Helpless and Hopeless.

How do I change my habits? I did good for the first couple weeks but I fell off (as I normally do). I have no sense of portion control. I tend to binge eat with instant remorse. I am a complete emotional eater...I always have been. I drink soda and I think I'm addicted lol I hate that girl looking back at me in the mirror!! It's starting to take a toll on me mentally and this is taking a toll on my relationships. I feel helpless and hopeless! Has anyone felt like this? How did you push yourself? What was your breaking point? Please help....I can't live like this anymore. I need to shed my "fat suit" Skinny Tonya is screaming inside!

There is no skinny Tonya. There is just you and your next choice. You are the sum of each choice you make over a day, over a week, over a year.

Tonya, I've been where you are. It all seems so incredibly big. And because we want so desperately to make all the changes at once we jump in with both feet and it overwhelms us. So start small. Pick one healthy habit at a time. Don't eat breakfast? Start by eating something in the morning. If it's super healthy, great! If it's a bowl of corn pops, that's okay too. Just plan for it. Don't make all the changes at once. It's too scary and you'll slide and the cycle begins again.

DON'T beat yourself up for "being bad" and don't reward yourself too much for "being good." There is no such thing as being bad or being good. There's just being healthy. If you eat the brownie, then make sure it's the best dang brownie you ever ate. Savor the flavor, the texture, every single bite. Then let it go and get back to healthy food. Don't beat yourself up for slipping. Don't obsess over what you did wrong because you can't make it not have happened. Just keep your eyes forward and plan out the next meal. Keep healthy snacks in your bag with you at all times so you don't get caught off guard.

There is no perfect path to this. We're all struggling and we all have off days or meals. We all have our vices. The key is tracking it and making better choices. And NOT beating yourself up. I know it's cliche but this is a marathon, not a sprint. You'll do great and when you feel weak or afraid, come here. Let this group of people be your support. :-)

Everything Grace said right above me an one more thing to read:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/graceisjinxed/view/just-stop-669606

Start with small changes- they feel less overwhelming at the time. I weigh and measure all of my food because my eyes always wants more than my stomach needs. you can do this

This.

Pick the lowest hanging fruit, the easiest goal first, so you can look back when needed and remind yourself you reached that one.

Perhaps drop the pop, as empty calories that may have more of a sugar effect on you (very possible if overweight).

Either go diet if that is realistic, or cut back at same time with diet, or flavored water with caffeine, ect.

Spend several weeks with that while you follow advice to log everything. Make loss amount realistic too, like 1 lb weekly as recommended.

Perhaps next step, if sugars really hit you hard and make you get low blood sugar and feel hungry when not and crave more.

No snacks or meals that are only or predominantly simple refined carbs in breads. No bagel for a snack, no bowl of high sugar cereal, no toast and butter. If the bread is after you've eat protein and fat, fine, if you have the calories for it.

And while this is going on, make you list of why you fail.
Eat that tub of ice cream? Why did you buy it? Can you buy small ice cream cups and just eat one? Must you avoid because of no self-control?
Did you run through fast food place and order too much and the wrong stuff? Why was that only option? Did you not pack a desired lunch? Did you wait too long for a meal and then weren't thinking? Why late?
Ect. Make that list and keep on fridge and in car in big words to stare at.

Also, weight is just as mental as it is physical. You said your an emotional eater (I am too) I sought out counseling and it has done wonders for me. Just a thought.

Oh and I picked up a barbell and heavy weights and fell in love.

Here is good motivation series to listen to regarding compliance.

It's from the perspective of the smart trainer motivating the customer, but it still applies, you can still get something valuable out of it - if willing to.

Nobody can give you desire and willingness.

http://www.exrx.net/People/Berardi/Compliance1.html

I feel very similar to you. Commit again - don't give up. When you see results, it will help you continue. I started so many times and I never got results in the first month to be honest I don't know why but being female our bodies are resistant to change!
Our hormones are like....stay fat woman!!! So remember that and keep pushing it

Did you know they pump pigs with estrogen to make them fatter and have more meat to sell ? We are full of estrogen so it isn't even fair. Just think about how much you want it. And think if I can eat healthy and withstand the stress and pressure of not giving in for hours...you will lose the weight you wanted to lose for years!!!!

P.S.- Is it diet soda we are talking about? If not switch to and boom pounds will comeoff. I'm assuming it is diet, if so, I am also addicted and I have been pretty much obese and underweight and I drank the same amount of diet soda either way! So diet soda is likely not the enemy.

edit: just read your reply on the first page I missed that before and I wanted to say I come from a family of overweights and I grew up eating fastfood 6xweek...you can do this!!!!