Reality check.

If your partner or spouse, who was healthy and fit when you met, all of a sudden gains 100 pounds, stops taking care of themself, and states "this is how I am really, deal with it", do you stay or go? Lets assume they do NOT have a medical condition, and just went back to their "old ways"from before they met you. Do you stay or go?

How do you gain 100lbs 'all of a sudden'???

KFC

:laugh: Or Five Guys.

There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days.

Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

Strange that. When I was slim, eating well and going to the gym, I still had depression. Maybe I'm not doing it right?

Obviously you needed to lift heavier.

Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.

what if he pulled a Van Gogh and cut off his own ear as a birthday present to you

now THAT would be true love

Of course not, if I loved them before the 100lbs then nothing about having more weight on their body could effect that.

There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days.

Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

Strange that. When I was slim, eating well and going to the gym, I still had depression. Maybe I'm not doing it right?

Obviously you needed to lift heavier.

A health professor at a big university once told me i could cure my depression with a cave man diet. I reported her to the ethics board.

But obviously the cure is APple cider vinegar can cure depression. tahts what a blog told me.

If you are questioning whether or not to stay with someone because they became fat - you are making someone's looks more important than your "love" for them....

How does one 'all of a sudden' gain 100 lbs??

There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

Oh. It's you again. :yawn:

If you're willing to base such a momentous decision on one issue or event, I think you should stay. It suggests you belong together. He's arrogant, you're clueless, and the rest of us are safer if you're together! Get real; this isn't the sort of decision you make based on the commentary of strangers who know neither you or your S.O.

Seek the counsel of people close enough to you to offer meaningful advice. Consider counselling, for you and/or both of you. Good luck...................

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You said "depression' is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days."

Mental illness is just what it is, mental illness, no matter what stigmas you personally attach to it.

Do you stay or go? Why would you come online to ask this question? If you love a person, you love THEM not their weight, looks...I just am shocked at the amount of insensitivity. Honestly, your partner would probably be better off without you.

Ummm..ok. I would fully expect my partner to ditch my *kitten* if I was a stubborn Beyotch who refused to even try to be healthy and look attractive for him. Also, in the scenario I described, the person pretty much lied about who they were from the get go...kind of a deal breaker don't you think? What about addiction? Abuse? Adultury? Do you stay through that too?

1) How did they lie to you about who they are??? they gained weight. not changed character.
2) abuse and gaining weight are two VERY VERY VERY different issues. I cannot believe you but those two on teh same level.
3) if gaining weight was the single greatest deal breaker on earth no one on this site would have partners.
4) why are you purposely spouting inflamatory comments. this is getting ridiculous.

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There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

I'm sorry. YOu clearly know nothing about depression or mental illness. Thats why the last topic got rage quit. Please. Pick up a damn textbook on the issue.

I think YOU need to pick up a textbook. How about a recent one? How about articles in current medical magazines? Im a nurse. I know a LOT about this subject. did you know there is no actual quantatative test for depression? did you know that most depression resolves with healthy eating and exercise? Depression most often is a combination of poor coping skills and self esteem issues. Requires counselling and self care. Depression can be paralyzing...but everyone going on prozac (or other SSRI) isn't solving the issue. And for the record, many many medical professionals do believe that although clincial depression is categorized as a mental illness...it's grossly over diagnosed, often incorrectly.

Ok well first of all I am a social worker so I am also up to speed on the recent reserach regarding depression.

I also happen to suffer from chronic depression. I have for over 10 years. No amount of coping skills, counselling and healthy eating could cure my depression. If you think people dont try this then you are serious misguided.
I get really upset when people thing that depression is somethng you can "talk" your way out of. Maybe mild depression. But your talking to someone who almost took their own life. That **** isnt something you can talk out. Or even excersize out.

FOr the record I only started gaining weight when my depression was being controled by medication. I gained weight because I was finally happy and balanced and oculd enjoy food again.


Clearly you have strong opinions abotu depression but please understand that they are offensive to people like me. People say snap out of depression. You wouldnt tell someone with diabetes to snap out of it would you? so then shut up about this unless you ahve experience with it.

So your friend is having marital problems and you came to mfp to find people who agree with you about her divorcing him. Ok well have at it. I'm out

I think everyone is different in this regard. I, personally - would not leave. I couldn't...UNLESS if my boyfriend got to the point where he was bed-bound and unable to do regular things. I would leave, out of love. (Please note, this is assuming it is weight-related, not any other medical conditions that caused it (car accident, paralysis, etc.))