Almost 10 year old daughter
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My oldest was seven when she asked me. Her step-mother was pregnant at the time, and apparently the step-mother told her babies were "a gift from God and God put the baby in my tummy." I was like, Uh, no. They are a gift from God, but there is a very biological function that happens to get babies there. I was honest and open about it. She had a LOT of questions, and I answered them honestly and without embarrassment. At the end she said, "That's GROSS." So yeah.0
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I'm SOOO cheap though.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Free info and advice is much better.I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
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LOL I agree with you on the cheap part, but my daughter is about to turn 1, not 10...so I have some time to get that one haha0 -
has just asked me about how sex works. I shcluffed it and told her we'll speak later on it because it takes time to explain.
NOW WHAT?:sad: :sad:
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I know it feels awkward, but it's terrific that she's comfortable enough to ask you, and it's definitely time. They make books that walk you through the best way to explain it (not the ones for younger kids), and I'd go that route given that it's a child of the opposite gender (which does make it a little harder). Being accurate, honest, and fairly thorough is best. If you can get through that, it likely won't have to happen more than once.0 -
Same here. Mortified for you OP. Good luck.Reason #5,000,000 I'm glad I don't have kids.0 -
I also had and used these books for both of my girls. There is a lot of useful information in both of them and I think it is a great starting point to give some of the basic information they might need, without over-informing. Now in high school, my kids come home with expressions *I" wasn't even familiar with !!I bought my 10 yr old daughter a book from American Girl. It's called The Care and Keeping of You.They have 2 editions. The 2nd is more about the sex conversation. I went through it with her and answered any questions she had. Now if she gets curious she can go through it herself or ask me. I think it's a good starting point.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/16095808340 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is very good advise. Better she talks to you and receives the correct information. Also wouldn't you prefer to know that she feels comfortable talking to you? She needs to know that no matter what she can talk to you about anything. It will help later in life. My daughter asked in kindergarten after she found out her stepmother was pregnant. I gave her the very basics and asked if she had any questions. I left it up to her if she needed to know more which didn't happen for quite a few years later. That open communication really helped when she started dating and I wanted to make sure she wasn't messing around. I would rather she talk to me before it happened than later when she ends up pregnant. She just finished her sophmore year in college and she has choosen to wait.0 -
YMMY. For my first son, I kept the initial conversation more about the science, using all the proper atomically correct terms. Explained to him that people have intercourse because it's not only a basic instinct, but it felt good. Broke down the negative things that can happen if you're not careful....stuff like that. I probably could have done it better, but he was 7, and I wasn't prepared to have that conversation just yet. With my other two boys, I haven't had the conversation per se, it's been more answering the questions they have after talking to their brother(s). I know it shouldn't matter if the child is a daughter or son, but that's easier said than done. Just be ready, because one thing I've learned in the 21+ years of being a parent, kids don't sugar coat it and will ask some direct questions.0
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Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
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She's old enough that she should have pretty complete info on the subject, and it's much better she hear it from you.0 -
Agree 100%!! Always best to get the information from a parent!!Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....0 -
I taught 5th grade. There was an "educational" night for girls/moms and one night for boys/dads. The ONLY male teacher had to give the presentation to the boys. He was thoroughly embarrassed.
Just keep putting off her question until a female family member takes her to "puberty night" at the school. Way less embarrassing this way.0 -
I'm SOOO cheap though.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Free info and advice is much better.I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Do you need a kick in the jimmie?! If you're too cheap to buy books to teach your children about sex, you better not be too cheap to adopt your grandkids. :huh:
I know the lady who runs this site, and I can vouch for the information there being excellent: http://www.scarleteen.com/for_parents. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you want your child to grow up as a healthy, independent person who has agency and owns her own sexuality, I implore you to start here.
Good luck, my friend.0 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is very good advise. Better she talks to you and receives the correct information. Also wouldn't you prefer to know that she feels comfortable talking to you? She needs to know that no matter what she can talk to you about anything. It will help later in life. My daughter asked in kindergarten after she found out her stepmother was pregnant. I gave her the very basics and asked if she had any questions. I left it up to her if she needed to know more which didn't happen for quite a few years later. That open communication really helped when she started dating and I wanted to make sure she wasn't messing around. I would rather she talk to me before it happened than later when she ends up pregnant. She just finished her sophmore year in college and she has choosen to wait.
I agree, my daughter is 12, we have a very open relationship which allows her to ask me any questions she may have and I will answer them to the best of my ability. I think its a start to a great relationship with your kids when you can talk openly about everything. When the time came and she hit puberty and there were questions about hair and periods, we talked and talked, So when these questions about sex came up it was easy for her to ask me and like your daughter, we only had to have this conversation once--she asked and I answered without hesitation.0 -
like others said: Tell Her! She is old enough - you can word it appropriately and not crash.
I have a son and although at the time i had a husband - I STILL talked to my son about sex and still to this day (divorced & kid 17 lives w/me) have the talks with him. He needs to hear it from his parent(s) even though he hears some stuff from his peers.
good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Same here. Mortified for you OP. Good luck.Reason #5,000,000 I'm glad I don't have kids.
Aw, talking about sex isn't anything to be mortified about. It's a natural thing. My mom had always put it this way.....people have evolved, but our primal instincts have not. Back in the day, man didn't live until their 70's, 80's and 90's. They were wed at very young ages and expected to reproduce. Now, we tell our kids, "yeah, you're horny, but don't do anything about it" It's tough for kids to have these feelings and not know what to do with them, or to be told they need to stuff them down. OP- At your daughter's age, she's becoming very self aware, and sex is going to be on her mind. It's awesome she came to you
Terms for body parts have more than likely already been discussed by you and your wife, or she may have learned about them at school. Either way, stay technical. Don't use nick names for things, and let her lead the conversation.0 -
I gave my daughter a book called The Period Book, about that age. I told her the basics. Told her to read the rest in her time & we would talk about it. She is almost 12 yrs old now & will often come to me with weird questions. Could have been triggered by something she heard or saw. The best is to be honest.0
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My parents gave me gurl.com's "Deal With It!", which I found pretty useful, but she might be a little younger than the target audience at 10. I'd talk to her as well as offering her resources, though, since she actually asked you directly. I was more comfortable bookworming my way through that stuff.0
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Step 1 : turn parental control off
Step 2 : tell her to google it
Step 3 : explain to her that the nice lady wasn't in love with all fifteen of those men0 -
Explain the basics, ask if she has any more questions and if she's heard anything at school. Kids come up with some whacky crap.0
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The best thing that my mom did for me was tell me that she was always there for me. Questions, concerns, and if I thought I was ready to have sex, to help me get birth control. She said that she would never judge me for my actions or questions, but that she only wanted me to be happy, healthy, and safe. It allowed an open and safe atmosphere, and probably prevented me from having a baby at a young age.
I do wish she would have talked about the emotional aspect of sex a little bit more, because if she had, I may have been willing to wait longer than I did. All in all, I'm 28 and have only had 3 partners and didn't wind up accidentally pregnant, so I think she did pretty good.
I would start off with her original question, and answer it. Why and how do people have sex? Natural instinct, love, when someone is ready to make the relationship serious. Then state the consequences of having sex, and that its not necessary for a serious relationship, especially if someone loves you and wants the best for you.
Just reminder her that you love and support her, will never judge her, and that you want her to feel comfortable telling you anything. It's much better to have the "what is sex" conversation at 10, than the "I'm pregnant" conversation at 11. (It happens more often than you'd like to think.)0 -
I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
Buy a book so 'they' can read?
This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.
At 10 I expect my daughter will be able to read books. It's my job to answer her questions AFTER she has made some effort of her own to find out information from a credible source.
She won't need her hand to be held through life, but she will be assisted when she needs it.
EDIT: It is also my job to help provide a credible source of information for her.
I really can't second this enough. This is what my mother did with me when I was 8. The only difference, she actually made me go to my school library and select a book myself about the topic. She had to sign a waiver to allow me to check it out because I selected the most advanced one I could find (diagrams and everything). She looked through the book when I brought it home, told me it was a good choice and to read it and come to her when I had any questions.
I grew up knowing everything I needed to know about the topic and was able to make intelligent and well informed decisions. I also had a wonderful time corrupting all of my friends who's parents thought they could shelter them from reality....:devil: but I at least was knowledgeable enough to be able to give them accurate information as opposed to most of the ridiculous stuff that gets spread by teenagers.
As a bonus, that whole knowing how to select reputable sources thing comes in really handy working in the sciences which is where I ended up.0 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is the best answer to any questions children have. Don't feel uncomfortable about. It, were you uncomfortable about making her in the first place? Make sure she knows that every time she has sex with a boy she has a 50% chance of getting pregnant, even with birth control. I read that teenage girls who are sexually active and on birth control pills very rarely take them correctly and most end up pregnant because of presuming their birth control is 100% when it isn't. I have an almost 19 year old daughter who is engaged to be married. We sat both of them down and asked point blank when she was 16 and he was 18 and asked "are you having sex" the answer was "no" and we gave them the talk again to make sure they understood it was a gift to save for your husband or wife. I'm proud to say their answer is still "no, we are waiting". Good luck.
***note...... I did have sex before I was married and deeply regret it. This above is what wish my mother had told me so I told my daughter.0 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is the best answer to any questions children have. Don't feel uncomfortable about. It, were you uncomfortable about making her in the first place? Make sure she knows that every time she has sex with a boy she has a 50% chance of getting pregnant, even with birth control. I read that teenage girls who are sexually active and on birth control pills very rarely take them correctly and most end up pregnant because of presuming their birth control is 100% when it isn't. I have an almost 19 year old daughter who is engaged to be married. We sat both of them down and asked point blank when she was 16 and he was 18 and asked "are you having sex" the answer was "no" and we gave them the talk again to make sure they understood it was a gift to save for your husband or wife. I'm proud to say their answer is still "no, we are waiting". Good luck.
***note...... I did have sex before I was married and deeply regret it. This above is what wish my mother had told me so I told my daughter.
WHAT. Come on. No.0 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is the best answer to any questions children have. Don't feel uncomfortable about. It, were you uncomfortable about making her in the first place? Make sure she knows that every time she has sex with a boy she has a 50% chance of getting pregnant, even with birth control. I read that teenage girls who are sexually active and on birth control pills very rarely take them correctly and most end up pregnant because of presuming their birth control is 100% when it isn't. I have an almost 19 year old daughter who is engaged to be married. We sat both of them down and asked point blank when she was 16 and he was 18 and asked "are you having sex" the answer was "no" and we gave them the talk again to make sure they understood it was a gift to save for your husband or wife. I'm proud to say their answer is still "no, we are waiting". Good luck.
***note...... I did have sex before I was married and deeply regret it. This above is what wish my mother had told me so I told my daughter.
I can appreciate that these are your personal feelings, but I think that this complicates the issue at hand more than is necessary. My own mother told me almost exactly the opposite, i.e. don't even consider marrying someone you haven't slept with (and ideally lived with for a good while). My husband of 16 years has been my only partner so it didn't really change the outcome any. My point being that the issue of having sex before marriage is more about personal values and not an essential part of the conversation concerning raising sexually responsible adults.0 -
has just asked me about how sex works. I shcluffed it and told her we'll speak later on it because it takes time to explain.
NOW WHAT?:sad: :sad:
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Be honest and truthful. Don't use scare tactics. My father did that with my little sister (saying that if she got knocked up too young she would ruin her future) and when she did get knocked up in high school she hid it from all of us and got an abortion....which lead to depression.0 -
If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.
This is the best answer to any questions children have. Don't feel uncomfortable about. It, were you uncomfortable about making her in the first place? Make sure she knows that every time she has sex with a boy she has a 50% chance of getting pregnant, even with birth control. I read that teenage girls who are sexually active and on birth control pills very rarely take them correctly and most end up pregnant because of presuming their birth control is 100% when it isn't. I have an almost 19 year old daughter who is engaged to be married. We sat both of them down and asked point blank when she was 16 and he was 18 and asked "are you having sex" the answer was "no" and we gave them the talk again to make sure they understood it was a gift to save for your husband or wife. I'm proud to say their answer is still "no, we are waiting". Good luck.
***note...... I did have sex before I was married and deeply regret it. This above is what wish my mother had told me so I told my daughter.
So use scary tactics and force your child to live the way you wished you had? :huh:
I understand that this is your personal opinion, but how can you even know that your child isn't lying straight to your face, especially since you've made it so obvious how you feel against sex before marriage?
Honestly, my parents were against it, and that's part of the reason I DID it. Also, having had sex, I'm glad I didn't wait for the first guy. Or the second. Why? One, because we may have meshed in person, but the sex-life didn't mesh at all. Waiting should be given as an option, but not as a requirement. Would you be less proud of your child if they weren't waiting? Also, I find it strange that parents who are against sex before marriage support marriage at such a young age. I would expect this to be reverse, as it takes more maturity to be tied to someone for the rest of your life than it does to bump and grind. :ohwell:
Also, if you're open with your child about birth control, there should NEVER be a presumption that it's 100% effective, because as a good parent, you should have explained all of it to them. Most of the kids who think birth control are 100% effective never had proper sex education.0 -
Just tell her. I'm not sure why our culture makes sex into something shameful.
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/admitted-children-sex-primarily-pleasure-81691/#.U6O8YS71lGk.facebook0 -
I always answered my girls when they asked, just careful not to give way more info than they want. Our schools also have sex Ed in 5th grade so that will be coming soon if your state does this. At that age my oldest would ask and I would answer, if I tried explaining she just looked at me with a glazed look and said "mom, you just answered my question". Better learning from you than friends.0
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at the age of 10 unless she's been locked up in a closet.. due to social media, entertainment, and how fast kids seem to be growing these days. I'm pretty sure she knows and has a few ideas.
Since she asked.. Ask what brought the subject up. Why is she curious. Calmly answer and explain.
I'm happy to hear she is coming to you and not going around asking others who would give her false information 0 -
Maybe ask her what she already knows, and than go from there? Kids talk, so she's probably heard stuff already.
Oh I WANT to tell her. Just need some tips on how to approach it.Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
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I always answered my girls when they asked, I answered ONLY what they wanted to know in an age appropriate way. Try to find out what prompted the question. Sometimes, it's a very simple explanation. My almost 15 year old sometimes comes to me just to clarify the meaning of something she may have heard about at school or verify it's truthfulness, I just answer her honestly. I figure, if they were old enough to ask, they were old enough to be told. Of course, I always stress that I would PREFER them to wait for marriage but that if they choose to engage in certain activities, they'd darn well better be safe about it, because, IMO, there are a heck of a lot of worse things to happen than a baby. But my advice to you is simple, find out what she wants to know and why, keep it simple accurate and age appropriate and move on. That way, hopefully, she'll know that she can come back to you for accurate information in the future w/out a lot of drama.0
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