Looking for fooditarian friends

neandermagnon
neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi, I'm a fooditarian, and this means I eat food through an organ in my face called the "mouth" - this involves eating other organisms, because this is the only way I can get energy.

My friends don't understand this and sometimes they can be quite judgey about it.... Like my friend who's a hydrangea bush, well she's not a fooditarian... she gets nutrition by photosynthesising and absorbing sunlight and carbon dioxide through her leaves and water and minerals through her roots... but I don't have any chloroplasts or roots, so I *have to* be a fooditarian... my hydrangea bush friend just does not understand this at all, and she thinks I'm crazy and that the reason I can't photsynthesise is because I'm not trying hard enough.... but I don't have choloroplasts!! or roots!! And she says it's not fair on the organisms that I eat, because I'm basically stealing energy from them, which they made the proper way through photosyntheis. So she's basically calling me an energy thief. I don't have the right genetics to photosynthesise, this is not an excuse, I just don't! And the organisms I eat don't mind, I mean they're usually dead by the time I eat them so it's not like they even care that they're being eaten.

Fooditarianism suits me though because I have a musculo-skeletal system that makes me able to move around and find (and sometimes catch) organisms to eat, and it's a lot of fun moving around so really I think she's a little jealous as she's just rooted to the same spot all the time. Especially in the late afternoon when the sun's no longer on her (I think she gets a little hangry actually....)

Anyway I'd love to make some fooditarian friends - and I don't mind friending other photosynthesisers too, so long as you're not going to be judgey at me for eating other organisms.
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Replies

  • fr053n
    fr053n Posts: 2,793 Member
    :happy:
  • AmiCeresi
    AmiCeresi Posts: 11 Member
    lololol
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,951 Member
    If i wasn't already your friend, I would be after reading this.

    chuck-norris-approves-o.gif
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    Idk, I heard the breatharian diet is really the way to go. Nothing but air and sunlight - can your trendy food diet really top that??
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    All the peer reviewed journal articles say that you need chloroplasts to be able to live off just sunlight and air (although you actually need water too, which is usually obtained through the roots)..... but I just don't seem to have the genetics to have chloroplasts, no matter how hard I tried.... I'm much happier and feel so much better on the fooditarian diet.

    I'm not saying that fooditarianism tops photosynthesis based diets... just that I personally can't do it because I don't have the genetics.
  • st0rmagedd0n
    st0rmagedd0n Posts: 417 Member
    All the peer reviewed journal articles say that you need chloroplasts to be able to live off just sunlight and air (although you actually need water too, which is usually obtained through the roots)..... but I just don't seem to have the genetics to have chloroplasts, no matter how hard I tried.... I'm much happier and feel so much better on the fooditarian diet.

    I'm not saying that fooditarianism tops photosynthesis based diets... just that I personally can't do it because I don't have the genetics.

    This is just ridiculous. There are so many great chloroplasts supplements out there! Plants can outlive modern humans by thousands of years, so why wouldn't you eat just like they do?!
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    You know every hydrangea bush I ever met was a b.i.t.c.h. Choose new friends
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    All the peer reviewed journal articles say that you need chloroplasts to be able to live off just sunlight and air (although you actually need water too, which is usually obtained through the roots)..... but I just don't seem to have the genetics to have chloroplasts, no matter how hard I tried.... I'm much happier and feel so much better on the fooditarian diet.

    I'm not saying that fooditarianism tops photosynthesis based diets... just that I personally can't do it because I don't have the genetics.

    This is just ridiculous. There are so many great chloroplasts supplements out there! Plants can outlive modern humans by thousands of years, so why wouldn't you eat just like they do?!

    but I tried so many times! the enzymes in my digestive system just broke them down into their component amino acids and by the time they went in my blood to my cells, they were just a bunch of amino acids and some other compounds, and my cells frankly didn't have a clue how to reassemble them to remake the actual chloroplasts. So no matter how many chloroplasts I ate, I still don't have any in my cells.

    I know this sounds like a bunch of excuses, but it's the total honest truth of what happened!

    yeah I'd love to live as long as a Great Basin Bristlecone Pine tree... but so much of this depends on genetics, and fooditarianism is just right for me.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    You know every hydrangea bush I ever met was a b.i.t.c.h. Choose new friends

    yeah I know you're right, but we've been friends since she was a seedling and it would kind of hurt a lot to just not be friends with her any more.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    You know every hydrangea bush I ever met was a b.i.t.c.h. Choose new friends

    yeah I know you're right, but we've been friends since she was a seedling and it would kind of hurt a lot to just not be friends with her any more.
    I'd say you friends list needs pruning
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    You know every hydrangea bush I ever met was a b.i.t.c.h. Choose new friends

    yeah I know you're right, but we've been friends since she was a seedling and it would kind of hurt a lot to just not be friends with her any more.
    I'd say you friends list needs pruning

    :laugh:

    OMG I feel so guilty laughing at that now... my hydrangea bush friend is always on about how un PC jokes about plants are... even though she tells fooditarian jokes and says I look stupid when I move around. And she makes fun of me for not having chloroplasts.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    well here's another example right now... I was just eating some brussel sprouts and my hydrangea bush friend started tutting at me and saying that the brussel sprout plant didn't put all that effort into photosynthesising enough to grow the brussel sprouts so that I could come along and steal them and eat them. I said that the plant didn't complain about it, and at least it's not dead and it can grow some more and she called me an energy vampire! Can you believe that?
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    I'm sorry, but if you don't live off the energy from vents in the sea floor, we can't talk.
  • detox_pixie
    detox_pixie Posts: 166
    Your photo-synthesizing friend is correct - fooditarians are mere parasites of the Earth.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    :drinker: :drinker:
  • ComradeTovarich
    ComradeTovarich Posts: 495 Member
    I know that feel dude. I know a cactus and he can be a real prick.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Your photo-synthesizing friend is correct - fooditarians are mere parasites of the Earth.

    It's easy for you to say, I can see from your profile pic that you have loads of chloroplasts. You must be able to photosynthesise really easily. I don't have any choloroplasts at all, not even one.

    Those berries look yummy by the way!
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I know that feel dude. I know a cactus and he can be a real prick.

    :laugh:

    yeah this guy I work with is a cactus. Total prick. Always lecturing everyone else about how much water they're taking in....
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I'm sorry, but if you don't live off the energy from vents in the sea floor, we can't talk.

    I think we should all hold hands and sing kumbaya and dream of a world where organisms don't judge other organisms based on how they get their energy. I mean we all need energy to stay alive, don't we?
  • st0rmagedd0n
    st0rmagedd0n Posts: 417 Member
    I'm sorry, but if you don't live off the energy from vents in the sea floor, we can't talk.

    I think we should all hold hands and sing kumbaya and dream of a world where organisms don't judge other organisms based on how they get their energy. I mean we all need energy to stay alive, don't we?

    Yes, but some of us are considerate enough to not steal it from other organisms.

    And as for your earlier comment about not being able to assimilate chloroplasts into your physiology with any noticeable efficiency due to your genetic structure, I respectfully disagree. Just like any other diet plan, forcing your cells to get their energy from the sun will work if your just follow the rules and give it time.

    It probably didn't work because you went off plant and had a cheeseburger.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    I'm sorry, but if you don't live off the energy from vents in the sea floor, we can't talk.

    I think we should all hold hands and sing kumbaya and dream of a world where organisms don't judge other organisms based on how they get their energy. I mean we all need energy to stay alive, don't we?

    I know how this song and dance ends up. With me on some other creature's plate. I will not be taken in again by that kumbaya song and dance!
  • Michelle_Padgett13
    Michelle_Padgett13 Posts: 417 Member
    Plants are friends, not food.
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
    I like food.
  • missyjane824
    missyjane824 Posts: 1,199 Member
    I usually end up killing all my photosynthesiser friends so I'll stick to fooditarian friends.
  • sukiwabi
    sukiwabi Posts: 221 Member
    I drink Brawndo. It's got the electrolytes that plants crave.
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
    I drink Brawndo. It's got the electrolytes that plants crave.

    The Thirst Mutilator
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  • rollng_thundr
    rollng_thundr Posts: 634 Member
    I tried surviving just on air once.. someone called it "fasting".. I just didn't get it.. because the longer I sustained, the slower I got.. *shrug*.
  • AllieBear88
    AllieBear88 Posts: 170 Member
    There is so much genius in this thread. So much.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I'm sorry, but if you don't live off the energy from vents in the sea floor, we can't talk.

    I think we should all hold hands and sing kumbaya and dream of a world where organisms don't judge other organisms based on how they get their energy. I mean we all need energy to stay alive, don't we?

    I know how this song and dance ends up. With me on some other creature's plate. I will not be taken in again by that kumbaya song and dance!

    no really, we're all just going to hold hands and sing. Mouths can be used for singing, not just for eating.

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