My dad just passed away. Lost my motivation

There are no words, "my condolences" doesn't seem to convey my empathy with you. I believe you're still in shock as there is so much to take care of after that it doesn't give you any time to grieve. I know that everyone who knows you means well, but there really isn't anything but time that can heal your broken heart (and then only so far, there'll always be a void"). I'm was in my mid- 50's when my Dad passed away from lung cancer and I was devastated, but also so relieved he was no longer in excruciating pain. He had a few close calls over the past 10 years, but I knew this time (long before anyone else wanted to acknowledge it)was going to be the last. He was the only parent I had, all grandparents have been deceased for years.

People will tell you to get out, walk, exercise, be with friends, stay active, volunteer, and a hundred other ways to occupy your mind - and they are right. The problem is that for me I knew what I should be doing, but just could not bring myself to do them. Other than keeping in touch through phone and going to the farm once or twice a week to be there for my step-mom, I shut myself off from everything else. She and I did all the thank you cards, and I listened/cried hearing her talk about Dad. She joined a local support group and goes to church and that has worked for her, along with talking about her memories with Dad. It gives her comfort to take out the video of the pictures run during the visitation and the video of the service where my nephews and stepsister gave a wonderful eulogy and memories of Dad and what he meant to them. Even though copies of both were made for all us kids, I can't watch them yet and don't know when I will.

My brothers won't talk about him to anyone (not even wives), and one of them who's best friend was Dad (and very much like him) asked his wife to remove pictures of Dad they had around the house, telling her he thinks of him him everyday and doesn't need pictures to remind him.

If I could have found a support group for adults who have lost a parent I would have tried out a couple of meetings to see if they would work for me, but I'm not sure. Everyone says a loss is a loss, but I disagree. Even those who have the same parent experience a totally different degree and feeling of loss depending on how close you were.

I don't cry everyday like I used to, but I do often. I have kept out the two pictures of Dad that have always been there. Any others along with the videos are stored away. All I can tell you is to go with it and if talking about him helps you I hope your are lucky enough to have someone you can do so with. Every year it hits me from March 31st (his b-day) - Father's Day. The sorrow is still there, but it does slowly and eventually get easier on you. The first year, every holiday or special day is a 1st and that's very hard.

Take Care . . . .and if nothing else just try to get in some protein drinks, bars and yogurt for a while.

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. This loss would be just as devastating if you're 21 or 61. The only thing that will help is time, friends & remembering ls the good memories & experiences you had with him. Try to believe that he would not want you to be devastated by this. My dad told me that his passing is all a natural part of life. Don't beat yourself up for losing your motivation, it's certainly a natural reaction. You will find your way when you're ready. Exercise will help beat down depression because the body releases endorphines which fight pain, both physical & emotional, thus will make you feel better. Good Luck.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I was the youngest in my family, and over the years I've had to watch the members of my family pass away. None are left now. And I'm only 44.

You have to let yourself grieve. It isn't healthy and does no good not to. Give yourself time to let your dad go and move on. Don't worry about anything else right now. You'll have plenty of time to focus on your weight loss goals when the pain has gone down a little bit. And you will find yourself stronger. :flowerforyou:

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My dad passed away recently as well, just before Christmas last year. I had a great deal of difficulty eating...I was just too sad and too depressed to eat. I basically forced fed myself something a few times a day (that wasn't bourbon) because I knew I needed something for nourishment. I did continue to exercise as that was about the only time that I could stop thinking about him.

You have to give yourself some time to grieve to be sure...but ultimately for me, I knew that my dad's complications and ultimately his heart attack (at 61) were a result of living a very unhealthy lifestyle. He's one of the big reasons I got into all of this nutrition and fitness stuff in the first place...I didn't want to go down that same path, and this was before he died. He was incredibly proud of me and what I had accomplished in getting my **** together and choosing a different path than he did...so ultimately I figured it would be a disservice to him if I let my life go to **** with his passing.

I would also strongly suggest grief counseling...I basically shunned the idea for a couple of months before I completely broke down and then started seeing someone weekly. It has helped tremendously to have someone neutral to talk to about things; it's different than talking to family or friends.

Hi Michelle,

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that your heart heals fast from this terrible heart break. I don't know if I have any motivation, but I do know that your dad would want you at your happiest and healthiest. I hope that your journey to health helps you heal from the pain of your loss. Take everything one day at a time, and it will all work out for your good. Blessings and peace!

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words when one loses a beloved parent.

I've been there! I lost my mom to cancer, and it was so traumatic. Not only did I not care what food I put in to my body (the cheesier, the chocolaty-er, the better), but we were also inundated with the least healthy food you can imagine, all from friends and family seeking to offer comfort (through comfort food).

Truthfully, eating that crap was the worst thing I could do.

My mother had health problems because of choices she made during her life, coupled with an inherited predisposition towards a certain type of illness. I'm describing her cancer, but heart problems are often the result of that same combination.

I decided that if I wanted to live a long and healthy life, I needed to exert control over what I could control. Her passing was a big motivator for me becoming healthier.

So, you may want to take the bull by the horns. For your own health, and in memory of your dad.

Really sorry to hear about your dad.

i am so sorry for your loss
I can't blame you for losing motivation, if your not eating very well and only being able to eat the odd naughty thing, i dont think it really matters too much so long as you get something in you.

Take a break, come back when your ready, no one will blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself either.