getting divorced

My husband and I went through a rough patch after 22 years together. We, well really I, contemplated divorce. He is the extrovert, I am the introvert. Before I really had explored that part of our personalities, I just thought he was loud and liked to party. I would come home from work and he would bombard me with questions and stories, following me around the house. I needed to recharge in a quiet room from being at work all day (he's disabled) and he needed to interact to recharge because he had basically been alone all day. He was overwhelming to me and I was really starting to dislike being around him at all, even though he was and is a really nice guy.

We went to marriage counseling (because he wanted to, I wasn't interested in saving our marriage at that point) and on the weekend before I was going to ask him to move out, I started thinking about our lives together and I became very sad that I was going to lose so much of my/our history. He was out of town with friends and I had a very long, sad weekend. I was able to reflect and think and really work through all of my feelings and emotions, something I hadn't been able to do because I never had a moment's peace. That's when I realized that deep down I loved him and couldn't imagine finding anyone who was a better fit or who shared the core values that we both had.

We worked things out and are happier now than we have ever been in our marriage. I am so glad I was able to work things through in my mind and realize what a mistake I was making. He now realizes that I need my quiet time and I now realize that he needs us to go out and do things where there are lots of people. I can make that compromise and so can he.

While this is nowhere near what you're going through, I stayed with one of my ex-boyfriends for longer than I should have because I was afraid to leave him alone. He had so few friends, hardly ever went out, etc. I was afraid he'd just wither away in a depression. I finally bit the bullet, though, and decided that just sticking it out wasn't good for either of us. I was worried, but he was a grown man and responsible for himself.

A year and a half later, out to dinner with my now-fiance, I saw my ex at the bar with a stunning brunette. Ran into him again a few years later at a Comic Convention (I date nerds). My ex was a grown man and when he wasn't happy staying in or being by himself, clearly he was able to get up and get out and have a good time. Though we haven't spoken in years I think it was better for both of us.

When your ex is unhappy with his lifestyle, he'll get up and do something different. Trust him, at least, to know what makes him
happiest while you clearly know what makes you happiest.

This makes me sad. What drew you two together in the first place? Were you not who you were then? How long have you been married? Any kids from the relationship?
Not sure what you want to hear, but it sounds like either you shouldn't have married in the first place, or you are just looking for reasons to be single again.
Having personality differences is not a bad thing. My hubby and I are very different socially, but we compliment each other. Over the past 17 years, he has become more social, and I have become a little more of a homebody. Yeah, in the beginning it was a little frustrating that he didn't like to go to social events, or would want to leave way earlier than I did, but we worked thru that.

Marriage is not always easy. You celebrate your differences and see what each person can learn from the other.

So look at the qualities that you liked in him, that made you want to marry him. Are these qualities still there?

I'm the poster child for what not to do during a divorce. I was like you and felt responsible for him and his happiness. I had done everything for him during our marriage and he was welcomed into my family because his is highly dysfunctional and he cut ties with them but even though my family welcomed him with open arms he kept his distance so I was the his only friend/family basically besides our children and it became suffocating to me. I dragged things out for about 4 years, longer if I'm honest because I worried about him and knew he wouldn't be able to create a life for himself but what I've learned during that time is that I am not responsible for him. What choices he makes from now on are his and hopefully he'll make good ones for our kids. The first time we separated I found him a place to live, bought everything he would need and had all the utilities hooked up and even helped him move, this time I'm taking care of me. He's a grown man and needs to learn how to do these things for himself and also show his kids that he can take care of himself and them so they can see how responsible adults act. I still feel guilty sometimes but I'm learning how to resist old habits, his mistakes will be his own and he will learn from them. Divorce sucks, untangling yourself and your lives is very difficult but it can be done and eventually things get better and the guilt subsides. Good luck!

I understand where you're coming from. When my marriage ended, my ex and I didn't hate each other and it was very amicable.
I think when there's a lack of negative emotions/anger/rage it's easy to be bothered by other smaller things.