Starting again - unhelpful comments

Options
135

Replies

  • SMKean90
    SMKean90 Posts: 55
    Options
    Hm sounds like my 'mother' every time i have the 'joy' of having to see her.
    Oh, and this started aged about 4!

    People like that are awful nd take ppleasure in other people's misfortunes.
    Well done on the loss, keep it up :)
  • SMKean90
    SMKean90 Posts: 55
    Options
    i was mistaken for being pregnant :( that's why i lost weight. People can be so rude.

    I genuinely had someone give up their seat for me on the tube once, i never wore that dress again!
    I suppose i should consider myself lucky, considering people who really are pregnant are often left standing!
  • LSinVA
    LSinVA Posts: 60 Member
    Options
    I have been there. I used to be 105 lbs and I gained 75... yep, SEVENTY-FIVE pounds. Pretty noticeable weight gain but that doesn't excuse the comments. We don't say anything because we're so shocked someone could even be that rude.

    The rudest comment I had made to me was when this ****head of a person saw an older picture of me in my house, "is that your younger sister? she's so beautiful!" The pic was only 2 years ago and they knew damn well it was me ( my face hadn't changed that much other than getting rounder), they we're just being an *kitten*. That comment was totally meant to sting in more ways than one and it did.

    People say things to make themselves feel better. I don't buy the excuses that they just aren't aware. What are they? Social retards? I don't know of any culture where it's okay to comment that someone has "put on a lot of weight". Generally, the ones saying it are old and/or fat themselves or have some other issue they're insecure about and are happy to see you've gained weight. It makes them feel superior. I used to let it get to me but now, I mentally flip them off and use it as motivation to get back to where I was. Just keep up whatever you are doing and try to put it behind you. Weight is easier to lose than a crappy personality.
  • DeadsAndDoritos
    DeadsAndDoritos Posts: 267 Member
    Options
    A couple of years ago, when I was losing weight, I got quite a few backhanded compliments and unhelpful comments such as:

    "Wow, I never thought I'd see you with skinny legs"

    "You are half the size you used to be" - I had only lost 21 lbs and had 21 lbs to go so did not appreciate the exaggeration

    "When are you going to stop? You don't want to end up as skinny as Victoria Beckham." - when I had a BMI of 27

    "Are you going to be like this the entire holiday?" - when I was trying to make a sensible snack choice at the airport

    I am annoyed I let it get me down and now I am starting again after having put 14 of those 21 lbs back on. :angry: Actually, 3 of those were the same person. Maybe I should stay out of that person's way for a while.
  • TMski1000
    TMski1000 Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    WOW!! What a B!
  • chasgrey
    chasgrey Posts: 7 Member
    Options
    When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...
  • DanceswithWow
    DanceswithWow Posts: 108
    Options
    Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


    1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

    2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

    Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

    What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.

    Why?

    There is only a one word difference between the two sentences. I've yo-yo'd up and down for years and when I go back to see my family that I haven't seen in a while I fully expect them to say whether I have gained or lost (if it is that noticable). They are just speaking facts, how I interpret that and how their words make me feel speaks to my self image. Unless, they are purposefully being rude. I know that I've gained weight, so why is it so rude for someone mention it. Just like I know when I've lost weight, but it is nice for someone to mention that? Should it matter how close a friend the person is? Do we give those close to us a benefit of a doubt since we like to believe they have our best interest at heart?

    Like I said, context matters...What if you have been sick or are coming off chemo and trying to gain weight? What if you are trying to bulk up for a BB comp?

    My youngest son, 4 years old, recently started to talk about "Daddy's big belly" (yes, thank you Nick Jr and Peppa Pig). Is he being rude? spiteful? No, he's just calling it like it is and how it could make me feel is beyond his comprehension. You know what I say to him? Yes, Daddy does have a big belly and he's trying to get healthier.

    I'll give you that a grown adult should know how their words will be interpreted, but is it about the words, or how the words bring to light how we feel about ourselves?


    Finally logic that works..My name is Dances with Wow..
    Its true today as it was when Homer wrote his great works..

    You have free will..its your willingness to choose to be free..
    Using your emotions to freely to imprison negative thoughts zaps life force...

    Fitness taught today is about mostly being superficial but to be fit should be redefined as the courageous aptitude to exert, pit test and retest your physical equivalent of will power over free will..


    Use this a your definition and watch unwanted body fat disappear..


    Awesome context affirmation
  • tarcotti
    tarcotti Posts: 205 Member
    Options

    Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


    1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

    2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

    Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

    Eh, I disagree. I'm a little sensitive about my weight, but my weight is my fault. I know that I gained a LOT of it. So when someone says "You lost a lot of weight" I take it as a positive comment, losing a LOT is what I set out to do, and I did! (Speaking from the future here, I still have like 38 lbs to go)
  • waltcote
    waltcote Posts: 372 Member
    Options
    I get comments now where people will make off hand remarks that I am too skinny. Or they say don't lose anymore weight. Sometimes it's as irritating as comments about being fat! Or comments like "are you still on that diet?" I guess I am still on a "diet" since I am still eating but not eating out of control~! :huh:
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
    Options
    Great news on your success!

    Just remember about negative comments: Its says a lot more about the person who says it than it does about you.
  • mrogers52
    mrogers52 Posts: 378 Member
    Options
    Once upon a time people were taught if you can't say something kind, don't say anything at all. My MIL was great for these kinds of comments. Most days I could ignore her, but one time I asked her why she went to church since she sure didn't get the message! Everyone was horrified, but I stood my ground. She kept those comments to herself after that.:wink:
  • LambrettaVVespa
    LambrettaVVespa Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    Jeez. You know, I've never had someone tell me I've put on weight but I've had people compliment me on losing weight. Being told I've LOST weight actually gets to me a bit. I'm not being ungrateful. Just hear me out.

    When I've lost weight, I get compliments such as "You're so much skinnier. You look great!" Although at the time it makes me feel a little bit impressed with myself, when I get to thinking about it, I just think "Oh god, so when I was heavier you NOTICED but you didn't say anything?" Then I get hung up on the fact that people even a little bit overweight (I was cresting more than "a little bit overweight") do tend to get negative attention and that, if they noticed I've lost weight, they judged me on my body image before I had. I don't like the way that society treats the overweight or obese.

    Another thing. It really, really puts me on the spot. I'm just "Uuuh. Thank you. It uhm." I mean, what do you say in that scenario? Around here, people get judged for being both overweight and being self-centred or having an OTT ego. What do I say to say thank the person, but not make myself seem overly self confident? Damn. Then I have to think of a compliment to say back, so I stand there with my mouth half open while I scan my close friend for improvements in the appearance. Maybe I just don't take enough attention others' bodies or appearances.

    Wtf have I just gone on about for the past five minutes?
    Ignore me. I talk crap.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Options
    You should have said, " Thank you! That was so helpful! I don't own a mirror or a scale, so I would never have known if you hadn't broadcasted this observation that no one asked you for." I have trouble turning off the sarcasm sometimes, but it usually shames people into shutting up. :happy:
  • AutreyAZ
    AutreyAZ Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    I think that many of us have received comments about our weight that was hard to hear. How we deal with the comments and how we react to these is comments is the key. Stay strong and do not let people control your behavior by getting you to react to each tactless thing that is said. Good luck with your weight loss.
  • Rose6300
    Rose6300 Posts: 232 Member
    Options
    When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...

    Perfect!
  • fattygoosewing
    fattygoosewing Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    I had a friend pass me two bar stools to sit down and then made great fun of it in front of everyone. He is now very overweight and I do still see him socially but I would never comment on his transformation. Dignity and self respect are everything
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
    Options
    When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...


    I love this! I must remember this one:laugh:
  • irhyme
    irhyme Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    Well, when someone says you've lost a ton of weight, I feel like, "Oh, thanks, I didn't realize you thought I was THAT fat before!" I know they don't hear their comment that way, but sometimes it makes me realize how people were seeing me.
  • RosanaRosanaDana
    RosanaRosanaDana Posts: 93 Member
    Options
    Yes, once a cashier in a clothing store asked me when the baby was do. I was so embarrassed I actually lied and came up with a date LOL
  • RosanaRosanaDana
    RosanaRosanaDana Posts: 93 Member
    Options
    I get comments now where people will make off hand remarks that I am too skinny. Or they say don't lose anymore weight. Sometimes it's as irritating as comments about being fat! Or comments like "are you still on that diet?" I guess I am still on a "diet" since I am still eating but not eating out of control~! :huh:
    What is it with people who think that they can exert that much control over our lives. "Oh you think so, I'll stop dieting today" or " Ok if you say so I won't lose any more weight. Do you have any other helpful advice for me like how I should style my hair or whether or not this outfit looks good on me???"

Categories