Need help with hubbie and kids, please

in for ideas, as we're in a similar boat at my house and I need all the ideas I can get .

Not to hijack too terribly but does anyone have any ideas for approaching this with a "we have no health insurance and can't afford the hundreds of dollars it would take to get family counseling or make multiple trips to a dietician" caveat? I know, the most logical answer is "then you can't afford to buy the junk foods either," and I don't, but D(amn) Hubby always seems to find a way...

There can be no cost to dieting and exercising. With all the fancy plans, pills and programs, simply eating less calories than you burn equals weight loss.

Your kids are old enough to understand that their health is at stake. Let the doctor first explain the consequences and reassure them that they can do something about it. They must be willing to change in order to succeed.

Your husband is an adult and well that is his choice to be the way he is, he is not a good exemple for the kids but so is half the population.

Register them in activities where the fact that they are overweight make them struggle, nothing like being out of breath to realise that something must be done specially when you see every one around you running and not suffering from it.

Change their food gradually by adapting your recipes to a healthier version, keep fruits and vegetable around and also healthier snack food.

You be the adult and preach by exemple

Good luck

This sounds like emotional eating and it can't just be blamed on the foods. I know from experience. Here's my two cents, as I have the background in this exact problem. I grew up in a similar situation.

Dad bought junk food, mom tried cooking healthy meals, and when she worked three jobs to support us and my dad wouldn't cook, we all resorted to sittting on the couch eating Hungrymen watching television, then had buckets of ice cream and cookies for dessert, and then would retire to our own worlds with television, computer, and video games to escape the humdrum of our day to day lives. Especially myself. I was at my heaviest at sixteen or seventeen maybe 225-240 at 6 feet tall or so. I was depressed all the time. Didn't play sports, had no friends, etc. Sat in my room all day eating and playing games to pass the time away. This lasted up until I graduated high school. My sister at least had her dancing and softball so she maintained ok health.

Going in to college, and after my parents separation, I'd learned to start cooking for myself, had to do all my own laundry and started caring more for the animals we owned and for myself out of habit and need. I still ate a lot of junk, but I'd learned to cook the meals my mom would have cooked for us, and me and my sister started to manage a bit better once my dad moved out as well and we started paying and working for all of our own food and bills etc living where we grew up, renting out our aunts downstairs apartment. We planned better, spent better, ate better. Change required patience, and understanding, and our own maturity. We had to learn to take it on oursleves to change.

So what can I contribute from experience to your cause? Now I have outgrown that time, marrying a sweet caring girl soon, having our own house, and working and striving to build a better life for myself and her. Looking back, I see everything I could have done differently...but I've been able to make the changes here, now, and for the future.

I've lost nearly 60 pounds since I started 6 months ago. All I've done is watched what I ate, actively tried to better myself, thought more deeply about my life and my health, and bought a FitBit to monitor my steps and give me that extra motivation for change. I don't go crazy at the gym, I do nothing more than the occasional stretching and yoga and walk my dog together with my fiance for 20-30 minutes every night. I try to understand my past, all to better my future.

I don't have time for the video games as much anymore as an adult, but mostly, I don't need them as my escape anymore. I'm not depressed anymore. I'm happy and healthy. This is what you want for your family. Here's how I think you can start getting there.

1.) Get FitBits if you can afford them, at least for the kids. They're fun, engaging, and sync with smart phones. It appeals to the gamer in me, if I make it a game. Getting more steps, being more active, seeing the effort equal reward gets me going.

2.) If you have a dog, take it for a walk as a family. It promotes bonding, raises mood, and gets you more steps and activity. Do this especially after dinner. 15-20 minute walk around the block after dinner is enough to make a huge difference. If you don't have a dog, go for walks as a family anyway. Try to add something extra to it. Walk to a coffee shop, a convenient store, or somewhere fun for the family. Reward the walking at first with something to motivate them, besides the activity itself.

3.) Worry less about the foods but the amounts. I still eat crap here and there, still have coffees with cream and sugar, oreos, ice cream, etc...but I portion it, I devalue it as being rewards...I just eat what I crave when I crave it, but just enough that I am satisfied. Being less depressed means I'm satisfied more easily.

4.) You can't force this on them. They need to choose it and actively engage in it. I wish my parents had taken the time to acknowledge I had a problem. But I know I would've resented it, and rebelled against it, and been depressed to be called out on it. Being a teenager is hard, we know this. We know the pain and fear and the feeling of self doubt. Our parents have to support us, not call us out on our short comings. So the only way I could picture it going for myself...is if I went at it from an adult point of view... which is why I suggest going about it this way.

SIT DOWN...as a family...discuss it with your husband first, but sit down as a family at dinner, and before you eat, discuss it.

Dinner together as a family is bonding. Eating is not a sport or a reward, it's just food. But the time spent together is the reward. Discuss how cooking together is rewarding, discuss how, right now, change can't happen over night...but that change should happen...and it can, gradually. Discuss trying to be more active, just a little even, and how before they know it, things will improve. They might not know it, see how, but it will.

When I started, I doubted everyday. Now, now that my mind has had time to reshape itself (which like an addict, it takes time to recover going cold turkey on addictions, and food can be an addiction), it has healed, and my view on food and myself has changed...

They're unhealthy...they need change...and as their mother, yes, it is your responsibility to see them start towards making this change...but you need to get them to see that for themselves. So just present your case...hell use me, this site, our support, as an example... we want what is best for ourselves, and for others, when they seek our help...

Give them the tools to help themselves, get them to see the value in those tools, and get them slowly building towards reshaping themselves... if that's what they want...not because its what they need...

Maybe they too, when they're older, and getting married, will take it on themselves to change. They're young, they have time. I regret not changing sooner...but I found time eventually. Was it too late...only time will tell. But I already feel better and happier.

Good luck with everything. Friend me, message me, if you have any questions. I think I could be of help. I still have that fat, depressed teen inside. I can always ask him for some more advice and pass it along.

I invested in xbox kinnect and wii so my children are very active we also have giant trampoline and i enrolled them in swimming lessons my boyfriend sounds like your hubby though so i cook i do all the shopping and i throw in treats that they can choose 1 a day it is a bit OTT but i love them all and if that's what it takes im on it!!!!

All I can say is that it's very good you're concerned.

My mother was thin as a rail and my father over 300lbs while I was growing up. He'd clear 3 plates at dinner in the time it took me to clear one. Being an idiot child, I started to 'race' my father in my head, seeing if I could eat as much as quickly. That's been my relationship with food - big portions and fast. I don't know what my mother may have done to try and work on this (granted, I was still a skinny skinny kid at the time so she likely didn't know there was a problem) but around the same time my dad started calling me fat as a way to try and dissuade me.

And here I am trying to lose 100lbs. So ... it's very good you're trying to step in. But I would highly recommend against using any negative reinforcement. For me, I was always my healthiest when I was busy and when I wasn't I would sit at home and play games and snack. That's how I got really heavy. So maybe try to keep them busy as much as possible?

Thanks. Funny thing is, the meals we cook I think are healthy (for the most part), and some of it is probably portion control. So maybe I'll make less so they can't come back for seconds. Problem is, I use leftovers for my lunches!

I'm scared to death about off of their health, so keep the suggestions coming? I really appreciate the support.

I'm no expert on this, since my husband and kids are constantly active and don't need to think about their weight, but I watch other families with similar problems as yours, and I think you're onto something!

If you could make "just enough" of the more calorie dense foods (so that they don't get the feeling that they're on a diet) and then plenty of low-cal or high fiber foods to fill them up, I wonder if it would help? Sometimes, I think we have the tendency to eat just because it's there instead of pushing back from the table when we're full.

Also, if you could come up with an active hobby that your family can enjoy together, maybe that would be helpful.

Whatever you do, don't confront your husband directly. Drop little hints like looking at his dinner plant and sighing, or constantly reminding him of how big he his compared to his wedding picture. Also, withhold sex.

NOT THIS!!!

If you are able to cook most meals for everyone that is the best place to start. Also, maybe take walks as a family?
My hubby is a SUPER picky eater so I had to be creative, but I never tricked him.
He always knows when I'm hiding veggies in dinner.
We started by taking walks together and getting froyo.
Now we bike 8 miles 3-4 times a week.

It takes some creativity to motivate those who aren't ready.

i know this is going to seem out there, but perhaps you and your husband need to go to a counselor or make an appointment for both of you to meet with the doctor so you can express your concern for his and your sons' well being in a neutral place. tell him you're scared to death for him, afraid that he is going to die, and that what's happening with your son's liver is very frightening. because if your husband is happy with his weight and his eating, he's not going to change without a real wakeup call, and his example is going to reinforce your sons' eating habits, as well.

i'm so sorry you are dealing with this - it sounds very hard :-(

This is honestly what you should do. Cooking different or buying healthy things really won't help becouse If they want to eat junk they will. Go to counseling. If that's to much money then find some oa meetings in your area there free. If he flat out refuses I would suggest that you do it your self and gain insight into your own feelings and emotions then you can maybe make some tough decisions with the support of going back to someone to talk to.

Start with continuing to set the example of healthy eating and exercise. You have to consistently practice what you preach. You may never change your husband and his habits; however, you are responsible for your kids and the choices they make at this age. Take control of the grocery shopping/meal planning/tv time. Get them involved in something physical. This will require a lot of energy but its worth it. Be frank with your husband, keeping it inside will only lead to bitterness and grudges: let him know how is health affects everyone and everything (marriage). And of course, communicate that you love them all.

I am on a similar boat with you. My kids are younger, 6 and 3, and they are not overweight yet, but their eating habits suck. Me and my hubby are both about 50 pounds above where we were when we got married. I am very worried and overwhelmed. I know this is a major problem, but not quite sure where to start....

Well at that age they're not old enough to understand or be concerned with it so luckily, so long as you set good examples, you can shape them into healthier eaters and keep them engaged in activities that keep them and yourselves healthy.

Get the 6 year old pushing the 3 year old in their stroller on walks and that 6 year old gets tons of exercise already in ten minutes. Pushing a 15lb stroller with a 5 pound toddler in it is fantastic exercise! Enough to more than balance out a kids meal from McDonalds even.

Also, growing kids don't need calories counted as much since they're growing, but after puberty hits, at that 13 year old age, that's when you have to watch them pretty closely, or they balloon up. Growing kids are always hungry, especially teens. But they need to keep active to balance it out.

Emptying a plate of pizza rolls was my go to snack, but I'd eat them sitting on the couch playing games for four hours, instead of outside running around. So just keep those kids moving and engaged. If anything else, trade them off video game and couch and computer time for 30 minute walks after dinner, or 15 minutes before they do homework. Get fresh air, get their blood pumping, especially after sitting all day in school (and probably being lax during gym class like I know I was), and it'll even improve their learning and thinking during homework too.