Almost 10 year old daughter

ninerbuff
ninerbuff Posts: 48,984 Member
in Chit-Chat
has just asked me about how sex works. I shcluffed it and told her we'll speak later on it because it takes time to explain.


NOW WHAT?:sad: :sad:


A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Replies

  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
  • maz504
    maz504 Posts: 450
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....

    +50000

    ETA: But maybe like drink a beer first. The more awkward you are telling her, the more awkward she's going to feel about receiving the info.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.
  • borst13
    borst13 Posts: 1,826 Member
    agree with above 100% I know with my daughter I'm making sure consent is intertwined with the talk but I have no idea at what age
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    Reason #5,000,000 I'm glad I don't have kids.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    So you won't tell them about sex?
  • greeneyes0809
    greeneyes0809 Posts: 422 Member
    Just tell her. Better that she learns now from her parents rather than being one of those middle school kids who laughs at the mere mention of anatomical parts or the word sex.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....

    This is the best advice, IMNSHO.
  • roxylola
    roxylola Posts: 540 Member
    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
  • borst13
    borst13 Posts: 1,826 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    So you won't tell them about sex?

    lol:flowerforyou:
  • amethyst7986
    amethyst7986 Posts: 223 Member
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....

    ^^This

    Answer all her questions to the best of your ability without getting into specific details. Be as informative as you can be and realize that its just as uncomfortable for her as it is for you.

    Good Luck!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I had three daughters. I'm sure glad my wife was there to deal with this. I just had the reverse happen to me, though. My yougest (20) had to do a Psyche Paper for College on the sexuality of the Alpha Male. She had to pick a subject and interview them for her paper.

    She picked me. Very awkward interview, but I was totally honest with her. She got an A by the way.
  • lambchristie
    lambchristie Posts: 552 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    And you don't think yo need to explain this to your boys?
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    So you won't tell them about sex?

    Someone has to tell me first.

    No, but seriously, I would just find it too awkward with a daughter, not to mention the fact that I'm sure I'd be one of those fathers who had double standards for their sons/daughters. Might not be right, but that's just how I think I would be.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Tell her it works by magic and that she will understand better when she is older and they show it to her in school.

    Then walk away and get her a cookie.

    If she still has more questions, tell her you'll find out some answers and get a pen and paper out so you can write down her questions without having to look her in the eye.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
  • lambchristie
    lambchristie Posts: 552 Member
    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.

    Buy a book so 'they' can read?
    This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.
  • fernandesg
    fernandesg Posts: 54 Member
    If you don't know where to start, go to the library/bookstore, either before you see her or take her with you. There are plenty of books written for pre-teen girls on how their bodies work and how sex works, written in a way that a 10-yr old can understand. Then you can go thru it together.
    My eldest is now 11-1/2, and she got her monthlies 2 years ago, so trust me, it is better to do it now rather than later. She still thinks the whole sex thing is gross (or schnasty, as she calls it) but she understands what is going on.
    My youngest daughter is very analytical, and reads the copy of the Girls Body Book that her godmother gave her just for the information. She just wants understand what it means.
    Remember, kids don't have the secrecy/privacy hangups that adults do. They tend to want the information so they don't feel like they're the only one who doesn't get it :-). ANd I agree with DBoone85, better from you than someone who will tell her incorrect information!
    Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    And you don't think yo need to explain this to your boys?

    See above.
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.

    Buy a book so 'they' can read?
    This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.

    +1
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,984 Member
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
    Oh I WANT to tell her. Just need some tips on how to approach it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
    Ask some questions first to understand where her question is coming from. This should help you with your answer and not give more information than is needed.
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.

    Buy a book so 'they' can read?
    This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.

    At 10 I expect my daughter will be able to read books. It's my job to answer her questions AFTER she has made some effort of her own to find out information from a credible source.

    She won't need her hand to be held through life, but she will be assisted when she needs it.

    EDIT: It is also my job to help provide a credible source of information for her.
  • cstringfellow2013
    cstringfellow2013 Posts: 172 Member
    My 10 year old daughter already knows how it works and tells me she plans on adopting. FINE WITH ME!

    Seriously, after being honest with her, make sure she knows she should come to you or your wife if she has questions. Remind her that her friends don't have the real answers to these adult type questions and that a lot of times they discuss things they don't understand and make up reasons for it. I constantly remind my children that their friends are still trying to figure out life like they are and that it's better to ask a trusted adult a question than their friends.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,984 Member
    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
    Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    My Son is almost 10. We have just recently had our rottweiler puppy fixed, after having her first cycle. So that sparked many questions. My Son first asked why do female dogs bleed and what it meant, that led up to the "mating" question. I basically let him ask the questions, and I answered them the best way I could. It's an awkward conversation, but I just kept my composure and tried to be as honest as I could, but still age appropriate.
    After the initial conversation , he has come back with several more questions. So basically I'm taking it as it comes and explaining it in the most appropriate way I can.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    Now is the time to start talking about it. She's going to be getting maturation education in school soon (here, they offer it to girls starting in 4th grade).

    You don't have to go into too much detail. Put it simply, but use accurate anatomical names. Don't try to gross her out, either! (Some parents do that to try to get their kids to wait longer before having sex, but I think it causes shame instead). But it's perfectly fine to let her know that it is something that is not appropriate at her age. We've taught our children it's something special to be shared with someone you love (we want them to wait until marriage, so we say it's for husband and wife, but that's totally up to you).

    If you answer her calmly and simply now, she'll be more likely to come to you later when she has more questions. If you gross her out, embarrass her, or brush it off, she will most likely get information from someone else - and who knows how accurate that will be!

    (FWIW, I have a teenage daughter and son and a pre-teen son, and we've fielded questions from all of them, and also brought up the topic when we felt it appropriate)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,984 Member
    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
    I'm SOOO cheap though.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Free info and advice is much better.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • jessk81
    jessk81 Posts: 3 Member
    I bought my 10 yr old daughter a book from American Girl. It's called The Care and Keeping of You.They have 2 editions. The 2nd is more about the sex conversation. I went through it with her and answered any questions she had. Now if she gets curious she can go through it herself or ask me. I think it's a good starting point.

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834

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