He doesn't even lift.

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Replies

  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.
    It obviously is as you want to make him lift. My wife loves to Crochet I can appreciate what she does and I support her. I do not though want to Crochet she accepts that I'd rather go running. If we all liked doing the same things it would be a dull world. Maybe appreciate what he does do and enjoy rather than push him into what 'You' want him to do.
  • lovekohl
    lovekohl Posts: 111 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    Yep. That would get me going to the gym with my bf.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    "I'd really like to try this position"

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  • MlleKelly
    MlleKelly Posts: 356 Member
    I just invite my husband to come to the gym with me or lift we me at home (I have a bench and weights in a spare bedroom). He usually does. I tell him or show him my plan for that day and if he wants to do it with me, great.

    It's a lot of fun usually because we check each other out while doing dead lifts and "accidentally" grab butts instead of weights and make ridiculous flirty comments to each other. "Hey girl, I like the way you squat" or "Mmm....dem calf raises." It's good bonding time for us, a good way to be silly and de-stress together at the end of the day, and it leads to checking each other out and grabbing and flirty comments outside of the workout room as well.

    Just invite him to tag along!
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    I don't think it's terrible for two people in a long term relationship to point out areas the other may need to improve, nor do I think that is attempting to change them at the core of their being.

    I think that lifting weights teaches people a lot about themselves and through that process we improve things about ourselves we had never given any mind to. That's what I would hope happens for him if he starts lifting. That is why I want to suggest to him he try it.

    I listed things that I improved through lifting, noting that he could use improvement in the same areas. I apologize if that is some horrible breach of etiquette, but no one is perfect. I don't think it is horrible to acknowledge room for improvement. I did not tear him down. I did not say he completely lacked those qualities. I simply stated there was room for improvement. Forgive my use of the word need.

    Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I think I'll just tell him straight out I think he should try it as was suggested.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.

    this so much.

    i ask my wife occasionally if she'd like to come to the gym with me.

    sometimes she accepts, but more often than not, she doesnt.

    if i push harder it's going to add up to insecurity and that doesnt get anyone anywhere.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Wear a 50 pound weighted vest under your clothes and start complaining about how he can't pick you up.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    I don't think it's terrible to try to improve one another.

    My BF drives me nuking futs about the Grok Squat and barefoot running.

    He is always harping about how I could Grok Squat at work.

    Honey, I work in an office, in business clothes, with other educated professionals.

    I'm not Grok Squatting in the work chair.

    And I have IT band issues that need to be worked out before I push myself.

    Some people have a really hard time squatting in a resting and sitting position, and I'm one of them.

    I'm open to working on it as a long term goal, agility never hurt anyone, but he just seems to harp on the one dang thing that I really neither care about or feel that I would benefit greatly from using my precious and limited workout time on.

    I'm also not making barefoot living a huge priority. I appreciate some aspects of the movement, but right now I'm focused on losing the weight and my swords and lifting. That's quite enough at this time.

    But I ask of him, too. When I go to his house "Will you change the litter? Will you take out the trash? Can we air out the house while we shop?"

    Ok... after a game with his buddies you could try making a comment like "If you started lifting with me, you might jump higher and increase speed, so next time you'll intercept on your brother, not the other way around!"

    Also, I know men need to feel needed in a masculine way.

    The other day I asked my boyfriend to help me learn how to ride his bicycle. I don't really need his help to ride a bike, but it'll make him feel needed and involved, and he'll be there to catch me if I fall.

    So maybe ask him how to do a football tackle, ask if you can play etc.. etc.. bring up questions about how you can maximize your hiking?

    Then use those answers and make comparisons to lifting.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    +1
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Let's reverse: How would you like being told by your boyfriend you had areas of improvement he'd like you to work on?

    My BF did that with me. I started swallowing cucumbers whole for practice, and before you know it, he quit complaining....

    Lmao ....↑↑This just made me spit my coffee all over, I guess I need to learn to control that and just swollow :laugh:
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Hey. I've been around enough to see how relationship posts go, so give me your best.

    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.

    Now that that's out of the way, let's say I wanted to suggest to him that he start lifting. What would be the most effective way to do it?

    Through lifting I learned certain skills. I learned a lot about setting goals, discipline, time management, commitment, and consistency. I also found a great way to relieve stress and add routine to my life.

    These are areas in which my boyfriend could use improvement. Additionally, it would give us an activity to do together and bond over. Lastly, there are health and aesthetic benefits to lifting.

    What is the best way to approach this topic?

    Two words.....Reward System. He lifts 1x per week....he gets a handy, 3x bj, 5x back door.....the possibilities are endless

    This... I could work with. But it feels kind of one sided. Those would be rewards for me as well.

    That's what you call a win-win.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    i would ask him to go to the gym with me

    if goes great

    if he did not want to, i would shut the hell up about it
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Threads like this make me realize why I am single. I see nothing wrong with telling your SO that they need to shape up, but apparently, if you see flaws in your boyfriend, that means you think he isn't good enough for you.

    Why are people so hell-bent on accepting mediocrity from each other? Personally, I'm never going to be in a relationship with anyone in whom I don't see an impressive amount of potential. And once the relationship has been established, I'm not going to cut him any slack. If he's not trying to be the best he can be, I'm not interested. And I'd absolutely want him to hold me to the same standard. Don't you owe that to each other? Sure, there are tactful and untactful ways to go about pointing out flaws, but hopefully you know each other well enough to go about it in the right way.

    As for the OP ... if he's never tried lifting before, I think you should say to him "It would make me happy if you'd lift with me." It's a simple and direct road map to putting you in a good mood. Men love that. If he's tried lifting before and just doesn't have any interest in it, you might just need to let it go. You said it's not a deal-breaker, so just let it be what it is.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    sounds like a fun relationship
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    I have been with my SO (we're getting married finally next year) for almost ten years. He is in reasonable shape, and has been in excellent shape, but has never had more than a four pack. I have had up to a six pack and no less than four minus during pregnancy obviously. I have told him in the past blatantly that him having a soft midsection doesn't do it for me, I have nicely asked him in the past to work out with me, I mentioned lifting at the gym together.

    My experience is if you love them you learn to accept what they will or will not do for you. My SO would take a bullet for me, but he won't lift or do weighted sit ups.... Perhaps you will have more luck with your SO.
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
    I'd be wary of the whole lifter elitism mentality. Not everyone cares about lifting weights and you honestly aren't special just because you spend a few hours a week at the gym lifting weights, nor is someone else less of a person or "not maximizing their potential" if they choose not to lift weights. Personally I enjoy it but I have friends that hate it, while I have other friends still that love endurance cardio that I (other than cycling) am not a huge fan of. Honestly I wouldn't consider my cardio friends to be "accepting mediocrity" just because they choose not to lift.

    If he wants to lift, great, but if not leave it alone or find a new boyfriend. All that said, I'm probably the worst person to get relationship advice from :tongue:
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    My SO would take a bullet for me, but he won't lift or do weighted sit ups.... Perhaps you will have more luck with your SO.

    So a guy taking a bullet for you isn't good fortune??? Some of you have no idea how good you have it. And if you don't like a guy with a soft middy, DON'T GO OUT WITH ONE.

    Just wait until age takes its toll on your boobies. Hopefully he won't be posting somewhere that he wishes you'd get implants.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.


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  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.
    Exactly. Which is why I'll go with the answer:
    Just break up.
  • felonebeats
    felonebeats Posts: 433
    He doesn't lift?Get rid of him
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    +1

    +5 or whatever we're at now.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    Hey. I've been around enough to see how relationship posts go, so give me your best.

    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.

    Now that that's out of the way, let's say I wanted to suggest to him that he start lifting. What would be the most effective way to do it?

    Through lifting I learned certain skills. I learned a lot about setting goals, discipline, time management, commitment, and consistency. I also found a great way to relieve stress and add routine to my life.

    These are areas in which my boyfriend could use improvement. Additionally, it would give us an activity to do together and bond over. Lastly, there are health and aesthetic benefits to lifting.

    What is the best way to approach this topic?

    Are you looking for advice on giving a performance review to an employee or relationship advice?

    I'm confused.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Hey. I've been around enough to see how relationship posts go, so give me your best.

    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.

    Now that that's out of the way, let's say I wanted to suggest to him that he start lifting. What would be the most effective way to do it?

    Through lifting I learned certain skills. I learned a lot about setting goals, discipline, time management, commitment, and consistency. I also found a great way to relieve stress and add routine to my life.

    These are areas in which my boyfriend could use improvement. Additionally, it would give us an activity to do together and bond over. Lastly, there are health and aesthetic benefits to lifting.

    What is the best way to approach this topic?

    Are you looking for advice on giving a performance review to an employee or relationship advice?

    I'm confused.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
  • 1911JR
    1911JR Posts: 276
    Hey. I've been around enough to see how relationship posts go, so give me your best.

    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.

    Now that that's out of the way, let's say I wanted to suggest to him that he start lifting. What would be the most effective way to do it?

    Through lifting I learned certain skills. I learned a lot about setting goals, discipline, time management, commitment, and consistency. I also found a great way to relieve stress and add routine to my life.

    These are areas in which my boyfriend could use improvement. Additionally, it would give us an activity to do together and bond over. Lastly, there are health and aesthetic benefits to lifting.

    What is the best way to approach this topic?

    Oh I can help with this one.

    Get a NEW bf. It is a deal breaker.

    If he doesn't want to lift, or don`t. Odds are he won`t like the transformation that you want him to make. And he`ll probably dump you in the process.
  • FitCurves444
    FitCurves444 Posts: 169 Member
    Don't approach this topic. This topic does not need to be approached.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    'List of improvements??' :huh: If he isn't what you want now, he ain't ever gonna be. You can't change them, no matter how many 'suggestions you make.' Changes can only come from within ourselves. Choose the model you want at the start - like a car. There's no use buying a hatchback if you want a Monster truck in your deepest heart, lol.

    Sex as a 'reward' just makes you a ho. He gives you weight lifting, you give him sex. Bad move. Sex should be mutual pleasure for fun, you guys, not reward for lifestyle changes, Sheesh!

    Uh, what? Have you ever been married?

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  • ars1300
    ars1300 Posts: 159 Member
    Kudos to you, for seeing what I can do for you on many levels. I have always been fitness oriented. I have dated those who dont work out and those who do. Many that have no interest will not get your motivations or reasons for spending time at them gym. He may feel your trying to change him. In the end I am engaged to a personal trainer, we both enjoy it as part of our lifestyle and he gets it!

    Maybe suggest he go to the gym with you? Find a type of exercise he may have interest in?

    In the end its about having a partner that gets you and usually has some similar interests.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    Kudos to you, for seeing what I can do for you on many levels. I have always been fitness oriented. I have dated those who dont work out and those who do. Many that have no interest will not get your motivations or reasons for spending time at them gym. He may feel your trying to change him. In the end I am engaged to a personal trainer, we both enjoy it as part of our lifestyle and he gets it!

    Maybe suggest he go to the gym with you? Find a type of exercise he may have interest in?

    In the end its about having a partner that gets you and usually has some similar interests.


    ...what?

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