getting divorced

For me....it was the best thing to do. In fact long overdue,
As for the pity part...maybe you still care to some degree?
In time that will pass....

It's completely normal to feel concerned for a person that you have been in a relationship with even after it's ended, especially if the split was amicable, and they are a good person. I wouldn't bother with pity though, if you are as different as you say he may be just as relieved as you that the marriage has ended. Also probably best to get new accounts soon before it just gets weird.

Thats common to feel that way in a situation like yours. When you separate smoothly without a major dramatic angry incident, there will still be feelings. I am sure you still care a lot for him and you will continue to worry about him even after you both move on emotionally.

For me, I didn't love my first husband. I knew I didn't love him when I married him; he was my child's father. I was sad that at 23, I had failed at a big life moment. I was sad that my son would grow up without a father (I had his rights terminated, he was a real winner :ohwell: ). I think you're feelings are valid because they are YOUR feelings. Even though you don't want to stay in the marriage and it's ok with you that it isn't working out, you still care for this person on some level.

I also went through a range of emotions. First, the sadness. Then after that stage was over, the anger came. Angry at him for being the way he was, at myself for marrying him. After that was done, I felt nausea every time I heard his voice. He was an abusive alcoholic. Once that was done, I felt nothing. I think all in all, it took about a year to go through all of those emotions.

Wow sorry for your loss. This sounds a lot like my fiance and I, though on the flip side of things.

We live together, have a house in her name, a dog, and she's outgoing and personable and I am a loner and nerd into books, movies, shows, cartoons, comics, etc. By all accounts, we fit your description of your personalities.

Our checking accounts aren't connected, though we have a joint house account, which she puts more money into than I can, having a better job, etc. But we both keep our spending in check, have separate savings, take turns on grocery shopping, both pay our share of bills, and split the mortgage 65/35 or so (she pays the bulk as it started as her house and as she makes more). She's always been responsible with money and doesn't spend excessively on clothes, food, coffee, etc beyond what is necessary. I started out spending more than I do know when we first started dating and didn't care about saving because I started out with the attitude spend it while you have it because one day you won't have it, just like my parents. Where as she saves it to have when she needs it, basically the "right" way. But I've grown into an adult, and have corrected these mistakes. Now we're happy and working on building our future.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. It helps put my relationship in perspective. I'm sorry you weren't able to work things out. Sometimes the differences are too difficult to overcome, especially when one party isn't mature or responsible enough to change. Good luck with everything!

I can relate a bit, except in my case, there were different reasons than we were just different. I'm a stay at home mom, so everything of ours is linked. I'm sad most about having all this work ahead with the little things.

I found out that it's too bad you can't divorce someone before you marry them, you really get to know them in ways you didn't.

Fortunately, it seems you have no children - that's a level up iin difficulty in separating.

I am in a recent situation.

There is no need to feel sorry for him. It's trite and unnecessary. He's responsible for his feelings, and you're responsible for your feelings.

The way he pays his bills is really none of your business, as long as it doesn't impact you.

These are grown adults we're talking about here. Treat them like adults.

While this is nowhere near what you're going through, I stayed with one of my ex-boyfriends for longer than I should have because I was afraid to leave him alone. He had so few friends, hardly ever went out, etc. I was afraid he'd just wither away in a depression. I finally bit the bullet, though, and decided that just sticking it out wasn't good for either of us. I was worried, but he was a grown man and responsible for himself.

A year and a half later, out to dinner with my now-fiance, I saw my ex at the bar with a stunning brunette. Ran into him again a few years later at a Comic Convention (I date nerds). My ex was a grown man and when he wasn't happy staying in or being by himself, clearly he was able to get up and get out and have a good time. Though we haven't spoken in years I think it was better for both of us.

When your ex is unhappy with his lifestyle, he'll get up and do something different. Trust him, at least, to know what makes him happiest while you clearly know what makes you happiest.

Your husband must have always been like this, you just don't become a homebody? I mean, I know you tried three times before, but why were you married in the first place.