Being Fat and a Gay Male

I almost think it's a bit harder in the gay community being a big guy. The gay community, sadly, is very unaccepting. If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest! I know that feeling all too well. I even studied the phenomenon back when I was in school. It's why I don't like the gay community (despite the fact I'm "a part of it." Bleh).

All in all though, haters are gonna hate. There are people in the gay community who like bigger guys. It feels like they're rare, but they're there. What you can do though is keep working on your goal! But don't do it just to appease the gym bunny gays. Do it for you! I agree with the other people in this thread. Be proud of what you've accomplished and keep accomplishing!

And to be honest, most of those super fit gays are soooo shallow you don't want to be friends with them anyways. They're terrible people to be around. More often than not, even if you have a perfect body, they'll find something else to nitpick at just because they're so shallow. I'm sure some of them are very nice, but from personal experience I've learned a lot aren't (at least in regards to other gays, especially the 'non-conventional' kinds).

Thats why i don't like the term 'Gay community' because really there is no community, it's just lots of individuals with individual thoughts, feelings and opinions. I feel not connection to other people merely because we both have the same sexual preference, i can even hate some of them, it's not like we have group meetings with crumpets and tea.

I prefer to just split the 'community' into people who are worth you associating with and those who aren't. Don't let the latter slow you down, there will always be plenty of those who you get on with

^
This

To be honest buddy I read through this thread and I looked at your profile and was confused. I'm not gay so I clearly can't speak for the gay "community" (what the hell is that btw I thought we all hoped for an all inclusive society).

What I see is a name of GreatDepression and the description of yourself is, and I quote "fat and ugly". So perhaps a more positive outlook from yourself would inspire a more positive outlook from others? If you see yourself as depressed, fat and ugly I'm not sure there's much there for other people to work on? You may as well carry a sign saying avoid me I will bring you down with my attitude.

Additionally there is racism in all walks of life, it's no better disguised in the gay world than in the straight world but just don't associate with racist people, what's the point? I'm a white Scottish guy who faced racism in London because I wasn't black. It didn't deter me one bit, it just made me more determined.

Take the negatives and defeat them, but for your own sanity start by re-writing your profile and think of the positive steps you've already taken!

^^this. I'm sorry you have had to go through this sh1t but there are prats everywhere who will judge you all by themselves - don't help them. You have been hugely successful so far - let the image you project to the world demonstrate your positive attributes, not your frailties. It will also do you good to keep a focus on what is good about you and your life. Work out - it's so good for morale, ignore the pillocks and learn to like yourself, others will follow. In any community, gay or straight, people find it hard to cope with negativity.

Friends on mfp can help to build your confidence and positivity!!

For a community that talks about "acceptance" like a mantra, I experienced the harshest rejection in the gay (male) community based on my appearance. I'm not as fat as I used to be but I'm still bitter about how I was treated. I feel like I was seen as nothing more than fat and ugly.

Its a shame when a group of people want to be treated fairly, but then get upset when either A) They dont receive special concessions or Treat others unfairly but in different context and convince themselves this is okay.

Tell them they are a bunch of hypocrites and share this with them....

What I see is a name of GreatDepression and the description of yourself is, and I quote "fat and ugly". So perhaps a more positive outlook from yourself would inspire a more positive outlook from others? If you see yourself as depressed, fat and ugly I'm not sure there's much there for other people to work on? You may as well carry a sign saying avoid me I will bring you down with my attitude.

THIS!

Confidence goes a long way. No one is perfect, despite some people thinking they are. But you are who you are and you will find someone who loves everything about you. I'm sorry you have faced such negative criticism, but use this to fuel your motivation to get to where you want to be and where you feel happy about yourself.

What I would do first would be since MFP can allow a one time change on your username, you should change your "GreatDepression" username (unless you already changed it before). Then, change your bio into something more positive.

You lost a lot of weight so far according to your profile. Even if you think that this isn't enough, know that you went so far to lose a lot of weight, that you shouldn't let others destroy your confidence. Be proud on your weight and continue reaching your goals. Right now, people are "rejecting" you, but motivate yourself knowing that you're much better than those guys.

I'm not sure how the gay community acts over where you live, but here in Fresno, CA, there are a lot of gay men here who accepts who you are. Although they don't judge in appearance, they do judge in personality (but that's a different topic). There are even night clubs here that have chubs (as the gay community calls it) that are proud of their bodies to even get hired to take off their shirt and dance. Douches here like to make fun of them, but they don't care at all. They love being who they are inside and out.

Even though you are in the progress of losing weight, don't let the gay community interfere and change your happiness. You have friends that accepts you for who you are and you have people here on this forum, who also accepts you.

Being gay lends nothing to the conversation my friend. You could be straight and say the same as an overweight person...and many people do here.

Wish you all the best.

Post Deleted by MODS.

I almost think it's a bit harder in the gay community being a big guy. The gay community, sadly, is very unaccepting. If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest! I know that feeling all too well. I even studied the phenomenon back when I was in school. It's why I don't like the gay community (despite the fact I'm "a part of it." Bleh).

All in all though, haters are gonna hate. There are people in the gay community who like bigger guys. It feels like they're rare, but they're there. What you can do though is keep working on your goal! But don't do it just to appease the gym bunny gays. Do it for you! I agree with the other people in this thread. Be proud of what you've accomplished and keep accomplishing!

And to be honest, most of those super fit gays are soooo shallow you don't want to be friends with them anyways. They're terrible people to be around. More often than not, even if you have a perfect body, they'll find something else to nitpick at just because they're so shallow. I'm sure some of them are very nice, but from personal experience I've learned a lot aren't (at least in regards to other gays, especially the 'non-conventional' kinds).

Thats why i don't like the term 'Gay community' because really there is no community, it's just lots of individuals with individual thoughts, feelings and opinions. I feel not connection to other people merely because we both have the same sexual preference, i can even hate some of them, it's not like we have group meetings with crumpets and tea.

I prefer to just split the 'community' into people who are worth you associating with and those who aren't. Don't let the latter slow you down, there will always be plenty of those who you get on with

+1.

Groups on here are prone to clicquey behavior that can devolve into ugly things like talking behind people's backs and rallying people against others and misrepresenting facts. Also, don't let that group define all of gaydom for you either.

As for me personally as soon as you change your username to something less depressing like "TheGreatGatsby" maybe or anything else really and remove the self deprecating language from your profile page you are welcome to FR me.

My FL is practically like a group of it's own and while it is not a gay only environment, nor depressed people only, nor people of color only, nor anything only, it is a positive place with lots of friends and fun and people with an eye on the prize and a focus for fitness. I have worked hard and made painful changes so that it can stay meanie, and clicquey, and drama free and as long as you feel up to the task of being awesome and keeping your chin up and being your own biggest fan I'd be happy to have you on my list.

Make sure you reference this thread and this former username so I can know to accept. You are allowed one username change on this site I beleive while keeping your account and friends and diary intact...I'd take the site up on that offer if I were you as this thread is revealing it's members prefer a positive approach which makes sense since weight loss requires so much motivation and focus. :flowerforyou:

lol