unsupportive friend

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  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 941 Member
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    She wants to keep you in the fat club.
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    Can't really tell what's going on in her mind without asking her directly, but my bet is that it is making her think about her own weight. Some people tend to deal with problems and life by simply pretending that they don't exist. People will notice your weight loss faster than you will (in my opinion), she's noticing and feeling self conscious about herself now.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    How can I make someone value the things I want them to value and feel the way I want them to feel?

    Form a church ;)
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    I would try having one heart to heart with her at a time when you are not responding to something negative that she said and might have pissed you off, but a calm conversation about your reasons for losing weight.

    She may feel that once you lose the weight you won't want to be her friend . . . of course with weight loss sometimes comes the loss of friendships, lovers and even family relationships :cry:

    Be strong and do what is right for you!
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    You probably aren't rubbing your success in her face, but it may feel like that to her. Your success may make her feel like a failure if she is overweight and cause her to think about her own weight.

    I'd just ignore it. I can't imagine that you would get anywhere by confronting the situation...and it's probably even likely that she fully understands why she is being mean...but can't help herself.

    It sucks to be the "fat girl"...and if you lose weight and aren't a "fat girl" anymore; she'll be the only one.

    I lost friends when I lost weight. I realize now that most of those people were enablers.
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
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    tumblr_m7e6x8cDiy1qery84.jpg

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • opalescentmirage
    opalescentmirage Posts: 25
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    I am looking for new friends to interact with on MFP. I am interested in meeting other like minded people - those who are looking to make a lifestyle change, not a just quick fix. I believe exercise is essential in order to achieve my fitness (and wellness) goals. I believe that eating a balanced, healthy "diet" is the way to be successful. Feel free to send me a request and tell me a bit about your goals.
  • jwooley13
    jwooley13 Posts: 243
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    This is just how women are, unfortunately.

    Oh, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic. This is how some human beings are, unfortunately.

    Nope, just women

    Edited to add that y'all are known to buy clothes/shoes just so other women can't have them :laugh:

    Wow, you sound single.
  • theresalmadrid
    theresalmadrid Posts: 7
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    Surround yourself with people who help lift you up and if this friend can't and won't, you should rethink your relationship. Of course, try to talk to her about it first and if a fight ensues, then it's probably best to part ways for a bit. Obviously she's important to you as you don't want to fight, but friends support one another regardless of their own agendas. Good luck!
  • rexroars
    rexroars Posts: 131 Member
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    It's possible that you're talking about it more than you realize, and now she's afraid that weight loss and being thin are so important to you that you will judge her or not want to be her friend, etc. I know that's not what you're thinking, but she can't read your mind!

    It sounds like you *are* getting good support in your life from others, so maybe in your relationship she's the one who needs support more than you do?

    Tell her that the change your making is just personal, and let her know you never meant to make her feel uncomfortable, and just nicely ask her to not pressure you to eat things like cheesecake because you're trying really hard.

    Also personally I've found that the less I talk about weight loss, the less people pressure me! If I order a salad confidently and casually, then people just roll with it.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    This is just how women are, unfortunately.

    Oh, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic. This is how some human beings are, unfortunately.

    Nope, just women

    Edited to add that y'all are known to buy clothes/shoes just so other women can't have them :laugh:

    Wow, you sound single.

    Is that supposed to be an insult?
  • mummma
    mummma Posts: 402 Member
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    ive been there. i have a friend who is not overweight, she could maybe do with losing 10lbs or just getting a little fitter. but i have 100 lbs to lose.. well 86 now. and when i started she saw it like some kind of competition that she could win first... i bought a gym standard treadmill for my mums house that i could use. so she started wondering how she could afford the same one, when i told her my progress on the treadmill i didnt get a well done or even and interested 'nice' i just got 'oh i could do double that'. shes really not supportive at all. she hates when id rather drive instead of drinking when we go out and she hates that i dont want to order chinese food every week and id rather cook it myself. its frustrating. i try not to ram my dieting down her throat but i dont want her to ram all the bad stuff down mine either. i just shrug it off, it doesnt make her any less my friend i just guess my journey is making her question herself.
  • Jessie24330
    Jessie24330 Posts: 224 Member
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    I have this problem with my best friend. She hasn't said anything hurtful to me but she is always trying to give me food I don't want to eat or very high calorie food and gets upset when I don't eat it. I think whether she knows it or not, she is upset that I am doing what she is not able to make herself do right now. We are best friends though, so I just tell her to shut up, not always very nicely, and we get on with our friendship. Of course, I try to say it nicer the first few times and when she keeps on is when I get blunt with her, I don't start there. If you are truly friends with her you should be able to put your foot down without making it a problem. If she makes it into a problem, you don't need her as a friend. Mostly likely though it is her insecurities that make her that way even if she doesn't realize it.

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