Co-worker looks anorexic. Help with ideas please.

jetobukur
jetobukur Posts: 22 Member
in Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
One of my co-workers (a super nice person), looks way to skinny to me. He sais she eats burgers every day, but I am not sure how many of them. I understand that is none of my business but two days ago she was talking about how she was trying to get in shape and, she is doing stairs now with weight on her ankles, and running more. I told her if anything she probably should just lift and not do any cardio as she does not look like she needs it. I was afraid of saying anything else because I understand that it is tricky. I just could not support her decision on cardio.

Have any of you ever found themselves in this situation? Can I help in any way? I hope I can, or at least not make the situation worse. Thank you in advance for all your feedback.
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Replies

  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
    How about just leave her alone and let her make her own decisions about how she chooses to live her life?
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    A) looking anorexic to you does not make her anorexic. B) if she said she eats burgers, who are you to question it? C) getting in shape does not mean lose weight to everyone.... I'd say if she asks for help, THEN help. Otherwise, leave her be.
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    Mind your own business.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    Not possible to change anyone but yourself. MYOB on this one
  • nknjansen
    nknjansen Posts: 33 Member
    How about just leave her alone and let her make her own decisions about how she chooses to live her life?

    +1

    Unless someone asks for advice, I'd consider it rude to give.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    You've suggested she lift, there's nothing else you need to do, it's up to her. You could always send her the link to MFP.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    I would recommend to not say anything at all.

    Just because you think someone looks anorexic doesn't mean they are.

    In fact, you'd be treading a thin line about job security if you approached the issue with her.

    You've said enough, you gave your two cents.

    It's her life, her work out, her success or failure.

    Even if they don't fire you for bringing up some accusation like that, it's not going to make you any friends in the office or further your career at all.

    Mind your own business.
  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
    If she is not looking for help or advice then you are best to just not say anything. You are assuming and dare you be wrong and there is something else wrong with her (if anything at all). It is nice that you are concerned but MYOB is my best advice.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
    This is so hard. You want to help her but you have to understand that what's going on (if this is what is in fact, occurring) is something that is in her head. You telling her that she looks anorexic or too skinny will not help her and in fact, it could make it worse.

    Unfortunately, this is something that she has to come to terms with on her own. You can't help her here. Anorexia is a mental illness and no matter how much you want to fix that, you can't.

    Just be supportive of her and try and keep positive. She'll see that you care and hopefully she'll become healthier for it.
  • sfbaumgarten
    sfbaumgarten Posts: 912 Member
    It's none of your business.
  • fatbegone85
    fatbegone85 Posts: 70
    So....what if you were overweight and a co-worker came up to you and suggested what types of foods to eat or workouts to do. Because you 'look' like you were addicted to food. And even if you said you worked out, they didn't believe you because you know you don't look like you do?

    It's really none of your business. And quite frankly very rude of you to appoint yourself judge of her private activities.

    Edit: Btw, my brother is super skinny and tall. He's been this way his entire life. I can't take him to any buffet because he never stops eating. Me? I look at a brownie and I gained an extra thigh. Don't be so quick to judge.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    One time I went out to lunch with a person I had just met. I ate tons of food (as I usually did back then when I was in my 20's). Then I went to the bathroom, cleaned a spill off of my clothes, flossed my teeth (as I always do after I eat), and used the facilities. Later she accused me of bulimia. She didn't think someone could eat as much as I do and be as slim as I am. She was so wrong. And she said that if I felt offended by her accusation it must be because it's true. Please, don't be like that. Get help for your own issues that cause you to mentally diagnose people.
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
    So....what if you were overweight and a co-worker came up to you and suggested what types of foods to eat or workouts to do. Because you 'look' like you were addicted to food. And even if you said you worked out, they didn't believe you because you know you don't look like you do?

    It's really none of your business. And quite frankly very rude of you to appoint yourself judge of her private activities.

    Exactly! +1
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    For half a year, I barely ate at all. I ate less than half of the calories I consume now. I never hit a low BMI. My BMI was around 19 or 20 at my lowest, 21 on average. When I started, I was around a BMI of 31 or so. I had an eating disorder.

    What is my point? You cannot always tell by looking at someone whether they have an eating disorder or not. Your concern for your coworker is admirable. But unless you two are close friends, you might be overstepping your boundaries if you say something. Even if she does have an eating disorder, you'd probably be overstepping your boundaries. I know when I was in the midst of mine, I would not have taken advice from someone who was not a close friend or family member. I would have taken offense.
  • jetobukur
    jetobukur Posts: 22 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Is this for real? If anyone came up to me with some BS unsolicited advice, I would tell them to shove it straight up their *kitten*.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    She said she wants to get fit. She didn't say lose weight. You could suggest weights for the fitness benefits, as you did, without the judgement.
  • NextPage
    NextPage Posts: 609 Member
    I am not sure why you would advise her or anyone not to do cardio at all since it isn't something you only do if you are trying to lose weight. Like most people she probably wants to have a healthy heart, reduce stress etc. or perhaps train for a sport she really enjoys. "Get in shape" is a pretty general lifestyle goal. She didn't say she was doing cardio for 3-4 hours a day every day. In terms of whether or not she is eating too little I wouldn't say anything. However, if she brings it up, be available to ask questions, and then offer support rather than giving advice based on assumptions alone.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.

    again, getting in shape does NOT mean losing weight for everyone. For her, it could actually mean GAINING weight. You have NO idea. I've been there. I've had to get fit, i.e. gain weight and everyone had plenty of not so nice, none of their effing business things to say about me, while I was trying to gain weight in a healthy manner. Seriously, worry about yourself and not her.
  • jetobukur
    jetobukur Posts: 22 Member
    I am not sure why you would advise her or anyone not to do cardio at all since it isn't something you only do if you are trying to lose weight. Like most people she probably wants to have a healthy heart, reduce stress etc. or perhaps train for a sport she really enjoys. "Get in shape" is a pretty general lifestyle goal. She didn't say she was doing cardio for 3-4 hours a day every day. In terms of whether or not she is eating too little I wouldn't say anything. However, if she brings it up, be available to ask questions, and then offer support rather than giving advice based on assumptions alone.

    You're right, I have a hard time figuring out what is support and what is advice sometimes. Thank you :)
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.

    I missed the part where she asked for your support.
  • jetobukur
    jetobukur Posts: 22 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.

    again, getting in shape does NOT mean losing weight for everyone. For her, it could actually mean GAINING weight. You have NO idea. I've been there. I've had to get fit, i.e. gain weight and everyone had plenty of not so nice, none of their effing business things to say about me, while I was trying to gain weight in a healthy manner. Seriously, worry about yourself and not her.

    I know some people can be very intruding. I don't want to be one of them.
  • jetobukur
    jetobukur Posts: 22 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.

    I missed the part where she asked for your support.

    I am preparing in case it happens
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    When it comes to coworkers and their fitness and health, I strongly recommend a big glass of STFU
  • Samstan101
    Samstan101 Posts: 699 Member
    I agree with you guys in not giving advice if not asked. I would never accuse her however of being anorexic, but I can not support weight loss goals if I see that it would be unhealthy.

    Thank you for all the input. You guys are great :)

    Also I would never go up to her and tell her how to live her life. Mot my business, and I can see how she'd be taken aback.

    again, getting in shape does NOT mean losing weight for everyone. For her, it could actually mean GAINING weight. You have NO idea. I've been there. I've had to get fit, i.e. gain weight and everyone had plenty of not so nice, none of their effing business things to say about me, while I was trying to gain weight in a healthy manner. Seriously, worry about yourself and not her.

    I know some people can be very intruding. I don't want to be one of them.

    I'm sorry but you already are! You've started a thread asking a bunch of strangers how to 'help' someone who hasn't asked for your help. Whether she wants to run a marathon, dead lift a small car or gain 50lbs is absolutely nothing to do with you. She's a co-worker not a loved one (and even then treading carefully would be highly advisable).
  • Charlie003
    Charlie003 Posts: 1,333 Member
    When it comes to coworkers and their fitness and health, I strongly recommend a big glass of STFU

    Agree 1000%.
  • Teliooo
    Teliooo Posts: 725 Member
    Seriously. You can't just say she looks anorexic. My mum used to get this said to her regularly until she was in her 30s. She was just very skinny until then. She actually could not gain weight, no matter how hard she tried.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Why don't you worry about your own goals that you haven't reached yet, before worrying about someone else's?
  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    You wouldn't want people saying anything to you about your weight. Thin people don't like it either. my advice is :

    tumblr_mnh87vnnzg1sop02yo1_250.gif?w=640
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Wonderful quote I came across " Mind your own maintenance." " Don't give advice unless asked." Only thing you could say is how you feel which is " I am concerned about you." Then be quiet. It is up to that person to continue the conversation, if they choose to.

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