Help - Parenting Advice
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My own are 3 and 4 but I will say I'm watching my 8year old nephew for 3 days and so far he's gotten sniffly about 5 times. Lol. I think it's just his age and he gets tired and cranky sometimes like the rest of us. ????0
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So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you don't let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."
I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
This is horribly enabling, and NOT a good idea to continue doing. It would be a good idea to "prime " him for potential disappointment by saying, "Sure I'll play Mario Kart with you, but I might win, are you going to be able to deal with that like the big kid I know you are?" or something along those lines. And then hold him to it, if he starts to get upset, gently remind him, and suppress HARD the urge to be Mommy and fix the hurt. I'm a mom, too, I know the feeling. But if you run and soothe butthurt for every little thing, you are running the risk of raising entitled, spoiled pansy children who expect mommy to shield them from the "horrors" of disappointment. Pick your battles, let them feel the sting of the little things that don't really matter. That way when you DO offer soothing comfort in times of real distress, it will mean more and feel more genuine to your son. Good luck.0 -
So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you don't let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."
I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
This is horribly enabling, and NOT a good idea to continue doing. It would be a good idea to "prime " him for potential disappointment by saying, "Sure I'll play Mario Kart with you, but I might win, are you going to be able to deal with that like the big kid I know you are?" or something along those lines. And then hold him to it, if he starts to get upset, gently remind him, and suppress HARD the urge to be Mommy and fix the hurt. I'm a mom, too, I know the feeling. But if you run and soothe butthurt for every little thing, you are running the risk of raising entitled, spoiled pansy children who expect mommy to shield them from the "horrors" of disappointment. Pick your battles, let them feel the sting of the little things that don't really matter. That way when you DO offer soothing comfort in times of real distress, it will mean more and feel more genuine to your son. Good luck.
Agreed. For this reason alone, when my son and I play WWE games I never show mercy. He gets very upset when I pick Brock Lesnar and take him behind the woodshed with a chair and crutches, but that's just how it goes. I suck at CoD and he showboats by killing me by only knifing my guy.0 -
I taught 5th grade. He'll eventually stop. There'll be a point (if he is doing it at school), that he'll realize that other kids aren't crying when upset. The other kids will also start to call him out on it (probably around 5th grade).
My 5 almost 6 year old son is very similar. I often tell him that he can't get that upset at school. When he gets overly emotional at home, I try to ignore it. I don't want to reinforce that crying gets any type of attention. Instead of addressing the crying, I ask him to explain why he is upset with words. It's going to be a process I imagine.0 -
There are a lot of factors when it comes to things like this. Sometimes it's the kid, sometimes it's the parenting. That being said I can only tell you about my experience. My daughter and her cousin are 11 months apart. Her cousin is coddled WAY to much by her parents and is a cry-baby to the max. BUT, her parents feed into it when it happens. My daughter on the other hand learned early on that her father and I won't tolerate that behavior and don't feed into it. Because of that she isn't a cry baby. Honestly it isn't an issue with her cousin when she's at our house. She knows we walk out of the room when she starts in. Kids aren't stupid, they know who they can work and who they can't. Something to think about.0
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Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.0
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Agreed. For this reason alone, when my son and I play WWE games I never show mercy. He gets very upset when I pick Brock Lesnar and take him behind the woodshed with a chair and crutches, but that's just how it goes. I suck at CoD and he showboats by killing me by only knifing my guy.
LMAO Seriously, can't stop laughing at this visual...0 -
I taught 5th grade. He'll eventually stop. There'll be a point (if he is doing it at school), that he'll realize that other kids aren't crying when upset. The other kids will also start to call him out on it (probably around 5th grade).
My 5 almost 6 year old son is very similar. I often tell him that he can't get that upset at school. When he gets overly emotional at home, I try to ignore it. I don't want to reinforce that crying gets any type of attention. Instead of addressing the crying, I ask him to explain why he is upset with words. It's going to be a process I imagine.
This. It can also be very helpful to teach your son empowering words and phrases to help him cope with frustration in a more efficient manner, like "I feel frustrated because..." or "I don't like... because..." or "that makes me feel...". If you use them for yourself and in conversations with him, he will pick up on them and model them himself in his speech and behavior, probably much sooner than you think. Kids listen. Utilize it.
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I think it's from an inability to explain himself properly and the frustration that causes.
my little boy is only 4, is slightly emotional, and can see it def getting worse as he gets older, but i think this ^^ totally hits the nail on the head. i think boys (even kids in general) get soooo frustrated in the inability to explain themselves properly.
i know when i get super mad because no one is listening to me, and i can't scream and yell and be physical (like at work!!) i end up crying because it's the only other outlet for my body since i'm denying it all the other ways!!! (i have since left that job that made me so frustrated and look unprofessional for crying, but it's the truth).0 -
My child is super sensitive too...he's growing out of it though. At first it was crying and pure frustration, then it was lashing out. His dad takes no mercy on him. If he's going to throw a fit because he lost a video game, then they just won't play anymore. We've taught him some behavior techniques like "what to do if someone is being mean to you", instead of crying and taking it up the pooper. He'll be 12 in August and his skin is getting a little thicker. We also have our 15 year old nephew living with us, and he silently deals with his emtions, but I do make him talk one on one so he can express himself without feeling ashamed or weirded out. Your child is completely normal, and will take a hit harder than other kids, but he'll be fine.0
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Awesome advice all over the map, friends. Much appreciated. Sometimes I find myself wanting coddle, other times get frustrated and want to roll my eyes, other times we have a good talk, blah blah blah... I'm by no means the world's best parent and appreciate the input. I need to get more consistent in my behavior depending on what the crying is all about. Sometimes it's legit, sometimes it's to manipulate me, sometimes he's just tired...
But at least I feel reassured that it is pretty normal at this age.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.0 -
My oldest is the same age and....just is coming out of this phase. My middle boy? 6, and just hitting it. Some seem to handle it better than others, but I think it is a pretty normal part of this age.0
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My dad always said if I cried, he would give me something to really cry about. I am not sure what that means, but maybe you should say that to him. Repeatedly.
...or maybe not.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.
School has a rule of the three B's... Unless there's Barfing, Bleeding, or Burning, don't whine or cry. LOL0 -
My dad always said if I cried, he would give me something to really cry about. I am not sure what that means, but maybe you should say that to him. Repeatedly.
...or maybe not.
...or maybe so. If the kid is crying because he's being a brat then maybe he does need a better reason to be crying.0 -
My son went through a phase like this. He also went through a I just want to destroy everything in my sight phase. People handle their emotions differently you just have to make sure that he is expressing them in a way he doesn't harm himself or others.0
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OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It really just depends on the situation...
He got hit in the face by a basketball one day... hard. Face immediately puffed up and was bruised the next day. He was crying, of course, and I sat down with him and gave kisses and hugs with an ice-pack and told him he'd be ok, etc. In less than 5 minutes he was calmed down and ran back out to play basketball again with a big smile on his face. The guys at this house/picnic thing, told me I was "coddling" him and shouldn't have done that or he'll grow up to be a "sissy." That pissed me off. I'll be damned if my kid gets hurt and I'm not allowed to coddle him. They can bite me.
Now, for crying when I won at the video game? No. That was a turn off the game moment. I won't stand for whining over a game.
Crying because I won't let him have a candy bar? Suck it up. You will not manipulate me and throw a tantrum when mom says no. (OK, he has a few times, but I try to never cave at that kind of BS). Generally, I just won't respond to that other than to reiterate No and my reasoning if applicable.
Crying because my man ate his Peanut Butter Cup after I told him he couldn't have it before bed? Legit. Hugs and love. Don't eat my kid's PB Cup, man, that's serious business. (You heard me, IPA *LOL*).
Really... it just depends on the situation.0 -
I've got three boys, my oldest is 6 and does the exact same thing, it drives my husband and I crazy.0
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OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.
School has a rule of the three B's... Unless there's Barfing, Bleeding, or Burning, don't whine or cry. LOL
I always ask "are you hurt, or are you injured"0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.
I definitely take the fall sometimes. *shrug* I don't see it as that big of a deal, but to each their own.0 -
My son is bipolar and has some sensory processing issues. He has always been ultra sensitive. My stepson is a few months older than your kid and doesn't have any "issues" and mostly cries when he gets in trouble.
So, in other words, I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't have a lot of tolerance for overreacting, but I don't know how to fix it. I think it is important to teach them appropriate responses for challenging situations (talking it out, objective reasoning, etc), especially as they get older, but I don't think you can force them to do it.
Maybe praise him when he talks out his problem or asks for clarification if he is feeling upset or offended, and when he cries about stuff, walk him through the appropriate response to try next time?0 -
Maybe praise him when he talks out his problem or asks for clarification if he is feeling upset or offended, and when he cries about stuff, walk him through the appropriate response to try next time?
I do this a lot with my youngest who has Asperger's. Frustration often gets the better of her, and I have to talk her through it for her to become calm.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.
I definitely take the fall sometimes. *shrug* I don't see it as that big of a deal, but to each their own.
It all boils down to the parent and the child. I was taught board games by my grandpa and mom...both ruthless when it comes to winning. Grandpa used to have an incentive of $10 for every king you could get in checkers...this extended to his kids and his grandchildren...not once that he was alive did I ever know him to pay out.
My wife and my son can both STOMP me at almost any video game out there, especially all the COD and Army of 2 type games. I usually end up sitting and spinning staring at the sky. Halo? Well, let's just say I became the butt of many jokes with that game. I have to keep my dignity somehow, so I chose to kill them at board games.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It really just depends on the situation...
He got hit in the face by a basketball one day... hard. Face immediately puffed up and was bruised the next day. He was crying, of course, and I sat down with him and gave kisses and hugs with an ice-pack and told him he'd be ok, etc. In less than 5 minutes he was calmed down and ran back out to play basketball again with a big smile on his face. The guys at this house/picnic thing, told me I was "coddling" him and shouldn't have done that or he'll grow up to be a "sissy." That pissed me off. I'll be damned if my kid gets hurt and I'm not allowed to coddle him. They can bite me.
Now, for crying when I won at the video game? No. That was a turn off the game moment. I won't stand for whining over a game.
Crying because I won't let him have a candy bar? Suck it up. You will not manipulate me and throw a tantrum when mom says no. (OK, he has a few times, but I try to never cave at that kind of BS). Generally, I just won't respond to that other than to reiterate No and my reasoning if applicable.
Crying because my man ate his Peanut Butter Cup after I told him he couldn't have it before bed? Legit. Hugs and love. Don't eat my kid's PB Cup, man, that's serious business. (You heard me, IPA *LOL*).
Really... it just depends on the situation.
It definitely sounds like you've got a good handle on how to deal with the crying ... appropriate for the situation! (I would have gone all mama-bear over the jerks saying you shouldn't "coddle" him after getting hurt, and probably would have really scolded my guy for eating something that was supposed to be for my child). Just stick with it :flowerforyou:0 -
I have a boy that age who is going through about the same thing only a little more angry from the sounds of it. Another child touching his cup can send him off in a fit of rage with him screaming that everyone hates him. It's very frustrating. His older brother never did this, but he is not very emotional at all and never has been even as a baby. I think it is very common and I just hope they outgrow this phase.0
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It definitely sounds like you've got a good handle on how to deal with the crying ... appropriate for the situation! (I would have gone all mama-bear over the jerks saying you shouldn't "coddle" him after getting hurt, and probably would have really scolded my guy for eating something that was supposed to be for my child). Just stick with it :flowerforyou:
Thanks And the guys that were offering their sh*tty advice and said I was raising a sissy? They never dared to offer parenting advice (they're not parents either) to me again after I spoke my peace. I also received an apology card and flowers from one of them the following day.
Nobody pokes mama bear!0 -
Four boys. Two of them have been through this so far. The other two are still young but I expect them to go through it too. Drives me nuts! I just think that boys have that super competitive "Me, Man!" thing that they need to work through.
Disclaimer: I'm not much of a coddler. Bad attitude = You don't play. They get it pretty fast.0
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