Jokes Thread - Post Up!!

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  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
    *Nobody stands up*
    Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
    Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
    I almost died in Finding Nemo.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead
    :laugh: :laugh: :happy: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    Husband (watching a video):
    Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb *kitten*!
    Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
    Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
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    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your front porch? Matt
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob
    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on train tracks? Dead

    What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
    What do you call a man without a shovel on his head? Douglas
    What do you call a man in a pile of leaves? Russell
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
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    ha ha I post jokes all the time...this was the last one I posted.....

    After working together for a while, Frank and Jane's office romance blossomed and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Frank finds Jane very tight and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Frank says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies, "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Why did the baker have brown hands?

    Because he kneaded a poo
  • serindipte
    serindipte Posts: 1,557 Member
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    A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.

    As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

    The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

    "I'll give you a lift."

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

    Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud."

    Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

    The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
  • twinteensmom
    twinteensmom Posts: 371 Member
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    What do you call fake spaghetti?

    Impasta!
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    What do you call fake spaghetti?

    Impasta!
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
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    A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.

    As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

    The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

    "I'll give you a lift."

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

    Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud."

    Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

    The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."

    :laugh: :laugh:
  • rediscovermyfigure
    rediscovermyfigure Posts: 8
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    5md93d.jpg
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
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    Paul walks into the boss’s office. “Sir, let me get straight to the point, I know the economy is really down, but I have a couple of companies after me, and I would like to ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling between them the boss finally agrees to a 10% raise, and Paul gets up to leave happily. “One minute”, says the boss to Paul , “which companies are after you by the way?” “The gas company, cable company, and phone company”, Paul replied!
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
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    A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.

    As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

    The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road.

    "I'll give you a lift."

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

    Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud."

    Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

    The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :happy: :happy: :happy: :happy:
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
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    'I said to my Gym instructor the other day - "Can you teach me to do the splits?''

    He said, ''How flexible are you?''

    I replied, ''I can't make Tuesdays''
  • Go_Mizzou99
    Go_Mizzou99 Posts: 2,628 Member
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    Boss spelled backwards is double-S-O-B
  • AlistairBernardNormal
    AlistairBernardNormal Posts: 989 Member
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    What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

    ROBERTO!!!

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