Finding Happiness as an Adult

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Replies

  • Priincess_Natalie
    Priincess_Natalie Posts: 367 Member
    Realizing you have no real meaning, impact or importance also lends one to realize that our mere existence is an improbability in this universe. I'm thankful that I even get this chance to be a part of something so vast, even if my existence is short and meaningless, at least I am somehow here to witness a glimpse of this strange and crazy place. I try to learn, live and enjoy whatever this existence is, even though I do also believe it is completely meaningless.

    :flowerforyou: we share a common bond. I am thankful we live in this strange and crazy universe as well - and you never know - due to quantum mechanics providing evidence of potential parallel universes, and M-Theory - we may as a species uncover a purpose sometime down the road, maybe not for mankind and humans - but of the universe's existence. - that is something to look forward towards.

    Uncovering a purpose for the existence of the universe would be amazing.

    For now I'm just going to enjoy the beauty of the strangeness in all of it :)
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    The more gratitude and humility I express, the more happiness I obtain. However, I think gratitude is key.
  • Bri_Becq
    Bri_Becq Posts: 146 Member
    I collect moments, not things. Being places with the people I love is my happiness.
  • Priincess_Natalie
    Priincess_Natalie Posts: 367 Member
    Also, your intelligence is rare, interesting and beautiful. I hope you find your happy. It would be a shame for someone like you to exist without enjoyment in it.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    By the way, I suggest you stop trying to learn to be happy on an intellectual level. My personal experience has been that the more I learn, the closer to nihilism I get. Once you start trying to comprehend yourself and your place in the universe you start to realize just how inconsequential you (and indeed all of us, individually and as a species) truly are. Which is not to say it's an understanding you shouldn't pursue - just for the love of everything good don't hinge your happiness on it.

    One interesting thing I learned long ago was the art of 'fake it until you make it'. Often times, your mind will follow your actions. The simplest example is when someone asks "how are you?". So many of us answer this question with a half hearted 'not bad' or 'ok'. I make a point to answer enthusiastically and positively - regardless of how I actually feel. "I'm great!", "I'm fantastic!", "Very well, thank you, very well indeed!". Try it for a month. It may seem trivial, but I guarantee you'll be happier at the end of the month than at the beginning. That sort of positive reinforcement really has an impact on the brain.
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    By the way, I suggest you stop trying to learn to be happy on an intellectual level. My personal experience has been that the more I learn, the closer to nihilism I get. Once you start trying to comprehend yourself and your place in the universe you start to realize just how inconsequential you (and indeed all of us, individually and as a species) truly are. Which is not to say it's an understanding you shouldn't pursue - just for the love of everything good don't hinge your happiness on it.

    One interesting thing I learned long ago was the art of 'fake it until you make it'. Often times, your mind will follow your actions. The simplest example is when someone asks "how are you?". So many of us answer this question with a half hearted 'not bad' or 'ok'. I make a point to answer enthusiastically and positively - regardless of how I actually feel. "I'm great!", "I'm fantastic!", "Very well, thank you, very well indeed!". Try it for a month. It may seem trivial, but I guarantee you'll be happier at the end of the month than at the beginning. That sort of positive reinforcement really has an impact on the brain.

    stop-thinking-and-do.jpg

    There's no point in thinking about what it is to be happy. Just do it and it will come to you.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    <snip>

    One interesting thing I learned long ago was the art of 'fake it until you make it'. Often times, your mind will follow your actions. The simplest example is when someone asks "how are you?". So many of us answer this question with a half hearted 'not bad' or 'ok'. I make a point to answer enthusiastically and positively - regardless of how I actually feel. "I'm great!", "I'm fantastic!", "Very well, thank you, very well indeed!". Try it for a month. It may seem trivial, but I guarantee you'll be happier at the end of the month than at the beginning. That sort of positive reinforcement really has an impact on the brain.

    This is how I've been living the last few years. People ask me how I'm happy all the time with everything going on at home. If I didn't smile, I'd cry.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    .
  • itodd4019
    itodd4019 Posts: 340 Member
    What makes you happy as you progress into adulthood?
    As one continues to mature they realize that many things that make them 'happy' are temporary, artificial, or trivial - what makes you most happy?
    I think it's nice to enjoy the trivial. My kitten greets me at the door every day when I get home. Even though my hubby is at home during the day so it's not like she's lonely. This is trivial and it tickles me lol.

    ya see now... that's the good stuff!
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    I collect moments, not things. Being places with the people I love is my happiness.

    ^this is wonderful :) I really like this point - I guess happiness is largly just being able to enable yourself to live in the moment, and embrace the moment-and then that feeling is amplified when it is in the company of those you love. - reminds me of 'Into the Wild'

    'Happiness only when shared'


    @Priincess_Nat thanks! :flowerforyou: I enjoy a great deal of activities and LOVE people, truly cherish and think they are special - I just have been having a great deal of head junk trying to form the 'why' behind all of this.

    @stumblinthrul- I was talking to a trainer at my job about this when he was brought in to help develop our personal goals (optional) I was very candid with him about all of this, and he said (he has a doctorate and is a gazillion times more polished and knowledgeable then me - a bit of a role model) the exact same thing - especially for those of us that suffer with insomnia - we torture ourselves trying to form a why, and trying to uncover happiness all the while we continue taking another breath after another breath towards our pending death towards nothingness. - he said wear a mask until it's no longer a mask, he did and still does. He said do that or lie to your intellect and believe with your heart any uplifting religion.

    Coincides with your point, which is wise -fake it till you make it... when I was an addict I started faking I was better, worked my tail off all the while as well, but I needed to surround myself with positive people so I faked it and faked it, never bringing up the demons screaming in my head to revert back to a lifestyle of debauchery and hedonism- and then one day I realized it had been over two years, not even contemplating or feeling tempted to use, verses measuring my simple non-use.

    You are correct to get better, and this must be a similar task where I must 'fake it until you make it' - it is easy to be candid about it over a forum, much harder in practice but I will be putting it more in practice - I do however truly wear a smile everywhere I go - I'm in sales for Pete's sake - and believe me when someone asks "how are you?" I always give the following three responses:

    "Baby, you know! I'm always good"
    "I'm feeling so upbeat I was thinking of starting my own band"
    "If I was doing any better I'd be sinning."

    followed by a wink, or a smile, or a sexy gnaw on my lower lip.. :wink:
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Baby animals and murdering people in an artificial setting. The happiness lasts about 2 minutes. Most of the time, I don't feel anything at all.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    Baby animals and murdering people in an artificial setting. The happiness lasts about 2 minutes. Most of the time, I don't feel anything at all.



    :shudder: towards the 'murdering people'

    Smile more? :happy:
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    What makes you happy as you progress into adulthood?
    As one continues to mature they realize that many things that make them 'happy' are temporary, artificial, or trivial - what makes you most happy?

    First and foremost, my two boys and my wife. Even as a younger adult, marriage and kids both felt like a burden, or I should say taxing at times to my happiness. But As I have matured and got past much of my self-focus, I find time with them essential to the balance in my life.

    Next, it also took me some time to understand, but I need competition and activity in my life. I need to have a sport that I can challenge myself with, and compete against others. So that is tennis, but I like doing anything active and competitive.

    Then, just balance, and not in the sense there needs to be some mediated level I keep. More that, I can have highs and lows, times I digress in things but times I rise way above, etc. So practically, I don't beat myself up if I gain a few pounds because I enjoyed a weekend, and I don't get too overzealous when I drop pounds.

    I won't lie. Getting older hasn't been easy mentally or physically for me, and I lost my confidence, balance, and happiness for a while there, but as I strip away long time issues and needless worries, things are really AMAZING.

    Also, I like beer.
    A lot.
    :smile:
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
    To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
  • CoveOps
    CoveOps Posts: 100
    living life for yourself and finding your own happines.

    It sounds selfish but untill you can find yourself and love yourself you will never be happy.

    And if you are not happy, no one around you is going to be happy.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    I hope you've had an opportunity to meditate on our conversation. We pick up where Job has gained an audience with God, to plead his case. God challenges Job's understanding by pointing to all the things in the natural world that Job has little understanding of or power over. Where was Job when God set the boundaries of the seas, saying to the water, go here and no further? And on God went.

    Job understood. He apologizes to God, and God blesses him, providing double of what he had previously, and giving him a long life to be able to enjoy what He gave him.

    We see in the book of Job that God's wisdom and works are far above our own. And far above our ability to comprehend, let alone stand in judgement of what He has done. The book of Job illustrates for us what He says in Isaiah 55:

    My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts. For so as the heavens are far above the earth, so are My ways above your ways and My thoughts above your thoughts.

    Job got to this place of understanding. The reader of his story is privy to more information. Not only does Job not understand much of the natural world he lives in, he didn't know about the conversations going on about him in the spiritual world. Job thought God had overlooked his dedication to God and his efforts to not sin. But indeed, God did notice, and pointed him out as a shining example.

    Now, as humans, in this advanced technological age, know very little about the world we inhabit. One recent scenario comes to mind - speculation on oil in California. With the most advanced machinery available, it was determined California had huge masses of oil, and the rush began a few years ago. It was discovered a couple months ago that their estimates of how much oil was there was off. By 98%.

    We know one thing about thing about God and the suffering of humanity - God suffered too. He likened His people to a chronically adulteress wife. We hear words like, He was grieved in His heart. In the person of Jesus, he suffered betrayal, he suffered great hunger (40 days without food), he suffered with temptation, he suffered with abandonment, he suffered with persecution, he suffered with people mocking him, he suffered with a tortuous death, publically. As a Father, he suffered with the agonizing death of his child. God is not removed from the suffering of the world.

    Yet, the God of all wisdom, knowing what He Himself would have to suffer over us, chose to endure the pain and made us anyway. then, Jesus chose to endure the cross, for the joy set before him. He would die and live again, to cause many to do the same. We have to trust, that the One who put treasures in snow, and feeds the birds of the air, and gave mankind the intelligence to ponder over the enormity of love like that, knows what He is doing, and it is good.

    Many thanks for your interest. :flowerforyou:
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    I hope you've had an opportunity to meditate on our conversation. We pick up where Job has gained an audience with God, to plead his case. God challenges Job's understanding by pointing to all the things in the natural world that Job has little understanding of or power over. Where was Job when God set the boundaries of the seas, saying to the water, go here and no further? And on God went.

    Job understood. He apologizes to God, and God blesses him, providing double of what he had previously, and giving him a long life to be able to enjoy what He gave him.

    We see in the book of Job that God's wisdom and works are far above our own. And far above our ability to comprehend, let alone stand in judgement of what He has done. The book of Job illustrates for us what He says in Isaiah 55:

    My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts. For so as the heavens are far above the earth, so are My ways above your ways and My thoughts above your thoughts.

    Job got to this place of understanding. The reader of his story is privy to more information. Not only does Job not understand much of the natural world he lives in, he didn't know about the conversations going on about him in the spiritual world. Job thought God had overlooked his dedication to God and his efforts to not sin. But indeed, God did notice, and pointed him out as a shining example.

    Now, as humans, in this advanced technological age, know very little about the world we inhabit. One recent scenario comes to mind - speculation on oil in California. With the most advanced machinery available, it was determined California had huge masses of oil, and the rush began a few years ago. It was discovered a couple months ago that their estimates of how much oil was there was off. By 98%.

    We know one thing about thing about God and the suffering of humanity - God suffered too. He likened His people to a chronically adulteress wife. We hear words like, He was grieved in His heart. In the person of Jesus, he suffered betrayal, he suffered great hunger (40 days without food), he suffered with temptation, he suffered with abandonment, he suffered with persecution, he suffered with people mocking him, he suffered with a tortuous death, publically. As a Father, he suffered with the agonizing death of his child. God is not removed from the suffering of the world.

    Yet, the God of all wisdom, knowing what He Himself would have to suffer over us, chose to endure the pain and made us anyway. then, Jesus chose to endure the cross, for the joy set before him. He would die and live again, to cause many to do the same. We have to trust, that the One who put treasures in snow, and feeds the birds of the air, and gave mankind the intelligence to ponder over the enormity of love like that, knows what He is doing, and it is good.

    Many thanks for your interest. :flowerforyou:

    @CJisinShape - this was absolutely beautiful to read. As I stated I am going to reread job, I am currently knocking out some literature on upping my sales game, but once completed Job will be the first book I re-read.

    Thanks for pointing out that God has suffered with us, reminds me of Jeremiah 8:22-9:1

    "20The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.

    21For the hurt of my poor people I am hurt, I mourn, and dismay has taken hold of me.

    22Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of my poor people not been restored?

    9:1O that my head were a spring of water, and my eyes a fountain of tears, so that I might weep day and night for the slain of my poor people! "

    - Sometimes I forgot that all the attributes we label with God are similar to those of us.. we were made in his image I suppose. I'm not happy that the supreme being felt suffering, but if the Bible is correct, it is heartwarming to know he can similarly 'feel' what we 'feel'.

    Wonderful read - very sincere, and well thought-out.

    Thanks, this was encouraging. :flowerforyou:
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    I heard the statement that two words are the key to happiness: "savor" and "serve."

    I have learned as an adult that happiness is made up of joyful moments that are most often temporary and fleeting, dispersed between the drudgery, chores and obligation. In order to truly revel in these blissful moments, we must also allow ourselves to experience loss, sorrow, frustration and sadness.

    Being present and savoring the good things is the key.

    I have also learned that it is important to have a sense of purpose and to feel needed and appreciated. Serving others allows us to fully experience and use the talents that we bring to the world. The satisfaction of serving others allows us to use our gifts and blessings to make the world a little better.

    I also believe that finding our authentic self and living an authentic life contribute to happiness, contentment and satisfaction.
  • aarnwine2013
    aarnwine2013 Posts: 317 Member
    My dogs!
    My husband!
    My kids (except my teen, lol)
    A good run!
    Coffee!
    Sex!
    Seeing me achieve my weighloss goals makes me very happy!
    Carbs!
  • Ke11er
    Ke11er Posts: 147 Member
    Becoming aware that happiness, like all emotions, is fleeting. Joy and sorrow, they both come and go. The "happiness" most of us seek is actually contentment. For me contentment comes from understanding the worthy purpose of my life and keeping faithful to that purpose. The things that gratify change (frequently) over time, but what makes us content endures.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    I heard the statement that two words are the key to happiness: "savor" and "serve."

    I have learned as an adult that happiness is made up of joyful moments that are most often temporary and fleeting, dispersed between the drudgery, chores and obligation. In order to truly revel in these blissful moments, we must also allow ourselves to experience loss, sorrow, frustration and sadness.

    Being present and savoring the good things is the key.

    I have also learned that it is important to have a sense of purpose and to feel needed and appreciated. Serving others allows us to fully experience and use the talents that we bring to the world. The satisfaction of serving others allows us to use our gifts and blessings to make the world a little better.

    I also believe that finding our authentic self and living an authentic life contribute to happiness, contentment and satisfaction.

    ^I know in sales that is what we are taught to do for clients- make them feel needed, and appreciated. I think it is the same regarding relationships with others - much more difficult to do with yourself though.

    - also "finding yourself" - there is a great deal to that banal platitude, but it is of paramount importance - still in the finding part myself, it is hard to explain but in switching careers or girlfriends or apartments - even something as simple as a new gym, I feel each time like I am rediscovering my identity - that is certainly not healthy.
  • MyTurn2BHappy
    MyTurn2BHappy Posts: 475 Member
    Anything fun that comes along, I will pretty much go for (not drugs). I like to LIVE life, feel love, laugh, smile, flirt, just feel good! Life is too short to overthink things
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    Right now my kids are what makes me happy. Been having a tough year with moving to another state almost a year ago with my 3 kids to getting served divorce papers and just putting my life back together it's my kids that keep me going and keep me happy, the rest is starting to fall into place and for that I am grateful.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    Anything fun that comes along, I will pretty much go for (not drugs). I like to LIVE life, feel love, laugh, smile, flirt, just feel good! Life is too short to overthink things

    One can't help but over-think everything when they suffer from insomnia.

    When I was a child I was a bit rebellious, and went to 7 high schools. I recall observing from early on all the 'clicks' and 'labels' and it occurred to me on my 4th school that people simply were not unique - there were the exact same people at every school - and it goes past simply the exact same clicks - there are only 16 real personality types with only a few subsets - about 4 per. Literally, after meeting thousands of people in my life - I'm including my entire lifespan including attending a university of 14,000+ people, along with being an extravert having to talk with everyone I bump into - it occurred to me early on that people are simply biological wiring absolutely non-unique and entirely not special - and it goes against everything you hear as a child.

    It is so disappointing - more so because I have even met those that share identical traits as me, and ironically the wiring results in similar life-experiences within the subsets...

    “Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?"

    "I give."

    "You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.” - David Foster Wallace
  • silverstarrlyte
    silverstarrlyte Posts: 83 Member
    Happiness is a choice.
    I choose to see the beauty in my life, every day. I have to back up many many times and find the beauty and the things that are good, because it is so easy to see the negative. Rain is beautiful, sunshine is beautiful. I can find something negative in both of them if I wanted to. The ability to feel emotions in all their capacity good and bad. That is life. Things are temporary. They don't make you happy. The sound of my childrens laughter, watching my silly dog, hearing from an old friend, the sound of the wind in the trees... these things make me happy.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    Happiness is a choice.
    I choose to see the beauty in my life, every day. I have to back up many many times and find the beauty and the things that are good, because it is so easy to see the negative. Rain is beautiful, sunshine is beautiful. I can find something negative in both of them if I wanted to. The ability to feel emotions in all their capacity good and bad. That is life. Things are temporary. They don't make you happy. The sound of my childrens laughter, watching my silly dog, hearing from an old friend, the sound of the wind in the trees... these things make me happy.

    Things are indeed temporary - I like the things that make you happy!

    insightful.
  • Johnplusfour
    Johnplusfour Posts: 105
    Boobs.. I meant my wife!! and her boobs :)
  • ColeCake292012
    ColeCake292012 Posts: 247 Member
    Honestly? My healthy marriage and baby.
  • ColeCake292012
    ColeCake292012 Posts: 247 Member
    But since I'm pregnant, Taco Bell is a close second.
  • becky10rp
    becky10rp Posts: 573 Member
    What makes me happy?

    My family - my husband who is thoughtful, and my teenage daughter who is growing into a beautiful person, inside and out.

    My cat - coming home and being greeting by my cat who loves me unconditionally - is the BEST!

    My morning coffee.

    My Sister who e-mails me everyday - you ROCK!

    My friends who are on the same 'page' with me - they keep me going.

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