Mothers Day And Grandma

Kiyalynn
Kiyalynn Posts: 128 Member
in Chit-Chat
I know Mothers Day has already passed, but today I was telling a friend what I did for my first mothers day.

We went out to eat, with my mother in law, the day before mothers day (at my request), and then had dinner on mothers day at my Mother in law's place because she HAD to do something on mothers day... We both got gifts from my husband... or rather we told him what to buy us and he goes 'Sure'.

Anyway I didn't really think much of it at the time... but now... I'm wondering... Is it Normal to take Grandma out for Mothers Day? Every Mothers Day? Or should that day be for me and just my husband and children?

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind My husband respecting his mom for mothers day, (even tho we can't do the same for my mom due to distance.) I just wonder if Maybe we should have Mothers day with just my husband and Kids... I know My mother-in-law loves holidays... she goes crazy with them, so I don't really want to be rude to her. So for any Grandma's out there, would you think it was rude If your daughter-in-law didn't want to have dinner including you for mothers day? I think a compromise would be that my husband take her out on mothers day (since I don't want to be in the crowds on the official 'mothers day' and prefer to go the day before or after), and then we can start celebrating Grandparents day and have a outing with everyone?... but that adds Two more dinners to the holiday bill...

I'm also torn... because my Mother-In-law is a widower, and has no one but her only son to spend holidays with... but shouldn't some holidays be for just a husband and wife and their kids?

How Many of you take GRANDMA out on Mothers day?
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Replies

  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Here is what I think, and you probably won't like it.

    I think you're being incredibly selfish.
    You're throwing a fit because your husbands mother wants to spend time with him on MOTHERS DAY??!?

    SHE HAS NO ONE ELSE.


    Get over yourself.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    That's your husband's mother. It's Mother's Day...

    I think you're being a little selfish seeing as how her son is all she has left.

    Some holidays may be for just "husbands wifes and kids", but is it really that much of a crimp in your side to invite/have your MIL there, as well? Does it satisfy you to know that she's alone on a holiday and you get alone time with your family -- the people you live with and see day after day?
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    wow.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • Kiyalynn
    Kiyalynn Posts: 128 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    .
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    I always take my grandmothers out for mother's day. And my aunt. And of course my mother.


    I must be doing it wrong?
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    Sure.
    I've read your posts numerous times because it has me that mad.

    Your husband still has a right to spend MOTHERS DAY WITH HIS MOTHER. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you don't get this, and you're making it all about you.


    You get 364 other days out of the year with your husband and kids.
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    Maybe make Mother's Day just a special day between you and your kid? Have exciting adventures together. Let the husband spend the day with his mother.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    Your day is every day when you're married. Sometimes marriage takes us away from our extended families...and since this is the official MOTHERS DAY and she is your husband's MOM, then NO, that's not a good compromise to make up some holiday for grand parents because you gave birth -- congrats. But that older woman gave birth to your husband and HE deserves to be able to show his respect and appreciation for her with out a wife being SELFISH about the damn thing....

    It's ONE day that he can lavish on HER, where as he's lavishing on you ever day. Again, GET OVER YOURSELF.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?
    I don't understand why it can't be your day AND her day. I don't get it. Do you not want to spend time with her?
  • Junken__Diraffe
    Junken__Diraffe Posts: 102
    Yes. Some holidays should be just for a husband and wife. Valentines Day. Steak and bj day. Your birthday. His birthday (unless, of course, he'd like to include that lady that made his birth possible.)

    Think about how you'll feel when you're a lonely woman who's only child married someone so selfish they won't go a bit outside their comfort zone to do dinner with you on mother's day.

    After that, make sure you raise a child who would tell that spouse to take a flying leap because that is their mother, for God's sake and they'll be damned if anyone is going to get in the way of honoring the person for whom this holiday was created.

    Bless your heart...:flowerforyou:
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    Hopefully, someday long into the future, when your husband is dead and you have no one, your daughter will include you in her mother's day celebration with her husband. That is, unless you teach her your selfish, needy ways. You have a lot of mothers days ahead of you. His mother, not nearly as many. Karma...
  • Kiyalynn
    Kiyalynn Posts: 128 Member
    Maybe make Mother's Day just a special day between you and your kid? Have exciting adventures together. Let the husband spend the day with his mother.
    See now This one sounds Awesome... But I guess I'm a horrible person because I think we spend enough time with Grandma... she comes over Once a week... we take her to the chiropractor once a month... and every holiday but the ONE I get to spend with my family...
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Maybe make Mother's Day just a special day between you and your kid? Have exciting adventures together. Let the husband spend the day with his mother.
    See now This one sounds Awesome... But I guess I'm a horrible person because I think we spend enough time with Grandma... she comes over Once a week... we take her to the chiropractor once a month... and every holiday but the ONE I get to spend with my family...

    Do you must not like the woman?
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Maybe make Mother's Day just a special day between you and your kid? Have exciting adventures together. Let the husband spend the day with his mother.
    See now This one sounds Awesome... But I guess I'm a horrible person because I think we spend enough time with Grandma... she comes over Once a week... we take her to the chiropractor once a month... and every holiday but the ONE I get to spend with my family...

    Poor you.
  • paperalien
    paperalien Posts: 167 Member
    You Mother in Law doesn't stop being your Husbands Mother once you have a kid.....
    It will always be mothers day for her as well as you as she is HIS mother.

    Maybe you could do a big family lunch and then have a quiet family dinner with just you, your hubby and kids if you want to have family time on mothers day.

    But I think it is incredibly important for Grandparents to still feel loved and involved on mothers day and fathers day as they are still parents. Their children have just grown up.

    How would you feel if your children had children and then started to do absolutely nothing for you on mothers day....
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol

    Yeahh. I'm 26 and my mom is only 45, OP's MIL may be a similar age. They may have another 40 years of grandma time ahead of them.

    NTTAWWT
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    I think you need to think a bit down the road, If you where alone would you want to have you children see you on that day even if they had their own families ?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol

    Yeahh. I'm 26 and my mom is only 45, OP's MIL may be a similar age. They may have another 40 years of grandma time ahead of them.

    NTTAWWT

    I misread something somewhere, I thought we were talking about her husband's grandmother.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    This makes me sad. I don't think I have anything to add that hasn't been said so I'll just answer the question - my grandmothers have passed but my sister and I took my mother out along with my niece. In the past, my husband and I have taken our mothers out.
    I look forward next year to taking our child and our mothers (if his mother is visiting, if not we will celebrate when she comes next time) to celebrate with all of us. I haven't had an official Mothers Day yet but I don't really see it as "my" day, it's more of a family day.
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    It sounds like a bigger issue than just Mother's Day....
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    You say 'I' a whole lot...this holiday isn't about YOU. It's about your husband and his mother...whether you have one or twenty kids, you're IRRELEVANT on this day. Deuces!
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol

    Yeahh. I'm 26 and my mom is only 45, OP's MIL may be a similar age. They may have another 40 years of grandma time ahead of them.

    NTTAWWT

    I misread something somewhere, I thought we were talking about her husband's grandmother.

    Nope, her husbands MOTHER
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    You say 'I' a whole lot...this holiday isn't about YOU. It's about your husband and his mother...whether you have one or twenty kids, you're IRRELEVANT on this day. Deuces!

    You, I like you.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol

    Yeahh. I'm 26 and my mom is only 45, OP's MIL may be a similar age. They may have another 40 years of grandma time ahead of them.

    NTTAWWT

    I misread something somewhere, I thought we were talking about her husband's grandmother.

    Nope, her husbands MOTHER

    Well, when a man marries, his whole family dies.

    Oh wait.
  • Kiyalynn
    Kiyalynn Posts: 128 Member
    I think you need to think a bit down the road, If you where alone would you want to have you children see you on that day even if they had their own families ?
    No, I don't think I would... because MY DAUGHTER deserves to have her mothers day. And I think that knowing I will be a young widower... My husband is 45. (Yeah I know you guys will think I'm even more horrible knowing that). But seriously did None hear me say we could start a new tradition of having GRANDPARENTS day? you know... the first Sunday after labor day?
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Maybe it is selfish... but Isn't it MY day too? I gave birth to a daughter this year, I also thought that My husband could go out with his mother to celebrate with just them, and then start including GRANDPARENTS day... did you read that far? Is that a bad compromise?

    You're 25. I assume your husband is a similar age, not to be morbid but you probably won't have to worry about grandma for much longer.

    Have you own family celebrations, but don't go excluding an old woman who is alone in the world.
    she's probably not that old, lol

    Yeahh. I'm 26 and my mom is only 45, OP's MIL may be a similar age. They may have another 40 years of grandma time ahead of them.

    NTTAWWT

    I misread something somewhere, I thought we were talking about her husband's grandmother.

    Nope, her husbands MOTHER

    Well, when a man marries, his whole family dies.

    Oh wait.

    I effing wish.






    Wait. Was that inappropriate? My bad.

    But seriously. I wish.

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