Incredibly sad

Hey love.

Smile! If you need a friend, ask. If you need training advice, ask. If you need help understanding basic physiology, ask. If you are looking for encouragement, ask. Simply reach out and ask.

I'll ask you this: Is therapy helping?
How long have you been going?
What are your expectations from the therapist?
What are your expectations from this online forum?

We all come across bumps in the road. Its up to you to go over it and stop looking back. Its why the windshield is much larger than the rear view mirror.

Hugs.

+1 please everyone wait to reply to this. She has question to answer that will help us help her better.

We MFP mates are here to help however we can. DO you know what kind of therapist you are seeing? What school of psychology she studied? This will tell me how she might be counseling you.

I remember it's hard to look to the future when you're young. I vaguely do remember that. But try. What are you going to do if you ever decide you want kids? Adopt so your body won't change? Are you going to allot massive amounts of your income to future plastic surgeries as you age? Because it's all downhill from here, kiddo. Especially certain parts. You can't stop gravity without spending a whole lot of money. And are you going to end up with that permanently surprised face-lift expression rather than allow your face to be graced by a few wrinkles?

I'm all for looking how we each want to look, and I have some very high standards myself (especially for someone my age) but the monster known as reality, tough as it is to acknowledge sometimes, is out there. We can only do so much to look like we were born into a long line of super models. Sounds like you're putting everything else you have on hold for this one aspect of life. But if you aren't planning a career on a runway, is that really a good allocation of your energies?

Are you sure you're not over-focusing on this one issue because you're scared to move forward and risk failure in some other part of your life? Sometimes that happens. Take hold of the rest of your future now while you're young and full of energy. When you get where you want to be, if you still don't like your looks, then you can worry about it.

Hi Fugeela, let me first start out by saying that just through what you've written I can tell that you are a very beautiful person with a deeply full soul-- and your photos (whether current or not) give no indication of being fat, however I know that is NO consolation because only one's self can ultimately dictate the way they see themselves. But for the record, I (and others in everyday life I'm sure) can honestly see you for more worth and substance than you believe.

I think it is amazing that you see a therapist and I really hope that you are comfortable enough with them so see yourself eventually making progress-- honestly, you may have already without even realizing it. You mentioned being in this place a year ago and I'll say with experience that even getting out of it again, it may happen again-- it's all about having the tools to pull yourself out because it truly is a cycle that comes in waves. I've experienced a range of emotional and psychological issues since child/teen hood, including this depression and anxiety, to the point where it's unbelievable how much it progresses into adulthood and the ways in which it changes-- some aspects for the better, but worse more often than not in some cases. I saw multiple counselors over the years as it is very hard to find the right one and even harder to work up the courage to fully open up to them, but currently I hate to admit this but I am afraid to find another as much as I know I could benefit at this point.

I think you are a very strong woman for reaching out-- that is one thing I myself struggle with being in a pretty similar situation. A lot of my anxiety and sadness stems from issues of my appearance, but it has grown so much to turn me into a reclusive and silent basket case that makes me feel like a horrible person all around because when you feel so disgusted with yourself it is very hard to fully be there for anyone else. Then when I do feel even remotely social, I feel like an A-hole to reach out after so much time so resorting back to hermit-hood seems like the only option because of that overly self consciousness and hyper anxiety (both general and social). As cliche as this sounds, it is so true: you have taken the first step having seeked help in a couple of venues. As much help that is accepted though, it is ultimately up to ourselves to do the real "fixing" and that part really never ends for people with emotional problems but it DOES get better once we learn to somewhat healthily manage these feelings when they start flooding in time after time.

Being artist, I suggest you use this as an outlet if you haven't already. I've been slacking in this lately, but it's safe to say that it's yet again another thing I am afraid of solidifying which may be the case for you as well. Write it out. All of it, put it all down in your own poetic words. Everything you have felt, do feel, everything you want for yourself and don't want for yourself. Write up little positive notes regarding your attributes you do take pride in and post around your mirror. Write a song or poem or story or a letter to yourself. For some this turns into a dwelling session which can in turn be more destructive, but for deeply internal people it is sometimes the only way to deal and put it all into a perspective we can understand and appreciate.

Even as you said that beauty is deeper than physical appearance, I know that it's so much easier to believe that when it comes to others but extremely hard to take fith in that notion when it comes to yourself. It is so hard to change the way you see yourself, believe me I know, but there will come a day when you hone in every skill you've got to bring yourself to that point where you are at the very least comfortable. It'll take a long while, but it'll come. I've had to gather every last bit of faith to believe that for myself since I am right there on the road with you, but I do believe it can happen for you as well. Whatever your list of ultimate goals contains; it is a long journey that can go from every extreme and trade one deficit for another, it will stabalize, feel stalled (as you know in the current plateau you've hit) time after time, but more of those little victories will come and lift you up until you feel your true strength kicking in.

Feel free to add me, I think we might have quite a few things to relate with which seems hard to come by with these particular issues. It's a true struggle that not many people on the outside or even on the inside can understand since everyone has their individual emotions and problems, but sometimes it's worth the try to find people who are in or have somehow come out of similar places. Take care girl and I hope to hear from you and see you succeed in your own way on here.

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being pristine, rate your sleep.
On a scale from 1-10, 10 being perfect and on time, rate your monthly cycle.
On a scale from 1-10, 10 being perfect, rate you current nutrition.

If for any of the above you choose 5 or less, fix those to fix your hormones to fix your brain (feelings).
Having a smart goal to move forward, you'll be able to take small steps towards fixing the bigger issue.
Sounds like you're trying to fix everything at once and feel defeated.
This goes for people trying to lose weight.
This goes for people trying to get a degree.
This goes for people trying to do anything really.
To eat the elephant you start with 1 small bite.

I am a firm believer in going into the past. This trip down memory lane might hurt but I does kinda explain a lot of how people live there lives? BTW has your therapist every asked you questions about your past?

According to your profile you are 21. There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of girls your age that feel the same way you do, and I don't get it. Have you had your hormones checked? Seratonin? I am in no way belittling how you feel, I just find it very odd how widespread this is in your age group.

sounds like some ruminative thinking..i wonder what might be helpful in stopping those ruminations.

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being pristine, rate your sleep.
On a scale from 1-10, 10 being perfect and on time, rate your monthly cycle.
On a scale from 1-10, 10 being perfect, rate you current nutrition.

If for any of the above you choose 5 or less, fix those to fix your hormones to fix your brain (feelings).
Having a smart goal to move forward, you'll be able to take small steps towards fixing the bigger issue.
Sounds like you're trying to fix everything at once and feel defeated.
This goes for people trying to lose weight.
This goes for people trying to get a degree.
This goes for people trying to do anything really.
To eat the elephant you start with 1 small bite.

I'd rate everything above a 5, nutrition I could get a better grip on, have very low iron and vitamin d.


I just feel so pathetic, I have no friends, no social life, I'm a musician who puts her first love on hold because of the way she looks which hinders me because I cant be confident or happy like this.

It is disgusting.

A lot of this got worse because my friends have moved on, and though I am happy for them, I want to move on too and grow/evolve into the great person I meant to be and am inside underneath all of this.

They are beautiful inside and out, I on the otherhand am not. I never even get male attention, only by old desperate men who make me feel worse about myself. I had my first kiss nearly two years ago, to a wonderful guy who I deep down think ended up using me because I am ugly and it isn't believable he found me attractive. It's quite a drawn out story that actually has no weight to be fair, but made a lot obvious to me about me not being attractive. He found my personality- who I actually am attractive, but not the package of me. He told me my beauty is my personality, he ended up seeing a girl much like me, just better, and not a sufferer of this nonsense as she has a great life, a model, with a beautiful disposition, positive, able to function, unlike me who can't stop worrying about this.



Doesn't help all my friends (old friends) looked like this, and had great personalities foremost, I don't see looks when I look at others, I see who they are. Looks are a shield, it is only when it comes to myself, that I get upset, because it is wrong and not right. I refuse to believe people would just be mean growing up and laugh at me in groups for no reason, make fun of my clothes, my body. Last year I went over a friends house to socialize with my girlfriends, (former), and I was smaller than I am now, and I was standing in front of these guys sitting down, who were laughing and making sour faces at my figure, in disgust, but when I turned around they'd stop and try to conceal, and go right back to continue once they thought I turned around, my ears were open. My friends didn't go through that, only me. Just damn repulsive old me. I didn't feel offended by what they said because it was mean, and I don't rate them anyway, but the principle of it is that it's not in my "mind." These are real situations.

4 years ago my friends and I went to the city one summer, my friend told me someone was staring at me, I guess trying to make me feel better- like "Look! He's checking you" byt the time I realized, this same guy told me to never wear what I had on again, that I couldn't even walk in my outfit and to not wear it again, and don't ever go out the house like that.

My friends never had to deal with that stuff.

I had a friend get angry with me because she told me to not belittle her problems as I told her she didn't know what it was like to be ugly and suffer with this, and she claimed she did because she got told she looked starving growing up by one boy in middle school.

What do they, especially her know about that? I said I was sorry to make her feel belittled as that is wrong, but she is certainly a wonderful woman, and everyone see's, no one cares to look positively at me. I don't care, but I do in a way because it signifies that I really am repulsive, just as I feel.

This woman looks too thin IMO. Not saying that's not okay for her, but this might not be a realistic goal. Keep in mind that most models don't have a healthy BMI. Good luck.

She's playing victim to her circumstances. People who want change go out and create it. Sure it's scary to step out of your comfort but we're taking about your survival.

So get out of the house and away from the things you focus on in that single place.

Get out in the heat and sunshine.

Go find a local park or Starbucks.
Sign up for Meetup.com and meet people who like the sane stuff as you.
Quit playing the helpless little girl and go change.
Even if its just a small thing.

Or

Sit and waddle in the ****.

Tough? You bet!

I want to change but the problem is that I can't seem to. Nothing changes, in fact, it just gets worse and I get very confused and saddened by such.

Ok calm down start here.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1175494-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants?hl=sexypants

I hope you find the help you need. This may not be helpful, but I will put it out there.

Reading your thoughts, what hits me first is the word "I" everywhere. You are completely into yourself, your feelings, your circumstances, etc. This is an easy trap - after all we live inside our own heads and bodies, so it is natural to think about yourself more than others. But honestly, there is such a thing as being too self-absorbed.

Depression is an ugly monster, and I dont wish it on anyone, and I know it is not as simple as saying "just stop thinking that". But if you are truly "ugly" as you say (which I doubt, we are our own worst critics), and that is the worst problem you have in life, you need to wake up. Read the news - every day people in this world have circumstances imposed on them that are so, so, so much worse than anything you have ever had to deal with. I know that doesnt really change anything, but in the grand scheme of things, you have it good.

Spend one hour today thinking about someone besides yourself. Go to a soup kitchen and volunteer. You seem to see the beauty in others but then make light of their problems because your own seems worse (of course it does, they are yours...). But this world is not all about you. There are real people out there with real problems that could use your help. Play your music at a childrens home or a nursing home. Teach a kid to play an instrument. Talk to those people and find out about THEIR problems and either just listen or try to help. Focus on someone else's problems for a little bit, and maybe your own wont seem so overwhelming.

I truly hope you find a way to get through this. I agree that if your therapist is not helping, you need to find a new one - with a proactive practical side. The Cognitive Behavior stuff is worth looking into. You only get one shot at this life, dont waste it on something that is truly trivial in the end (looks change over time, people age... etc). Do you judge people solely on their looks? Why do you assume everyone else does you?