatives have been exhausted.

    Or possible he's avoiding the issue all together and seeking validation from outside sources vs just talking with her about it. We'll never know.

    I just think divorce is a ****ty option no matter how you look at it. If the situation is bad enough and he's just not happy he needs to do what's best for him in the end.
    Oh good grief. Sarcasm. IT'S SARCASM! :explode:
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Divorce is the only answer....

    Folks, this was a joke. She didn't really mean he should get divorced. Lord
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
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    If she has always been a jealous person there is probably no fixing what come out her mouth.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I swear it seems that some people regard a SO getting healthy as a threat. Like it's another woman/man...an affair with health. It's bizarre. If someone can't be happy and supportive of your decision to be healthy and strong then they are the one with mental/emotional issues. How can one not high five and cheer on a SO for making life better? :glasses:
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    If she has always been a jealous person there is probably no fixing what come out her mouth.

    Or what goes....

    Oh, nevermind.
  • msdutter
    msdutter Posts: 17 Member
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    My boyfriend is the loveliest person in the world but he can be pretty un-supportive regarding health and weight loss. He tells me i'm too thin, he used to call me 'Squidge' as my pet name but now calls me 'Bones'. I am a healthy weight and have a healthy BMI and am trying to maintain it. I also do the 6:1 (a maintenance version of the 5:2 diet) and my boyfriend keeps buying yummies such as Reece's Nutrageous and Pizza (both are my weakness).

    I think i bore him about my health goals and he bores me about his job, we just agree not to discuss either. At the end of the day if i wanna go to the gym and he wants to go to the pub we will go on the same day so we still have other time to spend together. I have also started to encourage his healthy eating (he is in good shape naturally) and we both have bikes so enjoy going out on rides together. Maybe try to find a mutual exercise u both enjoy such as cycling or skating and maybe cook some healthy foods together. This way it may turn into a mutual hobby.

    I think its important for us to remember that we can sometimes be an 'exercise/health bore' to those around who do not share the same interests. All we can do is compromise...


    :love: :love: :love: :love:

    100% this!
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    People throw the divorce card too easily. You married this person because you both loved each other, it wasn't arranged right?

    Talk with her and work through this first. If you've tried everything and still can't find an answer maybe then consider divorce.

    If they're coming to the MFP forums for advice, you know all possible rational alternatives have been exhausted.

    Or possible he's avoiding the issue all together and seeking validation from outside sources vs just talking with her about it. We'll never know.

    I just think divorce is a ****ty option no matter how you look at it. If the situation is bad enough and he's just not happy he needs to do what's best for him in the end.
    Oh good grief. Sarcasm. IT'S SARCASM! :explode:

    Fair enough lol. hard to tell sometimes on the net
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You may have answered this already (I'm not reading all the way through) but are you spending a huge amount of time on this and taking away from time together? Are you refusing to do fun things in order to get this "perfect" body?

    But the fact that she made nasty comments about your weight and is now criticizing your efforts to fix it screams red flag to me. Is she controlling in other ways? Insecure?
  • fittoday14
    fittoday14 Posts: 128
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    This reminds me of my 16 1/2 yr old nephew. He was overweight for most of his later elementary - middle school school years. In 9th grade he went from eating everything in sight and exercising (he was always active and in sports, but he ate lots of 'real' food and junk food) TO eating better and working out excessively. He has a lot of muscles now, which is great, but he works out TOO MUCH. He'll eat breakfast at Panera, for ex, and then go to the gym for 2-3 hours so he can burn it all off. Then for lunch he'll do the same (eat + workout 2 hrs), and the same for dinner. He hasn't figured out the true balance FOR LIFE. He's now in 11th grade and he looks great. But he's afraid he'll gain weight. My sister went from calling him out on his weight and telling him he needs to stop eating too much food (seriously, he can eat a ton!) to telling him he needs to chill out on the excessive exercising. He would beg his mom to take him to the gym.. even at midnight! She recently ditched the gym membership, but he found alternatives to exercising for free at his friends' house and at the track near their home. It's ridiculous, from one extreme to another!
    I wonder if this is the same thing that has happened to you? You may need a serious discussion with your wife/gf about what's truly going on.
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
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    I tried just ignoring it, but I mean, she's constantly right there in front of my face. For more context, my SO has a healthy weight, but she does no sports/exercise at all. Before I started my journey, she sometimes passed comments about me being overweight and me not eating properly.

    Anybody ever experienced something similar? How did you deal with it?

    Yep.

    Bull**** I've heard included:
    You're too thin (at 28% body fat)
    You're obsessed (at three hours of gym sessions a week)
    You're thin enough (currently hovering around 24% body fat and in the middle of body re-composition)

    And the latest:
    Her: "You need to stop losing weight."
    Me: "My weight's been stable for six months at one sixty, what are you talking about?"
    Her: "I don't believe you."

    I just laughed in her face at that point. You can imagine how well that went over.

    We've gone through this for over two years now. She once asked "You're just going to say 'okay' and keep doing what you're doing aren't you?"

    "Yes."

    tl;dr: Don't listen to people who know nothing about health and fitness about health and fitness.
  • TheMMan
    TheMMan Posts: 124 Member
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    I just had another round of it today. I was leaving to go to the gym for my TRX workout and I got the "Oh, you have time to work out but don't have time to get other things done" guilt trip line. I've busted my tail to get in good shape and we'll be going on a trip next week so I know I'll lose part of my edge.

    Also, there's an excellent yoga studio in our town and my fitness instructor recommended that we go to it. I work out 3 times a week, am 5'8" and 10 lbs overweight. She works out once every 3 weeks, is 5'2" and is at least 30 lbs overweight yet insists on wanting to take the same high intensity vinyasa yoga class as me.

    She also mocks me when she sees me entering into my log. Fortunately, her twin sister has started MFP and is beginning to show progress. Maybe she'll change her ways in the near future.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
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    I just had another round of it today. I was leaving to go to the gym for my TRX workout and I got the "Oh, you have time to work out but don't have time to get other things done" guilt trip line. I've busted my tail to get in good shape and we'll be going on a trip next week so I know I'll lose part of my edge.

    Also, there's an excellent yoga studio in our town and my fitness instructor recommended that we go to it. I work out 3 times a week, am 5'8" and 10 lbs overweight. She works out once every 3 weeks, is 5'2" and is at least 30 lbs overweight yet insists on wanting to take the same high intensity vinyasa yoga class as me.

    She also mocks me when she sees me entering into my log. Fortunately, her twin sister has started MFP and is beginning to show progress. Maybe she'll change her ways in the near future.

    Fortunately, you posted your relationship problems publicly for your SIL to read and show your wife.
  • DianeinCA
    DianeinCA Posts: 307 Member
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    I was leaving to go to the gym for my TRX workout and I got the "Oh, you have time to work out but don't have time to get other things done" guilt trip line. I've busted my tail to get in good shape and we'll be going on a trip next week so I know I'll lose part of my edge.

    Is part of this criticism (that you're not getting other stuff done) true? Are you letting some parts of your relationship/responsibilities flag as you devote more time to exercise? That would be a serious cramp in a relationship if so.

    The two of you need to do some serious, non-aggressive discussion of what's going on here.

    And depending on how long your trip is...it won't take that long to regain your "edge" in your workouts. Possibly taking an exercise break will be beneficial (as many MFPers have reported).
  • sallybaine
    sallybaine Posts: 15 Member
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    I'm really struggling with husband's unsupportiveness of my weight loss efforts. Since we got married I've adopted his overeating and disinterest in exercise and we have both put on a lot of weight. About a month ago something switched in my brain and I decided I had to lose weight. I've joined a gym and currently go about 3-4 times per week after work, I've done a 180 on my eating habits. Before we would together eat only the most unhealthy food you can think of, eat out a lot, never eat vegetables and fill our plates with more than we should. I am now eating predominantly vegetables and salads, and put a lot less on my plate.

    My husband says he doesn't want to lose weight (even though his BMI indicates he should), he gets very defensive about it. And I got him a special pass for the gym but getting him to go is almost impossible. The few times he's come with me he gets a pain here or there and decides he won't go back to the gym for a week or 2, he needs to recover. And if I say 'I want to run for 45minutes' he'll say no, just do 30min. Or if I want to go to the gym 2 nights in a row he says I'm overdoing it, don't go just stay home and watch TV. I'm beginning to accept that I'm on my own in this journey and he is not only not going to be a motivating factor for me, he encourages me to eat bad and not exercise. I'm starting to resent him a little. It is so hard to eat evey meal opposite someone who orders the most unhealthy thing on the menu, with entrees and desserts as well, and he finishes the plate every time. It makes abstaining or choosing a healthy alternative all the more difficult.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to stay strong and stick to your guns in this circumstance? He is so stubborn and 100% against changing his eating habits or exercising, so will I forever be faced by temptation and will it get easier?
  • Beckilovespizza
    Beckilovespizza Posts: 334 Member
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    I'm really struggling with husband's unsupportiveness of my weight loss efforts. Since we got married I've adopted his overeating and disinterest in exercise and we have both put on a lot of weight. About a month ago something switched in my brain and I decided I had to lose weight. I've joined a gym and currently go about 3-4 times per week after work, I've done a 180 on my eating habits. Before we would together eat only the most unhealthy food you can think of, eat out a lot, never eat vegetables and fill our plates with more than we should. I am now eating predominantly vegetables and salads, and put a lot less on my plate.

    My husband says he doesn't want to lose weight (even though his BMI indicates he should), he gets very defensive about it. And I got him a special pass for the gym but getting him to go is almost impossible. The few times he's come with me he gets a pain here or there and decides he won't go back to the gym for a week or 2, he needs to recover. And if I say 'I want to run for 45minutes' he'll say no, just do 30min. Or if I want to go to the gym 2 nights in a row he says I'm overdoing it, don't go just stay home and watch TV. I'm beginning to accept that I'm on my own in this journey and he is not only not going to be a motivating factor for me, he encourages me to eat bad and not exercise. I'm starting to resent him a little. It is so hard to eat evey meal opposite someone who orders the most unhealthy thing on the menu, with entrees and desserts as well, and he finishes the plate every time. It makes abstaining or choosing a healthy alternative all the more difficult.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to stay strong and stick to your guns in this circumstance? He is so stubborn and 100% against changing his eating habits or exercising, so will I forever be faced by temptation and will it get easier?

    Hi Sally, I'm really sorry to hear that your husband is not as supportive as he could be. My own boyfriend is not too interested in healthy eating and exercising but after a while he saw some results in my loss and got a mojo to join me.

    I cook the same meals for us but i tend not to have potatoes and dressings, he still will but i sneak substitutes into his food such as lower fat dressings, butter etc. Also i ask my boyfriend to come with me for walks and bike rides etc so he is exercising without even knowing it. He is not overweight but has recently commented on his own fitness levels increasing and is now up for coming to the gym with me, we plan for a workout then will sit in the jacuzzi and chill/chat for a while.

    I personally have fallen off the wagon a bit recently but am planning to get back on it :)

    I hope these suggestions might help!!

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