My boyfriend is obese

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  • Listeninguponyou
    Listeninguponyou Posts: 507 Member
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    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg

    28J9IKe.gif

    Oh goodness that was the funniest thread posts I have read in a while. I love MFP.

    OP I would vote for a breakup, but you already broke up with MFP.
  • Clauduchinno
    Clauduchinno Posts: 26
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    Is CLAUDUCHINNO a Male Or Female??
    The poster says he's Male but the profile says Female from Perth,Wa but in the About Me it says Perth, Western Australia :huh:
    If people are adding this person I would say they would think they were adding a Female by the name & pic, not a Male :indifferent:
    BTW...Only going by His own words of saying he's a "male"

    I am a female...? I was saying in this instance I would've been in the males shoes. Not quite sure what you're getting at love. But thanks for the stalk, it's quite flattering :)
  • Mpol2
    Mpol2 Posts: 442 Member
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    Many of us will struggle with our weight all our lives and will have ups and downs. Sometimes we can control it for longer periods more successfully and others less so. We all feel we are less attractive when bigger. If you are actually repulsed by your partner during his up times, you may need to reconsider being together.
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
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    You obviously don't love him if you aren't attracted to him and want him to change.

    Here is my story, I recently started back up in a long distance relationship from 7 years ago. It is going well now because we have had time to change and become better people on the inside. In those 7 years, I quit smoking, started therapy and have gone back to running. He still drinks, smokes but has dealt with his depression. He has gained some weight. I love him. He is very self conscious about his weight, but I don't ever pressure him to lose weight or quit smoking. I accept him for who he is and all of his faults. If he wants to change, he will do it himself. He has told me that he has seriously thought about quitting smoking and wants to lose weight. Let me reiterate, I have not said one bad thing about his smoking or weight. He wants to do it on his own. I am attracted to him because he is a good, kind person on the inside. He is loving and caring. That is what is attractive. I accept him for who he is, not what he could be.

    What I am saying is that don't pressure him to lose weight. It will only drive a deeper wedge between you. Eventually, he will grow tired of you constant needling and negativity towards him. If you don't find him attractive, that is your problem. Maybe it is time you reevaluate who you are as a person. He maybe negative and grumpy because whenever he talks to you, you sound like a negative broken record. Who wants to hear that? You need to sit down and have a talk with him about how serious this is. You shouldn't think about future with him if he don't love him fully. What if in the future you get pregnant and gain a ton of weight and he says he doesn't find your attractive and should lose a few pounds? How would you feel? Pretty terrible I would suspect.

    Do some soul searching and when you do talk to him, leave his weight out of the conversation.
  • Hell_Flower
    Hell_Flower Posts: 348 Member
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    You cannot save people, you can only love them. And hope that will be enough to set him on the right track.
  • jaclync324
    jaclync324 Posts: 37 Member
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    He is not the right man for you or you are not the right woman for him, however you want to say it.

    I have been married for almost 8 years. I have gained 50 pounds after the birth of 2 children. My DH is tall and sexy and when he's in shape, watch out!!!!!!!!! He has never once said anything to me about weight. He has seen me get hugely pregnant and has nursed me back to health after 2 c-sections. He has seen me at my ultimate worse and loved me anyway.

    My first husband was a total *kitten*. I weighed 150 and was 23 on my wedding day. Two days before our wedding he got mad at me for not wanting to go to the gym and said that at least one of us(him) will look good. Again, total *kitten* but not in love with me. He was in love with the idea of love and now that it is all behind me, I believe I never loved him either.

    When it's right you will love that person no matter what. They can gain 100 pounds, they can lose an arm, leg, eye, etc and you will love them forever and ever!
  • darbobo
    darbobo Posts: 53
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    OP has deactivated there acct, I guess they did not like the advice....
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
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    next time use paragr

    aphs
    Heck

    yes!
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
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    He isn't going to lose weight if he himself isn't ready to do it no matter how much you encourage or nag or try to set a good example. If anything it will only make him irritated. I know that is how it works with me anyway. He is going to have to have something set him off in his own head to make him want to lose the weight. For me, I knew I needed to get off my butt and do something but wasn't motivated until I saw a picture of myself on the back of a harley. Poor motorcycle. Anyway, I cried when I went to bed and all day the next day and got mad at myself and I have been sticking to what I need to do religiously even on days I don't feel so motivated. It has to be his decision to do it. Nobody else's.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
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    OP has deactivated there acct, I guess they did not like the advice....

    their
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    well 3.5 billion of that fish is same gender (assuming she is straight).

    of the remaining 2.5 billion, 1.0 billion are under the age of 18 (assuming she only seeks US legals).

    Of the 1.5 billion, 800 million are already married.

    of the remaining 700 million, 550 million live on other continents.

    of the remaining 150 million, 149 million live in other states.

    of the remaining 1 million, 985000 are registered sex offenders.

    of the remaining 15000, she is related to 14900

    of the last 100, 86 are obese, and the other 14 root for the New York Yankees

    I'll choose from the 14 Yankee fans - love the Yankees
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
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    well 3.5 billion of that fish is same gender (assuming she is straight).

    of the remaining 2.5 billion, 1.0 billion are under the age of 18 (assuming she only seeks US legals).

    Of the 1.5 billion, 800 million are already married.

    of the remaining 700 million, 550 million live on other continents.

    of the remaining 150 million, 149 million live in other states.

    of the remaining 1 million, 985000 are registered sex offenders.

    of the remaining 15000, she is related to 14900

    of the last 100, 86 are obese, and the other 14 root for the New York Yankees

    I'll choose from the 14 Yankee fans - love the Yankees

    of the 14, 9 are gay

    of the 5, 3 have diseases

    of the 2, one is Alex Rodriguez

    the last guy is a smelly taxi driver.

    good luck
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    Hello all,
    I have a serious issue that I have been dealing with for many months now. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him very much. Both of us were fit and healthy when we first started dating. I had just lost about 25 pounds a few months before we got together. He was also previously overweight. However, now he has gained almost all his weight back. His BMI puts him in the obese category. I want him to be healthy because I am worried that he isn't taking his health seriously. He let himself go. We are now in a long distance relationship because I am in college pursuing my dream to become a dietitian. We have talked about his weight and he keeps on telling me he will get the weight off. However, he is a truck driver and lives a sedentary lifestyle. He'd rather watch tv and relax instead of going to the gym or doing something active. I don't just mean an hour or so relaxing. It's many hours in a row. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am reaching out to you all because I'm trying to get different opinions. I am no longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend. Intercourse is painful because I just don't get excited anymore. I just have no interest in that area with him because of his weight. I know it sounds bad but it has recently become a major turnoff. I feel uncomfortable taking my clothes off in front of him. I don't know why. I love him and want to marry him someday, but I just don't know what to do now. I've tried everything I can to motivate him to go to the gym, eat healthier, use smaller portions, and drink lots of water. Since I am 400 miles away from him for weeks at a time, I have no idea what he is actually doing. His nutrition knowledge is a minimum. When I try to explain a certain point to him (such as why carbs are important), he tends to argue back with something that his friend told him or diet advertisement. I'm a nutrition major and I feel like he is not paying attention to me or doesn't think I know what I am talking about. Please can someone help me. I don't want to end our relationship over his weight, but I don't know how to boost his motivation.

    Uh, I think you just described myself and ~97% of the rest of America. Few people would actually really rather go sweat and pant it out at the gym than relax and have fun at home. As adults, we have the responsibility to do the things necessary to achieve and sustain good health and weight. The motivation to do that has to come from himself, it can't come from you, sorry. He'll do it when/if he's ready.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    Him traveling for work so much does present a problem, though.

    In the interest of encouraging him as much as possible, ask him if he'd be willing to pack food with him when he's on the road working. (It would be a big job to undertake, packing enough food for a few weeks, but it could be done) If he's willing to try that, then suggest he only take a pre-loaded debit card with him on the road for personal expenses with a finite amount of money on it so he's not tempted to stop at fast food joints and diners instead of eating his packed food.
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
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    If you can't love him at his so-called worse, then you don't deserve him. You're a dietician major, great. He's not, so why do you feel that your way is the absolute best? If you can't "deal" or like the way he is living his life and you can't even stomach having sex with a man that's obviously in love with you, then I say let him go and let him find someone that will love him regardless of his obese status. Oh, I suppose you deserve to be happy with someone that loves fitness and is all about eating carbs too.

    This post really put me in a bad mood. Shame on you OP.
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
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    If you can't love him at his so-called worse, then you don't deserve him. You're a dietician major, great. He's not, so why do you feel that your way is the absolute best? If you can't "deal" or like the way he is living his life and you can't even stomach having sex with a man that's obviously in love with you, then I say let him go and let him find someone that will love him regardless of his obese status. Oh, I suppose you deserve to be happy with someone that loves fitness and is all about eating carbs too.

    This post really put me in a bad mood. Shame on you OP.

    I was wondering if I was ever going to see a post along these lines. There was some other thread where someone was told by their boyfriend that he didn't find her physically attractive anymore. What came of that? Instant flame fest of said boyfriend who wasn't even able to provide his side of the story, or the tone of how he said it, or how it came up.

    Fast forward to this thread, woman says she's disgusted by her boyfriend, mostly supportive...:grumble:

    Anyway, as a few people have said, talk to HIM, not us. By telling us though, it really sounds like you want to end it already, so just get it over with and end the relationship.

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