Remembering Me

Yesterday I sat down and tried to recall times in my life when I was the most happiest with my weight, I was able to remember two very brief moment.

As a kid my weight fluctuated, many pictures of me were destroyed but at one point I weighed 175 pounds (I was 13 years old). By JHS I was more aware, well I was always aware that I was over weight but I guess what I'm trying to say is I wanted to do something about it. So like my mother I began to restrict calories, I started going to Weight Watchers with my mom......I was beginning to get sucked into a new world.

My 15 I was down to 150 and started starving myself and binge eating (gorging and purging). In less than six months I was down to 110 pounds. Now you may be thinking this was one of the happy times, well no it wasn't. I was miserable, sick all the time, and still wasn't satisfied with what I looked like.

I found myself in the hospital after waking up one morning vomiting blood. The Dr told my mom I was destroying my body and if I didn't stop I could die from malnutrition. This scared me. The saying "Dyeing to be Thin" was making sense.
So from that point on I tried to do it the right way. It was still a struggle until I realized weight loss wasn't easy nor would it happen over night. After this realization I learned how to count calories and understand better what good calorie was and how to avoid the bad ones. I was making progress but the one thing that was lacking was exercise.

When I was 20 I got engaged and know that this was a day I wanted to feel my best and look fabulous. So I joined a gym and started taking step classes was eating healthy and I was getting results. On my wedding day I felt amazing, I was in the best shape of my life, I weighed in at 125 pounds and I earned it. This was the first time I felt like the real me.

However this was short lived, three months after the wedding I found out I was Pregnant and instead of continuing the healthy patterns I had established I ate anything I wanted and I gain almost 90 pounds. WOW! I was so big I didn't recognize myself in pictures.

It took me a year to get down to 145 pounds but once again I was resorting to unhealthy methods to losing the weight. Also a miscarriage left me feeling depressed and helpless. Fortunately the experience of being hospitalized wasn't something I wanted to do again and my son was more important to me than killing myself. And so I began to make healthy food choices and get back to the gym.

The second time in my life when I was happiest with my weight was in 1998. My brother in law was getting married and I was working hard to get to a goal weight of 130 pounds. I worked hard and was able to get to 135 pound by the big day. I was able to maintain that weight for about 6 months when I found out I was pregnant again.

This time I was determined to eat healthier and keep exercising. I did this until I began to have some medical complication during the pregnancy. I was hospitalized for a sinus infection that spread to my cranium. I lost 25 pound in 3 week while hospitalized but it didn't take long for me to gain it back. I was diagnosed with toxemia and gestational diabetes so needless to say I was big, but I didn't gain as much weight as I did durning my first pregnancy.

During these two times I remember being so proud of myself for how hard I worked. I saw the person I thought I was in the mirror and she was happy. I am trying to get to that place again.....it's been over 12 years since then. I have had mini successes here and there but never like those two events.

I am turning 40 this year (September) and I want to be in the best shape of my life but then. I also have had a goal of running a half marathon by my 40th birthday and I need to do this.

Thanks for reading my post, I hope it help you achieve your goals.
Cheryl