[Rant] Guilt tripping grandparents

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Replies

  • estaticaa
    estaticaa Posts: 67 Member
    The tone of your post suggests that you don't necessarily disagree with what they say, but you dislike their tone and wish they would stop nagging you about it.

    From my personal experience, there is nothing I can do or say to stop older people acting like they do. I found it was easier for me to change how I deal with their actions / criticism. Most days I nod and hug people (the ones that I know are doing it with good intentions) and subtly change the subject. It usually works for me. I don't know your grandparents, but it's safe to assume they feel they're right and they won't change their ways just because you ask them to. They love you and they feel nagging you is a way to get you to change for the better and be happy.

    Remember that they made comments on your weight in the past and now you're currently working on it. Now they look at you and see you're looking leaner and more attractive, so their logical conclusion is you MUST get married and have a kid. You probably don't see it that way and don't feel ready to put yourself out there, but I kinda see their point. Judging by your photos, you're a great catch - not just because of how you look now - but because you're actively working to feel better about yourself.
  • Kalici
    Kalici Posts: 685 Member
    Next time they say something like that start faking a seizure or do something really bizarre and outrageous that gets their attention. Say "See? This is what happens to me when you start talking like this. Leave it alone. I'll get there when I get there".

    Sounds odd, but it will get their attention, and they won't forget the reaction. Make them think you're crazy. People don't talk *kitten* to people they think are crazy loll. Hell, say something mean to them if you have to. I know they're your grandparents, but they're not going to stop unless you grab their attention.

    Lol I do realize my advice is bizarre, but I have a weird way of dealing with things. Others may or may not decide to take the same approach.:)

    You could also avoid them. And if they start wondering why, you can tell them it's because you're sick of their comments.

    They love you. But they're old and sometimes old people, just like everyone else, can be aholes.

    ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.

    This is quite possibly the greatest advice ever. I was cracking up reading this, so thank you.
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    Now if your reason for not pursuing a relationship is that you simply don't desire one at this time or because you don't feel mentally and emotionally ready to put the needs of another person above your own, then that is completely different.

    I'd say you hit the nail on the head with it there. I've only really had one relationship (even at 26) due to my weight and that didn't last longer than a month so it will be quite a step to get out there seriously.
  • siobhanclark93x
    siobhanclark93x Posts: 22 Member
    I think a lot of old people are like this. They seem to just expect everyone to be slim and beautiful and get married young and start having kids young because that's probs how they would have did it in their day.

    Try explaining to them that you want to feel good about yourself before you start looking for a girlfriend and tell them that their constant picking at you isn't helping.

    Or failing that, ask one of your girl pals to dress really really slutty and unladylike and take her over to meet your grandparents saying shes your girlfriend....see how quickly they'll want you to be single then! My cousin did this with our gran - worked perfectly!

    Good luck!
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Next time they say something like that start faking a seizure or do something really bizarre and outrageous that gets their attention. Say "See? This is what happens to me when you start talking like this. Leave it alone. I'll get there when I get there".

    Sounds odd, but it will get their attention, and they won't forget the reaction. Make them think you're crazy. People don't talk *kitten* to people they think are crazy loll. Hell, say something mean to them if you have to. I know they're your grandparents, but they're not going to stop unless you grab their attention.

    Lol I do realize my advice is bizarre, but I have a weird way of dealing with things. Others may or may not decide to take the same approach.:)

    You could also avoid them. And if they start wondering why, you can tell them it's because you're sick of their comments.

    They love you. But they're old and sometimes old people, just like everyone else, can be aholes.

    ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.

    This is quite possibly the greatest advice ever. I was cracking up reading this, so thank you.

    Haha! Glad to help!

    Really, just start flopping around the floor, or run around in circles screaming with your arms in the air. After that, all they'll remember is that one time you started flopping or running. They will be scared to bring it up again hhaaha:laugh:
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.

    Thanks, I appreciate the kinds words :)
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    Remember that they made comments on your weight in the past and now you're currently working on it. Now they look at you and see you're looking leaner and more attractive, so their logical conclusion is you MUST get married and have a kid. You probably don't see it that way and don't feel ready to put yourself out there, but I kinda see their point. Judging by your photos, you're a great catch - not just because of how you look now - but because you're actively working to feel better about yourself.

    Yeah I can see their point of view in that regard. If it worked once, try again! I think I just need to be comfortable in myself then I will be happy to get out there and meet someone, just need to get my esteem together!

    And thanks for the kind words :)
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    Or failing that, ask one of your girl pals to dress really really slutty and unladylike and take her over to meet your grandparents saying shes your girlfriend....see how quickly they'll want you to be single then! My cousin did this with our gran - worked perfectly!

    Haha I honestly think my granddad would high-five me if I did that!!
  • aliakynes
    aliakynes Posts: 352 Member
    They used to knock you about your weight and they switched to knocking you about not having a girlfriend. I think it's your grandparent's way of telling you that you've lost enough weight to start looking for a girlfriend. And I agree with them, though you really need to work on your self confidence if weight is the only thing holding you back (because it wont be your weight holding you back if you go out and try, it will be your lack of self-confidence).
  • xenu01
    xenu01 Posts: 117 Member
    I just want you to know that I got married 10 pounds shy of my heaviest, gained ten more pounds, and THEN realized something was wrong and started counting calories and trying to lose weight. You may or may not want to get married, but if you are looking for a steady and positive relationship, that person will love and desire you no matter what your body looks like. And in fact, they won't love you despite your body, but will love your body as it is.

    Also, this makes me miss my grandparents (all dead). My father's mother gave me two PSAT study books for my 16th birthday. She was very ambitious for us.
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
    arsenic prunes... time to collect some inheritance. :wink:

    just kidding
  • pamelas9
    pamelas9 Posts: 29
    If they don't step off....just beat them to the punch EVERY TIME YOU interact with them. Say: Hello Grandparents. Quick status update....weight loss, nearing goals. Girlfriend....none on the horizon. Disappointment as a grandson....apparently right on track. So, how've you two been lately?

    OMG> Too funny. I go with this... it could even be a good ice breaker into the "You criticize too much talk."
  • jso81810
    jso81810 Posts: 1
    I read once that elderly people lose their inhibitions when they get older because of changes in their brains. The grandparents may have no clue they're being rude. http://consumer.healthday.com/senior-citizen-information-31/misc-aging-news-10/aging-brain-drives-blunt-behavior-and-missed-memories-528008.html

    If it makes you feel better, my grandmother once told me that she had some old clothes she wanted to get rid of. She then looked me up and down and said, "I guess they wouldn't fit you." That side of my family has always been unpleasant, and I choose to no longer spend time around them. In my case, the potential for someday actually getting something out of the relationship is quite low, and the likelihood of leaving a conversation feeling frustrated and embarrassed is quite high. People aren't owed love and respect just because they share our genetic material when they do everything possible to make us miserable.

    If there really is love and affection there, then tell them how you feel. You know you're unhappy when you don't talk to them about it; talking about it might improve the situation. It's worth it to experiment. Good luck and be proud of the changes you're making.
  • fuzzysham
    fuzzysham Posts: 75 Member
    The next time they bring that up just casually mention you were just shopping for a speed boat.

    They will forget all about the girlfriend "issue".
    If it works in Seinfeld, it's bound to work in real life, right?

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