A Different Kind of Transformation

So this post is a little different from others that might be posted on here. Everyone that knows me knows that I'm a huge advocate for self-love and extremely against any type of negative thoughts such as "I'm fat," "I have thunder thighs," "I hate the way I look," etc. but I am not sure everyone knows WHY I am SO adamant about my standpoint on these things.

The pictures below are 4 years and 15 pounds different. Picture one was August 2010, picture two was this week. They don't look too different. I doubt anyone would really be able to tell I'm 15 pounds heavier in the 2nd photo, but there is a HUUUUGE difference in my demeanor, even if you can't see it.

In the first picture I was extremely depressed and 90% of the reason for my depression was appearance-based. I feared food. I feared going out to eat. I had the same exact routine every single day. I had a G2 gatorade for breakfast (60 calories), would go to work, class, etc. Then workout for about 2 hours- run for one hour, lift light weights for another hour. Then I would have a bowl of watermelon around 3:00 PM (about 70 calories). Then, I might have had whatever was being served for dinner at home or at school, but made sure to only fill up 1/3 of my plate with it, and more times than not it was a salad. If I knew I was going out to eat that night, I made sure not to eat a thing all day. I'd have water, that's it. I was certain that happiness would come through being skinny and I wanted that at all costs. I remember going on vacation and crying because I didn't want to put on a bathing suit or refusing to leave my room because I couldn't find anything to wear that "looked good on me." I remember wondering how anyone could like me or even want to date me because of how hideous and "fat" I was. I remember when people would take pictures of me or with me and I had to have them take multiple photos and look through them to "approve" them to share with anyone, just to make sure I looked okay. I lost good relationships and good friendships because of the way I thought about myself and the way I affected others with my constant focus on appearance and food.

The funny thing, to me, is that there is such little difference between these pictures physically, but there is a GIGANTIC difference mentally and emotionally. I don't count calories, but I would guess I eat between 2000 and 2500 daily, probably more like 3000 on the weekends. I have done so much research over the last 4 years on how to be healthy, eat right, exercise right, and get over my fear of food. I am amazingly happy and incredibly healthy both physically and mentally. I rarely look in a mirror now. I workout on my lunch break from work and if I don't have time, I don't have time. I never feel guilty for eating ice cream or CHINESE FOOD. I rarely weigh myself, unless I go to the doctor's (which has been happening a lot lately, which is the reason I know my weight at this moment). I LOVE lifting and get my cardio through Zumba (I'm an instructor). I don't ever force myself to work out in any way that I don't want to anymore. If I don't want to go for a run, I'm not going to go for a run. If I'd rather sit on the couch and cuddle with my fiance and dog, that's what I do. However, just from being so positive and encouraging to myself with my growth, I have a new-found motivation for fitness and staying healthy, which is why I love to go to the gym. I love eating. I love exercising. I love MYSELF, which took a really, really long time to be able to say.




PS. If you can't tell much of a difference..... that's the point. I know I'm going to get responses that say "I don't see a transformation". It was mostly mental. With a little bit of muscle growth.


I want EVERYONE to know that if you are struggling, I am here. There are many others like you here. I went through it, I have friends who have gone through it, and I never ever in a million years thought I'd make it to the other side. I can stand here truthfully today and say that I love every part of myself inside and out- something I couldn't say years ago.

One of my favorite quotes- "I don't care how lean you are, how much you can lift, or what your body fat percentage is. If you aren't happy, you aren't healthy."

You need to love yourself. YOU need to love YOURSELF. You NEED to LOVE yourself! Whatever way you have to get that into your head, do it.


I've been working on a mini bulk for the last however many months. Obviously not keeping track of calories or macros haha but still putting as much work in at the gym as I can. I'm going to attempt a mini cut now.. We'll see how it goes...... I like my food

Current back/arms and leg pics.... because I've been working damn hard.









TL; DR: I used to starve myself, now I don't. And I grew some rockin' muscles somewhere in between.