100 lbs to lose and severe depression

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  • sharimedina
    sharimedina Posts: 116
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    I feel you completely! I am just getting back on a program and have a ton of weight to lose. I also just changed up my anxiety and depression meds because I fear that sticking to this 'lifestyle' losing weight so slow (I also have diabetes and PCOS) will be too hard. It is now affecting my daughter who is 6 and overweight. One previous poster said pretty much to take care of yourself first...and it is so true. Everyone gave some really good advice, but let me tell you something...just start exercising. Just do it. I did 20 minute slow walk the first day. I looked up walking in place by Leslie Sansone on youtube (Free). Now I am riding a stationary bike 4 miles a day. The thing is I feel so much better when I exercise. It helps curb the appetite, I drink more water...it helps create that negative calorie effect to lose a little quicker. I am motivated now, but I have the meds to help keep me that way...and that is okay. Being a mom is rough at times, but to be the best mom we have to be the best us first. ;) Good luck! and JUST DO IT. You don't need a fancy gym membership. My 6 year old does the videos with me. ;)
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression about age 40 -- I'm now in my mid-60s -- so I've been taking Prozac for over 20 years, Welbutrin for about 15 years and been seeing counselors since the early 80s. One of my best purchases last winter was a SADD light that clips on my computer monitor. Why I tell you this is that I fully understand what a debilitating pile of horse dung clinical depression is.

    I also have been heavy since puberty and when I am not paying attention weigh twice the high end of a normal BMI for my height. My height and circumference are about equal so I am, quite literally, 5' x 5'. I am hoping to lose 140 lbs.

    Some of us are just genetically predisposed to depression just as we are to being heavy or having diabetes or having freckles. We can try to overcome some of these with treatment and others, like the freckles, we may just have to accept. I figure clinical depression is somewhere between the two. I work to overcome it with treatment and I accept that I have it.

    Now, as to the fat part. That's one that can be overcome with treatment but it's a difficult and constant uphill battle. Is it worse or harder because I am depressed? Who knows? What I do know is that I have been dealt both cards and I need to take care of each of them separately. Would I still be depressed if I weren't fat? Yup. Would I still be fat if I weren't overweight? Yup. So I will divide and conquer -- or at least try not to get all hung up on dealing with both as if they were inextricably linked.

    So, just as you don't let depression prevent you from brushing your teeth at night, don't let it prevent you from developing healthy eating habits. Besides, the depression is a bit easier to deal with when you feel better physically.

    Feel free to friend or message me.

    Heidi
  • SusanL222
    SusanL222 Posts: 585 Member
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    Years ago a wise nurse told me that if I'm feeling depressed, one of the first things to do is to cut out sugar and alcohol. FWIW! I wish you the best! You CAN do this! :flowerforyou:
  • eternalsepicsanctuary
    eternalsepicsanctuary Posts: 12 Member
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    Heidi..... Hug! All of us women and men here care about our weight and/or health. Your depression is probably a bigger barrier than the other things actually. That's ok, we work on it. I was going thru my own stuff when I decided I'm gonna make a change. I started back last year very small extremely small and I've lost 30 lbs altogether. I stopped when my dog got sick when I lost close to twenty within monthes of a lot going on I put back on ten now I lost that and some. I swear baby steps and stay consistent. Even if you twirl your arm 2 minutes for a day. Then when you start a habit and consistent you go up .. You keep doing this then when you get into it feel lil motivated you go up and when you start getting serious and excited you start challenging yourself and change ups. I made my own self my own goals I did it weekly and each week I'd evaluate see weak point and strong points, I made charts etc, and then make new goal for next week. I've do e that since oh 2-3 monthes. I have not been good lately but from a very sedatary person who I just walked in one place for 5 minutes to begin.. I now except this week exercise a lot 45 minutes all body that I started real easy it has tension chords then I went up and up in levels and I do express abs. The other day I do one hour cardio between aerobics and dance that go to abs. I have dropped 3-4 sizes. I started so small started my diet just drink a little water and try to cut down on my favorite food. Baby steps. I got real strict and bland. Not as stick now and lower in daily cal. I hope this helped. I know how it feels inow I was there no energy. But I swear you can get there. And hug we all feel the way you do when we put on weight. I put on 80 pounds since high school and college. I now have only 17-23 pounds left to be ideal for my height. So believe me ifi can do it I know you can.... It doesn't feel or look that hopeful in the beginning you go in there not expecting anything in the beginning just creating a habit just get moving and any movement is worth something. I dont care how small you start if you continue and do a little more each week or e ery few days even if that be small or stay the same and just stay consistent you will want to do more and you will get somewhere. Never underestimate small steps in the right direction. I started real small made a chart or made it so simple didn't need one. And little time. Just to get moving. Each week I would review and stay the same or move up or add or cross of a goal etc. each week I would review my progress and anything I did right.. Progress! Any movement good cheer for yourself. Be easy on yourself. And with better feeling and seeing you doing stuff you'll want more! Once you see your getting places and can keep habit make routine. Then schedule it in. And go up. You will make mistakes you will have days harder. So you get up. Remember anything is something and if you can stick with that the only way is forward and up. If you slow down or something happen just get yourself up again and try again. I wish you the best luck and all the best wishes :) hug.
  • Bennettlizzy81
    Bennettlizzy81 Posts: 7
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    I have depression and severe anxiety. Here's some hope: ever since I started a healthier lifestyle it has gotten better! I was also using food to self-medicate, and counting my calories really made me more conscious of emotional eating. My symptoms haven't gone a way, and I still manage with prescriptions from my doctor, but I have way more energy and self-love.
  • nebslp
    nebslp Posts: 1,650 Member
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    Thank you! A big problem that I have, which is crazy, Is I feel like if I am not running a marathon or exercising for an hour or more than I am not doing anything beneficial. I see the big picture and give up, before I have even started. I am just curious, what was the breaking point for you? How did you start with exercise?

    Check out a list of activities and you will see that there are lots of things you can do and some you probably already do that count towards calorie burn. There's one on MFP and there are other calorie burn counters online if you look for them. If you have a Wii, you can get programs that are active and fun and you can do them with your kids, too. Bowling, tennis, golf, and boxing (my favorite) all get you off the couch and moving and you don't feel like your working out but your heart gets to pumping if you do it long enough. Score! Calorie burn. Also DVDs that focus on strength training using whatever weights you can handle (I started with 2 lbs and have worked up to 8) are good. No jumping around required and you start seeing results almost immediately in that the workouts get easier and you can move up to higher weights. Gardening is a great way to burn calories. It also gets me outside and that helps improve my mood any day. You don't have to run a marathon although maybe that's something you want to do someday. For now, start with daily activities that you enjoy and just try to increase the effort and time you do them. Good luck!
  • janatarnhem
    janatarnhem Posts: 669 Member
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    Hi Heidi
    Not much more to add to the sage advice already posted.
    I just wish you all of the very best...I know how hard depression is to cope with.
    Hope you find your way out of this..... You have taken the first steps....

    Jan xxxx
  • HannahLynn91
    HannahLynn91 Posts: 238 Member
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    Thank you! A big problem that I have, which is crazy, Is I feel like if I am not running a marathon or exercising for an hour or more than I am not doing anything beneficial. I see the big picture and give up, before I have even started. I am just curious, what was the breaking point for you? How did you start with exercise?

    Hello and welcome.

    I understand where you are coming from about depression. Throughout high school I took a multitude of different antidepressants. When I was 20 I asked my Dr. when I could start weening off of them and she looked me straight in the eyes and told me "You don't. You will take them forever." That was the last day I saw her and the last day I took antidepressants, I am 23 now.

    I didn't start exercising regularly until this year, of course at first it was to lose weight, but I started to notice that my mood and attitude was greatly improved. My antidepressant now is exercise. I get up early in the morning, even when i'm not feeling it, because my brain needs it just as much as my body does.

    I just started out with walking for 10 minutes a day, then I went to 15 and then 20 and now I'm doing 30-35 min a day, pushing 40. I look forward to my morning "meditation" as I walk/jog and listen to music.

    Starting is the hardest part. But once you do, you'll wonder why you didn't sooner.
  • LambrettaVVespa
    LambrettaVVespa Posts: 26 Member
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    Hello!
    I have Bipolar Disorder (Type 1) so I know exactly what you're going through. When I was first diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, I was 14 - which is when I was gaining weight at a pretty rapid weight. Unfortunately, endless medication exacerbated the issue for me (Fluoxetine, Quetipaine, Risperidone, Olanzapine, Lorazepam, Sertraline, Citalopram, Propanalol, other benzodiazepines and sedatives of which I can't remember because they were used against my will during psychiatric ward admissions).

    Luckily, I've found that Fluoxetine, Sertraline and Citalopram didn't cause much weight gain (if any) and that was in fact caused by a lack of motivation to do anything and a close friend in fattening foods. Who needs to get out of bed and cook a meal when they have a cupboard full of chocolates and cakes? Your medication may, however, be a contributing factor - discuss this with the doctor or psychiatrist that prescribed your medication.

    If you're still lacking motivation to the extreme of not really wanting to do much at all, your medication obviously isn't helping and therefore you may need a higher dose, different medication and/or therapy (CBT, DBT, Counselling, Mindfulness etc) in addition to any medication you may be taking.

    Next you need to find a form of exercise that suits you. It doesn't necessarily have to be high-intensity cardio, but walking at a moderate speed for an hour or partaking in some form of Yoga can be beneficial in terms of both burning calories and boosting your mood (exercise releases endorphins and I always feel better after a bit of exercise). I find Yoga to be quite relaxing. When I lost 7 stone before my most recent relapse into a psychotic manic episode, followed by a depressive episode, I did it by simply eating healthily, walking and doing medium-low intensity short workouts at home.

    You need to get into the mindset of realising that exercise can be both fun and beneficial to your mental state. The more physically fit and active you are, the more your mind benefits from the hormones and chemicals released by the physical activity.

    As others have said, losing weight isn't all about exercise. Making healthier choices in your eating habits is a huge change which can also increase your mental Wellbeing along with your physical Wellbeing. To lose weight you need a 'calorie deficit' - you need to burn more calories than you consume. The amount calories you need to consume is based on your BMR, activity levels and any exercise you may do.

    I said earlier on in this post about doing an hour of walking. Well, it doesn't even need to be that long. Start by going for a short 15 minute walk every day and slowly build it up. Eventually you'll find that you're actually enjoying walking and you'll most likely WANT to increase how long you walk, along with increasing the pace. You don't need to run a marathon, at all. Just start off slowly and you will be burning calories, even though it won't be a huge amount. I'll repeat: combine this exercise with a healthy diet.

    You'll notice that once you start eating healthier and exercising, the low periods caused by Depression won't be so low and you'll have positives to focus on - increased cardio performance, weight loss, healthier eating and discovering tasty yet healthy foods.
  • schaaf95
    schaaf95 Posts: 10 Member
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    Hello Heidi,

    I both have been and going through the same struggle again, both while suffering with PTSD, which developed over an incident where I work. Having a dark cloud loom over you while you are going through this is not easy. Like i said, I have made this journey once before, losing 115 pounds. But, because of an injury, I am back in the struggle again. Thankfully not as bad as the first time, but I am more upset at myself because while I was injured, I knew better, but I let it happen to myself again. I just need to remember that it was not easy the first time, I needed to take it day by day. When I first started there was no way of working out, so I modified the way I ate. Cut out processed sugars, no sodas, increasing my fruit and vegetable intake and I was eating something every two hours. I was able to loose my first 30 pounds doing just that, which made it easier to exercise. Then I just did what I could, ran down the street and walked back, 1 unassisted push up the the rest we assisted. Small goals will get you through the barrier. Next thing you know, you will be running around the block and doing 10 push ups with no issues. Do not let depression get to you, suffering from depression or PTSD can incapacitate you, but this is your life you have to fight for it! You can do this, keep the fight!
  • krispinator
    krispinator Posts: 10 Member
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    Hi Heidi! I had to do a double take when I read the first line of your post because I swear it was me that had written it. I can SO relate to the struggles you're dealing with. I've lost around 60 lbs of the 160 lbs I need to lose. This is not the first time I've lost that amount of weight, either. And I am in no way bragging. You have no idea how foolish, ashamed, guilty and just plain embarrassed I am to have lost 160 lbs when I was 17, only to gain it all back and have to lose it again a decade later. I've struggled with mental health since I was in my early teens. I've been on probably every medication there is, and every combination of each too. I have bipolar type 2, which means I deal with depression mostly, not mania, and I also have PTSD which leaves me with constant anxiety and panic attacks. I also have horrible insomnia. I was positive my depression and anxiety would go away with my weight loss, but it didn't. It got a lot better for a year and a half. But once I reached my goal weight, my depression manifested itself in addiction. That brought on a whole new slew of problems. So fast forward 11 years later and the birth of one child, dealing with horrific postpartum depression, and you have me back at my all time high weight of 276 pounds. I might have been over 280, but I avoided the scale as much as possible. I literally one day just decided I was going to drink water that day and see if I could do it...and hell, if I'm drinking water, I might as well eat healthy that day too. It was literally just a snap decision to see if I could do it that day. And I did. So I tried again the next day. And I did. I've been doing that since December and I've lost around 60 lbs.

    I am going to friend you. I would love to be part of your support team and cheer you on. I know you can do this. I know how extremely debilitating depression can be, and I know what it feels like to not even have the ability to get out of bed. I literally force myself to live each day. But after I start moving and get going, I don't have to force it anymore....I start to feel better gradually. Not all days. Some days are awful. But most days are manageable. And some days are even awesome! Especially lately. One thing that has helped tremendously for me is being preoccupied with something other than being a stay at home mom. I recently became a presenter for Younique and that keeps me busy each day...gives me something fun to look forward to and goals to meet. It also gave me a branch of a whole new support system, which I REALLY needed. Get involved with something for just you. It makes a world of difference.

    You got this, girl! I know you can do it!! We just gotta get you believing it too :-)
  • Megkynaf
    Megkynaf Posts: 18 Member
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    yeah been there.. I went to the doctor in January this year to get a general physical a vitamin blood work, and get some meds to stabilize my mood. it turned out that though I did not eat unhealthy I did not eat enough I only ate like 1 or 2 times a day and had given myself anemia. I had a deficiency in B12 and iron. the fact that I had no self love didn't help at all and I could not stay awake after work I would literally sit down and 5 minutes later I was fighting to keep my eyes open. dr gave me some b12 supplements iron supplements and wellbutrin for mood stabilizing. My hormones were also jacked up because of the weight, causing everything from fatigue to weird cycles to crushing mood swings. I started taking the supplements and the meds and started walking 15 minutes a day to start. I stay awake all day now I sleep better at night my moods are level and I am genuinely happier with more energy than I have had since I had my son 4 years ago. You can fix this. I know its hard when your a mom you take care of your kids, your husband, if your anything like me you take care of your friends too, but you need to stop and ask your self... you do and do and do, but do you do for you? make some time in-between this and that for you even if its only 10 minutes for you. do something that you used to love to do when you were younger or pick up something new. I paint its my release find something to take the edge off life. take care of you. I promise once YOU are more important to YOURSELF it gets easier. good luck and if you need a friend add me.
  • heidi_drc
    heidi_drc Posts: 11
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    My best advice (based on much experience with obesity and depression, and much more): is that the FOOD MATTERS. Not so much the calories, but the FOOD. Yes, you can cure depression and obesity. I still have a bit more fat to lose, and my metabolism is damaged due excessive calorie restriction in the past, but I will get there eventually. The good news is that I am completely healthy with ZERO depression for almost 2 years. Because of my food choices.

    Best wishes to you and I hope you find what works for YOU.
    That is wonderful, Congratulations!!! Very inspiring :)
  • devotedhufflepuff
    devotedhufflepuff Posts: 29
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    Hi there. I have BiPolar II and Borderline Personality disorders and throw in some social phobia for good measure. I have been on and off meds and in and out of therapy for 20 years. I have the same trouble finding motivation to exercise. Bed always seems like a much better choice.

    When I first joined MFP I found out about a website called Nerd Fitness. They have a very basic body weight training circuit that only takes a few minutes. I did it a few times a week for 2 weeks. In between I would take short 10-15 minute walks. Right now I am not exercising but I am losing 1-2 pounds weekly. I just log and measure my food religiously.

    My motivation to finally lose weight came because of the progress I was making with my current therapist. I have had a lot of them and unfortunately there are a bunch of bad/mediocre therapists out there. Medication is a good first step but I highly recommend going to therapy as well. Be persistent, if you don't connect with one, move on to another. I couldn't even tell you how many different medications I have tried. Again, you have to be persistent. Educate yourself and work with your psychiatrist until you find a combination that works. If your psychiatrist isn't receptive to your ideas, find a new shrink. You have to empower yourself when it comes to these things, you don't have to settle for less.

    And finally, unless your illness is under control, despite how much weight you lose, you still won't love yourself and be happy. So, focus on your mind first and your body will follow.

    Best wishes.
  • aliamoj
    aliamoj Posts: 1
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    I admire your strength, I currently need to lose 91 lbs in order to achive my normal weight. I am currently 229 lbs heavy, my heaviest weight and its frustratingly painful. I wish I know what pushes u consistently in attaining your goal , I have food addiction I binge just when I decide to eat moderately and healthy, I just couldn't stop myself, I feel like Im mentally ill this way. Hope you can give advice to uplift our self belief. Thank you so much!
  • heidi_drc
    heidi_drc Posts: 11
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    Hi Heidi! I had to do a double take when I read the first line of your post because I swear it was me that had written it. I can SO relate to the struggles you're dealing with. I've lost around 60 lbs of the 160 lbs I need to lose. This is not the first time I've lost that amount of weight, either. And I am in no way bragging. You have no idea how foolish, ashamed, guilty and just plain embarrassed I am to have lost 160 lbs when I was 17, only to gain it all back and have to lose it again a decade later. I've struggled with mental health since I was in my early teens. I've been on probably every medication there is, and every combination of each too. I have bipolar type 2, which means I deal with depression mostly, not mania, and I also have PTSD which leaves me with constant anxiety and panic attacks. I also have horrible insomnia. I was positive my depression and anxiety would go away with my weight loss, but it didn't. It got a lot better for a year and a half. But once I reached my goal weight, my depression manifested itself in addiction. That brought on a whole new slew of problems. So fast forward 11 years later and the birth of one child, dealing with horrific postpartum depression, and you have me back at my all time high weight of 276 pounds. I might have been over 280, but I avoided the scale as much as possible. I literally one day just decided I was going to drink water that day and see if I could do it...and hell, if I'm drinking water, I might as well eat healthy that day too. It was literally just a snap decision to see if I could do it that day. And I did. So I tried again the next day. And I did. I've been doing that since December and I've lost around 60 lbs.

    I am going to friend you. I would love to be part of your support team and cheer you on. I know you can do this. I know how extremely debilitating depression can be, and I know what it feels like to not even have the ability to get out of bed. I literally force myself to live each day. But after I start moving and get going, I don't have to force it anymore....I start to feel better gradually. Not all days. Some days are awful. But most days are manageable. And some days are even awesome! Especially lately. One thing that has helped tremendously for me is being preoccupied with something other than being a stay at home mom. I recently became a presenter for Younique and that keeps me busy each day...gives me something fun to look forward to and goals to meet. It also gave me a branch of a whole new support system, which I REALLY needed. Get involved with something for just you. It makes a world of difference.

    You got this, girl! I know you can do it!! We just gotta get you believing it too :-)
    WOW...Thank you for commenting! It is hard to believe that people can live day to day like this. Alot of what you posted is exactly how I feel. Thank you for friending me. It is great to have people out there that care.
    Looking forward to hearing from you!
    Heidi
  • mommy22alyns
    mommy22alyns Posts: 25 Member
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    Hi, OP! I have depression too and gained about 75 lbs in one year. I lost a little weight here and there, but have dropped 35 lbs since the beginning of the year just by calorie counting. I hate exercise too. But every little teeny tiny bit counts. I've just started riding a stationary bike during my baseball pregame shows - just 30 minutes, but it helps! I wish you much success. Good for you for getting started!

    You can friend me if you want. :)
  • heidi_drc
    heidi_drc Posts: 11
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    Hi there. I have BiPolar II and Borderline Personality disorders and throw in some social phobia for good measure. I have been on and off meds and in and out of therapy for 20 years. I have the same trouble finding motivation to exercise. Bed always seems like a much better choice.

    When I first joined MFP I found out about a website called Nerd Fitness. They have a very basic body weight training circuit that only takes a few minutes. I did it a few times a week for 2 weeks. In between I would take short 10-15 minute walks. Right now I am not exercising but I am losing 1-2 pounds weekly. I just log and measure my food religiously.

    My motivation to finally lose weight came because of the progress I was making with my current therapist. I have had a lot of them and unfortunately there are a bunch of bad/mediocre therapists out there. Medication is a good first step but I highly recommend going to therapy as well. Be persistent, if you don't connect with one, move on to another. I couldn't even tell you how many different medications I have tried. Again, you have to be persistent. Educate yourself and work with your psychiatrist until you find a combination that works. If your psychiatrist isn't receptive to your ideas, find a new shrink. You have to empower yourself when it comes to these things, you don't have to settle for less.

    And finally, unless your illness is under control, despite how much weight you lose, you still won't love yourself and be happy. So, focus on your mind first and your body will follow.

    Best wishes.
    I actually have an appt July 1st to see a Psychiatrist. I have been to many couselors in my life and none have seemed to help. I always found myself helping them. Weird but true. I figured this time I would go right to the specialist to see if they can help me with my medicine and get this under control. I have to admit, at first I was ashamed that I had to see a "shrink", but now I am comfortable with the fact that I am taking a step into taking care of me. I know that is what is important. I am taking baby steps. I look forward to chatting with you more. Thank you for the reply.
    Heidi
  • Cerakoala
    Cerakoala Posts: 2,547 Member
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    Hello Heidi. :) Nice to meet you. I suffered from depression at my larger stages in life so I can understand how you feel right now. I can tell you that loosing some of the weight will help some :) Possibly not take it all away but I am sure it will chance your perspective, it did mine :) I am going to send you a friend request if that is okay :) I too held off for so long before getting my life back on track for the same reason I was scared of the big picture. I had 300 lbs to lose. 3 years later I am down 200 and let me tell you just after the first 25 i noticed a difference in how I felt and my depression :) I know we tend to look at the big picture but don't because the reality is its not the big picture. Even if you lose 25 you are way better off. So make that your first goal. Its more manageable and makes you feel less defeated. Then when you get there set the next goal :) Thats what it took for me to find success because when I though I have 300 lbs to lose, well I wanted to give up too :)
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    OP...YOU ARE AMAZING.

    Here's all the tips I have from the last 2 years.

    Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
    -Wayne Dyer

    It's about moderation not deprivation. There are no good/bad foods, only bad eating habits. Do or do not, there is no try. You have to want it, you have to work for it, you have to realize that only you can do it.

    Read these:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1217573-so-you-want-to-start-running

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13

    TL:DR the link right above this one then ->http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/975025-in-place-of-a-road-map-short-n-sweet

    Excuses??? http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2014/06/02/the-no-excuses-play-like-a-champion-challenge/

    If you have 75+ lbs to lose 2 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 40-75 lbs to lose 1.5 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 25-40 lbs to lose 1 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have 15 -25 lbs to lose 0.5 to 1.0 lbs/week is ideal
    If you have less than 15 lbs to lose 0.5 lbs/week is ideal

    Want to lift heavy things?
    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

    Stronglifts Summary
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary

    Stronglifts Womens Group
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4601-stronglifts-5x5-for-women



    I deal with depression myself for 7 years I was severely depressed and stressed and wouldn't take care of myself. 2 years ago I had my light bulb moment, I started working on the physical...that helped but didn't cure the depression. Less than a year into losing weight I realized I needed to work on my mental if I wanted to keep it off and do this right. I had to find a way to deal with my emotional eating/drinking. I am not of the belief that food can cure depression. Sometimes it's just a brain chemistry issue. That's what it is for me. I am feeling better than I ever have though. In fact, for the first time ever yesterday I saw myself in the mirror and thought/believed I was actually pretty.

    I was scared to try lifting heavy, but it's been the most life changing, amazing thing ever for me and I love it more than anything I've ever done.

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