Should I be upset about my husband watching porn?

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shannonbrown8489
shannonbrown8489 Posts: 27
in Chit-Chat
I noticed sometimes when I walk in the room my husband exes out of whatever site he was on. I got curious and yes I snooped on his laptop and found he has been watching porn every single morning when I'm asleep and in the evening when I'm definitely not asleep! I never turn him down for sex, I love sex as much as anyone else! I know men watch porn and women too ( I have before) but never when he's here. What hurts the most is I just had our son 6 weeks ago and have felt insecure about my post baby body which is why I joined MFP. Now I feel even more ugly and self conscious. The girls in the porn were all super skinny with perky boobs and like 18-20 years old. I also found that he has a bunch of girls facebooks bookmarked... Like pretty model looking girls, most from our area. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I'm truly upset. Should I confront him or just let it go?
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Replies

  • BreederUK
    BreederUK Posts: 60 Member
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    I'm a guy and I think you have every right to be upset. Especially considering you're both just had your first child.
    I would confront him as its obviously upset you.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Work on yourself and learn to love all that you are. Having a new baby (assuming it's your first) can cause all sorts mayhem in the beginning. Maybe see a counselor for depression.


    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
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    I think you should talk to him about it in a non confrontational way.

    You're gorgeous, girl! Best wishes. :)
  • Groovyca2022
    Groovyca2022 Posts: 21,378 Member
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    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    The facebook thing with local girls would piss me off and I would bring that to his attention that that is border-line cheating. All other porn, where there is absolutely no chance of physical touching, I would not care.

    HOWEVER - if you notice he is not initiating anymore, or he has sex with himself over you, this should be addressed asap.
  • MyiahRose
    MyiahRose Posts: 183 Member
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    You should definitely be upset. You caught him looking at porn, what are you going to catch him doing next?
    You need to confront him about it before it goes too far.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
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    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
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    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.
    I definitely agree with your last two statements.
  • abrar0290
    abrar0290 Posts: 218 Member
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    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally, because it's just a habit. However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
  • AnthonyThrashD
    AnthonyThrashD Posts: 306 Member
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    Hmmm we need more info, like a list of the links from the laptop and the bookmarked FB women. J/K! :D I wouldn't be concerned about the porn, but the bookmarked FB ladies in your area...that is crazy suspicious.
  • abrar0290
    abrar0290 Posts: 218 Member
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    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.

    That is a really good point.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
    ^^ This. and...
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally. ... However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
    ^^ This.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
    ^^ This. and...
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally. ... However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
    ^^ This.

    Allll of this..
  • Fujiberry
    Fujiberry Posts: 400 Member
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    I don't think you should really be upset about the porn. It's porn. He should know that those people get paid for it. They're actors/actresses. They're PAID for their bodies, just as Victoria's Secret models are paid for their bodies. If someone were receiving the same amount of money to keep their body in tip-top shape, I'm pretty sure that they would take the opportunity. It doesn't matter if you never say no to sex. Sometimes, people just want to have their alone time, and that's fine.

    However, I'm not so sure about the bookmarks though. Are they FB Pages or Profiles? That one's a little weird, but it depends. I like pages and follow people on facebook, even if all I like about them is their face/hair/body/whatever.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
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    ohhhh hellll you need to talk to him about this is the most non confrontational way possible . Bring up the porn first because the facebook thing could potentially get more heated so get the porn talking out of the way first. Be as open and honest about your feelings on both these things as possible

    really make it clear what boundaries and expectations you have of him right now
  • KoopaSix
    KoopaSix Posts: 252 Member
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    Why would you snoop? You go looking behind closed doors you might not like what you find. Leave those doors closed until you have REASON to open them. Everyone has their own fantasies, men and women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you or is cheating.
  • msbunnie68
    msbunnie68 Posts: 1,894 Member
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    Why would you snoop? You go looking behind closed doors you might not like what you find. Leave those doors closed until you have REASON to open them. Everyone has their own fantasies, men and women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you or is cheating.

    this.

    did you consider that he is secretive about watching porn because he doesn't want you to feel threatened by it or make you feel uncomfortable about your own body or him? Men are visual creatures, but him liking to watch porn, and even bookmark the pages, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Back in the dark old day with gas lamps and horse and carts, men in my era would buy a magazine and use that instead.

    IF you do bring it up, make sure you reassure him that it IS ok to watch porn (unless he is paying $$$$ to do so) and that you are OK with him too.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,365 Member
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    I think its the degree of watching that could be a concern, every now and then isn't a problem,, but watching all the time suggests an issue. Especially when it starts to impact on other areas of his life and those that are close to him.

    I would have done snooping myself if I noticing my partner closed out of his laptop every time I walked into the room.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
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