You have how many kids. Wait! What?
KazzBeDoinIt
Posts: 58 Member
:flowerforyou: Here is what I wonder: I have 5 children. I am only going to mention the ones who live with me right now.
My oldest daughter, Shurree' is 25. My next in line comes Sharrah at 24 & the youngest one, Shailah at 18.
I hate saying this but I am in my YOUNG 50s. I have almost (died) a few times with blood problems. First suffering a miscarriage & being told that if I waited only two minutes longer I would have bled to death then getting clots in my legs. (taking two shots in my stomache to 3 blood draws & between 8-10 pills a day.) The latter happened 2x different legs though.
Now, this is what I can't figure out: These girls of mine ... I run circles around them. I ask them to go to the gym with me but they are always to tired. I ask them to walk with me in the evening but they can't because their legs hurt ... It seems to me to be excuse after excuse. I guess it confuses me? Shouldn't I be the one who tires easily? Shouldn't I be the one who just wants to sit into front of the TV & watch Jeopardy?
How is it after a full day of watching 6 grand-babies all 3 years old & under, catering to my daughters needs, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, washing the loads and loads of laundry & dishes, being a taxi, doing the yard work & about everything else: I am still the one who wants to walk for 2 hours a night? I just can't figure it out.
Maybe: I know someday or at any given point I might not be able to walk? Maybe: I keep my theme song in my head & refuse to give up?
I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb.
Maybe I am just happy to be alive? (& maybe I sure hope someday my kids all feel the same way)(even now they are to tired too)
My oldest daughter, Shurree' is 25. My next in line comes Sharrah at 24 & the youngest one, Shailah at 18.
I hate saying this but I am in my YOUNG 50s. I have almost (died) a few times with blood problems. First suffering a miscarriage & being told that if I waited only two minutes longer I would have bled to death then getting clots in my legs. (taking two shots in my stomache to 3 blood draws & between 8-10 pills a day.) The latter happened 2x different legs though.
Now, this is what I can't figure out: These girls of mine ... I run circles around them. I ask them to go to the gym with me but they are always to tired. I ask them to walk with me in the evening but they can't because their legs hurt ... It seems to me to be excuse after excuse. I guess it confuses me? Shouldn't I be the one who tires easily? Shouldn't I be the one who just wants to sit into front of the TV & watch Jeopardy?
How is it after a full day of watching 6 grand-babies all 3 years old & under, catering to my daughters needs, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, washing the loads and loads of laundry & dishes, being a taxi, doing the yard work & about everything else: I am still the one who wants to walk for 2 hours a night? I just can't figure it out.
Maybe: I know someday or at any given point I might not be able to walk? Maybe: I keep my theme song in my head & refuse to give up?
I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb.
Maybe I am just happy to be alive? (& maybe I sure hope someday my kids all feel the same way)(even now they are to tired too)
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Replies
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How is it after a full day of watching 6 grand-babies all 3 years old & under, catering to my daughters needs, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, washing the loads and loads of laundry & dishes, being a taxi, doing the yard work & about everything else: I am still the one who wants to walk for 2 hours a night? I just can't figure it out.
Hate to be rude, but here's the problem, you do everything for them, therefore, they are lazy.0 -
I think as moms we become resilient and become accustomed to being able to do things when we are tired and don’t feel like it which is probably why it easier for you to just go do it. I have 2 young children and can’t tell you how many times I just want to lie on the couch but being a mom often means sucking it up and taking care of business. So we as moms just get used to pushing through hard times. Good for you! Keep trying to get your daughters to go maybe they will surprise you.
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How is it after a full day of watching 6 grand-babies all 3 years old & under, catering to my daughters needs, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, washing the loads and loads of laundry & dishes, being a taxi, doing the yard work & about everything else: I am still the one who wants to walk for 2 hours a night? I just can't figure it out.
Hate to be rude, but here's the problem, you do everything for them, therefore, they are lazy.
Basically this.
Why are adult kids and THEIR kids all living with you?0 -
First of all, Well done for being such a loving caring mother and grandmother. Secondly, I agree with what everyone has said so far. It seems like you are all in a codependent relationship where you are in the familiar role of being the nurturer and your kids are used to letting you take care of them. Lets be honest, if someone is already doing everything for you why bother? You need to step back and let your your grown up kids take up their responsibilities. If you can't stop yourself from helping/doing almost everything for them despite all the best of intentions then perhaps you need to give them some space and make yourself unavailable to them. If you aren't there to pick up after them then sooner or later they'll be forced to take responsibility.0
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you are an AMAZING woman! you have been through a lot and pushed through! You obviously love and care for your kids & grandkids very much.
I say this with the utmost respect as I was and am there with you...
it seems like you're an enabler, you enable them to be 'lazy'. I was there with my ex for 22 years and am currently there w/my son. however, I'm not as bad w/my son (well... trying not to be). it's hard not to be, something i struggle with daily and have to learn to not be. also, i didn't know i was an enabler until my divorce, then his doctors pointed this out to me during 'his' treatment that i enabled his behavior. wow! they were right!0 -
i am confused here. how does this fit in the success forum? this story almost makes me afraid to become a grand parent one day.0
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It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!0 -
It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!0 -
If you had named them Shazam, they'd have more energy.
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This is why it's best to give kids chores and get them active from a young age.0
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It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN!0 -
I feel for you ! It's can be very frustrating as a mom to hold all the household responsibilities and watch everyone else around you enjoy the relaxing aspect of it all. I too have five daughter two step daughters 16 &13 and three of my own 5,3,2 .... The step kids are harder for me to lay chores and such on ...due to some ( your not my mom BS) but my smaller children offer help and will workout with me and only sit down to watch tv when I ask them to ( while I prepare dinner) . The older kids will let a whole sunny skied day pass them by if I didn't demand they at least go out for a bit ....I dont SIT like literally as us moms know if we sit we stop all together , we are constantly wiping up a mess, laundry, food, the list is every changing and always adding up. So onto your kids, they are older and need that responsibility ...I would almost demand some type of responsibility on them , 24 ?? Seriously needs to be helping ALOT . I had my own job and place at 17 , payed my bills drove myself to work ....not saying everyone should be doing that at this age but dang if your living with your parents ...your gonna need to follow some rules and pitch in on stuff even if it's just some support taking a walk with your mom. Kudos to you for not blowing a lid on the lack of support , good luck to you in getting it ....just know even if they don't show they are watching you they see all you do and just won't appreciate it until your not doing it anymore
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It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN!
(pats hand) right, right. :blushing: What was I thinking? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
He also has a sometimes thankless job :flowerforyou:0 -
It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN! (pats hand) right, right. :blushing: What was I thinking? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
He also has a sometimes thankless job :flowerforyou:
The smile on my daughters face when i get home is thanks enough from her.
The look on my wifes face when i get home, and she can now enjoy some free time is thanks enough from her.
****s gonna get real when she goes back to work!
ETA - in our house we both pull our weight!0 -
No offense, but it says a lot about your kids considering you have health problems and they don't seem to care.0
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5 two boys and three beautiful girls
oldest will be 22 in aug0 -
This is why it's best to give kids chores and get them active from a young age.
YES.0 -
It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN! (pats hand) right, right. :blushing: What was I thinking? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
He also has a sometimes thankless job :flowerforyou:
The smile on my daughters face when i get home is thanks enough from her.
The look on my wifes face when i get home, and she can now enjoy some free time is thanks enough from her.
****s gonna get real when she goes back to work!
ETA - in our house we both pull our weight!
:noway: SMILE????....wait...you don't have teenagers, do you?
that's when *kitten* gets real :huh:0 -
What do your kids do all day? At age 18-25 they should be doing all of their own cooking and cleaning and childcare. Pass off your grandkids on their parents and hit the gym! If you don't focus on yourself, who will?0
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This is why it's best to give kids chores and get them active from a young age.
so this ^^ during the school year my daughter does less, it's basically dishwasher load/empty, clean up after her dog, clean her room and bathroom, pick up after herself and get good grades. In the summer she does the "housework" while I'm at work, she vacuums, dusts, takes the trash out, helps with yard work/pool, and other previous duties as assigned. She plays soccer year round, and runs track and cross country. BTW she also does not get an allowance - she is allowed to live in my house, eat the food I provide and wear the clothes that I paid for. I will not pay her to help me keep our home running. If she does extra things like wash my car she gets paid. I joke with her all the time that she's on the 18 and out plan, when she's 18 she's out on her own. LOL0 -
i am confused here. how does this fit in the success forum? this story almost makes me afraid to become a grand parent one day.
I know right0 -
I don’t think it is fair to criticize her or her kids or their house hold environment. She came looking for advice and its thoughtless to throw in her face her kids are lazy her kids are this why aren’t you doing this. We don’t know what she has or hasn’t tried to do to get them motivated and we can’t pretend that we do we don’t live her life.
My advice as a mother and if see everyone's point if just don’t feel the need to throw anything in your face. You need to give those kiddos some ultimatums. Get them motivated to get off their butts and do something! If your running circles around them with your health issues then use that energy to kick their butts into gear and they will hopefully come across some motivation and enjoy it0 -
I don’t think it is fair to criticize her or her kids or their house hold environment. She came looking for advice and its thoughtless to throw in her face her kids are lazy her kids are this why aren’t you doing this. We don’t know what she has or hasn’t tried to do to get them motivated and we can’t pretend that we do we don’t live her life.
My advice as a mother and if see everyone's point if just don’t feel the need to throw anything in your face. You need to give those kiddos some ultimatums. Get them motivated to get off their butts and do something! If your running circles around them with your health issues then use that energy to kick their butts into gear and they will hopefully come across some motivation and enjoy it
Says it's thoughtless to call them lazy.
Then suggests they are lazy by recommending "ultimatums" and "motivate them to get off their butts".
Logic Lolz.0 -
I have 4 daughters and I work a full time job. With that and running my household (the girls do their chores) and the gym during my lunch breaks...I know where you're coming from.
I just keep signing them up for 5k runs to do with me and they have so much fun that they love it!
I guess whereas I lost my Mother at an early age, my girls fear that will happen and will spend time with me (during runs or outside on their bikes/rollerblades).0 -
It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN! (pats hand) right, right. :blushing: What was I thinking? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
He also has a sometimes thankless job :flowerforyou:
The smile on my daughters face when i get home is thanks enough from her.
The look on my wifes face when i get home, and she can now enjoy some free time is thanks enough from her.
****s gonna get real when she goes back to work!
ETA - in our house we both pull our weight!
:noway: SMILE????....wait...you don't have teenagers, do you?
that's when *kitten* gets real :huh:
Nope just an 11 month old - see profile picture!0 -
I don’t think it is fair to criticize her or her kids or their house hold environment. She came looking for advice and its thoughtless to throw in her face her kids are lazy her kids are this why aren’t you doing this. We don’t know what she has or hasn’t tried to do to get them motivated and we can’t pretend that we do we don’t live her life.
My advice as a mother and if see everyone's point if just don’t feel the need to throw anything in your face. You need to give those kiddos some ultimatums. Get them motivated to get off their butts and do something! If your running circles around them with your health issues then use that energy to kick their butts into gear and they will hopefully come across some motivation and enjoy it
Says it's thoughtless to call them lazy.
Then suggests they are lazy by recommending "ultimatums" and "motivate them to get off their butts".
Logic Lolz.
Why? Because she would be offering way to get them motivated to get up and move rather than allow them to sit around all day?0 -
It's a mom thing :blushing:
I'm 45 and my kids are 24 and 18 years old. Both go to the gym & lift heavy with my husband and I, and both go to yoga classes with us. We just added kettle bells too.
That said, I still do the lion's share of the housework & remain the backbone of the family keeping everyone on track & in line.
I work inside & outside of the house, both kids go to school & also work (as does DH).
As moms, if we don't do it, who will?....home training starts early but doesn't always take :grumble:
I still struggle sometimes.
Congratulations for keeping on :drinker: You will be their inspiration someday if you aren't already!
The Dad!
And you know this MAN! (pats hand) right, right. :blushing: What was I thinking? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
He also has a sometimes thankless job :flowerforyou:
The smile on my daughters face when i get home is thanks enough from her.
The look on my wifes face when i get home, and she can now enjoy some free time is thanks enough from her.
****s gonna get real when she goes back to work!
ETA - in our house we both pull our weight!
:noway: SMILE????....wait...you don't have teenagers, do you?
that's when *kitten* gets real :huh:
Nope just an 11 month old - see profile picture!
Enjoy it now my friend! :drinker:
I'm sure I'm not the first parent of young adults who wishes for the days when you could squeeze and kiss their chubby cheeks to squeals of delight instead of sighs of disdain and 'mom! people are LOOKING!' through gritted teeth.
Yes....they will rob you of your punctuation too when they get to that age :blushing:0 -
How is it after a full day of watching 6 grand-babies all 3 years old & under, catering to my daughters needs, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, washing the loads and loads of laundry & dishes, being a taxi, doing the yard work & about everything else: I am still the one who wants to walk for 2 hours a night? I just can't figure it out.
Hate to be rude, but here's the problem, you do everything for them, therefore, they are lazy.
+10 -
This is why it's best to give kids chores and get them active from a young age.
I agree.0 -
It's not just a mom thing. You can be a very good mother and not raise lazy lay abouts of adults.
My 5 and 7 year old both fold and put away their laundry, dishes, keep their rooms clean.
Need to teach them responsiblity young.
Have your Grandchildren do what little chores they can do. I find kids actually take pride in it.
And as far as the adults, EVERYBODY needs to pull equal weight. And if they aren't contributing much financially they should pull extra weight for you.
The thing about being a martyr and doing it all yourself is that it's awesome and you feel like she-woman. Then you realize you are just being taken advantage of.0
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