Jokes Thread - Post Up!!
Train4Foodz
Posts: 4,298 Member
in Chit-Chat
Post up your jokes.. no matter how corny or daft... Jokes are jokes XD
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Replies
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"Knock !knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor Who?"
"Yes it's me!"
:P0 -
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!0 -
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:laugh: :laugh:What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!0 -
A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"0 -
A couple of weeks ago someone knocked on my door long after midnight. I was going to ignore it, but my wife made me get up. I ask the young man at the door what he needed, and he said a push.
I told him it was too late. If he hadn't got help by the time the sun came up to come back.
When I got back in bed, the wife ask me what he wanted. I told her he needed a push, but I told him to wait for daylight.
She said, but what would the neighbors think? Get your clothes on and go help that young man.
So I got dressed and got my truck keys and went back to the front door. I couldn't see the fellow so I gave a little shout, are you still needing a push.
He shouted back, yes.
I ask, well, where are you at?
He answered, around here at the swing.0 -
A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"
:laugh: :happy: :laugh:0 -
Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."
It's not out yet.0 -
What do you call a nun who has had a sex change?
A Transistor.0 -
What do you call an African-American Pilot?
A PILOT, you racist!0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh:Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."
It's not out yet.0 -
Why do cemeteries have gates around them?
People are dying to get in there!
Did you hear the one about the guy who had an operation to have the left half of his body removed? He's all right now....0 -
Two nuns in a bath:
One says - where's the soap
The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!0 -
It was 30 below and a wicked nor'easter was blowing outside! Her husband had been standing at the window and staring for hours. She guessed if it kept up much longer, she'd have to let him in.0
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Two nuns in a bath:
One says - where's the soap
The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!
Hmmmm, I'm still working on this one.....:ohwell:0 -
Two priests walk into a bar...
The third one ducked.0 -
Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
Fadrizzle!0 -
Hint: HomophonesTwo nuns in a bath:
One says - where's the soap
The other replies - yes it does, doesn't it!
Hmmmm, I'm still working on this one.....:ohwell:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh:Hollywood has a new movie called "Constipation."
It's not out yet.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house0 -
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."0 -
When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
I almost died in Finding Nemo.0 -
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh: :laugh:What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead0 -
Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb *kitten*!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.0 -
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead
What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas
What do you call a man in a pile of leaves? Russell0 -
ha ha I post jokes all the time...this was the last one I posted.....
After working together for a while, Frank and Jane's office romance blossomed and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Frank finds Jane very tight and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Frank says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies, "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"0 -
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo0 -
A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.
As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.
"I'll give you a lift."
The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud."
Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."
The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."0 -
What do you call fake spaghetti?
Impasta!0
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