Jokes Thread - Post Up!!

Train4Foodz
Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
in Chit-Chat
Post up your jokes.. no matter how corny or daft... Jokes are jokes XD
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Replies

  • shannonkw2013
    shannonkw2013 Posts: 9
    "Knock !knock!"
    "Who's there?"
    "Doctor."
    "Doctor Who?"
    "Yes it's me!"

    :P
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

    Pull the pin and throw it back!
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
    http://www.sadanduseless.com/2013/05/drunk-wife/


    It's hilarious with the drawings...
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

    Pull the pin and throw it back!
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
    The guy says, "No, ma'am."
    She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
    And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"
  • larrodarro
    larrodarro Posts: 2,512 Member
    A couple of weeks ago someone knocked on my door long after midnight. I was going to ignore it, but my wife made me get up. I ask the young man at the door what he needed, and he said a push.

    I told him it was too late. If he hadn't got help by the time the sun came up to come back.

    When I got back in bed, the wife ask me what he wanted. I told her he needed a push, but I told him to wait for daylight.

    She said, but what would the neighbors think? Get your clothes on and go help that young man.

    So I got dressed and got my truck keys and went back to the front door. I couldn't see the fellow so I gave a little shout, are you still needing a push.

    He shouted back, yes.

    I ask, well, where are you at?

    He answered, around here at the swing.
  • Phoenix__Rising
    Phoenix__Rising Posts: 9,981 Member
    A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
    The guy says, "No, ma'am."
    She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
    And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"


    :laugh: :happy: :laugh:
  • jacques57
    jacques57 Posts: 2,129 Member
    Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."

    It's not out yet.
  • jacques57
    jacques57 Posts: 2,129 Member
    What do you call a nun who has had a sex change?


    A Transistor.
  • jacques57
    jacques57 Posts: 2,129 Member
    What do you call an African-American Pilot?

    A PILOT, you racist!
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."

    It's not out yet.
    :laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh:
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    Why do cemeteries have gates around them?
    People are dying to get in there!


    Did you hear the one about the guy who had an operation to have the left half of his body removed? He's all right now....
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
    Two nuns in a bath:

    One says - where's the soap

    The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!
  • SusanL222
    SusanL222 Posts: 585 Member
    It was 30 below and a wicked nor'easter was blowing outside! Her husband had been standing at the window and staring for hours. She guessed if it kept up much longer, she'd have to let him in.
  • SusanL222
    SusanL222 Posts: 585 Member
    Two nuns in a bath:

    One says - where's the soap

    The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!

    Hmmmm, I'm still working on this one.....:ohwell:
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
    Two priests walk into a bar...


    The third one ducked.
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
    Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

    Fadrizzle!
  • V0lver
    V0lver Posts: 915 Member
    Two nuns in a bath:

    One says - where's the soap

    The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!

    Hmmmm, I'm still working on this one.....:ohwell:
    Hint: Homophones
  • Megan101792
    Megan101792 Posts: 3,194 Member
    Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."

    It's not out yet.
    :laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    Police: where do u live?
    Me: with my parents
    Police: where does ur parents live?
    Me: with me
    Police: where do u all live?
    Me: together
    Police: where is ur house?
    Me: next to my neighbors house
    Police: where is your neighbors house?
    Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
    Police: tell me
    Me: next to my house
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
    *Nobody stands up*
    Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
    Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
    I almost died in Finding Nemo.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead
    :laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    Husband (watching a video):
    Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb *kitten*!
    Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
    Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead

    What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
    What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas
    What do you call a man in a pile of leaves? Russell
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    ha ha I post jokes all the time...this was the last one I posted.....

    After working together for a while, Frank and Jane's office romance blossomed and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Frank finds Jane very tight and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Frank says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies, "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    Why did the baker have brown hands?

    Because he kneaded a poo
  • serindipte
    serindipte Posts: 1,557 Member
    A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.

    As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

    The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

    "I'll give you a lift."

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

    Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud."

    Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

    The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
  • twinteensmom
    twinteensmom Posts: 371 Member
    What do you call fake spaghetti?

    Impasta!

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