Help - Parenting Advice
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You could try the route my father did with me....
"Stop the damn crying and suck it up, you little b**ch!"
Worked fine and now I'm a well adjusted member of society.
*sniff*
Can I get a hug?0 -
I think most kids go through some sort of phase like that. I know when my son did I would just look at him and ask him why he was crying...most of the time he didn't even know.
Now...when he started crying when he got older (around 11-12), I told him he had no reason to cry, but if he wanted one, I would be happy to give him a reason to cry. Then I ate his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Both of them. Right in front of him. AND drank his milk. He still cries when he thinks about it and he'll be 20 next month.
I love you so hard dude LOL0 -
You could try the route my father did with me....
"Stop the damn crying and suck it up, you little b**ch!"
Worked fine and now I'm a well adjusted member of society.
*sniff*
Can I get a hug?
There There, honey...
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I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
Lol I hear you, I think if you play something like that with him again and you beat him and he starts crying, I think I would say something like, "I'm sorry you lost, honey, but it's alright, it's just a game. Maybe you'll beat me next time." I think that would be alright because you're giving him support but also expressing that hell, that's just life sometimes.
Agreed. I'm not a fan of "everyone gets a trophy" or "no one ever loses." That's real life... welcome to it :sad:0 -
I have girls so I don't know how relevant my advice is, but my instinct is that it's just a phase.
But then again, there maybe something more going on like some major changes that is causing an emotional disturbance. I was prone to spontaneous bouts of crying when I first started school. However, my father had passed away when I was three, and my mother suspects that going to school was when I really began to realize and come to terms that I would be growing up without him and that the other kids all had their dads.
My suggestion is to talk to him. Pry a little and see if something in particular is upsetting him. If, while talking to him, nothing in particular stands out as a reason for his moodiness, then maybe just offer him some reassurances that he can talk to you about anything anytime he needs to, and just wait for him to outgrow it. If he cries a lot at school, I'm sure his classmates will provide the negative reinforcement needed to make him stop.0 -
It does sound very normal. My 3rd child just turned 11 and he still gets weepy over what I see as little things. My older two have gone through bits of it, too.
I think a big part of the solution is realizing that children don't have the logical reasoning skills that adults do, so it's a lot harder for them to think through situations and stay calm. A lot of that just comes as they grow and mature. (You are spot on that kids are more likely to melt down when they are tired - or hungry!)
In the mean time, I would strongly suggest that you avoid shaming him. Validate how he is feeling without giving too much attention to the whining/crying (saying "I can see you're upset because ____" is a good way). Then try to help him reason through the situation. Start by modeling: "I can see you're upset because you thought I was making fun of you about the zucchini. Let's think about it. We know that vegetables are good for us and yummy, so is there anything wrong with eating veggies? Of course not! How do you think I feel when you eat good foods? Happy, that's right. So maybe I wasn't making fun on you, but was telling them I thought it was great." Over time you can help structure the thought process and let him do more of the thinking on his own.
You can also help him think of other ways to solve a problem than crying.
But again, remember to give it time! His brain has quite a bit of development before he will become independent at managing his emotions!0 -
Its all a part of growing up.. just needs help to deal with certain situationsas far as crying he will grow out of it , that's his way of getting what he wants , this will fade when it doesn't work. its better than my nephew who would hit other kids to get what he wanted ..
this is not a "crying to get what he wants" in my case. it's a hopeless "I can't do this right" or "I don't have any friends" crying, even though neither case is actually true.0 -
I think most kids go through some sort of phase like that. I know when my son did I would just look at him and ask him why he was crying...most of the time he didn't even know.
Now...when he started crying when he got older (around 11-12), I told him he had no reason to cry, but if he wanted one, I would be happy to give him a reason to cry. Then I ate his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Both of them. Right in front of him. AND drank his milk. He still cries when he thinks about it and he'll be 20 next month.
I love you so hard dude LOL
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I used to cry when my brothers took my stuff, then I got bigger and found out how much fun it was to make THEM cry :devil:0
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would you be worried if he was a little girl doing exactly the same thing?
people expect boys not to cry, but boys and girls are both humans and humans are sensitive, and children are more sensitive than adults. There is a higher suicide rate among young men than young women, and part of that is thought to be that men find it harder to express their emotions, because so many were brought up with "boys don't cry" - both genders need to learn healthy ways to express their emotions and also how to ask for help when they feel they can't cope with something.
if the answer is "yes I'd be just as worried" then it probably is a problem and he needs to learn other ways to deal with upset, frustration etc. Some kids are overly sensitive, and this (as someone said) is a good thing, but they can't go through life crying at every little thing. When my daughter (who's the same age) cries over something trivial, I ask her what she thinks the worst thing that's going to happen because of it is... sometimes she can answer me, and we can talk about if it's likely to happen or not. Other times the question makes her realise that it's no big deal. I also encourage her to express her feelings in words, so when she is upset of frustrated, she can say "I feel upset because..." "I feel frustrated because..." then she can explain the problem and we can work towards a solution, or if it's something that can't be fixed, just acknowledging how they feel can really help...
The book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" has really helped me with my kids... a friend of mine on this site recommended it and it is full of good advice for dealing with kids emotions and helping them to respond to problems in a more mature and productive way.0 -
My own are 3 and 4 but I will say I'm watching my 8year old nephew for 3 days and so far he's gotten sniffly about 5 times. Lol. I think it's just his age and he gets tired and cranky sometimes like the rest of us. ????0
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So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you don't let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."
I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
This is horribly enabling, and NOT a good idea to continue doing. It would be a good idea to "prime " him for potential disappointment by saying, "Sure I'll play Mario Kart with you, but I might win, are you going to be able to deal with that like the big kid I know you are?" or something along those lines. And then hold him to it, if he starts to get upset, gently remind him, and suppress HARD the urge to be Mommy and fix the hurt. I'm a mom, too, I know the feeling. But if you run and soothe butthurt for every little thing, you are running the risk of raising entitled, spoiled pansy children who expect mommy to shield them from the "horrors" of disappointment. Pick your battles, let them feel the sting of the little things that don't really matter. That way when you DO offer soothing comfort in times of real distress, it will mean more and feel more genuine to your son. Good luck.0 -
So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you don't let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."
I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
This is horribly enabling, and NOT a good idea to continue doing. It would be a good idea to "prime " him for potential disappointment by saying, "Sure I'll play Mario Kart with you, but I might win, are you going to be able to deal with that like the big kid I know you are?" or something along those lines. And then hold him to it, if he starts to get upset, gently remind him, and suppress HARD the urge to be Mommy and fix the hurt. I'm a mom, too, I know the feeling. But if you run and soothe butthurt for every little thing, you are running the risk of raising entitled, spoiled pansy children who expect mommy to shield them from the "horrors" of disappointment. Pick your battles, let them feel the sting of the little things that don't really matter. That way when you DO offer soothing comfort in times of real distress, it will mean more and feel more genuine to your son. Good luck.
Agreed. For this reason alone, when my son and I play WWE games I never show mercy. He gets very upset when I pick Brock Lesnar and take him behind the woodshed with a chair and crutches, but that's just how it goes. I suck at CoD and he showboats by killing me by only knifing my guy.0 -
I taught 5th grade. He'll eventually stop. There'll be a point (if he is doing it at school), that he'll realize that other kids aren't crying when upset. The other kids will also start to call him out on it (probably around 5th grade).
My 5 almost 6 year old son is very similar. I often tell him that he can't get that upset at school. When he gets overly emotional at home, I try to ignore it. I don't want to reinforce that crying gets any type of attention. Instead of addressing the crying, I ask him to explain why he is upset with words. It's going to be a process I imagine.0 -
There are a lot of factors when it comes to things like this. Sometimes it's the kid, sometimes it's the parenting. That being said I can only tell you about my experience. My daughter and her cousin are 11 months apart. Her cousin is coddled WAY to much by her parents and is a cry-baby to the max. BUT, her parents feed into it when it happens. My daughter on the other hand learned early on that her father and I won't tolerate that behavior and don't feed into it. Because of that she isn't a cry baby. Honestly it isn't an issue with her cousin when she's at our house. She knows we walk out of the room when she starts in. Kids aren't stupid, they know who they can work and who they can't. Something to think about.0
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Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.0
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Agreed. For this reason alone, when my son and I play WWE games I never show mercy. He gets very upset when I pick Brock Lesnar and take him behind the woodshed with a chair and crutches, but that's just how it goes. I suck at CoD and he showboats by killing me by only knifing my guy.
LMAO Seriously, can't stop laughing at this visual...0 -
I taught 5th grade. He'll eventually stop. There'll be a point (if he is doing it at school), that he'll realize that other kids aren't crying when upset. The other kids will also start to call him out on it (probably around 5th grade).
My 5 almost 6 year old son is very similar. I often tell him that he can't get that upset at school. When he gets overly emotional at home, I try to ignore it. I don't want to reinforce that crying gets any type of attention. Instead of addressing the crying, I ask him to explain why he is upset with words. It's going to be a process I imagine.
This. It can also be very helpful to teach your son empowering words and phrases to help him cope with frustration in a more efficient manner, like "I feel frustrated because..." or "I don't like... because..." or "that makes me feel...". If you use them for yourself and in conversations with him, he will pick up on them and model them himself in his speech and behavior, probably much sooner than you think. Kids listen. Utilize it.
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I think it's from an inability to explain himself properly and the frustration that causes.
my little boy is only 4, is slightly emotional, and can see it def getting worse as he gets older, but i think this ^^ totally hits the nail on the head. i think boys (even kids in general) get soooo frustrated in the inability to explain themselves properly.
i know when i get super mad because no one is listening to me, and i can't scream and yell and be physical (like at work!!) i end up crying because it's the only other outlet for my body since i'm denying it all the other ways!!! (i have since left that job that made me so frustrated and look unprofessional for crying, but it's the truth).0 -
My child is super sensitive too...he's growing out of it though. At first it was crying and pure frustration, then it was lashing out. His dad takes no mercy on him. If he's going to throw a fit because he lost a video game, then they just won't play anymore. We've taught him some behavior techniques like "what to do if someone is being mean to you", instead of crying and taking it up the pooper. He'll be 12 in August and his skin is getting a little thicker. We also have our 15 year old nephew living with us, and he silently deals with his emtions, but I do make him talk one on one so he can express himself without feeling ashamed or weirded out. Your child is completely normal, and will take a hit harder than other kids, but he'll be fine.0
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