Fiancee's Support

Dig into your closet and find your BIG boy pants... Imagine a woman saying something she doesn't mean out of anger/frustration/angst/fear/loathing... that never happens does it ladies? Forgive.. forget.. move on... (no NOT move away)... PULL IT Together.. do what you do because it is the right thing to do... FOR yourself and for your relationship... THAT's what being a man IS...any questions? you know where to find me :smokin:

I am so thankful my bf and I are on the same diet and support each other.

This is far more difficult than ya'll imagine.

I've not been through it, but my co-workers hubby just had bypass and oh boy...

I think it effects more than I would have guessed.

Are you being moody?

Hangry?

Emotionally volatile?

I would recommend this:

Go to Wal-mart, buy some $5 flowers and a $0.50 card. Write a note on the inside that says something super sincere like "Baby, I know this has brought far more changes than we both ever anticipated. I know I'm probably not always the easiest to deal with, especially in this time that I'm facing new challenges and over-coming new demons every day. I want you to know I appreciate everything you do, and your support is truly a lifesaver during this time. I promise when it's over, I'll re-pay your unconditional love and support by returning it for the rest of our days together. Love, X".

To clarify,

The program I am on is a fifteen week crash diet, in which your diet is restricted to the foods they give you (mostly shakes and granola bars), where you lose 70-80 pounds depending on exercise. In the next fifteen weeks, they transition you to healthy food so that you don't make yourself sick coming back. Then there is a 52 week period in the program where you continue to go over healthy habits, continue with weekly support groups, teach you how to cook healthy meals, plan your meals ahead of time, and facilitate behavioral change.

This diet is medically monitored by Kaiser, and includes weekly support group meetings for the rest of your life embedded in the initial cost.

This is not just some willy-nilly program.

Anywho, with that out of the way, thank you all for your suggestions, although many of you had very negative things to say about diet programs. Thank you!

Best of luck. Don't worry about the replies here. It's funny that folks act as though you've never considered calorie counting before.
Hope you and your fiancee can find a way to talk about these issues.

Yes, so funny! See me laughing?

To the person who said "pre-marital counselling" this...it sounds as though there are a few more issues there; more than just the fact that you are on a life changing diet. Diet is never easy - no matter what plan you are on, but if you need this for your health then it's not unreasonable to expect some support.

I would suggest that you look to your motivation for starting the plan, for asking for help, for starting on this path in the first place, then speak with your fiancee, find out what has upset her and caused her so much stress...we don't know everything that is going on with her and with you (we don't need to) but it sounds as though you both need to sit down and talk about things. If she is like this about the weight loss and you are like this about how she is about it then the underlying problems could cause future disruption...

Please talk to her, find out what is going on in her head. If it is only that her family thinks that you are being mopey how are you going to cope for the next 15-18 months with the pressure coming from all sides?

I would say 'man-up' but I don't think that this will resolve anything/everything. Talk about what is wrong...could be cold feet, could be stress at work, could be worry because you have been put on this diet that your Doctor feels you are in a situation to need to prevent health issues...could be anything at all...but you need to know.

If you need support then get it from here, from your friends, from other members of your diet group...it may well be that she simply cannot offer you the support you need for this but you need to find out.

a 30 min walk a day would provide you with the same results as whatever you are doing now without depriving yourself of anything.

OptiFast has you eating like 800-1000 calories a day. A 30 minute walk isn't going to give him that level of calorie reduction based on the diet his post makes it sound like he and his fiance were eating previously.

That said, stick to your plan OP. However, please give your relationship some second thoughts. Supporting you on a diet plan is a lot less work than supporting you on a serious issue, like illness, or unemployment, etc. If this is a bridge too far for your fiance to cross with you, I'd be concerned about what the future holds if something more serious happens. Good luck.

Wow. There's just so many things....soooo.....many....things.....

If the Optifast thing is working for you, then by all means, tell her to go be with her family, and you can find things to do with people who aren't really there to support your efforts after all. I can understand being mopey because they can all eat and you can't, but shame on them for blaming you because they feel guilty. They feel guilty somewhere inside, they all want to try to lose weight or do something tom improve themselves, but would rather sit around, eat, and boo-hoo about it, blaming others for their lot in life.

But really - somewhere someone wasn't being entirely honest. If she said she's going to support you, then she's got the talking part done - as my dad used to say. She needs to back it up with action. Until then, she's full of it.

However, this journey is really YOUR journey. I started mine without my husband's doing anything. He wasn't logging, he didn't change his eating habits, no exercise, etc. etc. etc. After about 6 months of me losing weight, he finally decided to get "in the game". Sometimes the partner wants to see how dedicated you are before they go "all in". Either way it shouldn't matter. You're doing this for you, not for her. So build up your suit of armor to be able to withstand any shrapnel coming from her direction (or from her family's direction).

And now for the "OTHER part".....Optifast??? Have to say, I'm not a big fan of meal-replacement shakes and the plans. I know there are people who've lost weight on them, but usually end up gaining it back.

I would strongly suggest finding and working with a bariatric dietician. The reason I say this is that in April 2011, I had my "a-ha" moment that I really had to do something to try to really lose this weight. I topped the scale at 376 at the time. I went to a lap-band surgeon who wanted me to lose 90 pounds before he'd do the surgery. He said most people would only lose about 30, and end up having the surgery anyway because they couldn't show the discipline.

For at least a year or so, I saw the nutritionist, went to Weight Watchers, went to a therapist, and lost 115 pounds over the course of 2 years. I did this without exercising, and while eating real food. I ate out (and still do), and paid attention to what the nutritionist said. I lost at a healthy rate of 0-2 pounds a week. I had surgery in March 2013 for skin removal and just had my "year reprieve", but the last 2 weeks, I've lost 8.5 pounds.

The downfall of things like Optifast is that they don't teach you really about how to really eat. My dietician said to focus on lean, healthy proteins, and the fat/carbs would take care of themselves, and she was right.

If it's working for you, then great....if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If/when it does break, try a different path.

Definitely - pre-marital counseling would be a good idea.

For what it's worth, and good luck!!

I agree that you shouldn't eat out with family members until you can start eating with them. It doesn't sound like you're having a great time and would probably be happier doing something else. In a perfect world, they would be supportive and understanding but if everyone had that, there would be little need for MFP.

As for the fiancee, let her off the hook. I'm not saying she's right or that you're wrong in feeling the way you do. For some reason or another, this is something she can't do for you right now. It will be something that she'll have to come to terms with but it's not your job to get her there. Right now your job is to focus on you, not her or her family. Take advantage of Kaiser's counseling programs to talk to someone. You're going through some serious changes, both psychologically taxing as well as physically (crash diets affect both in a dramatic way). See that you take care of both.

Premarital counseling is a separate issue IMO. I think you should make yourself a priority over her and your relationship with her. If she has an issue with that, you can go for premarital counseling but don't skimp on individual counseling.

Personally, I think your fiance is being very selfish. She should be excited that you are doing something to improve your health and quality of life which will only possitivly affect her in the future. BUT!!!!! that doesnt mean she has to change her eating habits so youre just going to have to have self control. Asking you to NOT attend family events is just flat out ridiculous and it makes me think shes kind of a B* BUT on the otherhand, if you are mopey and wallowing - I wouldn't want to be around you either. So idk, welcome to the world of serious relationships -

I can't believe the post backing his GF, saying she doesn't advise her husband how to eat for his condition! That's your husband! Don't you think you should at least TRY to help him deal with his chronic health issues! To me it seems neglectful to not support a healthy lifestyle and to influence/advise it when there are obvious health concerns! To me, that is being a good spouse. My husband has high blood pressure and weight is a sensitive subject but health outweighs that - I had to say we need to do something about this! Not just turn a cheek and say "OK have another cheeseburger if you want"

Well, he knows far more about what he needs to do than I do, since he's researched it, wants to do this for himself and I don't go in the doctor's office with him, so I don't presume. He's also perfectly capable of reading food labels himself, giving input into our meals (we've always shared meal preparation) and making his own meals if he wants (making lunch instead of relying on bought). Also, there's different types of support. You're implying that the only alternative to active support ("Well done! Whoo-hoo! Let's go and do something together to celebrate your success!") is sabotage ("let me feed you a jar of pickles!"). That's not the case. Passive support (answering questions when asked, and commenting positively on progress when it's volunteered) is all some people want. That's the support we provide each other, but really, he's a grown up, he's an intelligent guy (or I wouldn't have married him ;-)) and I'm not his mother so any "helpful" comments are either going to be unhelpful or nagging.